myOtaku.com: PaganAngel

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1991-10-23
Gender
• Female
Location
• Gardnerville AND Reno, Nevada (yeah, both)
Member Since
• 2005-11-01
Occupation
• I'm currently a slave to like 3 different people. ^^ Me, a masochist? Never,
Real Name
• They tell me it's Bonnie, but I beg to differ. Everyone calls me by my last name anyway.

Personal

Achievements
• I got Alicia to admit Gackt was tasty. Yaaay.
Anime Fan Since
• I think Cardcaptors was the first series I saw, but the one that got me hooked was Digimon.
Favorite Anime
• Gravitation, Loveless, Chobits, Cardcaptor Sakura, Last Exile, .hack//sign and dusk, X, Azumanga Daioh, Angelic Layer, Weiss Kreuz, Legal Drug, DNAngel, Excel Saga, Fake, Pita-Ten... lately I like some stuff on the Saturday lineup thanks to Tonya.
Goals
• Crap, my deadline's tomorrow... *glares at Tonya*
Hobbies
• Sleeping, writing, sleeping, pretending to write while in truth playing minesweeper, staring at the ceiling with my iPod battery hazardously low, travelling, avoiding motivation.
Talents
• Corrupting the hell out of friends.

myOtaku.com: PaganAngel

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Alright.

Okay, I promised I'd tell you, so here goes... it's really hard for me, realize that I haven't told ANYONE in the real world this so... consider yourself lucky.

So I was in the bathtub last night and what else is new, I love baths, being able to get away from people for any amount of time is a blessing. But I digress. I was shaving my legs and, I don't know... somehow that razorblade just looked so inviting and, well... I just came so close to just... ending it all. And I'm not joking around. The razor was right up against my wrist. It's always been in the back of my mind but... I've never come that close before. But I didn't do it, because I'm a coward. I can't do anything right, I can't even kill myself right... I'm just so scared but everywhere I try to go for comfort I just find a dead end. My whole life is just a dead end, an empty void, and I've lived so long shrouded in darkness that I've literally forgotten how bright even the night sky can be. I just want someone to make me feel safe, that everything will work out in the end, but I guess I lost that luxury, along with everything else I had, over a year ago. I just don't know what to do anymore...

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