Wednesday, June 28, 2006

   Kokoro ga itai...
Current Mood: Sleepy
Current Song: 304 Goushitsu, Hakushi to Sakura by Dir en Grey

Tis the obsessor here... I'm so sleepy. I didn't get to sleep unti around three last night. ;_; Anyway, last night was pretty good. I tried eating some faux chicken made out of soy and it tasted alright... not the best, but I think i could get used to it. It sort of tasted like chicken, it looked like it except a little greyer, and has the same basic texture, just a little softer. After that I practiced some Japanese and then watched MXC (Most Extreme Elimination Challenge) on SpikeTV. For those of you who don't know (shame on you), MXC is a game show that was a hit in Japan called "Takeshi's Castle", staring one of Japan's most prized persons, Takeshi "Beato" Katano. Anyway, on MXC they put voices over the Japanese and turn it into a comedy show. It's REALLY funny and REALLY raunchy, I have to laugh everytime I watch it no matter how bad of a mood I'm in. After that I went to Wikipedia.com because earlier that day my dad checked out DIRU on Wikipedia because he was bored and wanted to see if it would cover them. So I went on there and it was actual pretty through! Actually, it was better than some of the fansites I've gone to. XD They also had a whole section devoted to my dear Kyo! <3 It also told that he sleeps a lot and is occassionally grumpy (that's too cute!-like a little puppy!!!), and that his favorite color is homo. XD You have to love Kyo no matter what. After that I watched some MXC, played Uno on my gameboy XD (I'm such a dork-and my name was Tooru XDDDD), and then wrote a song about Kyo. I was supposed to be sleeping whenever I wrote the Kyo song but I got inspired but I didn't want to lose it!!! It's called "Kibou" or "Wish."

"KIBOU"
Glinting onyx speaks to me like all your cryptic words
The bleeding, dying of the unknown
Your unspoken beauty stole me away
Did you kow you'd captivate me with the poison kiss?
Prying into the dead heart
The lily in the snow

I cry these scarlet tears, gazing at the moon
More precious than gold
I wonder if Orihime and Kengyuu weep for (*)
More beloved than my next breath
What never was and never will be
I'll build this bridge of dreams,
Hoping that someday I'll be able to reach you
My dear, my only

The scattered petals remind me of all my broken dreams
I can never find my wings
I won't accept the naseau of denial
I can't stop my rotting heart
Slowly dying, I can't quit
Loss of a pulse with face in hands

I cry these scarlet tears, gazing at the moon
More precious than gold
I wonder if Orihime and Kengyuu weep for (*)
More beloved than my next breath
What never was and never will be
I'll build this bridge of dreams,
Hoping that someday I'll be able to reach you
My dear, my only

Reason melts away
All logic has died
The only thing that remains is the burning soul
One half of all eternal
Not knowing how deeply you've touched me
Orihime to Kengyuu (*)

I'll build this bridge of dreams
Hoping that someday I'll be able to reach you

(*)-Orihime and Kengyuu are two ledgendary figures in Japanese culture. They are two stars (Orihime is Vega and Kengyuu is Altair) who are lovers but also have heavenly duties. And, to be like proper lovers would get in the way of their work. So, only once a year, are they able to see each other. The day is called Tanabata, where the Japanese celebrate the lover's meeting



There's my song. I know it sucks, but whatever. It was two in the morning, give me a break.

Gah, I bleed so damn much whenever I'm on my period. >_< I just bled through my CLEAN pair of bedpants. Gaaaaahhh!!! DIE, PERIOD, DIE!!!

I haven't really done anything today... perhaps it's the fact that I've only been away for a hour or so. XD I suck, I know. But I like my sleep!!! Like Kyo-kun. XD

THINGS KYO & MOMO HAVE IN COMMON
1. We both sleep alot
2. We both sing
3. We both play an instrument (He plays a little of guitar and bass, I play the viola)
4. We are both song writers
5. We both enjoy the darker things in life
6. We both ocassionally get grumpy
7. We both love laughing
8. We both hardly smile (although I do smile more than he does)
9. We both used to cut ourselves (he's still doing it)
10. We both used to scratch ourselves (he's still doing it)
11. We both think that the world would be better off with sports (although I personally like bow and arrow)
12. We both like the colors black and white (although I like red more than white)
13. We both have trouble hearing out of one ear (Kyo out of his left and me out of my right)
14. We both enjoy freaking out/scaring people
15. We both like blood
16. We both love Kyoto (that's the first place I want to visit in Japan!!! Kyoto, Hokkaido, then Tokyo)
17. We both wear makeup
18. We both ocassionally wear dresses (He doesn't really do that anymore)
19. We both hardly pick on Shinya (I don't think I've ever seen him pick on Shin-chan!!!)
20. We are both weird


