Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Hiatus.
I think I'm going to take a temporary hiatus from the site. Maybe just for a month or two. I'm probably just making things worse for myself and my family by posting up here whenever I know that my dad reads these. I didn't want to stop posting on here, because this is MY place. This is where I vent. But this isn't the time for me to be stubborn and headstrong. I just need to give in right now.

I may comment occassionally on here, but I'm not going to guarantee anything. Just wait for me until I come back, okay. I love you guys.
+Momo+
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Monday, November 26, 2007

   I love my fandom.
Current Mood: Content
Current Song: Cake and Sodomy by Marilyn Manson


XD

Wassup, peeps? (I'm so white. @o@;) My Thanksgiving break wasn't all that great. I mean, I'm happy that I had some time off but I only went out of the house twice and had to suffer through hours of Lifetime and Oxygen, my mom's favorite channels. -__- On Sunday we went to Target to buy some crap and I went in the toy section looking for something for Elijah for Christmas. XD I looked for an Iron Man (he LOOOOOOOVES him), but the didn't have one except for a tiny little chibi one with Thor. I wanted to get him a big one that was shiny and cool. D: I looked in the Power Rangers section too, but I don't know which one he likes. Plus, the ones they had were retarded, not like the ones we grew up with. T^T Then I looked in the Star Wars toys but I forgot who his favorite Jedi was. _-_ I think it's Ki-Adi-Mundi (the dude with the big cone head and tiny little ponytail on the top XD), but I'm not sure. So, afterwards we went on a wild goose chase looking for an Iron Man at Toys 'R Us, the local comic book store (they mostly had DC stuff), and Tuesday Morning. Hopefully I can go to Wal*Mart this weekend and find one... Iron Man isn't a very popular character and I want to get one before all the rabid Christmas moms attack the stores. All in all, we searched an hour and half for that toy. o_o

Today was a good day. I was able to wake up pretty easily and wasn't very tired. In Art I continued to work on my wire sculpture and it's so haaaaaaard. ;o; I can't wait until it's over, it takes the entire period to get the whole head covered (I'm doing a wire family o_o). In German we read and translated part of a children's story and then watched part of a movie. It was really weird, it's a kids movie about Vikings. Most of the time I wasn't really paying attention because I couldn't see the subtitles so I talked to Nicole and threw paperballs at Elijah. XD Geometry, of course, was boring. And we have a huge test on Thursday. T____T Dammit. During lunch I sat with Stacie, Pedro, and Syrai. We had a fun time talking and laughing even though it was fucking freezing outside and I was constantly shivering. English was pretty good. We watched the rest of "Hotel Rwanda" (it was a really sad movie, but it was SOOOOOOOOOOO great. I really loved it it), but this idiot behind me kept on gasping and screaming at the TV. It was like she had never seen a movie before. -__- During the last ten minutes of class we started thinking about our essay we have to write on human rights. I'm going to mention homo/bisexuality/transexuals somewhere in there because you guys know how big I am on equality, especially in sexual preferences. After school I hung out with Gaia, Elijah, and Stacie. It was so cold outside that I had two jackets on, some gloves, a scarf, my hood up, was hugging Elijah, and was still freezing. o_o It was raining too!!! I started to walk home but Mom pulled up and drove me home, thank God. I didn't want to walk home in that. @_@

So, I had a pretty good day. I is a happy Momo. Love you guys~!
+Momo+
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Friday, November 23, 2007

Random Question.
Heeeey, does anyone know any good yaoi/yuri? Shounen/Shoujo-ai is fine too, although I would prefer the hardcore stuff. I want more yuri than yaoi right now... lately I've had a weird obsession with boobs. o_O

Thanks guys, even though I can't imagine how weird this is. XD
+Momo+
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   Yumemiruhito?
Current Mood: I dunno
Current Song: 304 Goushitsu, Hakushi to Sakura by Dir en grey
Currently Watching: Scrubs

I'm sorry that I haven't been posting as much, you guys. It just feels like I don't have anything to talk about and it also puts me off to put things up here since my father constantly reads them. Also, it seems like my Japanesey-ness is fading. I don't nearly listen to Dir en grey as much as I used to (instead I've been listening to a lot of American stuff), haven't studied Japanese in a while, and German keeps on invading my mind. I need to work on that, needless to say.

