myOtaku.com: PaganAngel

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1991-10-23
Gender
• Female
Location
• Gardnerville AND Reno, Nevada (yeah, both)
Member Since
• 2005-11-01
Occupation
• I'm currently a slave to like 3 different people. ^^ Me, a masochist? Never,
Real Name
• They tell me it's Bonnie, but I beg to differ. Everyone calls me by my last name anyway.

Personal

Achievements
• I got Alicia to admit Gackt was tasty. Yaaay.
Anime Fan Since
• I think Cardcaptors was the first series I saw, but the one that got me hooked was Digimon.
Favorite Anime
• Gravitation, Loveless, Chobits, Cardcaptor Sakura, Last Exile, .hack//sign and dusk, X, Azumanga Daioh, Angelic Layer, Weiss Kreuz, Legal Drug, DNAngel, Excel Saga, Fake, Pita-Ten... lately I like some stuff on the Saturday lineup thanks to Tonya.
Goals
• Crap, my deadline's tomorrow... *glares at Tonya*
Hobbies
• Sleeping, writing, sleeping, pretending to write while in truth playing minesweeper, staring at the ceiling with my iPod battery hazardously low, travelling, avoiding motivation.
Talents
• Corrupting the hell out of friends.

myOtaku.com: PaganAngel

Friday, December 16, 2005

You know it's a serious post when I can't even think of a witty title.

The day before Christmas Break. A sacred day for some. A day on which nothing can go wrong. Pshh, yeah right.

To make a real long story short, I had a complete breakdown at school today. I don't know what provoked it or anything, I was just suddenly crying and I wanted everyone to leave me alone... it's like all the pain, all the fury, all the confusion, all the impatience I've had locked inside me for over a year was totally released in an instant. It's so hard sometimes... people wonder why I'm so paranoid, but when your entire life is a lie, how can you not be? And of course I'm frustrated. I'm trapped. I have so much to say and nobody in this world to talk to, not anymore. I lost that privlege with everything else I had- dignity, sanity, honesty- a year ago. The stress of having to keep this all inside me is enough to make me break, as today is evidence of. I'm just so tired of things being like this. Nothing has changed in over a year. I go through the phases of my life like anyone else. Friends change, people change, likes and dislikes change. A person's heart is always growing and changing as well. That's not the case with me. I feel like I've been suspended in motion, frozen in time. The pain I felt a year ago still lives strong in my heart today, and though the memories may have faded, the emotions I felt will never be replaced.

Last night my mom and I were arguing (what's new?) and she asked me, Why do you spend so much time on the internet? Why is it you like video games so much? Why are you always watching anime? Why is it every time I come in your room you're hidden behind a book? Of course I didn't tell her why. How could I tell her? You want to know why, Mom? Because I'm so dissatisfied with my own reality that I have to slip into a different world- if only temporarily- to escape. Congratulations, Mom. Your daughter's a failure at life. Merry Christmas.

Comments (2)

« Home

Anime | How to Draw Anime | Anime Wallpapers

Top of Page