Tuesday, September 26, 2006

   Sou, Nakushitamono wa.
Current Mood: Relieved
Current Song: The Final by Dir en Grey

Last night wasn't very good. My mom wasn't pleased with my A's on my progress reports and the computer got fucked up and I think it's my fault somehow. Probably because I spilled coke on the keyboard (which made me so pissed off, I threw a candle in a tin against the wall, screamed, cried, and went to sleep). I'm just tired of being yelled at and having to live up to what my mother and father want me to be. I can't wait until college so I can get away from my mother and go to Japan and fufill my dreams.

Orchestra went by pretty fast, which is really good because it usually drags on like one of Bush's half-assed speeches. Algebra was pretty descent, and we only got 18 problems to do for homework, which was awesome. However, Health seemed to DRAG ON for forever. We were watching a thing on drugs and then talked about it later. It also kinda pissed me off because the teacher talked about how if you were a parent and a "gothic" person stepped into your doorway and said they were going to take your child out. I know that it's not gonna change anytime soon, but I really wish people wouldn't judge based on appearance. Most of the time I tried not to take offense, but laughed out loud, which made a few people stare at me. Civics was alright, but I got really pissed at this asshole who said a totally rude and uncalled for thing to me. We were in a group and I was writing something down, and I realized that I forgot to say "gochisousama deshita" after eating (yes, I say "itadakimasu and gochisousama deshita" -_-), so I went "Ohhh!!!" Some of the people stared at me and asked what was wrong, and I said that I forgot something. One guy, who I had done nothing to or said anything to earlier, said "What did you forget? Other than to cut yourself..." I just pursed my lips and kept my mouth shut before I screamed at him how shallow of a little fucker he is. I know that the way I dress can lead some to think that, and I don't give a fuck, but that could really hurt someone's feelings. I'm tired of others being so insensitive. In the car rider line, I met up with Nicole and met two of her friends, who were really nice. The girl hugged me before she knew who I was (@_@) and was really impressed with my Japanese ability. The guy, her girlfriend, really liked my "Nightmare Before Christmas" sweatshirt and told that he and her were talking about it in the hallway before they met me. XD And whenever Nicole and I walked home, the guy stuck his head out of the window and screamed "DIABLO!!!" at the top of his lungs. XD Maybe we can hang out some time, they seem nice enought. I also saw the guy who randomly shouts out "goukan." O_O


XD

Well, I better get off. My eyes hurt, I feel sick from eating a fun size bag of peanut M&M's, and I need to watch the Tokyo '06 Attack of the Show. *nods viciously* Mata ne~!!!
+Momo+
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Monday, September 25, 2006

   Ma, sugoi... -_-
Current Mood: Pure Crap
Current Song: The Final by Dir en Grey

I'm sick. Depressed. Angry. Have been since Thursday.

The only thing that cheered me up was talking to Kyoko-chan over the phone. And I found out that Kyo has hamster hands. Always puts a smile on my face.

God. Even watching the PV for "The Final" made me upset. I really must me in knee-deep.
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Friday, September 22, 2006

   My memories...
Current Mood: Depressed
Current Mood: egnirys cimredopyh +) an injection by Dir en Grey

I really hate when this shit happens to me. All I can think about is Melody. Back whenever we were friends, and it seemed like nothing could ever go wrong. I remember how much trust I put in her and how she betrayed it all. All I can ever think of now is wondering if she ever thinks of me. If she ever misses me. Regrets what she did. Yesterday I looked in the mirror and wanted to die. I wanted to scream, I pulled my hair, punched myself, slammed myself against the wall... I made Kyo look tame. Whenever I went to bed all I could think of was her. I eventually fell asleep after staring at the wall for more than half an hour.