I LOVE this picture... ^//^

Ah, that's I all I really care to put down... I can put a whole lot more stuff like "we breathe" and shit like that. XD Well, I'm bored. Gotta go watch PVs!!! Later, my dears!!!
+Momo+
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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

   DIRU Ga Onsen Naka De=Ureshii Momo-chan
Current Mood: Achey
Current Song: Can't Live Without You by Saliva

Aaahh... last night I had the best dream ever... it was really like a kind of daydream but it was at night and I was laying in bed trying to go to sleep but I was semi-awake, and it was oh-so wonderful. *smiles* I had a dream that for some odd reason DIRU was at a hot springs and I was invited. I was in the girl's part of it, but no one was there. I eventually snuck over and watched the boys sitting in the hot spring and talking... they were all so freakin hot. *pants like a dog* Kyo saw me peeking at them so he put on a towel and convinced me to go over and bathe with them. XDDD Nothing really happened, I just called Toshiya an "ecchi" whenever he came over and sat next to me and we played a game where they asked a question and if you had done what the question asked, you were to raise your hand. Like, if the question was "have you ever kissed someone in here?" and you had, you were to raise your hand. It was fun and then I watched them all get out of the hot spring *whimpers* and then I had a certain *ahem* talk with Kyo-kun. XDDDDDDDDDDDDD I'm such a effing whore, but I don't care. I didn't get to sleep until 4 in the morning, I kept on waking up after short little daydreams.


Who WOULDN'T dream of that pimpalicious bod???

Last night I was really antsy. I would read a magazine but eventually get tired of it, I'd pratice Japanese but then get tired of it, I'd watch TV but then get tired of it, and so on. I got so pissed off that I eventually layed down and thought of DIRU. XD The solution for everything!!! <3 All I really did was watch TV... but I did get to see an episode of "Jackass." ^-^ I love that TV show, they're all such a bunch of idiots. And Johnny Knoxville is kinda hot. XD I got to see part of his bare ass whenever his sumo diaper came off... YES!!! I also drew a picture of Alice from "Alice In Wonderland." Right now I'm watching "The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy", my favorite episode, actually. It's called "Wishbones" and is about a skull that grants wishes, but at a price. And one kid (Pud'n... he's my homie XD) wishes for a bunny and it tries to kill him. It kinda reminds me of "Pet Semetary." XDDD Yay!

MOMO'S FAVORITE KID'S CARTOONS
1. "Invader Zim"
2. "The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy"
3. "The Fairly Odd Parents"

MOMO'S FAVORITE ADULT CARTOONS
1. "Beavis & Butthead"
2. "Family Guy"
3. "The Venture Brothers"

I started my period today... it REALLY hurts. *cries* I hate periods, everytime I have one it feels like someone is squeezing my stomach, trying to get my intestines to shoot out from my throat. ;_; Thank God for Midol and Tylenol. *hugs medication* The salvation of medicine. Japan's pads are supposed to be REALLY soft. Like, seriously soft. (Read "Hana Kimi" if you don't believe me.) I wonder what they feel like. XD

Yesterday my dear Areina-chan gave me a picture of Kao-kun shirtless. Thank you, dear!!! Where would I be without you???


He makes the cutest little faces. ^-^

Okay, my favorite part of "Wishbones" is on. Gotta go.
+Momo+
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Monday, June 26, 2006

   Teruki wa ai desu~!
Current Mood: Hyper
Current Song: Clever Sleazoid by Dir en Grey

Konnichiwa, minna-san!!! Last night was the premere of the first episode of the second season of "The Venture Brothers"!!! Wheee!!! ^o^ I friggin love that show, it's so raunchy and crackhead-y. XD In this episode, you get to see what happens to The Monarch who is currently in jail (Phantomlimb put him in there... remember? In "Trial of the Monarch"?), what has become of Hank and Dean (their hoverbikes blew up & they died, so are they going to come back?), and how Dr. Venture's brother is doing (y'know, the fetus that was inside him but came out in the form of a tumor XD). It's not as funny as some others, but I'm sure that it will kick up after all the explinations are over. I won't spoil anything for you guys... dammit. >_<

Today has been pretty uneventful... all I did was watch one of my Dir en Grey DVDs, read, practice Japanese, practice singing "DRAIN AWAY" and "The Final", and laugh at An Cafe. I was looking at some DIRU pictures last night and I was looking at the Dragonfly photoshoot where they were all different creatures.. y'know what I'm talking about? Probably not. XD But anyways, everyone had their shirt off-even Shinya-except for Kaoru. I have never seen him shirtless, but I want to soooooo bad!!! That boy is a fox and I wanna see what's underneath!!! For God's sake, I've seen Yomi's (from Naitomea/Nightmare) bare ass!!! I wanna see Kaoru's abs!!! >_< *takes a deep breath* Anyway, I was looking at another photoshoot and it was so cute... they were in school uniforms and Kyo had the most kawaii warumono grin. *SQUEE* He rocks my world!!! <3


OMFG, they are all so kawaii. >w<

I am falling in love with Teruki from An Cafe... evertime I watch the ED9 clip, I laugh harder and harder at all the cute things he does. ^//^ I want to give him a hug... and his smile is so beautiful!!! OMG, I saw him smiling during a photoshoot and I swear my heart fluttered. XD I'm such a fangirl.


