myOtaku.com: PaganAngel

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1991-10-23
Gender
• Female
Location
• Gardnerville AND Reno, Nevada (yeah, both)
Member Since
• 2005-11-01
Occupation
• I'm currently a slave to like 3 different people. ^^ Me, a masochist? Never,
Real Name
• They tell me it's Bonnie, but I beg to differ. Everyone calls me by my last name anyway.

Personal

Achievements
• I got Alicia to admit Gackt was tasty. Yaaay.
Anime Fan Since
• I think Cardcaptors was the first series I saw, but the one that got me hooked was Digimon.
Favorite Anime
• Gravitation, Loveless, Chobits, Cardcaptor Sakura, Last Exile, .hack//sign and dusk, X, Azumanga Daioh, Angelic Layer, Weiss Kreuz, Legal Drug, DNAngel, Excel Saga, Fake, Pita-Ten... lately I like some stuff on the Saturday lineup thanks to Tonya.
Goals
• Crap, my deadline's tomorrow... *glares at Tonya*
Hobbies
• Sleeping, writing, sleeping, pretending to write while in truth playing minesweeper, staring at the ceiling with my iPod battery hazardously low, travelling, avoiding motivation.
Talents
• Corrupting the hell out of friends.

myOtaku.com: PaganAngel

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Today's quote: "Oh boy. Long speech."

I'm sick... >< my throat hurts real bad and I feel like I got beat in the head with a blunt axe. It hurts...

My brother's playing Pokemon on my GBC right now... I'm kind of scared. o_o

Now then, on to the mopey, depressed rant of the week.

Yeah... you know what I was saying the other day, about how I really don't try to be the way I am? Well, that whole topic's kind of bugging me lately. I'm just so sick of people recognizing me for something I'm not. I'm sick of people envying me, saying I've got it off so easily. If only they knew. If only they knew that I'm kept awake each night asking myself what I'm still here. If only they knew that there's another person inside of me, screaming to get out. If only they knew how lonely that other me- the real me- gets. And if only they knew it was their fault. Because I've come to realize, despite the fact that I try to take the blame, it's because of the world I am this way. I used to think I was depressed because of the mistakes I made a year ago, but now I know that's not true. The reason I made that mistake is because I was already depressed. That thing that happened to me just made me realize how little I do have in this world. How I'm just not strong enough to be here. The world's sucked me dry. I don't live for me anymore, I live for Bonnie, that stupid personality I'm forced into every day. I live for the way the world wants me to be. And the real me is smothered more and more each day, and I can't take it anymore. I want so badly to tell someone, but I just can't find the right words to say. Plus, I have no one in this world I could talk to. They'd all be biased, as they've known "Bonnie" for too long to accept who I really am, who I want to be. So I'm stuck. Stuck in this half-life, this double-life. It's just so confusing sometimes... I just wish I could change. But I know I can't. So I'll continue just living, being this person everyone else wants me to be... because it's the only way I know how to live.

Comments (0)

« Home

Anime | How to Draw Anime | Anime Wallpapers

Top of Page