Today wasn't too great either. In Orchestra, our teacher told us that we sounded like crap. Those were her exact words. I don't think I'm going to take Orchestra next year... I like the viola and all, but I'm not passionate about it. Plus, I want to learn how to play the bass more. Algebra was alright, nothing major happened in there. After I did my work, I started reading my Japanese book and Johnson asked "are you going to become a Japanese citizen?" I told him that I would try, and then they got all excited whenever they found out I could speak Japanese. They were asking me what their names were in Japanese, and I felt like calling them idiots. I mean, this girl named Emily freaked out whenever I said "Emeri." @_@ And I found out Chandler's friend likes to scream "GOUKAN!!!" out of nowhere. O_O Odd. In Health, though, I was really pissed off because people were being so insensitive. A man who has a hole in his throat from smoking so much visited, and people were making fun of him because his voice sounded odd. It makes me so angry whenever people ignore other people's feelings. It also upset me because they were talking about birth defects due to smoking, and my cousin smokes and is pregnant. I'm really consearned about her child, and I pray that she is okay. In Civics we just had to take a test, but the entire time I felt like shit. I layed my head on my desk and constantly thought about Melody. I almost started crying but I stopped myself. Whenever I walked home with Nicole I stayed silent most of the time. My past just won't die. I just wish I could forget all the pain.



Once again, I've wrote another woeful post. Sorry, you guys. I know, I suck.
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Thursday, September 21, 2006

   Baka wa...
Current Mood: Emo
Current Song: Embryo by Dir en Grey

I feel like such a fucking idiot. I'm crying over nothing.

This afternoon, I walked home with my friend Nicole since she lives near me. She decided that she wanted to stay at my house since she didn't want to walk all the way to her house. I was fine with that, and we called our moms to see if it was alright. It was, and I did a bit of my homework and helped her on the computer to help her with her e-mail, since she was checking it. I told her that she had to let me get on the computer more than she did last time (because I had to sit through more than an hour of agonizing MCR music and more (I'm sorry, but I REALLY don't like bands that are coming out now) where I only got to see a 4 minute clip of DIRU). She said she would, and I went on YouTube to watch a quick Kyo fanvid. She then decided to show me her MySpace. I agree, but told her that she could only show me her MySpace. She then decided to make me listen to a Jimmy Eat World song (ANOTHER band I hate) and visited her friend's page and tried to watch a video. I punched her and told her to get off, because I wanted to show her a really beautiful song, but she seemed to completely ignore me. I punched her again and she reluctantly got off the computer. She then sat down and started working on something in her notebook, completely ignoring the fact that I wanted to show her something. So I put on my headphones, listened to "Amber", and loaded the PV for "Embryo" while she called her mom to take her home. Obviously, all she seemed intrested in was getting on the computer and could really give a shit about what I wanted to show her. I patiently waited and sat through what she showed me, pretending to be interested. She could at least do the same for me. It really hurts to know that your closest (tangible... my REAL best friends are over the internet... how sad) friend has stolen from you before, and has no intrest in what you love whatsoever. I just started crying whenever she left, and wanted to be left alone. I thought about Melody. I thought about how lonely I feel sometimes. I just want to know that someone REALLY does care about me. I know that sounds ridiculous and emo, but I don't really give a fuck. It sucks getting upset over something so small.

I'm an idiot.

***

I just found Melody's MySpace while I was screwing around. I feel sick just seeing her. I feel like dying.

Yay.
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Tuesday, September 19, 2006

   Nihongo No Toshokan XD
Current Mood: Agitated
Current Song: Shokubeni by Dir en Grey

Konnichiwa, minna-san. ^^ Thanks for trying to help me on the Japanese book thing... it seems like I'm the only one who has my own mini Japanese library. XDDD I'm not kidding, I probably have $150-200 (maybe more) worth of Japanese books alone. @_@ Damn addicting-ness. And... I also use CDs, casettes, and websites. XDDD Can you say obsessed, much???

