Saturday, June 10, 2006

   wow
my heart is joyful but i'm sad so sad I cry. I cry because I can my heart tells me to! It beats so greatly but it won't stop it justt goes I would like to tell you this poem!

I open my eyes,

I try to see but I'm blinded by a white light

,I can't remember how,

I can't remember why,

I'm lying here tonight,

I can't stand the pain,

I can't make it go away,

no I can't stand the pain,

how could this happen to me,

I made my mistakes,

I've got no where to run,

the night goes on,

as I'm fading away,

I'm sick of this life,

I just want to scream,

how could this happen to me,

everybody's screaming,

i try to make a sound but no one hears me,

I'm sliping off the edge,

I'm hanging by a thread,

I want to start this over again,

so I try to hold on to a time when nothing matter,

and I can't explain what happened,

and I can't erase the things i've done,

no I can't, how could this happen to me ,

I've made my mistakes,

i've got no where to run,

the night goes on,

as I'm fading away,

I'm sick of this life,

I just want to scream,

how could this happen to me,

why is this happen to me,

I've made my mistakes,

I've got no where to run,

the night goes on,

as I'm fading away,

I'm sick of this life,

I just want to scream,

how could this happen to me.


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Friday, September 30, 2005


Disclaimer: I DONT OWN .HACK/SIGN!

Prolouge: Don't log off! Fool around!

Tsukasa stepped toward the terminal. He looked at the clock on his desk, 2:30, it was pointless to play anymore, but with Subaru around? Why not play for another five minutes?

He placed the game visor over his eyes and saw Subaru there. Hehad beenplaying for the past 13 hours(A/N: I've done it...) He took her to the Secret Domain they shared.

As soon as Subaru gated in, Tsukasa was lying down on the grass looking at the fakestars in The World. He moved his hand to his face and clenched a fist. Aura kept him in The World, he was able to feel, breathe the air, pain wasnt pleasnt, but it came with his abilty to feel, he could hear the person's voice, and smell things like Subaru's blueberry shampoo, when she got close enough,he could taste the snow that was inhis mouth whenhe was defeated by Krim.

Footsteps were coming closer, Tsukasa stood up and was about to leave when Subaru placed her hands on his shoulders and pushed him down. "Stay." shecommanded, "you're leaving so soon?"

"No, I am not." Tsukasa smiled.

"Lady Subaru, I am at your will" Tsukasa imatated Silverknight as he bent one knee and placed his forearm on his knee(typical Silverknight). Tsukasa bent his head down and placed his staff in a new belt he had bought.

Now Subaru was fooling around, acting like Tsukasa! She switched her axe with his staff. She sat against a tree, holding the staff, knees together and held the skirt at her knees, the staff, securely fit in a space between her elbow and her side, she looked up at "Silverknight" and asked "Will you please just leave me alone?"

"I shall show no mercy on a weakling like you!" Tsukasa said as ha broke a brach off a tree and began to fight the thin air.

Subaru giggled at Tsukasa and just then, Tsukasa fell on the ground and pretended to die, he scrambledover to the tree, and gasped for breath.

"Playing dual roles? Two can play at that!" Subaru grinned.

"I'm Kaochin, youre Subaru. So what's your name?"

"It's--"

"But you know, Kao-chin had this skin a long time ago. It's really annoying how they say I copied her."

"Copy?" Subaru asks.

Kaochin asks her if she was one of those players that use that skin in order to copycat Subaru.

"I am not."

Kao-chin tells her that she really hates the Scarlet Knights, and is glad they are no longer around. Subaru asks her why. She tells her that she didn't like the way they were always telling people what to do "don't fight" and "follow common sense."

Subaru again tries to speak, attempting to explain, but Kao-chin beats her to it saying, "Protect the Order, and let's all get along, right? But… Why do we have to get along?"

She tells Subaru that it's just a game and that they should be able to do what they feel like doing.

"Kaochin, there are still rules in this game as there are rules in theReal World." Subaru stated.

"Are you someone who really believe that?" Kaochin exclaimed.

"Are you the real Subaru?"

Subaru recalls what Crim said to her about it being a game, and that life has enough rules, and he should just be able to play. Subaru tells her she gets it, and that she does have a point. Kao-chin then asks her to be friends.

"It's ok, isn't it? Kao-chin asks.

Subaru has now started to back away from her.

Kao-chin, now with a menacing look on her face, tells her she was always watching, from far away.

She begins advancing on Subaru as she continues to back away from here.

Kao-chin again asks if she is the real Subaru.

"You didn't bother to level up, did you?" Pressing harder she again asks to be friends. "Do you not want to? You can drop out. I'll post on the BBS, how Subaru couldn't handle it after the Knights were no more. This will be big news! Or, will you call for help? I wonder who will come to help you."

Subaru stops her advancement and asks to her to stop in a rather commanding voice.

Kao-chin is taken aback by this.

Subaru goes on to tell her that either she attack her or not she doesn't care, but she will never by Kao-chin's friend. "I hate people like you! If you want to post it on the BBS, go ahead for it will only show what kind of person you are."

