Sunday, November 14, 2004

   Warning!! Angry Panda Rant Ahead!!

Whatcha lookin' at?! Ok, I am going to have to do some ranting. I guess go eat some brownies if you don't want to listen..er..read my rant to today. As always when I fire up my rant engine, if you don't want to read it just skip to the "End Rant" icon. I will let you know that in my "Arthritis Today" magazine it actually said in the November issue that you should throw yourself a "pity party" once in awhile since it is healthy. Well, today is that day my friends. I am so flipping sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am tired of taking all these stupid drugs that don't seem like they work worth beans. These expensive drugs that don't work worth beans. Maybe I should trade them in for magic beans. They would probably work better anyway. My self worth is not very high. As many of you know I am no longer able to work in my career in vet medicine because of my Rheumatoid Arthritis. I am actually going to start getting my Social Security Disability Benefits starting in January since I can no longer work. It totally sucks. I worked my butt off in school to get me where? Nowhere. Disabled. I graduated High School in 1994, I graduated with my college degree in 1995. I was going to college at the same time as high school...while working full time on top of that! John and I are not going to have any children since it would be dangerous for me, and a baby, to be on all the medications I am currently on. I am sure you guys have a pretty good idea what chemo does to people, just imagine what it would do to a baby?! Terrible. John would be such a great dad, but since I am sick, raising children, my own or adopted, is out of the question. Constant pain, side effects from the medicine that is suppose to be stopping the pain...I am just tired of it all. Helping out around theOtaku has given me something to look forward to everyday. I get to visit with the best people from all around the world and have fun. I get to enjoy everyones great artwork and read some great fan fictions. Everyone really is talented. It really does make me happy to hear about how everyone is doing in school, sports and other activities in their lives. I can live through you guys...doing things I can no longer do myself. I hate not feeling well since I don't make it to everyones sites to visit. I feel like I am missing out on all the fun. I went shopping today. Normally that would be a very happy thing for me. I am feeling a bit sick but it was to go by anime and manga...a little sickness isn't going to stop me! I get to the store and there are no handicapped parking spots open, why, there are people sitting in their cars while someone else "runs into the store for a quick purchase" and they can just jump back in and speed off. I park waaaay out at the end of the parking lot and hobble my way to the store. I know there are other people who are confined to wheelchairs that could use these spots too and it made me mad to see. People just don't care anymore. When I get home I check through my usually stuff on the OB and there is a member who is mad about a thread I closed a day or two ago, I can't remember when it was...anyway. I admit that I didn't give a detailed reason for it being closed but anyone reading the post would see it was obviously going nowhere. This person starts a new thread in the Suggestions and Feedback forum to complain. They could have PMed me about it and I would have explained, but instead decided to do this public martyr thing instead. For goodness sakes, I have had my threads closed and never took it so flippin' seriously! It's an anime/gaming message board, not the end of the world. I wish I had so little in my life to worry about that having my thread locked in the Otaku Lounge was the biggest upset of my life. I know I was wrong by not being detailed but I wasn't really in the mood to deal with explaining the obvious when I was feeling like crap. I consider myself pretty easy going when it comes to modding the Otaku Lounge so having someone complain about my job was like getting a grain of sand in my eye, not life threatening but a pain none the less. Also, Brynner, my dog, is sick. He isn't his usual obnoxious self. He is just laying around looking really depressed. I bought him a new stuffed fish when I was out but he isn't playing with is. He just picks it up and moves it with him to where he decides to lay down. It's very sad to see. I think I am done complaining now...I have to say I feel much better. Oh wait! One more thing. My throat hurts. It feels swollen and it hurts to swallow. It's been hurting for a couple of days. I am thinking if it isn't better by Monday I need to go see the doctor...yet again. >_< Now I am done. Ah, I feel much better now. A good rant is nice once in awhile. I am not going to ask a question or have a bishie break in this post today. I was looking back at my rant and I guess I was a bit overdue for a good ranting. I am going to try to make the rounds before bed. I love you all and appreciate all your support. ::huggles::

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