Today was not all that great, but I won't say it was bad. In orchestra, some freshmen were paired up with seniors... and I was one of the freshmen. Lucky me. -_- I hate being paired up with people and he kept on making me practice these measures over and over again until they were perfect. I didn't mind that all that much, it's just that I had to play in front of him, and I hate that. @_@ But he was really nice about it, so I tried to do the same. In Algebra we had to take this 42 question quiz, and we had an hour to finish it. Suprisingly, I needed all of the time, but only partly because I forgot how to do one thing, but it was multiple choice, so I had that on my side. >3 In Health we had to watch this Lifetime movie called "For the Love of Nancy" about an anorexic girl. It was alright, but I really hated that it was a Lifetime movie... I have to sit through enough of that at home with Mom. -_- And have you ever noticed that Lifetime movies make you want to slit your wrists in the middle, and then make you want to be a happy little bird at the end??? @_@ Too many mood swings. But it kinda upset me because I knew how the anorexic girl felt... not in like the anorexic way, but I knew how it felt to not be in control of your emotions. Two years ago I was in the biggest depression of my life... I constantly cut myself, thought of suicide, cried everyday, and wanted to scream all the time. It was the worst thing I ever remembered happening to me. But it also helped me remember that I'm better... that I'm stronger now. But I still have my slips... I just hope that they get better as the years go on. Oh, yeah... I got a nickname from a guy during Health, too. My name is now "Konnichiwa." XDDD During lunch I sat by myself because Chastity is sick and I always sit with her, so I just studied my Japanese and sang "304 Goushitsu, Hakushi to Sakura" to myself. @_@ In Civics we just went over some notes and wrote some more down and ended up having 20 minutes in class left. XD The teacher just gave our homework to us and we started on it, so yay. I was so pissed, though... I was talking a lot to Thai in that class and I looked back and saw him smiling, so I smiled too (cause he has the best smile ever @_@). The teacher gave up and said "Thai, what's so funny? Cause Rebecca's smiling too." Then a girl who sits beside me said "they always be flirting." I got so pissed, all I could do was keep my mouth shut and I was blushing like crazy. Luckily, the teacher stood up for me and whispered to her "you flirt alot too, so don't be talking." I was still so embarassed, that I wanted to die, though. T~T After class, though, I had to stay back to take a quiz and a test for about 40 minutes. After I finished taking the test, I called my mom (which ended up taking like 8 minutes X_X) and waited outside for Mom or Dad to pick me up. I finished up my homework during it, and whenever Dad picked me up he was headbanging to Ministry. XDDD Whenever I got home I made a quesodilla (I fuckin' live off of those things X3) and watched "X-Play" before doing the rest of my homework. Once I finished I watched my brother play this awesome game on the internet called "Whack Your Boss" where you have to find 15 different ways to kill your boss in a corperate office. It reminded me so much of my dad whenever he worked at a corperate office that it wasn't even funny. XD Then I watched two DIRU videos, one PV ("[KR] Cube") and one live ("Shokubeni" from "The Code of Vulgar[ism]"). Oh, yeah... yesterday whenever I was listening to "Child Prey" whenever I was getting ready for school, Dad overheard it and said he liked it. ^^ I flipped out, I was so happy. Whenever he heard me listening to "Shokubeni" today, though, he said that Kyo needed a lozenge. XD At least I'm getting SOME feedback.


Iroke... @_@

Well... I probably should get off. My eyes are starting to hurt. ;_;
+Momo+
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Monday, September 18, 2006

   Nihongo No Hon!!!
Current Mood: Tired
Current Song: Somewhat Damaged by Nine Inch Nails

Hey, everyone. I can't talk for long, cause it's my brother's birthday, but I have one question for you all-what is your favorite/best Japanese book you have? And, what is the name of the author? I've been searching for some more books to add to the library of Japanese books I have. XD I'm not even kidding. I probably have like 20+ books. O_O But I need more!!! More!!! Please give me your opinion. Also, if you don't use books, what's the best CD/Casette or website you use? Please give me information, I'm having a little obsession with Japanese lately... even more than usual. -_- Sayounara.
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Thursday, September 14, 2006