A boy and his horse... XD

I gotta go, a storm is coming up. -_- Atode, aijou!!!
+Momo+
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Sunday, June 25, 2006

   Munashikii Hana
Current Mood: Bored
Current Song: The Final by Dir en Grey

For some reason I really like the words "Munashikii Hana"... it means "useless flowers"... when I get old enough, I think I might get a tattoo of it next to a lily or something (how sad... I'm already planning my tattoos and piercings before I can actually get it done XD). I plan to get a tattoo of "This Too Shall Pass" on the underside of my left arm, "Munashiki Hana" on the upper left side of my back, an eyebrow piercing on my right eyebrow, a lip piercing on my right side (y'know, like an Aoi or Miyavi lip piercing), three more piercings in my left ear, two more piercings in my right ear, and I plan to get something tattooed on my left ring finger. XD My parents will kill me if they ever hear that, especially my mom. Oh, well... once I turn the age of where I can do it independantly, they can't do anything about it. Muhahahaha...


I should get as many piercings as Hitsugi... XD


Kyo's tattoos on his fingers are the coolest I've ever seen!!!

Yay, I'm watching one of my favorite movies... "Man on Fire" with Denzel Washington, Dakota Fanning, and Christopher Walken. It's about this man who is hired to guard a little girl in Mexico, since there are TONS of kidnappings in Mexico each year and 90% of the children there don't survive. The man is numb... he drinks all the time, he doesn't care about really anything, all he does is do his job. But over time, he begins to take a liking to the little girl. She makes him feel alive again. Just when everything starts to go right for him, the little girl is kidnapped. Now he must take revenge and get her back... it also has TONS of Nine Inch Nails music and has the most beautiful camera work I have ever seen in my pathetic little life. If you want to see a good movie, see "Man on Fire."

MOMO'S FAVORITE MOVIES
1. Man on Fire
2. Unleashed
3. Saw

"Saw" also has some beautiful camera work, but not as nice as "Man on Fire." They have a rather washed-out, sickly look that fits my taste. They also have a rather intricate story line that leaves you guessing until the end. "Unleashed" is more about the storyline for me... it's about this man who has been trained to kill every since he was a little boy... trained to kill in matches, like a dog fighter. He wears a leash whenever he is not in the ring, to keep him under control. But whenever the leash comes off, he's a killing machine. One day he meets a man who introduces him to music... and is the only one who was only truly nice to him in his life. As the man learns more and more about his past and what life is really like, he craves the kindness the man taught him. Yay!!! Go good movies!! ^-^ Oh, and here are some good books. Go read them.

MOMO'S FAVORITE BOOKS
1. Black Coffee Blues by Henry Rollins
2. Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
3. Thr3e by Ted Dekker
4. The Giver by Louis Lowry

Yesterday was kinda boring... more exciting than usual, but boring, none-the-less. We went to Barnes & Noble... I want to work there whenever I get old enough. XD But anyways, I went straight to the Japanese section (where I always go XD) and looked at some books... I got pretty much the best ones they got there. A good book for learning Japanese and Japanese culture in one is "Everyday Japanese" by Edward A. Schwarz and Reiko Ezawa; a good book for learning Japanese slang is "Japanese Street Slang" by Peter Constantine. Whenever I want something, I always refer to those books. And plus, "Japanese Street Slang" cracks me up... I love it. XD I went to the music section after a while and was curious so I typed in "Dir en Grey"... the last time I checked them out at Barnes & Noble, the only listened "Vulgar" but had no available audio for the tracks. This time the had the little demo CD for "Saku" and the complete CD, including sound bites from "Withering To Death." In the review it compared them to bands such as Nine Inch Nails (SQUEE) and Marilyn Manson (don't tell them that... -.-), but it only gave the album 3 stars out of 5. I was getting ready to cuss out the computer, but I had my daily dose of Dir en Grey away from the house, so that made me happy. ^-^ Also while I was there I looked at a book called "I Hate Myself and I Want To Die: 52 of the Saddest Songs You've Ever Heard"... I don't remember the author, though. But I flipped through it and "My Immortal" by Evanescene and "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails were in there... two bands that I love. XD Not to mention that "Hurt" is my favorite NIN song. That gave me a good laugh. I also saw a book called "The Long Hard Road Out of Hell" by Marilyn Manson with Neil Gaither... it's a autobiography of him and I REALLY want it. It's only $16, has glossed full color photographs, different textures and fonts and pages for different chapters, and so forth. I plan on buying it next time I go back. After going to Barnes & Noble we went to a baby shower and the entire time I just played Uno on my gameboy. XD But I kept on getting so embarassed because alot of people there were people that my parents knew... and they knew me and my brother from when we were little but we didn't remember them. They would come up to me and say "the last time I saw you, you were as tall as my knee!!!" and stuff like that... one woman said I was a very pretty girl, right to my face. I just blushed and said thank you although I know she only said it to make my parents happy. I wish people wouldn't lie straight to my face like that. >_<