I've remembered a lot of my dreams lately. I keep on dreaming about Elijah and then dreaming about Melody. I can understand why Elijah is in my dreams, since I like him a lot and he's my boyfriend, but it pisses me off whenever I even remember that Melody exists. In my mind, the Melody I knew died whenever she turned into the bitch I didn't recognize. And it hurts to remember what she did to me, and I'm done dealing with that pain. I'm tired of remembering it. I want to move on.

I've been out of school since Wednesday and have to go back on Monday. It's good to have a day off since school life is kind of hectic, but I have no idea of what to do with myself when I have this time on my hands. Mostly all I've done is lay around watching T.V. and complaning to myself about how fat I am... *gasp* Connection? o_o

Thanksgiving really pissed me off yesterday. I was thinking about the things I'm thankful for (I know it doesn't sound like it lately, but I am thankful for a lot of things) and then Dad talked to Laura twice on the phone, acting like a fucking dog in heat. He's worse than a teenage girl. He kept on complaning about how going to work tommorow, when he should just be happy to have a job. It may be a crappy job he hates and has to stay overtime on, but he doesn't even think about all those illegal immigrants who risk everything to barely scrape by. Or, how lucky he is to have a family, a house, food, or anything he has. I know it's hard to think of this when you're depressed (he keeps on ignoring the fact that I was once so depressed that I thought of suicide, sobbed, and cut myself over 10-15 times everyday, and thinks that I don't understand), but he needs to fucking man up or get out. Maybe he can run away with Laura and start a new family with her to ignore.

Okay... um... I guess that helped get some of my frustration out. @_@; I need to do my homework now. Later, you guys.
+Momo+
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Tuesday, November 6, 2007

I Puked in My Mouth a Little... o_O
Current Mood: Blank
Current Song: Spit by Kittie
Currently Watching: Scrubs

I read my last post and realized one very important thing...

I am one whiny bitch.

I've been depressed lately over something that is totally dwarfed by other people's problems. I can understand why I was so upset and angry if I was raped or someone close to me died or something, but it feels like I'm totally blowing things out of proportion now that I look back at it. It's kinda disgusting how juvenile I'm acting.

But at the same time, I want to be upset. I want to cry and just let all of the things that make me sad be heard so I can get them off my chest. I don't want to keep them in all the time but I don't want to be the whiny kid that everyone-including themselves-hate.

Today was pretty good considering how badly I felt yesterday. In art Christian didn't really talk to me, which I was thankful for. I don't need his bullshit right now. All we really did was look at stuff for our upcoming unit of sculpture. In German we got a packet of vocabulary on shopping and we defined all the words in it. Frau Stammerjohann told us about a project we're going to have to start on soon where we take pictures of ourselves and then put dialog in it to form a story. She showed us some examples from past years and my favorite one was where they were pretending to be from Austin Powers. The line "Magst du randy, baby?" ("do I make you randy, baby?") totally sold it. XD In Geometry I'm understanding the content a little better but I'm still not clear on it. I can't wait until this unit is over. -__-; In English we were working in the computer lab again and I finished early so I got to talk to Gaia and look up some information on "The Devil's Rejects." @_@; *coughs* After school I hung out with Gaia and Elijah for a while. Earlier Storm was ragging on me for not kissing him yet even though we've been together for more than a month now... I guess it's because I don't want to rush into things and I learned from my freshman year that PDA is disgusting. It doesn't matter who you are or if you're the one doing it. It's disgusting. I still do want to kiss him, though. I just haven't found the right moment and I probably wouldn't even have the balls to do it anyway. -___-