   Mou...
Current Mood: Stuffy
Current Song: Zakuro by Dir en Grey

Hello, everyone... I'm feeling better than I was, but I'm still sick (by the way, thank you, TigerFantasy, for correcting me on my byouki and kaze thing. I wasn't sure which one to use, so I just said byouki ^^;)... I stayed home yesterday and I'm staying home today, so I'm worried about school but am still trying to get some rest. Yesterday I slept until 1:00 (XDDD) and then went on YouTube and watched the Emo Song and Emo ABC's (great stuff, you should really look it up), ate some ramen and layed around for a while. I eventually went into my room and watched "Corpse Bride", since Blockbuster Online sent it to us a while ago... I love that movie, it's so cute. It's not as good as "The Nightmare Before Christmas", but it's still awesome. One of my comfiest jackets has Emily on the back of it. ^^ After watching "Corpse Bride", I watched "Seinfeld" with my dad (I love "Seinfeld"... but all the TV watching was killing me @_@), worked on a June (yaoi with original characters) I'm writing and then ate some dinner. I gagged a little afterwards but didn't throw up. Yay! I developed a little fever and a cough since then, but nothing drastic. I also looked up a Japanese word on the internet because I had it stuck in my head but had no idea what it meant... that seems to be happenning to me more and more... -_- (By the way, the word was "uketori." It means receipt. XD) I eventually took a shower, watched a little of Criss Angel, then went to bed.


^^

Today I felt better, but not perfect. Also, my temperature was 99-100, so I wouldn't be able to go to school anyways. After I found out that I couldn't go, I layed in bed for a while but then Mom nagged me to take some medicine, so I got up and ate a little bit of breakfast (OMFG, the orange juice burned my throat... ;_;), and went back to bed. Then, I woke up at 10 and went on YouTube again (I swear to God, I love that place...) for about an hour. I created a new account on Photobucket but with their new format, for some reason, I can't upload any pictures... O_O 'Tis Hell on Earth. I thought Mom was gonna come home for lunch since she feels sick too (but she didn't), so I ate some ramen and watched my DIRU MACRABE DVD, one of my most prized posessions. I love them so much, they're all so adorable... I love at the very first part whenever Toshiya shows the camera his fingernail that he painted blue... and it has sparkles on it. X3 They're all such a bunch of dorks. *rolls around in field of DIRU-ness* (By the way... am I the only who misses Kyo's weird little teeth now that he got them straightened? ;_;) It also gave me the chance to exercise my Japanese and I also talked to my dog in Japanese during it. XDDD That's one of my favorite parts of being home alone, I can speak in Japanese and no one will say "speak in Engrish!" or "you no speak English?" -_- But my dog did look at me funny and I told my dog that she judges me just like everyone else and she just kinda looked like ";_; What did I do???" I felt bad afterwards and loved her endlessly. ^^; Right now I am watching "Beetlejuice", one of my favorite movies. And of course, it's by Tim Burton. ^^; But what can I say? I love his work, and I have since I was a baby. (That's right, I was a "Nightmare Before Christmas" and "Beetlejuice" and "Batman" baby. Praise me, bitches.) :D

Here are some DIRU baby pictures... cause I feel like it-


Baby Kyo (Awwww... ^^)


Baby Kaoru (Awww, Lookit!!! XD)


An older baby Kao-Kao...


And another baby Kaoru!!!


Baby Die (Awww, even then he was trying to impress the ladies. ^^;)


Baby Toshiya (Who would know he'd turn out to be so sexy???)


Baby Shinya (OMFG, Shinya was a ghetto baby. XDDD)

OH, YEAH!!! Happy birthday, Miyavi!!!!



Itai... ;_; My throat hurts... I need to take some more medicine. I'll see you later, dears... I need to study some more Japanese. -_-

P.S.-"I'm a fuggin' rocksta... bitch!!!" (If you don't get it, search for the new Bullets and Octane video on YouTube. Dir en grey is in it once again and we all find out that Die is a rockstar... bitch.) XDDD
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Tuesday, September 12, 2006

   Byouki daaaaaa...
Current Mood: Miserable
Current Song: Saku by Dir en Grey

I'm so sick... I just feel like putting my head in the toilet and puking my guts out. @_@ Bad thing is that I still have to go to school... I don't wanna miss anything.

Just posting to let you know I'm still alive.

