Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Caffeinated manic depression! WHEEE!

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Woo! Yet another crap-tastic day! YAY ME! I hate school! I hate this town! I hate life! YAAAAAAAAY! Guess what! Every single one of my "friends" (heh... yeah right) has a boyfriend now except me! Meaning for the next 3 days I'll be hearing about "omfg Joey's so cute!" and then on day 4... "I HATE JOEY! HE'S SUCH A STUPID, HEARTLESS JERK!" and I'll be the one to say I told you so! YAAAAAAAAAAAY! Ceeeeeelebrate good times, come on! OK, sorry, I won't sing that song ever again. XD On the bright side, yesterday I was reunited with one of my best friends in the world... on the internet, of course. Like I have friends in the real world. BUT GUESS WHAT! Today I will because I'm (maybe) going to call Tohma! Oh and guess WHAT everyone! Tohma's real name is... Haha, just playing with ya, Tohma. ^_~

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Monday, January 30, 2006

P.E. sucks.

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WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I HAD A TERRIBLE DAY! YAY! I woke up late! I forgot to have my coffee! I nearly missed the bus! We had to start P.E. today! Natalie couldn't figure out how to work her effing lock so I had to do it for her! I HATE P.E.! I'm totally depressed for no reason whatsoever! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! *sigh* only I can turn a terrible day into something like that, huh? Hm. I have like nothing else to say... Holy notoriously short post, Batman! Okay then... let's play a game. I'll say a word and the first commenter has to say the first word that comes to mind. Then the next commenter says what comes to mind from the new word. Got it? No? I didn't think so either. XD Okay the word is... pumpkin!

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Sunday, January 29, 2006

I Love Loveless. Wait, that doesn't make sense... o_O

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Tohma. I. Love. You. (Begin fangirl caffeine rush of doom) OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD. (end fangirl caffeine rush of doom) Yesterday I bought the February issue of Newtype and it talked about Loveless which is coming out in a matter of DAYS and OH MY GOD I'm so excited! They previewed both the anime and the manga and... I WANT BOTH! But of course, God has to be a complete ass. First, I... kind of... spent all my money. >< Gomen nasai! They had the special edition X volume 4 in the Suncoast used section! How was I supposed to resist? And second, I'm not going to Reno for like 3 weeks so it doesn't even matter that I don't have money! There's nowhere to buy anime or manga for 30 miles around! GOD! This sucks! Oh, and in other news, I'm hereby boycotting the Borders in the mall. They haven't restocked since Thanksgiving. I mean, my GOD. OK, they do put up the new releases, but they don't restock any of the other crap! It frustrates me like no other! GOD! Plus, Suncoast doesn't carry manga anymore so WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? >< Well then... besides that it was an OK weekend. I watched like 3 seasons of Friends... I love that show. ^^ Wow, right now I have the strangest craving to play DDR... so I think I'm gonna do that. Bye bye!

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Friday, January 27, 2006

Nee, oikakate, oikakate, shiroi kaze...

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I have new music... I think? Since I'm at the library I can't turn on the sound to find out, so does it work? It's supposed to be Super Drive, the theme song to... oh, just take a wild guess. This song gets stuck in my head so easily and I have the whole thing memorized both in Japanese and English. Sad, no? Oh, does anyone know where I can find a decent flippin' Gravi ringtone? I've been googling for like 20 minutes straight and I found nothing... ;-;

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Hooray...

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I'm at the public library right now, my brother's next door taking his driving test at the DMV, so I thought I might as well update. So, I did. Wow... today was my English final. We had to write an essay on how we've changed from 7th grade up until now. Needless to say, I was all over the topic. (sarcasm) Yup, not the single most cheerful paper I've ever written, I'll tell you that. My English teacher was looking at me so weird, and who can blame her, really? This sucks... I've read every single manga in this library (which isn't a lot to start with)... they really need to get more. Carson City has a gigantic manga section in their library, why don't we get one too? *sob* And they don't have a single English-Japanese dictionary. Sure, they have Japanese-English ones, but not the other way around, no.... And, at the college they aren't offering Japanese classes! I was SO mad when I found out! Grr! I am so paranoid. I keep looking over my shoulder to make sure no one's reading my screen... god I hate being on the internet in public. XD I realized something today. The reason I like Gravitation so much is because I have something in common with every single one of the characters! See, I'll prove it! Ryuichi: Multiple personalities... one minute I'll be cheerful and hyper and random but in a heartbeat I'll get serious and stuff... Tohma: I'm real manipulative and I always get my way. Shuichi: I'm no stranger to the whole "unrequited love" thing... Yuki: This one's fun. I'm cold and cynical and I'm haunted by my past that no one knows about.. Hiro: I'm waaaay too much of a nice person. Suguru: I'm a complete perfectionist. I have to be the best- anything less just doesn't cut it for me. K: I HEART EXPLOSIVES! XD See? Told you so! I WIN! Or something. xD I'm bored... HOLY CRAP it took me 12 minutes to type this much! o_O God, the keyboards here suck. When you type it's really slow and really loud... >< Okay then. I'm off to wander the world. Bye bye!

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Thursday, January 26, 2006

Insomnia is grand.