Today all we did was go out to eat and go to Game Stop... EXCITING. -_- I think I'm gonna type up my second DIRU fanfic with Oneechan and Areina-chan in it... probably sometime this week, so keep an eye out for it. Atode, minna.
+Momo+

P.S.-Areina-chan!!! For you!!!


Ze shirtless Shinya...


And cute little grossed out Shinya! ^-^
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Saturday, June 24, 2006

   La La La...
Current Mood: Hyper
Current Song: Wagamama Koushinkyouku by An Cafe

Konnichiwa!!! :D Sorry I didn't post yesterday, it was actually probably a good thing. -.- I was really angry and emo and getting ready to kill anything in my path. ;_; I'm better today, though. ^-^ Yesterday I woke up to my dog puking next to my head on my bed and on my floor... not the best wake up call. So I had to clean that up and put my sheets in the laundry. All yesterday for some reason my brain kept on replaying parts of last year... parts I want to forget. I ended up getting really angry, and at everything. I kept on snapping at my brother, which I feel really bad about, but he later told me that it was okay and he understood. I was so angry that whenever the snow cone machine didn't work (I was so angry that I thought a snow cone might help) and I started slamming the lid on it and jerking the plug out of the socket. I went into my room and started crying... I don't know why, I just did. I felt a little better after that, but whenever we went to dinner Mom almost banned me from looking at Dir en Grey for no reason... she saw that I was writing something about DIRU on my napkin and she said "you need to take a break off of this Dir en Grey... you can't look at them on the internet anymore." I looked at her with a shocked and hurt face, tears welling up in my eyes. If it weren't for my dad reasoning with her, she probably would have gotten her way. Once we got home I heard her murmer about how "the people" she lives with were "a bunch of fucking pigs." That pissed me off really bad, so I went into my room and wrote a letter to her (that I won't send to her) and listened to some DIRU. Whenever I listened to "The Final" I started crying, because I felt so alone and hopeless. Eventually I watched "Munich" afterwards and then went to bed.

Today I woke up at 9, which is huge for me... I usually get up at like 12. XD I just wandered around the house for a few hours, took a shower, and then watched some An Cafe clips (mostly I just watched the ED9 clip over and over again XD)... OMFG, Teruki has the cutest effing voice on this entire planet. >w< If Gir (from "Invader Zim") were Japanese, he would sound like Teruki. ^^ And whenever he imitated Bou he was so adorable and then he did a dog imitation!!! Totemo kawaii!!! ^o^ I love Teruki, I just want to cuddle him... and he has the most adorable smile ever. :D Also in the ED9 clip Miku did a voice that sounded like Yoda and kept on cracking up Kanon... it was so cute. ^-^ And Teruki kept on hitting Bou... poor Bou. ;_; OMFG, OMFG, they were doing a soundoff at the begining of the clip and they made me want to squee and hug the computer. XD An Cafe is so cute and sweet they give me cavities... and I NEVER get cavities. -_- POLL TIME!!!

1. Who is the cutest member?
2. Who is the funniest member?
3. Who is the hottest member?
4. Who would you like to go on a date with the most?
5. Who is your favorite member?
6. What is your favorite song?
7. What is your favorite PV?
8. Who's clothes do you want the most?
9. Name the number thing (other than the music) that you love about An Cafe.
10. Name one bad thing about An Cafe.



MY ANSWERS
1. Either Teruki or Bou... they're so adorable!!! ^o^
2. Miku, he cracks me up, no matter what.
3. Kanon.... *drools*
4. Teruki... he seems like he's really sweet. ^-^
5. I think Teruki right now... not sure, though! >_<
6. Wagamama Koushinkyouku! The "lalala" gets me. ^^;
7. Merrymaking!!! It's SO CUTE!!
8. Bou's except without the pink. >_<
9. They are the cutest little things that ever existed...
10. They're too underground, especially in America!!! I can hardly find any of their songs!!! ;_;

I gotta go... I have to go to a baby shower and Reita-kun's (from Gazetto) favorite movie-Face/Off!!! ^o^
+Momo+
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Thursday, June 22, 2006

   Take My Hand & We'll See a Movie, Just Like I Promised
Current Mood: Agitated
Current Song: Filth by Dir en Grey

