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Vitals

Birthday
• 1991-10-23
Gender
• Female
Location
• Gardnerville AND Reno, Nevada (yeah, both)
Member Since
• 2005-11-01
Occupation
• I'm currently a slave to like 3 different people. ^^ Me, a masochist? Never,
Real Name
• They tell me it's Bonnie, but I beg to differ. Everyone calls me by my last name anyway.

Personal

Achievements
• I got Alicia to admit Gackt was tasty. Yaaay.
Anime Fan Since
• I think Cardcaptors was the first series I saw, but the one that got me hooked was Digimon.
Favorite Anime
• Gravitation, Loveless, Chobits, Cardcaptor Sakura, Last Exile, .hack//sign and dusk, X, Azumanga Daioh, Angelic Layer, Weiss Kreuz, Legal Drug, DNAngel, Excel Saga, Fake, Pita-Ten... lately I like some stuff on the Saturday lineup thanks to Tonya.
Goals
• Crap, my deadline's tomorrow... *glares at Tonya*
Hobbies
• Sleeping, writing, sleeping, pretending to write while in truth playing minesweeper, staring at the ceiling with my iPod battery hazardously low, travelling, avoiding motivation.
Talents
• Corrupting the hell out of friends.




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myOtaku.com: PaganAngel


Saturday, April 15, 2006

I can't believe this...

An hour. I've been home for an HOUR and I already have yet another reason to hate my mom.

I don't even know where to start... it's funny really. She's been so concerned about me lately, saying things like "I don't want you to be alone." So why the HELL is she doing this!?

I get onto the computer and type one random site or another in my browser, hit enter... ta-da! PARENT BLOCK! And they're like everywhere. I'm suprised I could even get on MyO considering how heavy the block is. I don't understand why she's doing this.... Is she trying to take away what precious few comforts I have anymore?

I just can't live with her anymore... this vacation has made me unbelievably aware of that. It all feels like a bad dream, one I can never seem to wake up from... I just want out... I can't deal with her anymore. I'm not a kid anymore. I haven't been a kid for a while now. I don't see why I have to be held back like this... I'm an adult in ever aspect but my body, my physical age. Once again, my age is the only thing between me and happiness, just like it was back then...

At the airport last night, I think someone up there was having a nice laugh at me. On the two gates right next to the one headed for Reno were two planes that departed at the exact same time as ours. One was headed for Arizona, where he lived, the other for - yep - Chicago. It was so symbolic to me... two different lives, two paths that I could have taken, places where I could have been happy if only... yet I still had to come back to this place. I don't understand why happiness is always so close yet always just out of reach... I just don't know how much more of this I can take. I thought I was on the edge before, but now... as far as I can tell I've already fallen over the edge. I have nothing... absolutely nothing. Living solely through a computer screen isn't working anymore... what I need is something real. I really need help... but there's nowhere to go anymore. There's just no point anymore, really... I don't understand why I'm here. I'm a wasted life. A wasted person. Just empty and null. What's the point of living for nothing? I'm just so lost... there's dead ends everywhere and no one to tell me where to go. I just don't know what to do anymore.
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