Sunday, May 16, 2004

Ozy's Dental Adventure
Almost exactly one year ago, a Marvelous Adventure started for Ozy Jones...

Ozy: Mom, my mouth hurts.

Mom: Oh, really? Well, you have a dentists appointment in a few days...can you live until then?

Ozy *You must remember Ozy's a teenager and given to dramatics*: No. I'll die! It hurts.

Mom: Is it really that bad? *giving Ozy that 'mom' look*

Ozy: Well...no...but...

*Three days later...*

Dentist: Well, Ozy, your teeth look pretty good...

Ozy: Hmph. You stuck those stupid x-ray things in...now my mouth hurts more!

Dentist: Well, yes. About that...*sticks x-rays up on lightboard*...your wisdom teeth are coming in.

Ozy: What?!?!?!?!!?

Dentist: Yep. Two of them look pretty impacted...

Ozy: What?!?!?!?!

Dentist: I would recommend having those taken out before the end of summer:

Ozy: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Mom: Ok...what would you recommend?

Ozy: MOM?! What's WRONG with you?!? This is my MOUTH we're talking about!

Dentist: Well, I could do them here, but I only midly sedate my wisdom-teeth patients...

Ozy: NO! I WILL NOT BE AWAKE WHILE YOU TAKE OUT MY TEETH!!!!!

Dentist: But I would suggest going somewhere with twilight sedation...

Ozy: Twilight sedation...? What on earth is twilight sedation?

Mom: Whatever you think best, doctor...

Ozy: WHY ISN'T ANYONE LISTENING TO ME?!?!?!?!?!

*Some months later...July 21st, to be exact...*

Ozy: But MOM, I don't WANNA have my teeth pulled! It'll HURT! And what if the person with the sedative gets it wrong? What if I don't wake up??

Mom: That doesn't happen, dear, you'll be fine.

Ozy: But what if the dentist's hand slips? What if he cuts my mouth? What if he cuts my tongue?! I may never speak again! I'll be doomed to pantomime the rest of my life!

Mom: He's highly trained, honey...you'll be fine.

Ozy: But...

Mom: No buts. Oh, look. We're there...

Ozy: Goodbye, cruel world...

*Half an hour later...*

Ozy *thinking to herself, alone in the oral surgeon's office...*: Boy, it's cold in here....do IVs hurt? Why won't the STUPID dentist hurry up so I can get this over with...I want my mommie...

Dentist: Hello, Ozy

Ozy: Mommie...

Dentist: Don't worry, you're going to be fine...I'm just going to lean your chair back...now, you may feel a slight pinch...

Ozy *thinking to herself*: Slight? Stick the whole thing in my arm, why doncha? Man, I'm sleepy...

Dentist: Sweet Dreams...

*Interlude*

I do not remember this next part, but Mom and the dentist both swear I did this...

Mom: Ozy, are you awake?

Ozy: What's this? *points to box-like thing attached to her finger*

Mom: That's the heart moniter...see? It puts you heartbeat on that screen there...

Ozy: *looking at screen*: Weird... *starts laughing...machine blinks...* Look, Mom, I made it laugh!

Mom: Yes...um..okay...

Ozy: *Points at finger again*: What's this?

Mom *trying not to laugh*: It's a heart moniter.

Ozy: Oh...I haven't slept that good in three years.

Mom: Really?

Ozy: Did the cute guy leave yet?

*End of interlude*

*Ozy wakes up to hear mom...*

Mom: Come on, Ozy, wake all the way up now...it's time to go home.

Ozy: I haven't slept that good in 3 weeks.

Mom: Ten minutes ago you said three years.

Ozy: No I didn't!

Mom: Yes you did. You also asked if the cute guy had left yet.

Ozy I did?

Mom: Yep.

Ozy: *points to finger* What's this?

Mom: That's the heart moniter...it's also the third time you've asked me that question.

Ozy: It IS?

Mom: Yep.

*After this strange conversation, Ozy and her mom go hime, and Ozy has a fun time doing these activities:


1. Only eating soup, jello and pudding for the next three days when she's really craving hard pretzels.

2. Trying to ignore the itchy, tickling feeling-like-you're-about-to-swallow-a-two-foot-long-peice-of-dental-floss feeling of the stitches

3. Trying to ignore the pain because she hates using drugs of any kind, even perscribed painkillers

4. Trying to read through pain-induced headache

5. Trying to ignore the fact that her saliva tastes like blood

6. Trying to ignore the fact that anything she drinks tastes like blood

7. Trying to ignore the fact that she just drooled blood on her Snoopy pillow and

8. Trying to ignore her well meaning yet incredibly mean siblings who insist on telling her she looks like a chipmunk, completly ignoring the fact that she doesn't.

But in the end, one year later, Ozy is relieved not to have a grinding, pounding ache in the back of her mouth, and has come to terms with the fact that maybe Mom and the dentist knew what they were talking about after all.

~Fin~



This story is true...the names have been changed to protect the innocent...and yes, I - er, Ozy - did talk to the heart moniter. And the Snoopy pillow recovered.
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