Hello, everyone... I'm better than I was yesterday, but I still feel bad. -_- Yesterday I felt like an elephant took a dump on me. XD I could barely get off of the couch and felt like if I would even move I would puke... I felt better as the night went on, but I didn't want to move. I just wanted to die. ;_; Now I feel like a dog took a dump on me... a much better improvement than an elephant. ^-^ I get sick about once a month, so I'm used to all this crap... I can still complain about it to you guys, though. XDDD And, despite how sick I was, I was still able to visit Lavender No Heya and save all the Kyo pictures I could get my grubby little hands on... I now have 106 pictures, making me save 50 pictures in 3 days. >_< I'm so obsessed. I also saved 27 pictures of An Cafe... they're so cute, I just can't help it. ^-^ Speaking of An Cafe, I just watched their little comments for the Shikaisai (I think that's how you spell it, but I'm not sure @_@) Moment and I swear they are all on crack... Bou did his comment with little porcelein dolls (oO), Kanon did his comment with Piyoko (who he humped and had a rather intimate conversation with XDDD), Teruki broke Bou-kun's dolls in his video, and Miku's was sadly only 18 seconds long but he did his with his beloved Donald Duck. XD And did anyone other than me notice that Kanon strangely looks exactly like Aoi from Gazetto? o_O You think they're long lost brothers?


Kanon of An Cafe...


...and Aoi of Gazetto.

Last night I scared the crap out of my dad. XD I was looking at my "Kyo" picture file and showed my brother a picture of Kyo dressed as a girl (and suprisingly looked HELLA good... and I thought he couldn't pull it off) and Dad called him a transvestite. I got all sniffly and said "He's the manliest J-rocker there is, Daddy!" He said "That's like saying he's the tallest midget." I got even madder and said "But Dad, he's only worn a dress like 5 times!!!" "Oh, so if someone kills someone only a few times, that doesn't make them a murderer?" I just laughed and hugged the computer. And then I saw a picture of Kyo with this kick-ass bracelet, it was like a bangle but was made up of pyramid spikes... IT WAS THE SHIT. I started flipping out over it and Dad just looked at me like I was on crack... he then called me his "special little child." XD And then I was looking at an adorable pic of him with no makeup on and Daddy said that he looked like a lady. ;_; Kyo gets no respect!!! ToT


This is Kyo dressed up as a girl... yes, your eyes do not deceive you. He makes Shinya look manly. XD


Kyo and his awesome bracelet. ^0^


OMG, he is soooo fucking cute. >w<

Also at Lavender No Heya, they have pictures from back when Dir en Grey was La:Sadies, back when Toshiya was not in the band... ;_; But OMFG... you know how big Yoshiki's (for all you non-J-rock peoples out there, Yoshiki is the vocalist of X-Japan) hair was? Well, take that and all of X-Japan's hair, times it by ten and that will be the amount of hair ONE member of La:Sadies had... they all looked so funny, especially Shinya. Hehehe... :3 Kyo kinda stuck to the Missa-Gauze look, but it was still kinda altered... I'm glad that they grew out of this stage.


BWAHAHAHAHA!!! THEY'RE SO FUNNY LOOKIN!!!

Dude, I woke up at like 7:30 today... usually I wake up at 1, so it's like daybreak for me. XP And I went to bed at 2 in the morning, so I got only 6 hours of sleep. ;_; Why do I keep on waking up??? Gah, I hate it!!! >_<

I don't really have anything to say, I'm getting distracted by MadTV. XD Later, loves!!!
+Momo+
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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

   Current Mood: Sickly
Current Song: Escapism by An Cafe

Hey, everyone, it's your favorite spaz here again! ^-^ I finally found SEX POT ReVeNGe's site, so I'm happy. :D For those of you who don't know, SEX POT ReVeNGe is a clothing site that has customers from the J-rock scene and their most famous customers are An Cafe (mostly Miku, though ^^;). It's kinda expensive (2,900 Yen for a normal t-shirt which is about $29) and I can't shop over the internet, so all I can do is look and admire all the cool clothes. ;_; At least it gives me some ideas for fashion design. ^-^ Occasionally I draw pictures of different clothes I would like to make, but I have no idea how to sew and probably wouldn't be able to get my hands on any of the fabric I need. Anyway, I WANT SOME MIKU CLOTHES!!! >o< So you guys can visit it, the website is www.sexpot-revenge.com Have fun! ^-^


Miku and Bou are so effing cute!!! >w<

Last night my dog woke me up at 4:30 in the morning and I didn't get back to sleep until around 6. -_- I still have a headache from it... at least I got some inspiration and wrote a song called "Ten(goku)10." I'm not gonna put it on here because... let's just say its almost as nasty as "Zomboid" by DIRU or "Love Me" by Fatima. XD Yay for perviness!!! ^o^

