Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

Work today... bittersweet. On the sweet end, I beat 4 kidlets at chess in under 15 minutes-- got 2 of 'em in a 5-move checkmate, using the same strategy both times even though the second guy watched me do it to the first. Kids never learn.... on the bitter end, two girls made a point of pointing me and screaming to random passersby, "SHE'S GOT BIG BOOBIES!" I am not joking. It was awful. Little kids are taking note of my breasts. Fantastic. So now I've got fangirls, ah? Great. Ugh... pretty much all of Nevada's been set ablaze. Tis wildfire season. I can't stand it... I hate smoke. I can't stand any kind of smoke... I hate cigarette smoke like the devil. It kills me. Remember, kids, second-hand smoke kills! Hm... now that my day's update is complete, let's get to stuff that doesn't really matter. Yes, folks, it's time for PaganAngel's world-famous angsty rant of the [insert time period here]. It's like... it's no surprise to anyone I'm smart, right? Everyone I know considers me a prodigy. But prodigial at what, exactly? The more I think about it, the more I realize I'm a jack-of-all-trades: good at everything, but great at nothing. And it's not like any of my talents are going to mean anything in the real world. I'm doomed to mediocrity... and that drives me insane. I've always felt that I was meant for something big, but... I just can't see that happening. I'm not good at anything. Sure, I can be the star student that all the parents love and that all the students love to hate, but what difference does it make in the real world? None. This quote from Gravitation pretty much sums up my thoughts: "Reality is just a nice way of saying 'tragedy'. The truth is, people are mean and vain!... There is no love! It's just a dream!... Life sucks and then you die! No matter how much you think you're in love and that you'll be together forever and you feel like you'd die for that person... the truth is everyone ends up alone! There's no such thing as a happy ending! Give all your love. Every ounce! Give every breath! You can love him so much that you think of nothing else... but it will all be for nothing! Absolutely nothing! It all falls apart and you end up dying alone for no one at all!" ...actually, that quote had little to do with what I just said... but I don't feel much like caring.

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Monday, July 17, 2006

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

Wow. I actually enjoy Mondays on summer break. It's one of the 2 days of the week I get home alone. Yay. So the movie... was great, actually! It's not the kind of movie you actually expect to be awesome. Sure, you think, it'll be kind of funny, but this one never let your interest stray like other movies like this do sometimes. I reccomend it. Plus, all the funniest stuff in the movie they don't show in the commercials, so there's a lot there you won't be expecting. Hm... what else to talk about? Oh yeah. I'm really ticked. Someone on OtakuBoards told me that CLAMP said that the series Legal Drug wasn't intended to be a shounen-ai series. I'm all... whaaaat? First they postpone it, then they tell us THIS? That's it. I've lost all faith in CLAMP. *starts a bonfire with Legal Drug, Chobits, Cardcaptor Sakura, X, Angelic Layer, Rayearth, Tsubasa, Holic, and all other CLAMP paraphernalia* God... only I have the unabridged dictionary on my computer that I consult every time I spell a word like "paraphernalia". I'm obsessed. Last night, after Family Guy (great episode, had an awesome Jackass reference... and a gay mailbox), I watched The War at Home. The son entered in a spelling bee, and it was HUMILIATING to me the kind of words they were doing. Fatigued... predecessor... bronchial... ugh. People just don't get it. Let's see the producer of that show resist blinking after hearing a word like "xanthotrichous" (adjective. Greek "xanthos" yellow + "trichos" hair + English combining form "ous". Definition: Having blond hair). This morning... I watched Elmo's World. It was terrifying. They sang... The Skin Song. You KNOW the producers are out of ideas when they create The Skin Song (which, incidentally, was just saying the word "skin" over and over to the tune of Jingle Bells). It was creepy... o_o Oh, in my English class pretty soon we have to a research report, and I'm thinking of doing mine on Western influence on Japanese music. Whatcha guys think?

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Sunday, July 16, 2006

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

Woo-hoo! New theme! It's Ryuichi-manga-tastic! Plus, I get to say, "why yes, I made this wallpaper myself, thanks for asking," and it doesn't totally suck! Yeah! It took me forever to make... I couldn't make up my mind with the transparency, and getting rid of the speech bubble on the picture in the front was hard. But none of you care about this, do you? If you wanted a making-of featurette, you'd ask. Oh, and this is the matching banner I made for my OtakuBoards account: I like the banner better for some reason. Look how intense his eyes are... I love it. Hard to believe that three pages earlier, that same guy was in a bunny suit at the zoo with Tatsuha lookin' at the capybaras. Today I'm going to the movies... gonna see You, Me, and Dupree. Not the choice I would have made-- I WANNA WATCH PIRATES, DAMMIT!-- but I guess it'll do. Ooh, I went out for sushi again last night! It was so good! I think I'm addicted to miso soup. And then I burned my mouth on a Godzilla roll. Not too often sushi actually burns you... Oh yeah, I have a question for you people: What's your screen resolution? I couldn't decide whether to put up a 800x600 or 1024x768 wallpaper, so I went in-between. How does it look right now on a 1024? I've got 800x600 and it looks fine...

