myOtaku.com: PaganAngel

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1991-10-23
Gender
• Female
Location
• Gardnerville AND Reno, Nevada (yeah, both)
Member Since
• 2005-11-01
Occupation
• I'm currently a slave to like 3 different people. ^^ Me, a masochist? Never,
Real Name
• They tell me it's Bonnie, but I beg to differ. Everyone calls me by my last name anyway.

Personal

Achievements
• I got Alicia to admit Gackt was tasty. Yaaay.
Anime Fan Since
• I think Cardcaptors was the first series I saw, but the one that got me hooked was Digimon.
Favorite Anime
• Gravitation, Loveless, Chobits, Cardcaptor Sakura, Last Exile, .hack//sign and dusk, X, Azumanga Daioh, Angelic Layer, Weiss Kreuz, Legal Drug, DNAngel, Excel Saga, Fake, Pita-Ten... lately I like some stuff on the Saturday lineup thanks to Tonya.
Goals
• Crap, my deadline's tomorrow... *glares at Tonya*
Hobbies
• Sleeping, writing, sleeping, pretending to write while in truth playing minesweeper, staring at the ceiling with my iPod battery hazardously low, travelling, avoiding motivation.
Talents
• Corrupting the hell out of friends.

myOtaku.com: PaganAngel

Friday, August 11, 2006

I think I'll be going back home today or Saturday... my mom gets the key to our new place today. I gotta help her move. Oh, my brother's gonna be moving back in with us. Yeah. Cool.

...I'm sorry, I just don't have a whole lot to say today. Not that you guys are complaining, I'm sure; reading my angsty teenage rants is bound to get boring. I could probably name about... *thinks* three, maybe four of you who really truly try to follow my thoughts. Of course, nine times out of ten you fail, but I appreciate the effort nonetheless. But if you're one of those who frankly don't give a damn who I am, and if you really just plan on skimming through the next few paragraphs like you've always done, then with all due respect, stop reading here. I won't be offended.

It's really, really frustrating. This place, this site... it used to be my refuge. It was my way to escape from the real world. Somewhere along the last nine months, though, it became my reality. I'm really trapped everywhere now. And what's hardest of all about this place is every action, every transistion my life made is laid out in words. I can't forget. I was reading through my archives and I can't deny the fact that I've changed. And I don't like what I've become. I never ever thought I'd find myself saying this, but I'd give anything to go back to the way I was two years ago. I know that it hurt. I know that it felt so empty that I wanted nothing more than to die. But you know what? At least I was realistic then. I didn't even bother dreaming because I was jaded. I knew it wasn't worth it to get my hopes up then. But I changed. I allowed myself to be happy. To hope. To dream. And now my dreams have consumed me to the point where I don't even pay attention to the world around me. And it'll end up hurting me in the end. I know this, and I'm helpless to prevent it.

My very first wish, a year ago, was that things would change. They did. But I never expected it to hurt this much. If that wish ended up hurting me like this... how can I be sure that I even want the rest of my wishes to come true?

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