I've felt sick for the past two days... I feel all pukey. ;_; Kyo-san, make me feel better!!! ToT

Speaking of Kyo-san, I love this picture of Kyo on blue-neorose.de's gallery that has a fish coming out of his head and a doll of him laying on his lap (oO)... but I realized that everytime I see Kyo with black hair I slip and call him Tooru. XD


This pic owns your ass! XD

I gotta go take a shower and take some medicine... I don't wanna barf all over the keyboard. @_@ Ja ne, Aijou~!
+Momo+
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Tuesday, June 20, 2006

   Let's Put an End...
Current Mood: Confused
Current Song: The Final by Dir en Grey

Last night I had a weird-ass dream... I think part of it had to do with the past pain and angst I've felt. Okay, basically what happened is that I had to go somewhere with my brother, his friends, and his girlfriend. I saw my brother and his girlfriend making out a few times and it made me feel uncomfortable and slightly angry at her. I eventually let it pass and I went to a place where I met up with alot of my friends and Zakuro. I tried to ignore her but I kept on feeling like I was going to cry. I was reading a book and it said that scorpios (my zodiac sign) were incredibly dangerous and evil. At hearing this I threw the book across the room and ran out, everyone staring at me. Now this is where it gets REALLY weird... for some reason, it kinda shifted to a Harry Potter-type scene. I ran into Snape's room (go figure) and ordered him to give me a book of Voldenmort's spells that apparently locked itself to its owner. I was armed with a sword and a dagger, both which I would kill him with if I didn't get it. He slowly unwrapped it from a special cloth while Dumbledore and a woman was coming to stop me... I intended to kill them both. Snape eventually handed me the book and whenever that happened, Dumbledore and the woman and Snape dissapeared... and in his place was a woman with tears streaming down her face. "It's not my fault that it rains anymore.", she said and dissapeared, staring out the window with rain pouring down. I then started stabbing the book, trying to tear it open. I finally got to tired to carry on when nothing had happened and I layed down, closed my eyes, whispered "now it's my fault that it rains all the time." and passed out. I woke up and for some reason I cast a spell on my brother's girlfriend... little did I know, it was a killing spell. It was then that I woke up. I think what the dream was telling me is that all my bottled up emotions bring up terrible feelings in me... and if I don't let them out, the'll explode in a horrible frenzy of destruction. And I think the whole thing with my brother's girlfriend is that I'm jealous that he has someone that loves him but I don't. Awfully nice, eh?

I've been obsessed with Dir en Grey's "The Final" lately... now I can't decide if "The Final" or "Kodou" is my favorite song off of "Withering To Death." I guess I like it so much because I can relate to the feeling of losing everyone I love... even with the ones I get close to now, I wonder if they will leave me. Sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it in the end... if all the pain is even worth it. I can't even trust myself... I feel like everyone I love truly doesn't love me back, and they're all just putting on a show. It hurts, but I try not to think about it. "The Final" (by DIRU) and "Hurt" (by Nine Inch Nails) really describe how I feel.

"THE FINAL" BY DIR EN GREY (translation by centigrade-j)
I watch my purpose disappear...
my left hand unable to write the words.
everytime I shed blood, my reason for living...
the words come to me clearly.

in my hands, even my beloved is scattered gloriously
in my hands, even if I cut the meaning of my life in,
I know it's a meaningless flower.

one, two and growing... why do I become the humorless feed?

The Final
the deep prison at my core, I can never return.
a masochistic loser unable to feel tomorrow
Suicide is the proof of life.

in my hands, even my beloved is scattered gloriously
in my hands, even if I cut the meaning of my life in,
perishes a meaningless flower.

So I can't live, so I can't live
Yes, that which I've lost
So I can't live, so I can't live
can't be made again.
So I can't live, so I can't live
the song doesn't even seek
So I can't live, so I can't live
to prove my life
Let's put an end... The Final

I'll make the bud of a suicide attempt blossom.

"HURT" BY NINE INCH NAILS
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

Speaking of "The Final", I sat through a whole hour of "Steven's Untitled Rock Show" waiting for Dir en Grey to shop up and they didn't... I got the wrong fucking episode. -_- I had to sit through a whole hour of whining emo-fuckers and people that just plain suck... I fucking hate Fuse. There was only ONE good band they played the entire hour, and that was "Bouncing Souls" playing a 1 1/2 minute song. >_< I was getting ready to cuss the TV and break it's effing screen. But I watched the PV on YouTube and we had Subway for dinner, so that made things better. XD

Last night I added 20 more pictures to my "Kyo" file, so I now have 58 pics in there total. XD


He's too kawaii for his own good. >_<

Gah, I need to go study some Japanese and watch some PVs and take a shower. XD Atode.
+Momo+
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Monday, June 19, 2006

   Even If the Clock Turns To the Left...
Current Mood: Iouno
Current Song: Cage by Dir en Grey

Today is one of those days where I feel like I have no emotion... I mean, I still feel, I still laugh, and everything, but I don't know if I'm happy or sad or anything. I feel zen, I guess. >_< I'm so friggin weird, I confuse myself.

