Monday, June 5, 2006

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

So my last post had some issues for some of you... weird, I don't know why but my MyO does that sometimes. So if you haven't yet, read my last post. Some pretty big stuff in there. Today was day 1 of Sex Ed. Oh, joyous joy. Today we talked about... love. Oh, goody goody gumdrops. It was pathetic, really... "list all the feelings you associate with love... have you ever been in love... how did you know... how do you define love...." bleh. I was halfway tempted to write down the URL to my MyO and write, "if you really wanna know my feelings, go here." Hm... I was stumbling around TheO recently and there was a poll for the next TheO site... I really think a fanfic thing would be fantastic, knowing me and all... nothing like torturing your favorite characters a bit. In other news, I'm really pissed... did you guys hear they're trying to pass a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage? That's so not cool.Stupid frickin' politicians... with 47% of Americans opposing the bill, you think they'd reconsider. Stupid close-minded Americans! What happened to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? I suppose it's not our nation's first example of hypocrisy.... One good thing about my brother leaving is I get his room. ^^ I get the computer, the bigger room, and the bigger bed. Bigger is better, na no da.

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Sunday, June 4, 2006

Today is brought to you by the word ursprache

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

Honey, I'm home... and this time I didn't shrink the kids... yay, 90's pop culture reference right off the bat! So... yeah. As you prob'ly realized, I didn't make it even to the ESPN broadcast. I kind of went and flunked the written test they gave us because I was bored and didn't really feel like spelling sprachgefuhl... yes, I didn't get past the prelim-prelims because I chose not to. Ah, the way my mind works.... But it was a pretty fun week, I guess. Met a lot of cool people, one chick from New Zealand even... she has a rockin' accent. XD We did a lot of sightseeing which was kinda cool, I guess... but my mom dragged me into the national cathedral which really freaked me out (note the username). It was huge- second biggest in the country- and deathly quiet, all your footsteps echo on the stone like a drum... I felt so out of place and uncomfortable. I just wanted to get out of there... twas very creepy indeed. Okay, I knew I'd have to get here eventually and now I'm just thinking how to phrase it... I know I sound like I'm happy right now but... the truth is my family totally collapsed over the past week. The shaky relationship between my brother and my stepdad finally crumbled... well, it was more of an explosion than a crumble. My brother (16) moved out... now he's living with his friend until school's over, then he's gonna live with my dad. I would be alright if that was all but it's not. Now my mom and stepdad are seriously considering a divorce. Nothing like coming home to a bundle of family drama.... Crap. I don't want to go through this again... when my mom and dad split I just went with it. I was torn up inside but I never said anything... I was always the strong one. Always. The world was always in constant motion around me and I'd accept it no matter how it hurt me... but this is just too much. I never did anything wrong... why do they have to ruin my life yet again? I'm tired of being so impassive about it... I'm tired of it never being about me. About my best interests. But they all expect me to grin and bear it... I can't be the strongest when it's what everyone expects me to be. Just as I can't be the best when everyone expects me to be the best. I'm headed for a total meltdown... I really don't want to stay here cause my stepdad's a jerk, but I don't want to move out because living alone with my mom... as I'm sure you could figure, that wouldn't work out very pleasantly. I'll be ticking off the days until I'm 18 either way.... Oh yeah... my first venture into the eastern half of the U.S.: I've never believed Nevada was a desert until now. There is just so... much... green! I was shocked. And the humidity... when I got off the plane in Chicago the moisture in the air hit me like a brick wall. It was so weird! And Chicago is gigantic compared to what I'm used to. Even the airport was big.... So... much... walking... stupid O'Hare. >< And then Lake Michigan (I think) made Tahoe look like a puddle. Everything's bigger in Illinois... or was that Texas? XD But I think I could get used to it. Bigger is better na no da. Now, Washington... for our nation's capital, it wasn't entirely glorious. It was horribly dirty. There was lotsa hobos. And it smelled really bad... I did ride my first subway, though. ^^ And the town has over 60 Starbucks stores... heh. Coffee... my favorite vice. <3