When I got home I ate a quesodilla, layed around for a while, did my homework, then watched some of the making of "The Devil's Rejects." I'm starting to get obsessed. *le sigh*

I just found out that my mom lost her job again today. She's not sad or anything, she hated that job, but I know it still hurts her ego. Plus, I'm worried about money. Meh. Hopefully it'll be okay.
+Momo+
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Monday, November 5, 2007

   What is the matter with me?
Current Mood: Pissed Off
Current Song: Brackish by Kittie

Ugh... my period has brought out the inner bitch from hell in me. I want everything and everyone to die right now. Art was okay, all I did was study my German for a possible test. I'm pissed off at Christian, because he's so damn bipolar. He can be really sweet at a time and asking me for opinions on his art and then acting like a total asshole and calling me stupid. I'm fed up with it. German was fine, nothing bad happened in it except for a test, and that comes with the territory of high school. Geometry was a bunch of bullshit. I barely get what we're doing and I was so frustrated that I was on the verge of tears. A douchebag in our class named Tyler always throws crap, misses his target, and hits me. Wrong fucking day to hit me with a Powerade bottle. Mrs. Rhea kept on accusing him of throwing the bottle, and of course, he kept on denying it. I talked out loud for the first time to the whole class and said "actually, he did. He missed and hit ME." He had to stay after class and got busted on by his friends for it. Lunch made me feel a little better, and may be I'll get to spend the night at Stacie's house on Saturday. Yay. ♥ In English I had a huge headache but Gaia helped mellow me out, so that was cool. We're doing a project in English, so I'm doing Japanese music... naturally. @_@ The worst part is trying to stray away from Dir en grey... it's so hard. ;o; After school I talked to Gaia, Elijah, and Nicole. I may be able to hang out or go on a date with Elijah this weekend... FINALLY. -__-; I stayed at Nicole's house for about three hours and I had an okay time there, even though all we did was talk and watch TV.

Dad almost seems normal again, but I know he's acting the part. He knows what to correct because he's reading my blog. I've heard him talk his friends over the phone about it and he knows things that he could only know if he had cameras hidden around the house.

Like I said.
I am not an idiot.

So, if the account canceled, you know why. I probably won't, though.

The only thing that's made me happy lately other than my friends and music is "House of 1000 Corpses" and "The Devil's Rejects." I've had a mini-obsession over these movies for the past two-three weeks. Very good horror movies by Rob Zombie, go check them out. Or at least see them for Captain Spaulding.


Captain Spaulding, yays~!

I'm sorry about being so emo lately, but this is where I come to vent and it seems like that "privacy" is gone. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm the same person on the inside anymore... like a cancer is eating away what's made me Momo. What's made me Becky.

I feel so very emo.
+Momo+
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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

I Want My Face to Melt Off
Current Mood: Crushed
Current Song: Violent Pornography by System of a Down

So... I'm around 80% sure that my father is cheating on my mom. He's always talking about Laura, she comes to our house at least once a week and he walks her out, he talks to her every day, Laura has an unstable relationship with her husband, my dad seems not to love my mother anymore, both my mom and brother think that he's cheating too, etc. I've learned to hate the words "I love you" in a very short amount of time. He keeps on telling me that he loves me and always will, over and over again, like you do before something big's about to go down. Last night I was saying good night to him and he was writing an e-mail to Laura. I say that he had written "I love you" at the bottom and erased it whenever he saw I was coming.

I'm not a child anymore. I'm not an idiot. I catch on fast.

I cried for around half an hour last night. My whole body aches because I feel so miserable just seeing him and thinking about him. The thought of them together makes me physically ill. I'm still trying to decide if I'm going to tell my mom about the e-mail thing.

