Tuesday, November 9, 2004

Ozy: Hello, folks! Tonight, you get a treat. It's time for the "Twice Monthly Tax Rant". Do you want to know how much they took this time? Audience: NO! Ozy: Hang on a second. *Pause. Rewind.Play.* Do you want to know how much they took this time? Audience: What just happened? Ozy: GRR! *Pause. Rewind.Play.* I SAID: Do you want to know how much they took this time? Audience: *finally catching on*: How much? Ozy: $$128!!!!!! That's 20% of my check! AAAGGGH!!!

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Monday, November 8, 2004

I hate this. I absolutly hate this. As I write this, I have one of the most evil, diabolical songs ever written ringing through my head. I have a confession to make. I listen to the radio in the shower. I like to sing along as loud as I can. I am also a big fan of eighties music. One of the local stations is currently having an all-eighties weekend. So as I showered, I listened to the station, The Roze, in hopes of hearing music I liked. I was practically begging mentally for, oh, I don't know....Devo? The Talking Heads? Maybe Nina's 99 red balloons, or the song "Politics of Dancing"...so what do they play? What melodius strains hit my ears? Boy George. Ouch. Of all the annoying 80s singers out there, I despise Boy George the most. And where was I? In the shower. Dripping wet. So the question was... Do I jump out of the shower, lunge for the radio, and hope I don't slip and kill myself or electrocute myself, but spare my ears the hideous sounds of "Church of the Poisoned Mind"? Or do I remain in the shower, retain my life and dignity, and tough it out in hopes of Dire Straights or "Safety Dance?" I stayed in the shower. That was dumb. What comes on next? Hmm...let's think. Was it Peter Gabriel? No. The Cars? No. Moody Blues? Nope. It was Meatloaf. Bleack. Now, another note on Ozy's likes and dislikes. Meatloaf is only an infintesimle notch above Boy George. I do not like him at all. However, half an hour later, I was pleased to hear "In the Air" (Phil Collins), "In Your Wildest Dreams" (Moody Blues) and "Money for Nothing" (Dire Straights). I was happier...but still Had "Poisoned Minds" stuck in my head. Poor me. Would somebody PLEASE help me think of ways to destroy the Vile Song of Doom?!? Yes, in theory it would be easier just to think of a different song...but where's the fun in that??

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Friday, November 5, 2004

   Another Pleasent Valley Sunday....

The local rock group down the street Is trying hard to learn their song They seranade the weekend squire, who just came out to mow his lawn Another Pleasant Valley Sunday Charcoal burning everywhere Rows of houses that are all the same And no one seems to care See Mrs. Gray she's proud today because her roses are in bloom Mr. Green he's so serene, He's got a t.v. in every room Another Pleasant Valley Sunday Here in status symbol land Mothers complain about how hard life is And the kids just don't understand Creature comfort goals They only numb my soul and make it hard for me to see My thoughts all seem to stray, to places far away I need a change of scenery Ta Ta Ta...(To chorus lines) Another Pleasant Valley Sunday Charcoal burning everywhere Another Pleasant Valley Sunday Here in status symbol land Another Pleasant Valley Sunday... I decided I needed new music again...it'll probably change again soon...I'm on a Monkees kick right now...yeah, so what if they were the most popular 20 years before I was born?

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Wednesday, November 3, 2004

   Oh, I also wanted to say this: my one political thing I will post:

YAY BUSH!!!!!!!!!
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As you can tell, I'm trying something new. Thank you, Art, for telling me how to get the stuff transparent. I really like the way it looks now. Does anyone here know how to fix a shake machine? The one at work is either A) Demon Possesessed or B) Dillusional. We need to know which, so that we can either call an exorcist or a shrink. It makes noises like a seal. Seriously. Our milkshake machine barks.

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Monday, November 1, 2004

Ok...I went as a hippie. No matter how hard I try, I can't usually come up with something more interesting...I need a red trenchcoat... Vash: Yeah, like your coworkers would like that any more than they like the dayglo orange coat.... Haha...

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Thursday, October 28, 2004

   Well...tomorrow is the official "MyTown" (psh. Like I'd put the name of the town I lived in online. haha.) trick-or-treat night...so as a little treat (or maybe trick), the managers at my job have decided we can all dress up. Heh heh heh...don't know what I'm doing yet, but I'll be sure to tell you all...
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Friday, October 22, 2004

   Ok, I just got my second paycheck today, the one where I get paid for most of the work I've done at Mickey Ds so far. I was overjoyed to see that I now have $$328.05 more than I had when I woke up this morning. But then, as I stood there, thoughts of greed and avarice (is that spelled right?) going through my head, a second, annoying little thought kept going through my head: how much am I not getting? So, against my better judgement, I looked at the little breakdown of where MY money is going:

What I earned: $$405.59

What I am getting: $$328.05

Federal Tax: $$29.64

Social Security: $$25.15

Medicare: $$5.88

State of Pennsylvania: $$12.45

SUTA (what is SUTA? could someone please tell me?): $0.36

MT/1%: $$4.06 (What IS this?!)

Local: $$5.46

THEY TOOK $$77.54! That's MY money!!! No fair!

Hence my theme music, found here...
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Thursday, October 21, 2004

   Mark of Evil...
Ozy: Oh...uh...hello?

Explaination: customer is six feet tall, with black eyes, and a baseball cap...and a floor length trench coat...and black nail polish...and tattoos...and spikes through his ears...

Customer: Can I have two apple pies, a McChicken and two double cheesburgers?

Ozy: Um...yeah. Sure. (Rings in order)...Eeep! *Order comes out to exactly $$6.66...*

Customer: That can't be good luck...

Ozy: Eh heh...*Thinking: oh, really? Maybe my register's trying to tell me something...like "YOU'RE EVIL!!! AHHH!!!" Notices customer trying to use cell phone.* Um, sir? We're pretty much in a dead-zone, here...none of the crews cell phones work, so...(This is true, by the way...)

Customer: Appearently, mine works...

Ozy: Eh heh...

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Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Oh...the coworker I told you about? He wasn't serious. Just thought you ought to know. He's just trying to get attention, and he tells everybody that...even some of the guys...and he has a snake. Eww.
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