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Friday, May 26, 2006

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

Being in middle school sucks... I hate being associated with them all. Today Regina's all crying and saying it'd be easier to just kill herself because life's not fair. The reason? Her boyfriend's mad at her because she slept with some other guy (...she's 14. So's Kayla. I don't get it either... o_o). Sorry, Regi, but I have a reeeal hard time pitying you. You brought it on yourself so quit acting like the martyr. And you think you're depressed because your boyfriend's mad at you... ha. Laughable. She wouldn't know real pain if it smacked her across the face with a two-by-four. Hey, that actually sounds like a good idea... *walks to Home Depot* XD So here's the deal. I'm leaving tomorrow for D.C. for the spelling bee. I have to wake up at 3 in the morning to be out the door at 4 and in Reno by 5... ehhh. Now THAT'S pitiable. -_- I hate waking up. I probably won't be posting for a week. My mom's bringing her laptop but it's doubtful she'll let me use it. So if you want to watch, here's the scoop: Both broadcasts are on Thursday. I will be on ESPN for the preliminary round guaranteed. That's from 12 PM to 3 PM. Then at 8 on ABC is the actual competition which I may or may not have made it into. Of course, because of time zones and stuff I'd reccomend checking your friendly neighborhood TV Guide for the times. It's in this week's Thursday Highlights. Oh, and it'd probably help to tell you that I'm speller #145. So... wish me luck, everyone!

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Thursday, May 25, 2006

Here we go, life's waiting to begin...

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

SOUL PATROL! Sorry. Had to get that outta my system. But Taylor won American Idol! WOOOOO! I'm happy. My brother just got the new Angels & Airwaves CD. Note to self: burn myself a copy when he's not around. My school is crap. There's a huge tag on the outside wall of the gym and someone pulled the fire alarm this morning. But that ended up OK, though, because then we had less time to go on a hike in P.E. I really didn't want to climb up cherry hill (which is a total misnomer for a hill in the middle of the desert) so I was glad that we had a shorter class and so we only went around the hill. But the hike itself... yeah. I was bored so I walked with Natalie and Kayla in the back of the pack and soon regretted it, because Kayla, having absolutely no discretion, tells us every excrutiating detail of her sex life. Oh, glory. I wanted to jump off the hill, frankly. Oh, yeah. The other day, Kayla and Natalie were all making out in the locker room... I conveniently ignored them. Reason #682 I hate second period P.E. class. The rest of the day I was having nonstop dizzy spells. I couldn't walk straight, think straight, anything. I've been getting them a lot lately... maybe I should see a doctor. And I didn't get any sleep last night... I had to rip the batteries out of my clock because the second hand was ticking too loudly. It was horrible. And that Jeopardy thing I somehow managed to win, but just because everyone in that round was a dumbass and I was the only one in positive numbers by the Final Jeopardy round. Seriously, one of the clues was "this is the method by which Juliet in Romeo and Juliet dies." One of the girls, I kid you not, says, "Wait, Juliet died?" later, that same girl responded to "This white fish is commonly found on the Atlantic coast" with "what is a dolphin?" My good lord. I've been having confusing thoughts lately... asking a lot of questions and I don't know why I'm doing it. It only serves to confuse me more... I feel like my brain's been tied in a knot. I just wish things were easier... throw me a flippin' bone, here. Nnngh... I'm gonna go take a nap as soon as the room stops spinning....

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

I'm getting sick and friggin' tired of winning stuff! Today I won the second round of the Jeopardy-mabob as the returning champion. Well la-dee-dah. Then on the way back to prime reading... oh, I'm not sure whether I posted this up here but our English teacher had an assignment to write about one vomit-worthy topic (such as citizenship, fairness, and caring) for a book another teacher's publishing. I totally half-assed mine hoping it wouldn't get chosen. So anyway, on the way back to Prime Reading, this teacher, Mrs. Trujillo, stops me in the hall and says, "are you Bonnie?" I go "yeah..." She goes on to tell me how phenomenal my page was, how well-thought out it was, how much better than everyone else's it was and that she'd definitely publish it. Jesus. CHRIST. Even when I try to do POORLY I still do the best! This is so infuriating... kill me now. >< Kill me shining... woo! A Gravi reference! That's for my little Tohma-chan who happens to be sick. Eh, I guess it wasn't a very sensitive card, so... There ya go. Nice, mushy, and Chobits-y. So get better, Tohma, kay? <3 Well, I have to go... I gotta get immunizations. Woohoo....

