Tuesday, March 7, 2006

All I want for Christmas

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Heh... your reactions were everything I thought they'd be... heh. Three cheers for comin' outta the closet. Anywho, I think I'm going to start my Christmas list a few months early this year. (xD) this... And this... And this... One of these... This... A coupla these... And one of these. XD I win! Now I just have to wait until Christmas. That's only what, 9 months away? That's nothing. None of you knew that the quote from yesterday was from Joe Dirt. Shame on you.

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Monday, March 6, 2006

It puts the lotion on its skin!

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Free pocky if you know where that line's from. WAH! I'M IN A HOUSE FULL OF EFFING HOMOPHOBES! Last night after I went to bed I could hear my parents all badmouthing that movie Brokeback Mountain and they were making fun of gay people T_T I wanted to get up and punch them except for I was sort of supposed to be asleep 2 hours ago. Yeah... I'm sure they'll just be fucking pleased when they find out their baby girl's bi... Whoopsie... did I just let that slip? ^_~ Guess I did, huh... Well, now that you are all probably in the process of sweatdropping and falling off your chairs anime-style, let me feign ignorant and tell you about my day. Today was the 8th grade field trip for everyone who didn't have any F's and I didn't feel like going so I stayed at school with all the failures at life, and in my math and Spanish (both advanced) there was only me and one other person and in my advanced English (last period of the day) there were not only no other students but no teacher! Omg it rocked... so I just sat in the classroom alone, stole some Goldfish and breath mints, and read manga while listening to J-Pop louder much louder than necessary for 45 minutes. XD It was great fun! Best day EVER! Oh yeah, I want this. It's by the author of Loveless... o_O I have Predilection stuck in my head... I've been so obsessed with that song lately. I LOVE ITS NITTLE GRASPERNESS! You know what? I'm gonna put that song up. Tomorrow. Or something.

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Sunday, March 5, 2006

Konnichiwa!

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I'm baaaaack... you'd better hide. GUESS WHAT. I got the Gravitation novel! OHMYGOOOOOOOOD! *fangirlizes* And Suncoast finally got Loveless but I only had like 10 bucks. T_T But I did get strawberry pocky... and I know Tohma's gonna murder me for that last comment. XD Sorry Tohma! If you were here, I'd give you some ^^; really. Please don't shoot me. But the Gravi novel is HILARIOUS. I was terrified it would end up like 216 pages of mediocre fanfiction but it was really good, and the Maki Murakami charm was completely intact! I love it... but I especially love the parts with Tatsuha... I don't know, I really love Tats lately. Probably because we're both screaming Ryuichi fangirls? Yeah, it was great, but (yes, there is a but!) the back of the book, where they give the summary, had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the book itself. It talked about Yuki leaving a weird note, and some chick stalking him... which didn't happen. o_O I'm pretty confused. I'm gonna write to Tokyopop about it. Repeatedly. So, like yeah. My mom's all freakin' out because she keeps watching stuff on the TV about protecting your kids online and I'm like MOM. SHUT UP. I don't do that stuff. (even though I did post my cell number up here once... but she doesn't need to know that. XD) Oh yeah, I had 6 PMs when I got back. 6! Can't you guys go two days without me? Sheesh. XD

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Thursday, March 2, 2006

2996 bottles of sake on the wall...

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Today was... interesting, to say the least. First I had P.E. and we got to pick our own teams. Because I'm friends with this one girl I always end up on the team with all the popular chicks, and needless to say, we sucked. Bad. On purpose, just like we always do. But we still managed to win 3 of 7 games without even trying. It was weird... Then I had Spanish and I NEVER want to eat another Skittle as long as I live. XD She had us all bring in Skittles for a game and we each got like 4 bags' worth... ugh, I thought I was gonna throw up. I had a nosebleed in Prime Reading... it kind of sucked. XD Everyone was looking at me and I'm all "leave me alone!" Then in English we were watching the Call of the Wild movie and me and Cate and Ashley turned it into a Lifetime Original Movie turned poorly written yaoi fanfic. XD According to our version, John Thornton hooked up with Charlie and got pregnant. XD Yeah... don't ask. Heck yeah, my MyO finally made it to the top 3000. I'm at 2996! XD That's an achievement for me! I think I'm gonna watch Last Exile tonight. I've been listening to the music all week and it's been giving me a craving to watch it. Okay, I gotta go do laundry. Toodles! ^^

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Wednesday, March 1, 2006

Kiss shining, kodoku wo katashidori....

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Yeah... I have Shining Collection stuck in my head at the moment. And for good reason... it's so good... I especially like the part in the outro thingy when Ryuichi holds a note for like 20 seconds... it's so... gah. *twitch* I didn't want to go to school today... luckily, most of my teachers were gone so I had subs meaning I had no make-up work! Woo-hoo, procrastination! Oh, and I came to the conclusion that a guy named Alex in my math class wants to be a daffodil when he grows up. Yeahhhh... don't ask, I don't know either. >< ack. My brother's playing Pokemon again... MAKE IT STOP! It burns... I also have this song from Last Exile stuck in my head. I got the second O.S.T. like a zillion months ago but I just yesterday uploaded it to my MP3 player (which is still boycotting Gravitation!) and listened to it. I love Last Exile... anyone else like it? In Science we had to make a Powerpoint presentation on fresh water and I put a clipart of Jesus in mine. XD What does it have to do with fresh water? Not a heck of a lot. How much do I care? Not a heck of a lot. So now I'm forced to drown out the stupid cheezy midi music of Pokemon with Nittle Grasper... and it's not working. >< Someone please hurt my brother? Did anyone catch American Idol last night? Everyone sucked but I voted for the girl who went first because my mom told me to. I swear, if I went on American Idol I'd dye my hair pink and sing a Gravi song. I'm sure I'd get interesting feedback from Simon... these days, American music really sucks, doesn't it?