I wonder if I ate Cheetoes, if I would puke orange... hmm...
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Friday, September 8, 2006

   We're Disposable Teens...
Current Mood: Agitated
Current Song: Disposable Teens by Marilyn Manson

Mou... hello, everyone. Last night was alright, although I was a little dissapointed about Panic Channel. I'm not dissapointed in their music at the least, I'm just depressed that YouTube didn't have a whole lot of Panic Channel PVs, most of them were for the American band, The Panic Channel. -_- So I since I wasn't able to listen to anymore Panikku, I decided to check out Onmyoza. They're look a lot like Kagrra, but aren't as pretty (sorry!!! ^^; I know, music isn't about looks, I'm just saying). Their music is pretty good, it normally has a really hard, cut-throat sound at the beginning but dies down and has a soft, playful sound in the chorus part. It's weird. XD The lead vocalist, Kuroneko, has a very high voice when she wants it, and their guitarist also sings, and he has a beautiful voice... to tell the truth, I like it better than Kuroneko's. They have some really kick-ass guitar that makes my heart sing. ^^ My only complaint is that sometimes whenever they cut off a note it sounds like enka (Japanese Opera), and that sends me into a fit of laughter. @_@ I still like them, but it's not like "OMFG, THIS IS THE BEST BAND EVAAAAAAAA!!!" I'm gonna try to check out Plastic Tree today, so yay.


This is Onmyoza.

I got my viola back yesterday so I'm able to play in Orchestra again-yay!!! We've been playing the theme song for "Halo", but the sad thing is, it doesn't sound anything like it. XDDD One of the students brought in the soundtrack for us to listen to and I was like "WTF????" And to tell the truth, I like the orchestral version better than the normal one. ^^; Oops. I was happy that I was able to play and not just sit there like an idiot anymore. Algebra was... extremely boring to say the least. I almost fell asleep at one point. XD But the good thing is, our teacher barely gave us any homework, which is really different from what she normally does. In Health we worked in the textbook for a while (blah... I hate that damn textbook _-_) and then went outside and walked. I kept on worrying about sweating because I was wearing a tight shirt (I normally don't do that... I wear ones that are like 3x bigger than they should be XD) and kept on complaining about how I wanted to take it off... hey!!! I have a tanktop under it, you know!!! T^T At lunch Thai didn't sit with me... I wanted to ask him, but I don't wanna smother him and perhaps he just wanted to be alone. So I just ate my lunch and made pervert jokes about tappin' some guys ass with my friend Kendra. X3 In Civics we mainly just talked more about Colonial America... and the bad thing is, we're getting close to the Salem Witch Trials... and I'm really touchy about that since I'm a Wiccan (and Buddist... and I also work a few other religions is ^^;). -_- I have to bite my lip everytime I hear of it to prevent from going onto a ferocious rant. Whenever I walked to mine and Nicole's tree, I found an umbrella under it, which made me so happy!!! I always tell Nicole how I need a parasol or a huge sombrero like Kaoru's from "Akura No Oka", so I finally got my wish. Unfortunately, it's broken and Mom's making me throw it away. ;_; I also found out that I have to go to Aikido tonight... I hate going to Aikido... -_- I'm trying to get into the spirit of it, but I really hate that I have to go on Friday nights and Saturday mornings-that's my time off! It just really pisses me off and I sulked for a while... I'm pissed about, but I at least I didn't have like a relative die or anything... -_-

Soo, I better listen to some Onmyoza and Plastic Tree before I have to go. -_- Bye, loves.
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Thursday, September 7, 2006

   Current Mood: Happy
Current Song: Do You Think I'm a Whore? by Kittie

Konnichiwa, minna-san!!! ^-^ Momo is happier than she's been in about three days. :D Yay! Last night after updating my site and commenting on what everyone had to say, I went to Everything2.com and looked up some Japanese terms to study, and decided to go check out Panic Channel (the Japanese band, not the American one -_-). I only listened to like 4 or 5 songs, but I really like their sound and look. My favorites were "Pink Cherry" (so cute I could squeal), "Iyagarase" (at least... I think that's the name XD), and there was another one, but I can't remember it's name and I'm too lazy to look it up. In the PV the vocalist had half of a melted face. XD It was so funny, whenever I watched the PV for "Clear." It's so white that I thought my retinas were going to burn out of my sockets and then I looked at everything else and I was like "sugoi... everything's so dark." XDDD I love the vocalist's voice, it's so gorgeous and so is he, by the way. X3 I also like the drummer and Kana (isn't he one of the guitarists?). So, I will definately check out more of Panikku. Yatta!