My birthday party is this weekend and at Laura's house, and I don't want to have it... I didn't even want it in the first place. If she really is the cheating bitch that has pried herself into my life and torn apart my brain, picking out everything but paranoia, I want no part of her.

My dog's ribs really hurt today and my brother and I both said that we wondered if he kicked her. I don't recognize the man living in my house anymore. In my mind, my father died a month ago. All that's left is an empty shell.
+Momo+
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Monday, October 29, 2007

   Birthday report.
Current Mood: Blank
Current Song: HYDRA -666- by Dir en grey
Currently Watching: 300

So Friday was my 16th birthday. A lot of people flip out over their birthday, especially their 16th, but I just couldn't get up the energy. I wasn't excited because I knew what all of my presents were going to be (my mom felt the desire to tell me every single one -_-), what my cake was going to be, and everything just feels... blank lately. It was a normal day at school except for when Nicole made my German class sing happy birthday to me and Gaia tried to. >_< Whenever I got home I watched "DOZING GREEN" a couple of times and watched TV. Mom got home and I waited for a few hours before I asked her if I could get my birthday presents. @_@ I knew what they were, but I didn't have them or anything. I got a sewing machine (A SINGER, a hella good sewing machine :3), two sewing baskets (because she thinks that I'm gonna sew on the road too @_@), some sewing supplies like needles and scissors, and "DOZING GREEN." That's coming in the mail in a few days. I may get to dye my hair pink for my birthday too. :D I started putting my pins in my pincushion while watching "The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy" until Mom decided that we needed to get pizza and cake. We got stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut (one of my favorite foods EVER), and got my Hello Kitty ice cream cake. So many calories, but it was SOOO good. ^_^ When we came back home, we ate and watched Transformers. Dad came home around 11 because he had to work and he was super depressed. He kept on apologizing... and I know it's not his fault, but I still felt kind of angry towards him. If he was home he would've just been bitter and angry like he always is.

The next day I went to Best Buy to spend some of my birthday money. I got "Portrait of an American Family" and "Holywood" by Marilyn Manson (I now have all of his CDs), "Spit" and "Funeral for Yesterday" by Kittie (I think I have all of their CDs except for "Oracle" and their remix CD "Paperdoll" now @_@), and "Mesmerize" by System of a Down (I now have all of their CDs too). Damn, I got a lot of CDs. XD Mom and Dad tried finding "The Nightmare Before Christmas" on DVD for me but we can't find it anywhere. I think Disney took it off the market and is gonna re-sell it in a few years like the normally do. -_- Fucking Walt Disney. I went to a my friend Katie's party, which was more like a dance party. o_o I talked to Korki and Thu for a really long time since they don't like to dance... they eventually left like an hour early and said that they were going to have sex. XD Nice. It seems like all of my friends have sex, do drugs, smoke, and drink. Bad influences!!! @_@ Nicole was dancing with some guy named Alex who she had never met before the party and I mean was DANCING. I'm happy that a guy was making the moves on her, but I still felt like the a third wheel. Around 12 we went to her house and screwed around. We watched "Fight Club" for a while but I was so tired that I eventually fell asleep.

Yesterday was okay. Nicole and I sat around watching "LA Ink" for a while and looking at tattoos and talking about her ideas. Nicole has a million tattoo ideas and I'm worried that she's going to end up with a whole sleeve she regrets. I have to keep on reconsidering my ideas so I can get a job. @_@ After a while we went over to Bobby's house and watched him play "Guitar Hero 3" for a while... I can't wait until I can rent it, it looks so awesome. >w< We carved pumpkins and had a fun time with that. Bobby did a traditional Jack-o-lantern face, Nicole had a man and a woman holding hands, and I did the hill from "The Nightmare Before Christmas." I wanted to do Oogie Boogie, but I couldn't draw a descent picture of him just from memory. -__- I went home at 9 and I don't remember what else I did.


"Saku" Kyo pumpkin by Zhanna. Coolest thing I've ever seen. :3 Aaaaand, since were talking about Kyo, I give you...


