Sunday, December 18, 2005

The Writer in Me

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

Writing chapter 3 last night, I thought about a lot of things. Why is it I'm such a talented writer, I asked myself? And instantly I knew the answer. It's because I'm sick of the way reality is. Everything's completely out of my control and has been for over a year. When I write, I feel like I have some control. I can alter destiny. I can make impossible things happen. Things I wish I could do in real life. All my life I've had this feeling that I'm supposed to do something BIG in my life, funny as it may sound. Something important. Something that will change the world, or at least mine. But for the past year, that's definitely not been happening. It's like I live through life on the bleachers, watching everyone else go through their daily crap- "Katie broke up with Alex-" "Did you watch Laguna Beach last night?-" "I heard Terrell got Ashley a 150 dollar necklace for Christmas-" and it seems like I'm never a part of it... I'm always stuck on the sidelines, waiting for my turn. Well, guess what. I've been waiting for over a year. I'm sick of always having to wait, especially when there's been no sign of change for over a year. What's the point? Why am I still here? These days I'm never even feeling; I'm just living and waiting. And writing, too. Speaking of which, chapter 3 is now out. I bring it to you in a mixture of pride and embarrassment. You know what? don't read it, okay? Okay.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, December 17, 2005

With friends like these...

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

What. A. Day. Where do I begin? So my "friend" *coughyeahrightcough* Natalie invites me over, right? So my stepdad drives me over to her house and drives off. And lo and behold, I knock on the door and NOBODY'S HOME. I'm dead serious. So I was left out in the freezing cold weather hoping they might get back soon, which they didn't, so I had to go to her neighbor across the street who I don't even know to use the phone and get picked up. Lucky. Me. See what kind of shitty friends I have? Oh yeah, if anyone's interested, chapter two of my fic is now up! ^^ Go read!

Comments (1) | Permalink

Hooray...

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

I'm feeling a little better now, mainly thanks to Tohma, and of course, the fact that I finished chapter one of that fanfic I was working on. If you're interested: here it is...

Comments (3) | Permalink

Friday, December 16, 2005

You know it's a serious post when I can't even think of a witty title.

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

The day before Christmas Break. A sacred day for some. A day on which nothing can go wrong. Pshh, yeah right. To make a real long story short, I had a complete breakdown at school today. I don't know what provoked it or anything, I was just suddenly crying and I wanted everyone to leave me alone... it's like all the pain, all the fury, all the confusion, all the impatience I've had locked inside me for over a year was totally released in an instant. It's so hard sometimes... people wonder why I'm so paranoid, but when your entire life is a lie, how can you not be? And of course I'm frustrated. I'm trapped. I have so much to say and nobody in this world to talk to, not anymore. I lost that privlege with everything else I had- dignity, sanity, honesty- a year ago. The stress of having to keep this all inside me is enough to make me break, as today is evidence of. I'm just so tired of things being like this. Nothing has changed in over a year. I go through the phases of my life like anyone else. Friends change, people change, likes and dislikes change. A person's heart is always growing and changing as well. That's not the case with me. I feel like I've been suspended in motion, frozen in time. The pain I felt a year ago still lives strong in my heart today, and though the memories may have faded, the emotions I felt will never be replaced. Last night my mom and I were arguing (what's new?) and she asked me, Why do you spend so much time on the internet? Why is it you like video games so much? Why are you always watching anime? Why is it every time I come in your room you're hidden behind a book? Of course I didn't tell her why. How could I tell her? You want to know why, Mom? Because I'm so dissatisfied with my own reality that I have to slip into a different world- if only temporarily- to escape. Congratulations, Mom. Your daughter's a failure at life. Merry Christmas.

Comments (2) | Permalink

Thursday, December 15, 2005

New background!

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

Well, I suppose "revised background" would be a more appropriate title, but who cares. Now in green for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.

Comments (3) | Permalink

Wheee...

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

School's over now, but I'm in the tech room playing on the computers... Natalie's playing a game called Insaniquarium and it's so funny cause she buys like 20 fish at one time. It's hilarious. Well then... I'm gonna be a little busy for a while, last night I got inspiration for a new fan-fic- one I actually plan on going through with- so that's gonna be occupying a lot of my time. I'll still try to update daily, but I might not be able to visit everyone's pages as much. Well then, see ya later! ~Ryuichi

Comments (2) | Permalink

Ryu ish bored...

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

I'm in the middle of tech class and we're doing stuff on Excel and it's so easy! So I'm messing around on the internet. Wheee... Nobody commented on my new song. What's wrong with you people? Don't you love me anymore? *bottom lip quivers* WAAAH! NOBODY LOVES ME!

Comments (1) | Permalink

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

What I'm thinking about today

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

In history we got to watch the Patriot and the part where the guy gets his head blown off by a cannonball got me to thinking, if you got decpitated, would it be an instant death or would your head live on for a few seconds? That's on my list of things to find out. No, I don't have a life.

Comments (0) | Permalink

New song!

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

Yay! New background song! It's Shining Collection from Gravitation... and I love it... but I liked the last one I had, Sleepless Beauty, better, but ah well. This one's more Ryuichi-ish. I'll post the lyrics later, I'm too lazy right now... Oh, just in case you cared: The numbness eventually wore off, but now my jaw hurts like no other from the injection. It doesn't help that the dentist had to do it three fricking times cause he kept messing up...

Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Yay

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

It's official... I'm changing my name to Ryuichi. Why? Cause Tohma/raven fire told me to. But wait a sec, I'm a chick, aren't I...? SHIT! Oh well... I can still be Ryu if I feel like it...

Comments (0) | Permalink