myOtaku.com: PaganAngel

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1991-10-23
Gender
• Female
Location
• Gardnerville AND Reno, Nevada (yeah, both)
Member Since
• 2005-11-01
Occupation
• I'm currently a slave to like 3 different people. ^^ Me, a masochist? Never,
Real Name
• They tell me it's Bonnie, but I beg to differ. Everyone calls me by my last name anyway.

Personal

Achievements
• I got Alicia to admit Gackt was tasty. Yaaay.
Anime Fan Since
• I think Cardcaptors was the first series I saw, but the one that got me hooked was Digimon.
Favorite Anime
• Gravitation, Loveless, Chobits, Cardcaptor Sakura, Last Exile, .hack//sign and dusk, X, Azumanga Daioh, Angelic Layer, Weiss Kreuz, Legal Drug, DNAngel, Excel Saga, Fake, Pita-Ten... lately I like some stuff on the Saturday lineup thanks to Tonya.
Goals
• Crap, my deadline's tomorrow... *glares at Tonya*
Hobbies
• Sleeping, writing, sleeping, pretending to write while in truth playing minesweeper, staring at the ceiling with my iPod battery hazardously low, travelling, avoiding motivation.
Talents
• Corrupting the hell out of friends.

myOtaku.com: PaganAngel

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Insert long, suffering sigh here.

Day two of my utter breakdown begins. I thought I was over it now, I thought I'd be happy today. I tried, I really did. But last night, I had this dream... I can't really go in depth about it; I have neither the time nor the strength. But it had me questioning a lot of things... like, would you rather move on and forget about what you've done, never to give it a second thought? Or would you rather know what damage your actions caused, even as much as that information may hurt? I know I'm not making much sense. I never do.

It's just so hard to live like this... my entire life is one great anticlimax, overshadowed by things that happened over a year ago. And it hurts, having to move on in the way things were before when I know how much I could have had, if only. If only circumstance had changed. If only my lies had been truths instead.

So now I'm trapped, both in my sleeping and waking hours. I'm scared to sleep anymore, because I don't want another dream like that... I don't want to be reminded how much it hurt me and at the same time I don't want to remember how happy I was. I don't want to regret, but I don't want to forget it either.

And so, I haven't spoken at all today, not to anyone, and my friends are pretending to care. They don't, though. They don't care what happened to me. They ask me out of courtesy, nothing more. And that's what hurts most of all. That I hurt the one person who ever truly cared about me. And that I'll never have a person like that around again.

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