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

May I grasp your nittles?

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

My new name is Quinlefontoya. XD yeaaaaah. Don't ask. We were really bored... OH! I can't wait for American Idol tonight! I so want Taylor to win. He's one funky white boy. When he sang "Play That Funky Music White Boy" I was literally crying I was laughing so hard. Today at school I kind of won the first round of the school Jeopardy boom-chicka-mabob... -_-; am I fated to win everything? It's so irritating. I don't know... I have a thing about me where I HAVE to be the best at everything just because I know I can. I have potential and yadda yadda. But I don't ever really care. I hardly ever try. Being the best is just what happens. But none of this matters to me... what I'm capable of doesn't matter. It makes my talents seem like a waste as I can't appreciate them. Wow, I'm confusing. Yeah... I think that's all I have to say. I'm really looking forward to getting a whole week off... heh. While we're on the subject of ungrateful. Who cares about some lame spelling bee. I'm gonna be a million miles from home not going to school and sleeping in for a week. For me the silver lining has always looked more of a blue. Something to ponder on: Determine whether the statement in italics is true or false: This statement is false.

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Monday, May 22, 2006

Can't get enough... don't let me down... one more night....

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

I was bored last night (as you probably already figured XD) so I was reading the DDR Online user agreement... and I found something rather ponder-worthy in there: "10. Suspension. KONAMI may temporarily suspend the Online Game service in part or in whole without notice due to routine maintenance, emergency repairs, fire, earthquake, tidal wave, flood, volcanic eruption (the fuck? In L.A.?), war (yeah, no shit, Sherlock), strike, government action are failure to act (are you suggesting something?), the act of any civil or military authority (DDR nazi- NO DDR FOR YOU!), act of god (ok, this is fucking ridiculous), or by any other causes beyond KONAMI's control..." Um... yeah. That was oddly specific. o_O XD User agreements are fun! Enngh... that provided me with about 3 minutes of joy. Back to the usual angstfests, then... I just feel like crap... in other words, it's the same old story. Why am I so tired lately? I probably spend too much time thinking. I just need a nice coma right about now. Thinking about absoutely nothing... sounds like utter nirvana to me. And I'm crying every time there's no one around to see me... I thought I was stronger than this. My counselor suggests anti-depressants, but I don't really want them. I know they're not mood altering and all, but it just doesn't feel right. No amount of medication can change the past, and these thoughts I have are a cardinal part of who I am. I'd be a different person. In a way I guess I'm not only accepting but encouraging my suffering... like I said the other day, mucho masochism. If I'm not a walking contradiction, I'm nothing. I constantly moan about how terrible my life is but I shun the chance to change it. I'm really weird... I even confuse myself. Today I read the first 50 or so pages of Interview with the Vampire. Umm... yeeeeeah. No comment. I give it a "aaaalright, then" on the adjective scale. But the book's worth a lot of points, so I'll stick with it. Something to ponder on: If the opposite of pro is con, what's the opposite of progress?

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Sunday, May 21, 2006

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

...wow. I have nothing to post about today. ... ...the wheels on the bus go round and round... hm... What did I do today... ARGH! You guys wonder why I'm so frustrated with my life, it's because nothing ever happens here! I have absolutely nothing to talk about... ...last night I had chicken for dinner... It was OK, I guess... I played more DDR... now I can play a lot of songs on Heavy with my pro skill... I got a nifty watch from the spelling bee of national doom. And stuff. Yeah... it's pretty nifty... I like the word nifty. See, I have a Richter Scale of adjectives: Shiny: 10.0 (way rad) Nifty: 5.0 (pretty neat) Meh...: 0.0 (neutral) Lame: -5.0 (Could do without) Retarded: -10.0 (Dee-dee-dee! I love Carlos Mencia...) Wow. Was this post not an utter waste of your time? At least in Antarctica they have penguins... and penguins are fun na no da. So I'm gonna move to Antarctica with my Tohma. That would be very, very shiny. Like, uber shiny (uber= 7.5 on the Richter scale of adjectives). Woo-hoo, more fuel for my daydreams... sweetness.

