Friday, September 7, 2007

I Need to be Re-Wired
Current Mood: Depressed
Current Song: children by Dir en grey

I'm so depressed. It was a creeping feeling, but the past two days it's just devoured me and I want to go to sleep like a whole week straight. I guess being around my father who's depressed all the time and my mother who was depressed for a little while doesn't help.

It's stupid what's wrong with me. It's selfish and I wish I didn't feel that way, but I just do. I should be thankful for the oppurtunity but I'm not. I hate going to school and hate almost all of my clases. All we do in Art is take notes and never do any artwork, which is the only reason why I took the class. Also, homework is assigned on Friday, which is the day we're supposed to look forward to so we can relax but I have more homework than any other day on it. German is pretty good. My only complaint is that the book just jumps right in and makes you feel stupid. Geometry can kiss my ass. I hate it and I suck at math. It makes me feel like a complete and total idiot and I'm afraid I'm not going to pass it and then I won't be able to get into a four year college and do what I want to do when I grow up, then end up like my dad who hates his job and is miserable. English is filled with a bunch of assholes who give me a headache. The work is easy but I hate almost everyone in there. Whenever I get home I'm so drained from the stupidity of school that I just want to take a nap but I have to do my homework if I want to pass. Once I'm done with homework I have to exercise if I don't want to be fat for the rest of my life. Then I eat dinner, then I take a shower, then I go to sleep. Repeat. Over and over and over again. I feel like I don't have any personal time anymore.

I can't stop thinking about college and what comes after that. I'm afraid that I won't be able to become a Japanese translator like I want and end up being a coperate slave, brainless and miserable. I want to shut off my brain but it keeps on running. I think this is going to be 7th grade all over again. Fucking GREAT.

I want to be thankful. I don't want to be sad, I have so many blessings and I should be happy that I'm receiving an education. A lot of kids would give anything for my position but all I can do is think about how miserable I am.... and it's only two weeks into school. Hopefully I can get better. I don't want to be a selfish asshole. I hate myself when I'm like this. I just want to cry.

Sorry for the depressing post. I should get shot in the head for being so self-centered.
+Momo+
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Tuesday, September 4, 2007

   Oniisan, Kochira Te no Naru Hou e....
Current Mood: Achey
Current Song: [KR] Cube by Dir en grey

Yesterday was a lot of fun.... hot, sticky, sweaty fun (not in that way, you perverts! Jeez... can't take you guys anywhere). I got up at around 10:30 and got ready to go to the fair and eat. Stacy, Tiller (her boyfriend), and Shana (her sister) picked me up at 1 and we headed off to the fair. It was so hot, within half an hour I was covered in sweat and trying not to pass out. It probably wasn't the best thing to do since I'm recovering from a cold. XD We went on a couple of rides, and Tiller decided that he wanted to, but he was too big. And he had already paid $20 for his ticket. :( I felt really bad for him and guilty for riding the rides when he couldn't. We rode around 8-10 rides until I felt naseaus (sp? Eh, I don't care) and we got something to drink. We sat there for about an hour just drinking lemonade and soda next to the fan. XD I felt really bad for Shana since she wanted popcorn but Stacy was being stingy with her money, so I gave her a dollar for her popcorn. She's a sweet kid. :3 After that we got back on some rides and this time Stacy made me get on this thing called "The Hammer" with her. The Hammer is like a pendulum-it swings back and forth until it gains enough momentum and spins all the way around.... leaving your upside-down for a few seconds. Despite my fear of heights and the low safety of fairs, I love riding on rides that scare me, so I did it. She made me ride twice in a row and the second time I kept my eyes open for a little while and started screaming "OH MY GOD!!! UM.... AAHHH.... KYO'S CROTCH! YES! LOSING MY VIRGINITY TO KYO!!!" trying to take my mind off of it. She said that other people on the ride were laughing, but I don't care. XD We rode on a couple of other unsafe metallic structures until the pig race came on and my inner Carolina girl came out. I ran over to the pig race and kept on screaming "go, piggies, go!!!" XD They were all so cute!!! I wanted one. ;o; Once the race was over Shana rode some more rides and I felt like I was going to die because of heat exaustion and naseau. Not good. @_@ Soon enough they drove me back home and I layed down on the couch and re-read JTHM for the rest of the night since I felt so bad. I didn't even eat dinner. It was still fun, despite the aches and sunburn I have now.