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Backness

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Yeah... I stayed home yesterday and today. XD It was pretty cool except my mom wouldn't let me get on the computer. I know you're thinking "I thought your mom wouldn't let you stay home!" Well, I just told her I coughed up blood the night before. XD! Remember, kids, if YOU don't want to go to school, make up a story that bends the truth in the grossest way possible! XD Yeah... we got a dog. o_O Her name's Aja... no I didn't pick it. >< If it was up to me it'd be a male dog and I'd name it Shigure. And then my parents would look at me funny. Again. My poor kitty cat's so scared of the dog! He hasn't left my room in like 40 hours! (But then again, neither have I. XD) I spent my days off watching Harry Potter movies. Yeah... wheee. So now I'm on HP fangirl mode right now. Oh, I went to the ortho today, and I'm getting braces next week. I don't really care, except for that means no pocky. >< How will I live?

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Sunday, February 26, 2006

Gotta catch em all!

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Feelin' a little happier today thanks to a PM from Lethean and/or Le-kun, a comment from Lytjuh, and a comment novel from Tohma. XD Seriously, it was like nine pages long! Thanks, you guys. ^^ IT doesn't change what happened, but... it makes it easier to bear. Thanks, you guys. I'm honored to have friends like you. Still sick, and my brother's still playing Pokemon, and I'm still freaked out. XD Seriously, if he ever makes fun of anime ever again I am SO going to rub this in his face. And may I never hear him say "Is Cubone weak against water?" or "OOH! What does 'withdraw' do?" ever again. XD Ugh... why couldn't I have been sick during the week? I SO don't want to go to school. And no way my mom'll let me stay home, even though I had perfect attendance last semester. Jesus Christ, that woman is frustrating sometimes... and I REALLY wish my brother would stop saying the phrase "bubble beam". Wait a sec... OMG! HA! KARMA WINS! OMG you'll never believe this! My brother's (well really it's mine) gameboy just unplugged and he lost ALL of his data from like 10 hours of playing! HA! Take that, stupid level 28 Squirtle!

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Saturday, February 25, 2006

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Yeah... sorry for the second post today, But something just happened, and I need to rant about it... it's like, you know when one of those reminders of your past comes out of nowhere and slaps you across the face? Yeah. That's what happened to me. It's just... I thought I moved on. I thought there were other things in my life to worry about, that I'd totally recovered from the stuff that happened a year ago. Then this happens and I just broke down. Why is it I can't move on? Because it seems the rest of the world has. I'm the only one who's still dwelling on it. Maybe that's because those things tht happened were the only happiness I'd ever had in my life. And to have them suddenly ripped away... of course I'm still scarred. I was so happy... and now I have nothing. That's what hurts most of all. The fact that I could have been happy, would have been happy, even today, if only circumstances had been different. And now it's all gone. All I have is a void, when I know I could have had so much more... that's why I'm on the verge of breakdown each and every day. Because I've seen happiness... but I can never acheive it.

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Today's quote: "Oh boy. Long speech."

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I'm sick... >< my throat hurts real bad and I feel like I got beat in the head with a blunt axe. It hurts... My brother's playing Pokemon on my GBC right now... I'm kind of scared. o_o Now then, on to the mopey, depressed rant of the week. Yeah... you know what I was saying the other day, about how I really don't try to be the way I am? Well, that whole topic's kind of bugging me lately. I'm just so sick of people recognizing me for something I'm not. I'm sick of people envying me, saying I've got it off so easily. If only they knew. If only they knew that I'm kept awake each night asking myself what I'm still here. If only they knew that there's another person inside of me, screaming to get out. If only they knew how lonely that other me- the real me- gets. And if only they knew it was their fault. Because I've come to realize, despite the fact that I try to take the blame, it's because of the world I am this way. I used to think I was depressed because of the mistakes I made a year ago, but now I know that's not true. The reason I made that mistake is because I was already depressed. That thing that happened to me just made me realize how little I do have in this world. How I'm just not strong enough to be here. The world's sucked me dry. I don't live for me anymore, I live for Bonnie, that stupid personality I'm forced into every day. I live for the way the world wants me to be. And the real me is smothered more and more each day, and I can't take it anymore. I want so badly to tell someone, but I just can't find the right words to say. Plus, I have no one in this world I could talk to. They'd all be biased, as they've known "Bonnie" for too long to accept who I really am, who I want to be. So I'm stuck. Stuck in this half-life, this double-life. It's just so confusing sometimes... I just wish I could change. But I know I can't. So I'll continue just living, being this person everyone else wants me to be... because it's the only way I know how to live.

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Friday, February 24, 2006

Today's quote: "Cyclopses are people too"

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Not that great of a day now that I think about it. We didn't really do anything in any class. Well in Spanish we played this totally sweet game with conjugating verbs... well, let's just say people were tackling one another and leave it at that. XD OH and in English we had a sub and we played a game where we had to talk for a minute about some word, and mine was "tennis shoes", and I went on and on, I'm so good at that game... then on the bus me and Alicia played it some more and I talked for 4 minutes and 19 seconds about eggs, without any repeats or "ums". XD I am the champion. Today's the dance... I don't think I'm gonna go, unless Victoria's going. It's kind of pointless to go without her. I'd just stand there... of course if she was there, I'd just stand there, but at least I'd be just standing there with someone else. Oh, and we could attempt (and succeed!) to get drunk off of Mountain Dew again. Or I could attempt (and miserably fail) to fly off the bleachers again. Or I could attempt (and halfway succeed) to organize a gigantic game of Duck-Duck-Goose in the middle of the dance floor. *sigh* good times, good times. XD

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