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• PaganAngel
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Vitals

Birthday
• 1991-10-23
Gender
• Female
Location
• Gardnerville AND Reno, Nevada (yeah, both)
Member Since
• 2005-11-01
Occupation
• I'm currently a slave to like 3 different people. ^^ Me, a masochist? Never,
Real Name
• They tell me it's Bonnie, but I beg to differ. Everyone calls me by my last name anyway.

Personal

Achievements
• I got Alicia to admit Gackt was tasty. Yaaay.
Anime Fan Since
• I think Cardcaptors was the first series I saw, but the one that got me hooked was Digimon.
Favorite Anime
• Gravitation, Loveless, Chobits, Cardcaptor Sakura, Last Exile, .hack//sign and dusk, X, Azumanga Daioh, Angelic Layer, Weiss Kreuz, Legal Drug, DNAngel, Excel Saga, Fake, Pita-Ten... lately I like some stuff on the Saturday lineup thanks to Tonya.
Goals
• Crap, my deadline's tomorrow... *glares at Tonya*
Hobbies
• Sleeping, writing, sleeping, pretending to write while in truth playing minesweeper, staring at the ceiling with my iPod battery hazardously low, travelling, avoiding motivation.
Talents
• Corrupting the hell out of friends.




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myOtaku.com: PaganAngel


Friday, March 17, 2006

Days left until I go to Vegas: 7

Wow... I feel so much better today it's not even funny. Well, not my stupid ear infection. I stayed home again. But... just hearing somebody, anybody tell me that what I did was right just made me feel happier than I have in a long time. Thank you all so much. You really don't know how much it means to me.

But... being with him opened my eyes to a lot of things. What really struck hard was the fact that the only way I could possibly be happy- even temporarily- was through a lie. By not being me. No one loved the real me. No one does. What he loved was an illusion, and the longer I was with him the more I began to become that illusion. I became a product of my lies and I developed a split personality, each fighting for control though neither was willing to compromise. And it's just hard sometimes, when the what-if scenarios play through my mind... what if I was the person I made up? I can only imagine how happy life would be, how great it would all be, if only... but I can't think like that. It couldn't have happened. There's no point wondering about something that could have never been. That only leads to pain, and I daresay I've got enough of that as it is.

Okay. I'll stop my angsting now. I know how much you all hate it. God, I hate this stupid sickness. Let me put this into perspective for you. I haven't eaten in 36 hours and out of the past 24 hours I've only been awake for 5. Yeah... I'm gonna die. Cool. Well then, I'm going back to bed... see ya.
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