I just woke up an hour ago, so nothing has really happened today. Basically the only thing exciting I've done today is try a new flavor of instant ramen. XD Reeeeaaaal exciting. I tried Top Ramen's "Oriental" instead of my usual "Chicken" because since I've turned vegetarian, I can no longer eat the Chicken flavor (it has chicken powder in it). It basically tastes the same, so I like it. DUDE, COCOA KRISPIES HAS LIGHT-UP SKULLS IN EVERY BOX!!! I WANT SOME!!! >.< (Damn you, advertizing~! I don't even like Cocoa Krispies... ;_;)

Yesterday, was Father's day, of course. All we did was have a friend visit for about 1/2 hour, go to the mountains to eat Greek for lunch, go to my grandma's house, come back home, go to bed. I feel bad that Dad's Father's Day sucked so much. It was funny whenever we were in the Greek restaraunt, though, because I was reading a Japanese book and my dad just shook his head. "An American girl reading a Japanese book in a Greek restaraunt... she's gonna explode from all the cultures clashing together." I just laughed and said "Hey, I'm being multi-cultural!" I tried some Baklava (sp?), a Greek desert that contains a very light, flaky dough, honey, nuts, and cinnamon. It was alright, although too sweet and it gave me a stomach ache after eating half of it (I can't eat anything too sweet or I feel sick). The guy who owns the restaraunt it so nice, he always talks to us when we come up there to eat and gives us desert on the house. All the way up and back the mountain, I listened to Dir en Grey's "Withering To Death", their newest album and my second favorite of theirs. I kept on listening to "Spilled Milk", that song is a classic Kyo-ism... the clash of serenity and chaos forming to make a masterpiece. ^-^ Also, I layed my head back and closed my eyes while listening to "Higeki wa Mubuta wo Oroshita Yasashiki Utsu", a beautiful yet subtle song. (I watched a live of it and the backscreen was GORGEOUS... they had a lunar lily blooming on it and Kyo was RIGHT on target, it sounded exactly like it did on the album. It was so pissed when YouTube cut it short, I started cussing my heart out. XD) Whenever I closed my eyes, I imagined a boy's childhood, each stage until the current time. I imagined pastels during the soft parts, but as it got louder and stronger, everything turned darker and you saw the boy's more horrific parts of his life. During the last part I just imagined the boy kissing a geisha before he ran away, tears streaming down his face... before I could end the dream-thingy I was having, the song was cut short (all my J-rock CDs are burned because my parents won't let my shop over the internet ;_;) and I wasn't able to finish it. ToT That saddened me! All the songs on that album provoked imagines in my mind, but "Higeki was Mabuta wo Oroshita Yasashiki Utsu" was the most vivid. I love it whenever songs do that. ^^ And I have an awesome idea for a PV for "Beautiful Dirt" if they ever did one... to me, it sounds like two Kyos are yelling at each other in the song, one light, and one dark... also, I think of an entirely white room whenever the song plays. They could have two DIRUs, rivaling each other during the song. I know it's a pretty mainstream idea, but that's what I always think of whenever I see it. I actually fell asleep listening to DIRU with the volume all the way up (the way I always listen to it) and my brother paused it whenever I was asleep and the lack of sound actually woke me up. XD At my grandma's house we ate some cobbler and talked... well, at least my grandparents and parents did, I was reading my Japanese book. Poppy (my grandpa) gave me and my brother some duck calls, I love them. ^-^ Whenever you blow into it as hard as you can, it sounds like a duck having an orgasm. XDDD The rest of the day I just studied Japanese and folded paper cranes for Kyo. OMFG, on "Web Junk 20" they have a Japanese video of a walrus doing sit ups and a PV of I think the "Azumanga Daiou" (I don't know if I spelled that right, I don't watch the show. XD) theme song and a Japanese robot that crawls and a Japanese naked ice skater. >_< I friggin love the Japanese, they're so crazy.