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Saturday, July 15, 2006

Reason #392 to hate Yuna

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

What can I do for you? What can I do for you? What can I do for you? I can hear you... GAH! I have that danged Final Fantasy X-2 theme song stuck in my head. I hate you, Yuna. T_T Except the one in my head is the cool version that wasn't in the game cause I'm hardcore like that. Ugh... but it's so catchy and Jpop-y... I'm not so much a fan of Jpop as I am of JRock, but this song is so painfully catchy... It's real emotion shakin' up the world, I'll never give it up, I don't ever want to lose... NO! STOP! Think of something else! Um... puppies! Umm... mushrooms! Uh, uh... Nittle Grasper! Yeah! That worked! Oh, wait... Umarekawareru anata yo hitori hohoemenaide hitomi o irodoru, nozonda sekai ga totsuzen hai ni natte mo kiseki ni mada meguriaeru... We're back to square one, it looks like. T_T I hate having songs stuck in my head, don't you?

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Friday, July 14, 2006

Can't get enough, kotoba yori mo motto

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

Today's awesome quote: "The jewelry guy totally torched the poor kitty cat..." So... I apologize for my enter-key stupor yesterday. But I was in love with those shoes. I wore them for the first time today... hurt like hell, but no way I'm telling my mom that. She'd be all, "WE'RE RETURNING THEM!" and shipping would take like two more weeks and then the site probably wouldn't have the next size up. Zappos didn't have 'em in my size; I had to put Google on overdrive to find an obscure little online skate shop to get 'em. Absolutely nobody has these shoes. Not only are they rad, they're rare. I'm like the rare hunter... of shoes! Muahahahaha! (sorry. Too much .hack again...) Hmmm... surprisingly, for once in my life, someone thought there was something wrong with me, and I was completely fine... I'm really pretty calm lately. I feel so relaxed and peaceful... it's great. I wouldn't change a thing. ^^ if my last post seemed brief, it's just because I had nothing to complain and/or rant about. BUT TODAY I DO! Because I... Photoshopped... Ayaka. You just gotta love the liquify filter... XD

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Thursday, July 13, 2006

If love's a word that you say, then say it, I will listen...

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

Wow. I just got these shoes. They might just possibly be the raddest shoes I've ever touched in my life. I am in love. Sorry, Tohma. You've been replaced. With shoes. Am I using the enter key enough? Is it bugging you guys? Do I really care? Nope. Hey, have you noticed I tend to say "rad" a lot? Well, it is a pretty rad word... yay, italics! Ohmygosh. We have cheesecake. <3 I'm gonna go eat some. Okay. Bye.

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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

I'm so totally back. Yeah. It was pretty cool, actually... Natalie ended up coming with us. Somehow it's impossible to be unhappy when you're with a cheerleader. We're the most mismatched friendship ever... So anyway, we totally painted the town red, for what it's worth. Everything in that town closed at 9. But we did ride the mechanical pony outside the grocery store, buy matching Playboy bunny hats, and take 3 cameras worth of pictures (half of which we took inside the grocery store). Maybe I'll upload some when she gets 'em developed. Hey, you know what I just realized? Natalie's initials are NG. I'M SO JEALOUS! XD! (and if you instantly knew why those initials are so rad, I LOVE YOU.) But then, my initials are BS, so maybe I shouldn't be complaining. :P Then I was flipping radio stations and there was this old school rap station and this song said something about Lupin the 3rd and I'm all, huh? Never knew old school rappers were in tune with old school anime. Guess you learn something new every day. Anywaaaaaay.. I had a moment of revelation on the drive home. (Uh-oh. Long speech.) The more I thought about it, the more I realized... the reason I'm never happy is I'm never satisfied with what I have. I really hate that about me… I'm always wrapped in fantasy, thinking, how could my situation be better? I never stop to realize how much I've had around me all along. That I could ever ask for more shocks me now. I'm really a lucky person. I should just learn to accept what I've got... who needs ambition when you're perfectly fine where you are? Oh yeah, do you love my avatar? It is so accurate to my life… XD! I need some stilts. They'd make a great birthday present, you know… hint hint nudge…