THE CUTEST PICTURE EVER!!! >w< *squeals*

Ummm... today I have no school so I've been chillin' and watching TV. I have a really bad headache, I can't get warm, and my nose keeps running. I hope I'm not getting sick. T_____T Later, you guys. I gotta take a shower. @_@
+Momo+
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Wednesday, October 24, 2007

   GREEN MADNESS!!! (dun dun dun...)
Current Mood: Relieved
Current Song: DOZING GREEN by Dir en grey

Hey, everyone. As you can imagine, I'm totally psyched for the release of "DOZING GREEN"... even though I heard it on Monday. *cough*thank you fans who got their single early and were kind enough to upload it for us all*cough* @_@ I wore all green today and my friends were amazed that I was wearing something other than black. Even my pen and pencil were green. XD Alright, here's some PVs for you poor saps who haven't seen the video yet.


"DOZING GREEN"'s PV, in its entirety. I love it, except for the manga strips. I could go without that. :/ BUT IT'S STILL FUCKING AWESOME~! \m/>w<\m/


"Hydra -666-" Not a PV since it doesn't have one, but it's the song. I think it pwns major ass although I know a lot of people won't like it. T^T


"Agitated Screams of Maggots (live version)" Track 3 on the "DOZING GREEN" single. I was really impressed with the guitars and drums, although I hope that Kyo doesn't continue the trend of death-metal-voice on a whole song on the next album and everything. I don't mind occasional screaming like that, but I'm not really fond of WHOLE songs like that. I still like this, though. ♥

Lastly, here are the lyrics for both "DOZING GREEN" and "Hydra -666-" in Japanese, romaji, AND English. Heh. Don't I rock? :3 Credit to Dakoski @ LJ.

***

DOZING GREEN (Japanese, if you couldn't tell XD)
蟲喰�瞳�見�られ�閉�る
撫�下���心��ロリ
清々��太陽�
雨音ザラリグラリ混�る�

裂��胸踊ら�空�����
白�声　�れる�　In The Sun

淫ら�開��傷�
無�消��る�Dogma�風
溶�出���心臓

薄暗���響�サヨナラ.

裂��胸踊ら�空�����
ã�Ÿã� 今ã�¯ç‹¬ã‚Šã�§ã�„ã�Ÿã�„

一輪�春�涙も��首�地を這����も

Love Me

Abandon Hope

DOZING GREEN (English translation)
Mesmerized by those eyes with bugs crawling on them, my breathing stops
My heart calms itself
The refreshing sun mixes in with the sound of the rain

My slashed heart dances, and I question in vain
The white voice, the leaking of the breath in the sun

The obscene exposure of the wound
Disappears into nothing, the wind of dogma
Your melting heart

The dark morning, echoing goodbye

My slashed heart dances, and I question in vain
I just want to be alone right now

A single season of spring, even the tearful neck and you crawling the earth

Love Me

Abandon Hope


DOZING GREEN (Romaji)
mushi kuu hitomi ni miserare iki tojiru
nade oroshita kokoro ga porori
sugasugashii taiyou ga
ameoto zararigurari mazatte

saketa mune odorase munashisa ni tou
shiroi koe moreru iki In The Sun

midara ni aketa kizuguchi
mu to kie naru Dogma no kaze
tokedasu kimi no shinzou

usugurai asa, hibiku sayonara

saketa mune odorase munashisa ni tou
tadaima wa hitori de itai

ichirin no haru, namida moroi kubi to chi o hau kimi sae

Love Me

Abandon Hope

HYDRA -666- (Japanese)
泥�漬��洗����
（顔）を被る���神？

DEAD BORN
I will feel pity for you
666
All you have is just a facade
Everyone laughs at you behind your back
Who looks at you?
666