With this Kao-chin raises her axe and is quite angered.

Subaru had been playing Kaochin and herself.

Subaru is lying face down on the ground, her clothes are tattered and she is quite beaten up. She is still in the secret region, but now it appears to be night. As Subaru raises herself she sees her reflection in her own axe.

Tsukasa now stands and sees what has happened to her. He runs to her and just looks at what has happened. She stands there for a bit, and then finally asks him, "Why, why are you here?"

He tells her he wonders why as well, he's not sure. He tells her he has no reason, but felt if he stayed there he though he could meet her there. "So you were waiting for me?"

"Maybe," is his only reply.

"The one waiting… " Subaru starts, then she jerks up her head to meet Tsukasa eye to eye, "the one waiting was me!"

Tsukasa drops his staff as Subaru collapses into him, and he embraces her.

He asks her if it is hard for her, but she interrupts him saying, "Please don't say anything. For awhile, just stay like this." Tsukasa agrees audibly. "I'm sorry," she speaks, "For what?" Tsukasa asks. "Thank you," is all that is spoken by her.

(The Real World)

Subaru and Tsukasa's conversation continues. "Are you crying?" he asks. She tells him yes, and we see the girl in the chair slump over her computer screen and that she is crying.

"It's ok, cry till you feel better," Tsukasa tells her. We then see her keyboard and a single tear falls, but when it hits the keys, the keyboard disappears and we hear a music tone.

The tear splashes into darkness as we hear Tsukasa say, "I'll stay here."

(A/N: How did you like it? Please Review! The thing with Kaochin and Subaru and the conversation - the end was .hack/SIGN episode 19, Recollection. Im sorry if you missed that one! I am tring SO hard to make this Key of the Twilight thing happen again, but i dunno if I should open a new root server or what not... can you guy give me ideas?

Thank you, Subaru.)


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Sunday, September 25, 2005

Subaru P.O.V

It was such a pleasant day in the world. I wandered around, wondering if I should quit playing The World, or stay. Something inside of me was saying Stay, Tsukasa needs you. He needs your help, but the other half of me was saying Forget Tsukasa, he’ll be fine, he doesn’t need your help at all. I looked up at the sky, I had gotten up early and the sun hadn’t come up yet. I realized how long of a time I was on, but it seemed so short. I watched the sun rise, wishing I was with Tsukasa.

Shine, bright morning light.

What time is it? I wondered. I didn’t know. All I remember is that tomorrow was the first day of spring, my favorite season. The weather was nice and warm, and there was no snow to slow me down. I wonder if Tsukasa likes spring.

Now in the air the spring is coming.

I walked along a river, following its path. I didn’t know where it would take me, but as Crim says, you have to take a chance once and awhile. A few minutes later, I came across a valley, a field where gruntys were playing together. I went down the hill and they all ran to me. I smiled at them, petted a few, and then kept on walking. I smiled as a light wind blew through the valley.

Sweet, blowing wind,

Singing down the hills and valleys.

Later on, I walked through a desert field, and leaned on a structure near by. I slowly closed my eyes and my thoughts drifted back to when Crim left the knights. Crim and Ginkan were fighting in a desert, and I ran to them, asking them what the problem was. Crim said something about Ketchikan stuff, Ginkan said he was unable to do his duty, Crim thought that was not a big thing. Ginkan, got, mad, and Crim asked me if he should quit now. I asked to speak with Crim alone. I asked him if it was on purpose, he must’ve not understood me. I tried to explain with the Scarlet Knights legion becoming too big, if we don’t do something now, they will fall apart. He asked me if that was what I meant by asking was it on purpose; if that’s the reason I thought he had quit the Knights, and he asked if I thought he took the blame for the mistake. I answered yes. He said it was not, that duty and responsibility were enough in the real world, and he came to The World only to play. I tried to interrupt, but he kept talking, saying just quit, just one word, and it’s done. I tried to interrupt again, but he still kept talking, saying he understood and that it’s okay too, and I can go on without him. He said he was sorry and would return to just ‘Crim’ and said if I ever needed help, I shouldn’t hesitate to ask him. My eyes started to water, and he told me not to make such a face. He repeated some advice and said he would show me a spell. It was against the rules, but he gave me his real phone number. He said he didn’t want to be Scarlet Knight Crim, but he always wanted to be Subaru’s Crim.