I can't take my eyes off of Kyo and Kaoru in this pic... XD

Dude, I'm hungry. See you guys later, loves. ^-^
+Momo+
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Sunday, June 18, 2006

   Hate Me Today, Hate Me Tommorow
Current Mood: Tired
Current Song: Hate Me by Blue October

Hello, everyone... wazzup? ^^ You haven't really missed anything since Friday except for some shopping and Dir en Grey rantings. XD Normal stuff. On Friday I layed around the house wallowing in my own filth while watching DIRU videos, printing out vegitarian information, and making some paper cranes. When Mom came home we went to K-Mart to look at inflatable pools (XD we're so ghetto) and I realized how fortunate I am. K-Mart and Big Lots all were poor as hell but were loaded down with security cameras that didn't even work... they're stuck with paranoia because they've been stolen from so much and because of it they can't afford to buy any decent construction and improvements for their store. I felt priveledged to be able to shop at places like Target, and hell, even WallMart. I'm more fortunate than I think... but while we were at K-Mart, my brother and I started screwing around with all the toys and were playing with this Napoleon Dynamyte phrase keychain. XD We're such dorks. And while we were at Big Lots Mom bought me a Finding Nemo pen that I thought was sooooo adorable. ^-^ It's Squirt (if anyone's ever watched them movie), the little baby turtle, has a little fuzzy-feather things with it, is pastel green, and lights up when you write with it!!! ^o^ I call him my "little buddy." :D Today I went to a comic book store (my dad wanted some comics and I was able to drool over some yaoi... XD), get a teddy bear, and watch "Nacho Libre." Okay, first, about the teddy bear. HE IS SOOOO CUTE. He was in the clearance section and he immediately caught my eye... he's a white, fuzzy bear with his head slightly turned. I picked him and he was so soft, I started hugging him and cuddling him... I even named him Mana-sama when I was in the store. XD I wasn't gonna buy him, but his plastic little eyes were begging me... and I decided to rename him because I decided Tooru (Kyo's real name) fit him best... cause it was love at first site! ^o^ I love him and have cuddled him endlessly... now Shinya-Kuma won't be alone! ^-^ Now I just need three more teddy bears named Daisuke, Kaoru, and Toshiya, then I'll have a DIRU of teddy bears. XD I went to go see "Nacho Libre" today and it was sooooo effing funny. I won't ruin it for you, just know that A GUY GETS STABBED IN THE EYE WITH A CORN ON THE COB. That was my favorite part of the entire movie... I laughed so hard at it that I could barely breathe, my stomach hurt, and tears were running down my face. Everytime I see corn now I burst out laughing. XD

I think Kyo just wants to torture me... I was watching a fanvideo of him and almost squee-ed while my parents were in the room. XD I had to cover my mouth and stop the urge to fangirl-ish-ly jump up and down. X_X In the fanvideo.... OMG... *takes a deep breath*... Kyo LICKED his arm *aaaaaaahhhh* AND the microphone stand... *oooooohhhhh* AND then stuck his hand down his pants and began pleasing himself, all on stage.... *WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA* If I could, I would so save that video. And good thing my parents weren't paying attention or else I would have gotten a severe talking to because they know I love Kyo too. XD Which further explains my theory that if (miraculously) I were able to date Kyo (never gonna happen, but wouldn't it be so perfect if it did? ^-^) I WOULD NEVER let him meet my parents. My father hates thinking of me in sexual situations (like any good father SHOULD) and my mom is freaked out by anything I do, so she's be paralyzed from Kyo. XD I still love him, though. Today I was watching some more videos, there was a live and I realized something deep inside of me... Kyo has the most expressive, beautiful eyes I have ever seen in my entire life. Although they may be the traditional "black" color, of the Japanese, they are too vibrant for words and seem to scream "love me." He was preforming a live for a TV show (not sure which one) and his eyes seemed so sad... he was crying without tears. I just wanted to reach out and touch him, be able to tell him that the pain will pass (ooh... that makes me want to get a tattoo that says "This Too Shall Pass.). I know you guys probably think I'm just babbling, but this is just how I truly feel. I feel like such a loser... I saw the PV for "Taiyou No Ao" just today for the first time... -_- Kyo is so beautiful in it, though!!! >o< I hate that bitch who made him feel so badly... she shall pay.


You can't really catch what I mean about Kyo's eyes in a picture, but he's still gorgeous. ^^

"TAIYOU NO AO" BY DIR EN GREY (translation by centigrade-j)
My heart was like it burst into flame, feeling the ring of the bell.
I wanted to stay watching that phone which never rang.

When I turn the street corner, all of a sudden I remember
the shades of midsummer, the movie we often watched together and those days.

The midsummer sun, the season that coincides with my memories
taken away by the wind, never to reach you again.

I look at you crying, just watching you as if its second nature,
unable to do anything.

You're wearing a scent I don't recognize, is that for his sake ?
You pretend not to notice me there,

already five years have come and gone, are you happy with him ?
running into each other in Teramachi, for some reason my heart aches...

The midsummer sun, the season that coincides with my memory
taken away by the wind, never again to reach you.

the cold sun, changes to a new color
I can't hide my scars, colored in a new season.

hurting, hurting each other, people hide their wounds but
I'll try to get over mine, so they become a pretty flower
Raina
the important things are "_____", my memories...

Gah, I'm tired. It's one in the morning and I'm not even in my pajamas. XD Atode, minna.
+Momo+
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