首を（返�此）処��自由�
明日も��SID�ゃ��

奴ã�®èƒ¸ã�«ã�¯ã‚¢ãƒ¬ã�Œã�­ã�‡ã‚“ã�
誘惑�喰れ�ドコ��？
よã��見ã�¦ã�¿ã�ªå‚·ã� らã�‘ã�«ã�ªã�£ã�Ÿå�·å¤–ã� らã�‘ã�®ãƒžãƒ�キン

�����る�守歌�
�����　�����　�����

肘を（　）ã�„ã�¦ã�¯ã�£ã�¦ã‚‹å§¿ã�Œã�ªã‚“ã� ã�‹ã�¨ã�¦ã‚‚芸術ã� ã�£ã�Ÿ
時間��り�忘れ去られる人身事故��む����花�
çœ ã‚Œã�ªã�„ã€€çœ ã‚Œã�ªã�„
罪深��モナリザ�・・・

DEAD BORN
I will feel pity for you
666
All you have is just a facade
Everyone laughs at you behind your back
Who looks at you?
666


Hydra -666- (English translation)
Soak it in dirt and wash it all
You wear my mask, does that make you GOD?

DEAD BORN
I will feel pity for you
666
All you have is just a facade
Everyone laughs at you behind your back
Who looks at you?
666

You turn your head and call this freedom?
You won't become SID tomorrow
He doesn't have "it" in his chest
Temptation just ate him up, and you call this a dead body?
Look at it closely, they're all just scarred up mannequins

The lullaby that's supposed to make you sleep
I can't hear it, I can't hear it. Can't hear it

You crawling on your elbows looked so artistic
Those are the kiku flowers placed for the accident, that we're supposed to forget in a timely manner

Can't sleep, Can't sleep
The deep sin lies with MONA LISA...

DEAD BORN
I will feel pity for you
666
All you have is just a facade
Everyone laughs at you behind your back
Who looks at you?
666


Hydra -666- (Romaji)
doro ni tsukete arai kazase
(kao) o koumuru omae wa kami?

DEAD BORN
I will feel pity for you
666
All you have is just a facade
Everyone laughs at you behind your back
Who looks at you?
666

kubi o (kaeshi ko)ko ga "jiyuu"
asu mo kimi wa SID janai

yatsu no mune ni ARE ga nenda
yuuwaku ni kureta DOKO ga shikabane?
yoku mite mina kizu darake ni natta (gougai) darake no MANNEQUIN

nekashitukeru komoriuta wa
kikoenai kikoenai kikoenai

hiji o ( )itehatteru sugata ga nanda ka totemo geijutsu datta
jikan douri ni wasuresarareru jinshin jiko ni tamuketa kiku no hanataba
nemurenai nemurenai
tsumi fukaki wa MONA LISA to...

DEAD BORN
I will feel pity for you
666
All you have is just a facade
Everyone laughs at you behind your back
Who looks at you?
666

***

Yay~! Enjoy, everyone. Hopefully you haven't seen this all... I'll feel like a douche if you have. @_@;
+Momo+
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Thursday, October 18, 2007

   IIIIITSSSA SHOWTAIMU!!!
Current Mood: Kinda Tired
Current Song: Obscure by Dir en grey
Currently Watching: Airplane!


"EEEEEETSSA SHOWTAIMU~!!!" XD I giggle everytime I hear that, and I'm so proud of Kyo for saying something in English that I don't need subtitles to hear. ♥

If you guys don't know already, they guys released a 15 second preview of their PV for "DOZING GREEN" on their official site. I'm so physched, I can't wait. ^_^ I'm thinking of dressing in all green and wearing green lipstick and green eyeshadow on the release date. XD; I also overheard my parents talking about maybe buying the single for my birthday. *dances* I doubt they will since it's as expensive as a CD, so I'll try not to get my hopes up.

Ummm... that's about it. Sorry that my posts are so short now. I feel like a bad Otaku-er. D:
+Momo+
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