Monday, February 14, 2005

   Valentine's Day.

Will you be my Valentine?! My Valentine's Day update is a bit of a downer. So if you are having a very happy holiday I suggest you just skip down til you see the bamboo heart. What can I say, I have some issues with Valentine's Day I need to vent about. Valentine I made a rule about you I made a plan for getting my feet back on the ground. Bury my face in clouds for hours on end but time only flies when you're around. It was cold and dark the last time I saw you. Your hair was long and falling in your eyes. You said my hands were warm and that I was special to you Valentine, You know that I'm fighting this love in vain the sun's been shining for a week but it just feels like rain Valentine. I know you're not mine you're somebody else's flame But when those hearts and flowers fade Oh my darlin', look my way. You say that it's complicated but baby you're wrong. There's nothing more obvious to me. That we're on a trip together 33,000 light years long and I'm hurting so bad 'cause you don't see. The night you walked me home, I gave you a picture of Eden's trees falling to the ground and now I feel, I feel like you're a perfect stranger Without you Valentine, You know that I'm fighting this love in vain the sun's been shining for a week but it just feels like rain Valentine. I know you're not mine You're somebody elses flame. But when those hearts and flowers fade Oh my darlin', look my way Valentine. I know you're not mine And I don't know why you stay But when those hearts and flowers fade Oh my darlin', look my way And I don't know why you stay But when those hearts and flowers fade Oh my darlin', look my way. I have actually typed up a long post, deleted it, started over...twice. I guess I will muddle through this post as best as I can. It is now 2:14am on 2/14. I am listening to the above song as I have every year since 1989. I have always had negative feelings about Valentine's Day. Part has to do with the commercial part of it. Another part has to do with how many people I see depressed on a holiday that is suppose to be such a happy day filled with love. The truth of the matter has to do with a Valentine's Day I had back many, many years ago. Back in grade school we all passed out Valentine cards to our classmates. I had my very first crush and he was in my class. I had been debating between two cards. One that was very generic the other a bit more mushy. I opted for the generic one since I didn't know how he felt about me and I was afraid of loosing him as a friend. When I received my card from him he had handwritten in, in pencil, the words "I like you." At that point I knew I should have given him the other card. I was too scared to let him know that I liked him too, but I held my tongue and didn't say anything. I was afraid he didn't like me the way I like him. I missed my opportunity to find out. Years went by and we were really good friends. We would go to school dances together, dinner and hang out. I always had a crush on him, but kept it pushed all the way down in my heart. I wasn't going to take the chance of loosing a friendship if I said something and he didn't feel the same way. I basically figured we would just be friends and that was it. Every Valentine's Day I hoped for a second chance. Another Valentine so I would know how he felt about me. That Valentine never came. I knew I was just a friend and that was it. I kept that Valentine's card for years and years. We have gone our separate ways now and we each have our own Valentines to spend the holiday with. But for me the years of wishing for a Valentine that would never come has really left me a bit bitter at the holiday. A Bamboo Valentine! Now I don't want anyone to think I am not happy with the Valentine I have now, I love John. He knows that I don't like the holiday. Plus, we don't need a holiday to tell us that we need to tell each other that we love each other! Oh bother, I just need to get over it. Let's have a bishie break. And like I said, I don't need a holiday to remind me of who I love, so it's not going to be Sanzo! Back in the day I felt like Sakura in that little animation. The guy I liked didn't even know I existed. Go figure. Now for your question of the day. Do you like Valentine's Day? Do you have someone special to celebrate with? What was your favorite Valentine? To answer all my own questions: NO, I do not like Valentine's Day. YES, I do have someone special to celebrate with...John! My favorite Valentine was from John and it was a panda card and a single long stemmed red rose. He brought it into my work for me. I wasn't expecting it so it was a pleasant surprise. ^_^ Well, it is late...early...whatever. I best be going to bed before I fall asleep at the computer. I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine's Day and remember that this little Panda loves you all very much. ::huggles::

Comments (22)