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Another half-day. I love finals... except my Spanish final was kind of hard, I had an uber caffeine rush (YAY COFFEE! XD) and I couldn't concentrate... I couldn't remember whether "mapa" was masculine or feminine, I know it ends with an "a" but I know there was one word in our classroom unit that ended with "a" but was masculine, and I THINK it was mapa, so I put masculine... heh... no one's aced the Spanish final yet so... I'm crossing my fingers! So now I'm home, but I feel a little bad because Tohma's being all worried about me... she says she wants to pray for me, that's ironic- take a look at my username, hm? (P.S. the dictionary is your friend...) But I'm alright today. Sierra feels like a jerk for not telling me (as she should!) so things are peachy between she and I now. Well, maybe "alright" was a bit of a stretch... I haven't slept in days, I haven't allowed myself to sleep, for reasons I'm sure you can guess. So I've been surviving off of coffee and Domino's pizza for the past 72 hours. Nice, eh? Tommorrow's my history and english finals... THOSE are going to be easy as pie. But I think I'm going to my dad's house this weekend sooo I might not get online until I get back. So if I don't talk to you until then, have a good weekend!

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Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Half-day! *breakdances*

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I want to sincerely apologize for the way I've been acting these last few days. Everything that's going on is my fault and my problem alone. It was selfish of me to involve you, my friends, in it. It's just hard, sometimes, to go it alone. But this is my problem and I'm sorry if I worried you at all. I know I'm a confusing person sometimes. How was I expecting adequate advice if I refuse to tell you what's going on? It was wrong of me. And to answer XanthiaRose's comment... it's not as simple as just apologizing. These wounds run much deeper. And even if I wanted to apologize, I couldn't. I mean, it would be physically impossible. Those doors have already closed behind me and have been closed for over a year. And now I'm going off again. Sorry. I'll stop now. ^^ <~~~See? Happy. Today was a half-day (hallelujah)and I had my finals in Science and Tech... I finished my tech final in like five minutes but the fricking internet was down! I was so pissed! So yeah. And then... well, then my day took a turn for the worst because I am DESTINED to never have an OK day. My friend Sierra- one of my few friends I can actually consider a real friend- has a boyfriend now. It bugs me so much. I'm not jealous, of course. All the guys in my school are 110% fucktards. It's just that... I don't know. It's like I realized just how different my life really is than everyone else's. I pretty much sacrificed my childhood. I missed out on so much that everyone else got to do, those rites of passages that come with being a teenager. Not that I regret it. Rather, I feel lucky that I skipped all that. I'm glad my life was never that superficial. It's just kind of weird to me how they all can think they know life when I've seen so much more- for better and for worse- than any of them, you know? And what bugs me more is that Sierra didn't tell me about it. I heard it through this girl in my history class that Sierra doesn't even like. I can't believe she didn't tell me... but it's fine. I'm used to being just an afterthought, anyway. In fact, "afterthought" pretty much summarizes my life. "Oh, no point in telling Bonnie. It's not like she really needs to know." "Oh, I know we should wait for Bonnie before going to lunch, but she won't care. She'll find us.""Oh, I'm sure Bonnie will buy me lunch. And you know what? I won't even bother paying her back. She won't mind." I'm never going to be most important in anyone's book; I accept that. I accept the way this life is. But that doesn't necessarily mean I like it. Oh, another thing. I asked Sierra why it is she didn't tell me and she said it was because of the way I've been acting lately. So I was wrong. So someone did notice. But you know what? She didn't do a damn thing to try and comfort me. She knew I was suffering and she just let me suffer. Don't I have absolutely AMAZING friends? (note major sarcasm.) Tomorrow is our Spanish final... oh yeah! I forgot to say that on Monday we were playing Scrabble in Spanish (so we could only use spanish words) and I put down the word "Tohma" and because Regina's a moron at Spanish she didn't challenge it. It was so fun! xD

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Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Yay ^^

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Another Gravi fic by yours truly! Meaning I just got two hours to slip into my little world of make-believe and completely forget my loathing for the entire world! Hooray for vices! Okay. Go read. It's funny... and grape scented. o_o

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Insert long, suffering sigh here.

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Day two of my utter breakdown begins. I thought I was over it now, I thought I'd be happy today. I tried, I really did. But last night, I had this dream... I can't really go in depth about it; I have neither the time nor the strength. But it had me questioning a lot of things... like, would you rather move on and forget about what you've done, never to give it a second thought? Or would you rather know what damage your actions caused, even as much as that information may hurt? I know I'm not making much sense. I never do. It's just so hard to live like this... my entire life is one great anticlimax, overshadowed by things that happened over a year ago. And it hurts, having to move on in the way things were before when I know how much I could have had, if only. If only circumstance had changed. If only my lies had been truths instead. So now I'm trapped, both in my sleeping and waking hours. I'm scared to sleep anymore, because I don't want another dream like that... I don't want to be reminded how much it hurt me and at the same time I don't want to remember how happy I was. I don't want to regret, but I don't want to forget it either. And so, I haven't spoken at all today, not to anyone, and my friends are pretending to care. They don't, though. They don't care what happened to me. They ask me out of courtesy, nothing more. And that's what hurts most of all. That I hurt the one person who ever truly cared about me. And that I'll never have a person like that around again.

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Monday, January 23, 2006

It's true.

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Ryuichi may explode without warning M EXPLOSIVE Username: From Go-Quiz.com Yeah, no kidding... o_O

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