Panikku Chaneru desu. ^^ (Is this them in "Pink Cherry"?)

School was soooo boring... but I'd rather have it boring than bad. Since I had taken my bow to get fixed this morning, I left it in my case with my viola to make sure it wouldn't get broken, and didn't have an instrument to play with... so I couldn't play. At all. I just sat there and listened to the notes and got used to the sound of each piece, and ocassionally studied some Japanese (I brought my "Japanese Grammar" book with me). My stand partner (also... kind of my friend, I guess XD) kept on asking me what certain things were in Japanese... but since she's nice, I was fine with it. She asked me if "konnichiwa" was hello and how to say friend, girl, and ho in Japanese. X333 She was really suprised that I knew so much and I was quite flattered. ^//^ In Algebra I basically had to rip my eyes away from my Japanese book... it really sucks whenever you have to stop doing something you love to do something you hate. -_- And she also graded some of my papers wrong, which pissed me off. But I'll just keep my mouth shut, because I got "90"s and I guess I should be happy with a decent grade. X_X In Health we went to this health fair and I found out that I was realtively healthy-go me!!! Supposedly I have really good blood pressure (which is suprising, because my mom has to take pills for her pressure), and I have pretty teeth. XD I have 20/30 vision in each eye, but I swear to God my right eye is worse than my left eye. @_@ After we went to the fair our teacher just let us talk outside. XD The entire time I just read some brochures that I got and some of my Japanese book. Yup. Lunch was really nice... I got to talk to Thai-the cute little Hmong boy!!! ^o^ I saw him sitting alone and so I invited him over to sit with me and my friends and he just did his cute little smile and sat beside me. Whenever he started to talk to me, he suprisingly delved into some really deep subjects. He asked me if I like being white (he calls it "white American"... so cute!!! ^o^), if I liked being a girl, and who I wanted to be in the next life (he's lucky he caught me on that one... if he got someone who doesn't believe in reincarnation, that could've been a BAAAAAAAAAAD scene @_@). We discussed these topics and he also asked me if "white Americans" ate rice. I explained to him that we very rarely eat rice, usually with Asian food. He was really shocked at that, since apparently Hmong have to eat rice everyday. I heard him speak in Hmong to a few people, and it sounded really pretty. ^^ I also heard him sing... I didn't say anything to him, though, because I was afraid it might embarass him. He also told me that he liked my drawing I gave to him. ^^; My friends think I should ask him out, but I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship after what happened in 8th grade. Also... I don't wanna get rejected. *winces* Civics was pretty boring, all we talked about was Colonial America and I drew a picture of a gaijin in a kimono during it. X3 I glanced over at Thai and swear he was sleeping... I wanted to do the same thing, but I'm in the front. *social anxiety... must... hide!!!* Nicole saw me and handed me a paper that said "we take the pie very seriously" (XD) and we walked to our normal spot where Mom picks us up and did our crackhead thing. She kept on asking people if they wanted some papers (with the pie thing on it) and she screamed at one guy who was about to cross the street, "HEY!!! C'mere, I wanna give some pie!!!" He just looked at her weirdly and started to cross the street then I screamed "RUN!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!" XD Ahh, good times. Homework wasn't all that bad because I didn't have a whole lot and I got to listen to Marilyn Manson's CD "Lest We Forget: The Best of..." *wiggles* My mouth hurt from singing the words afterwards. XDDD

By the way, does anyone have the requirements for Yonkyuu (the easiest Japanese Language Profiency test)? Like, what words and kanji you need to learn to pass? Cause I wanna get started on my "Kyuu"s so I can hopefully take Nikyuu in college.

Well, I better go check some sites and listen to some more Panic*CH. Ja mata~!
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