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Thursday, July 6, 2006

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

So... I'm going to be gone the next few days. Family's renting a cabin up in god knows where. Normally I'd be all... rawr about the idea but I guess I kind of need to get away anyway. Even if it is with my parents. Just a couple days of not being able to think about how majorly everything's fucked up... sounds great. But then, it'll probably end up being the only thing I think about. God, send me into a coma, please. I don't want to think anymore. So I went out to dinner with my brother last night... if you can consider In-and-Out burgers "out". It was nice. I haven't been around him for more than two minutes at a time in about a month, so it was great to just be able to talk. For what it's worth, my brother understands me better than anyone else. I love him to death, even if he single-handedly destroyed my family. It's fine. It's their fault anyway for never accepting him. So... I've got to be going now. I'll be back in a few days, I guess. Have a nice weekend, everyone. Oh. The following is for Tohma's eyes only because PMs have a tendency to suck. Anyone else attempting to read will probably end up confused and with a severe headache. So don't try. Just keep scrolling to the bottom, let's move it along... Um... if I was expecting any sort of response from you, it probably wasn't this. Look... you said it was easier when we were just friends, but it wasn't so for me. I had to spend every day of my life agonizing over my feelings, constantly treading the line of should-I-tell-her-or-shouldn't-I. Then when we got together... I got my hopes up. That was my fatal mistake. I just... I was so happy with you that I took it for granted... I assumed it'd last forever. I wanted it to. I still do. I want to be with you every minute of my life. Never once have I wanted otherwise. I was never smart enough to think ahead, to think that it might not turn out that way. How could I? For the first time in my life, I had a realistic dream. It all seems so possible, so palpable. To just let it all go when it was all within my grasp... you can understand why I'd never want to let go. I don't want to go through that ever again... having to let go of your dreams, especially when it's as real as this one. This isn’t my little twelve-year-old-first-love-first-heartbreak all over again. This was so much more to me, because I was so sure it would work out. The fact that I ruined it like this just because I took you for granted... it kills me. Again, you say it's easier just as friends... but I know that's not true. I know from experience. Friends fade with time, especially if they were once something more. I never want that to happen. I'd regret it if I let it happen. So I'm not going to. I'm not going to call this the end. You asked me to tell you what it is I want from you. I don't want you to apologize. I just want you to love me. To tell me that you do. That's it.

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Wednesday, July 5, 2006

Never to return, the shadowed one, who quests for the twilight dragon...

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

I SHOOK HANDS WITH A MONKEY IN MONTEREY. O_O Yep. That was the highlight of my trip. It was one of them trained monkeys... you give him a quarter (which I have plenty of, due to my DDR obsession) and he shakes your hand. It was totally rad. Let's see... what else did I do? I got some new board shorts, ate more calamari than I'd care to admit, saw a dead seal, frolicked in the ocean during high tide, and nearly fell outta the roller coaster. I love Santa Cruz. XD But yeah... I don't really wanna be home. My mom's like sick to death. She went to the doctor and two of her spinal plates in her neck were overlapping or something, and they grind together and hurt her real bad, so they gave her extreme pain pills and she's totally loopy... that and it's making her really really sick. I'm kind of worried about her. Weird. So... yeah. I got... stuff... to do, so I'd better get going.

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Sunday, July 2, 2006

DON'T WHACK THAT BUSH!

Let's make memories ___________ Backroom Leave your memory Remember me Message me My memories

So I was at Sierra's last night. Twas exciting. We set off fireworks and drank Frappucinos and spent the whole day playing .hack. Oh! I raised a Poison Grunty! IT ROCKS! "Master, you look extra red today, ribbit!" XD! Then we stayed up all night watching (see also: making fun of) Adult Swim. I saw my first episode of Eureka Seven... yeah, um, what the flip? o_O Here I was thinking Azumanga Daioh and Excel Saga were random. There was a hallway... and a bathroom... and a whole bunch of stalls... and then a REALLY BIG TOILET that Renton fell into... and there were fishes... and a refrigerator with a naked chick inside of it... and a really big eyeball... I DIDN'T GET IT. XD! So... not gonna post tomorrow and maybe not Tuesday. Me and my brother and dad are gonna drive to Santa Cruz and fiddle around on the boardwalk. Should be a merry ol' time. Well, I gotta go print a Mapquest for my technologically illiterate dad, so I'll see you guys either Tuesday or Wednesday.

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