Keep your eyes on me…

I opened my eyes to see a small grunty staring up at me. I stretched out my hand and asked it to come. It came close, sniffed my hand, and then ran off. I looked up to see a girl with the same skin as me, but with blonde hair and purple clothes. She smiled and introduced herself as Kao-chin, and asked me if I was Subaru. I didn’t know what to say. My thoughts were interrupted by her asking me what my name was. I was about to tell her, then she asked if I was a newbie. She said the Subaru skin was popular, and it was annoying that people say she copied me, when she had the skin for longer. “Copy?” I asked her. She asked me if I used this skin to copy Subaru. I said no. She than went on about how much she hated the Scarlet Knights and she was glad they were gone. I asked her why, and she said she hated how they were telling everyone not to do this, not to do that, do this, do that. I tried to defend, but she said it before me. “Protect the order, and let’s all get along, right? But…why do we have to get along?” She added. She said it’s just a game and people should be able to do what they want. I pointed out that there were still rules to every game, and she replied with “Are you someone who actually believes that, or are you the real Subaru-chin?” I thought back to Crim saying that it’s just a game, and life has enough rules, and he should just be able to play. I told Kao-chin I saw her point, and I get it now. She than asked me to be friends…”It’s okay, isn’t it?” I backed away and she stared at me with an evil look on her face. She started saying stuff about how she was always watching, from far away. She then started towards me. I was scared. I didn’t know what she was going to do, and I didn’t know who to call for help. She asked if I was the real Subaru again and asked if I didn’t bother to level up. Then, she pressured to be friends again. She said I could drop out, but she would post on the BBS about how Subaru couldn’t handle it after the Knights were no more. She said it would be big news, or I could call for help, but she wondered who would come and help me. I frowned, this had to stop! “STOP.” I said, surprising myself. She looked shocked. I brought up all my courage and told her “Either you attack me or you don’t care, but I will never be your friend. I hate people like you! If you want to post it on the BBS, go ahead, because it will only show what type of person you really are.” She raised her axe. She was angry, I knew it, and I was scared. She brought it down…

Now we’re on the edge of hell…

It was night again… I was badly beaten. I looked at my reflection in my axe. I looked horrible, my clothes were ripped, and my hair was messy. I got up, and started walking.

Tsukasa’s P.O.V

She’ll come soon. I thought. I glowing bug came and rested on my nee. I stared at it. I was in an icy cave, my conscious was telling me Subaru will come here. I have to wait for her. Then, I heard something. I stood and looked over at the cave mouth, and saw Subaru standing there, badly beaten. I ran over to her to see what happened. She had cuts and bruises all over her body and her clothing was torn. We stood, staring at each other, until she asked me, “Why, why are you here?” I said I wasn’t sure myself, that I have no real reason, I just thought that if I stayed here she would come. She then asked me if I was waiting for her. I replied with a maybe. “The one waiting…” She looked at me eye to eye. “The one waiting was me!” I dropped my staff as she collapsed in my arms, and I embraced her. I asked if it was hard for her, and she asked me to not say anything, for just awhile, for us to stay this way. I agreed. She said “I’m sorry.” I didn’t understand, what was she sorry for? I asked her. All she said was, “Thank you.”

Subaru P.O.V

I sat in the real world, there, in my wheelchair, as our conversation continued. I heard him ask if I was crying, and I answered yes. I slumped over the computer screen, crying. “It’s okay, cry till you feel better.” I heard him say. A tear fell onto my keyboard, and I heard Tsukasa say, “I’ll stay here.”

Dear my love, sweet morning light.

Wait for me, you’ve gone much farther, too far.

------------------------------

The end. I hope you liked it. I think it’s pretty good! Please R&R!

By the way, the reference to this episode came from http/home. It’s a great site and has episode reviews up to 19. Go to it!


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Lost In Your Ways

Chapter 1-Faithful Friend

Subaru wandered aimlessly through the woods searching for Tsukasa.

//Where could he be?// she thought.

//I…must find him.//

She ripped her dress in several places and the scratches went through and pierced her skin. She continued to search. Not thinking about the pains in her legs and arms. Nor about how much she was bleeding She had sent out a call for him earlier that morning and hadn't heard from him.

//Something's wrong.//

~*~

Tsukasa sat next to Aura in her bed.

//What's wrong with me? Do I really…can I…can I love Subaru?// he thought hopelessly looking for answers.

"You're looking for answers in the wrong place." Said the female voice who was seemingly always with him.

"W-what do you mean?" Tsukasa asked the disembodied voice.

"I mean, you don't need Subaru. You have the three of us. What more do you need?" she asked.

Tsukasa sighed.

~*~

Subaru had to take a rest. She changed servers to Carmina Gadalica and found a nice place to rest and thing solitarily.

//I wish Tsukasa were here with me.// she said as she looked at the stars.

"They're beautiful. But they're even more beautiful when I'm looking at them with you." Said a voice that Subaru instantly recognized as Tsukasa's coming from behind her.

Subaru turned around and smiled. Tsukasa sat next to her and she leaned into him.

"I always enjoy meeting you in these places." She whispered quietly.

"Me too." He agreed.

"What happened to you?" he asked a bit concerned.

"I-I couldn't find you so I went looking." She admitted.

Tsukasa sighed.

"I wouldn't leave you alone. You know that. You wouldn't ever leave me would you?" he asked.

Subaru shook her head and grasped his hand.

"No."

They continued to look at the stars.



~I really enjoy this show and I was listening to my .hack//sign soundtrack that I just bought. I guess you could say that was my inspiration. Review and tell me what you think.~ Miyu ~


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