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Saturday, May 20, 2006

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

I'm totally falling to pieces... non-stop dizzy spells. Headaches so bad I can't even keep my eyes open. My sleep's choppy and interrupted. I just think I'm gonna collapse all the time... and I've still been feeling really weird. I just feel all fuzzy and confused and I'm questioning every decision I make no matter how trivial... I'll just start crying because there's nothing else to do. I'm slowly going insane... this place is suffocating me. I've gotta get out of here. It's like a black hole, its irresistable gravitation totally draining everything out of me no matter how hard I pull against it... this place really sucks. This house, this town, this family, all of it. 3 and a half years just seems way too long to wait. I absolutely need to get away now or I'll just crumble. Today I tried on the Ryuichi shirt... it didn't fit. T_T I was so mad! I really wanted it... it sucked. But I ended up buying a couple other shirts and some cherry blossom scented lotion and body wash. Can't wait to try it out. Capture the flag= two teams on a soccer field with a boundary line on either side. Goal is to run behind enemy lines without being tagged, grab the flag at the end of the field, and bring it back to your side. I thought it was funny that the seventh graders were all trying to invade and the eighth graders were all standing on the border fending them off, thus the name "Border Patrol vs. Immigrants." One of my more witty thoughts. It was really hot today... wouldn't mind a nice trip to Antarctica. *nudges Tohma* XD Something to ponder on: If olive oil is made from olives and corn oil is made from corn, what is baby oil made from?

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Friday, May 19, 2006

I'm sho ronery...

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

Lesbian! I hate that word so bad. It sounds so slutty. I'm not a lesbian. I'm femininely inclined, okay? >< Yay for political correctness... Today in PE we were playing capture the flag, except I ended up renaming it "Border Patrol vs. Immigrants." XD Like a modern-day Cops and Robbers or Cowboys and Indians. It was really funny. Everyone thought it was great. Even I'm amazed by how funny I am sometime. Yay for conceitedness! The rest of the day.... pretty sucky. Student body elections. Yippee. A cheerleader won president. A dude with a mohawk won vice president. A perfect reflection of our school. It rained like a mo-fo. I got drenched. I was in a pretty crappy mood the rest of the day. I had a terrible headache and I couldn't remember whether Costa Rica or Nicaragua was further north. They played a Backstreet Boys song at the election party type thing. I'm so tired... ah, crap. It's only 3:30. Meaning I still have 7 hours before I can fall asleep without my mom nagging me. Eh, I could really go for a latte right now... but I'll settle for a couple cookies. *gets up to fetch cookies* ah crap, there's none left. Great. I've been playing DDR nonstop lately. I can finally do a few songs on Heavy! There's still a few I can't even do on Standard, but don't spoil my happy moment. That's basically my schedule these days: 1. Wake up (reluctantly). 2. Take a shower (and refuse to end said shower). 3. Go to school. 4. Insert somewhere between step 3 and 6: take a nap. 5. Not eat lunch. 6. Go home. 7. MyOtaku around for a bit. (yes, it's a verb now). 8. Play DDR. 9. Eat (see also: pick at) dinner. 10. Maybe study spelling words; if not, I read a book. 11. Sleep. Yaaay. So... exciting... at least I have dreams to look forward to... even when they're not THAT dream, my dreams always seem to prove amusing. Something for me to dwell on for the rest of the boring day. Something to ponder on (which I forgot yesterday): How come hot dogs come in packs of 8 and hot dog buns come in packs of 12? What're we supposed to do with the other 4, stupid Oscar Meyer? It's a government conspiracy, I tell ya...

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