Today whenever I woke up, I thought I was going to die. My neck hurts from a ride I rode, my arms feel like they're going to fall off from gripping the bars on the rides so tightly, and the back of my head hurts when I touch it because during one ride the gravitational pull was so strong that it got slammed against the back of the metal seat. @_@ Ow. In Art today we took a test on the elements and principles of style. We started taking notes on drawing techniques, so hopefully we'll start soon. I hate just taking notes. T^T In German we learned how to count from 21 to 99, and that's about it. -_- I like German and all, but they expect us to learn this stuff really fast. I didn't even learn Japanese that fast!!! D: In Geometry we had to take a re-test on a test about every one failed last time. I think I did decently, especially considering that I got the extra credit this time. :3 During lunch I sat outside with Sydney, Katie, and Stacy and flies were everywhere. o_o Ew. Back in Geometry we took some notes and I read a little bit of SQUEE!... I love that comic, Squee reminds me so much of myself, even now. We both share irrational and extreme paranoia about anything and EVERYTHING. XD In English we had to create a little symbolism sketch with a group. I teamed up in a group that has this chick named Gaia in it. She's one of Nicole's friends, and has always seemed like a cool girl, so it was nice to get to know her better. Whenever she finally realized that I was Becky, she started freaking out. "OMG, that's who you are! I thought you looked familiar! Nicole talks about you all the time!" XD That's about the only note-worthy thing that happened. Plus, the throbbing pain in my arms and the dizziness is making it hard to concentrate. -_-

OH! Yesterday Dir en grey released some new pictures for their single "DOZING GREEN" that's coming out on October 24th... *fangirlish giggle* You want to see, no?


Group picture, enlarged by some angel on LJ. *stares holes at Kyo's chest*


Die-san.... (WHY DOESN'T HE SHOW HIS FACE ANYMORE?! D: He's always wearing hoods during photo shoots now. T~T)


Kaoru in all his pimp-tastic glory.


Kyo-kun... (NOOOOOO!!! *shakes fists angrily* You can barely see that beautiful face!!!! ;o;)


Shinyaaaa.... for some reason I think of Guns 'n Roses everytime I see his new look now. XD;


And last, but CERTAINLY not least, Toshiya. :3 At least you can see some of his face.

I love Dir en grey's photoshoots and everything, but I thought the point was supposed to see them. o_o; I can't wait for the single, they have a remix of "Hydra" on there.

HELL YESH.

It's called "Hydra -666-", and you can preorder "DOZING GREEN" here. Goddamn you, lack of money. *shakes fists angrily* Maybe I can preorder it from Barnes & Nobles or something since the release date is two days before my birthday. >3

Okay, that's about all I got left in me. Love you guys. v@_@v
+Momo+
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Sunday, September 2, 2007

Welcome to the Chaotic World
Current Mood: Pensive
Current Song: [KR] Cube by Dir en grey

Last night sucked so much. I was on the computer, watching Naruto and my dad was getting ready to go out to drink with his friend Greg, who only visits us like once every two months. Dad was really excited about it and was trying to decide if he wanted to walk there or not. My mom was copping an additude, she got pissed at my dad for nothing earlier that day. Whenever Dad was trying to figure out what he wanted to do, she started mumbling about what a "stupid idiot" he was and other shit. I got so angry that I turned off the computer and stormed off into my room. She always talks about him like that and I'm tired of it... like he's scum but all he does is show her nothing but love. Sometimes I just wish that she'd say those things to his face and get divorced. That way I wouldn't have to listen to all of her bullshit and saying all of those things to him is worse than saying it straightup. I went in my room and was breathing heavily and shaky (since I'm already having a hard time breathing because I'm sick) because I was so angry. She came in and asked what was wrong and I told her that I didn't want to talk about it. She asked me again what was wrong and I told her that I'd tell her whenever Daddy left. I used a really harsh tone and probably looked at her like "fuck off and die." I read Geisha, A Life for a while trying to calm down but I didn't. I'm so tired of her talking behind everyone's back. My brother told me that earlier that day she said, "I'm tired of Becky being a fucking vegetarian." Boo-hoo. She has to take me to Subway instead of McDonalds so that I can be healthier and happier. Woe is her. Once she took Dad to the bar I walked out of my room since I had been in there for about 45 minutes and my brother asked me what was wrong. I told him and I ended up sobbing in front of him. I hate doing that... but I can't help it. She treats him like shit and talks freely about it right in front of us. If anyone else talked like that about my dad, I would punch them in their smart mouth and make sure that they never would again. I went in my room and cried again and stayed there for a while. Mom came home and we ignored each other. We didn't say anything about the argument, and once again, I kept all my feelings bottled up and let her get away with saying all of those terrible things. I started wondering if she even loves Dad. Then I wondered, does she love me or Logan? We have our father's blood in us, so does she hate us because of that? I was a mistake, they didn't mean to make me, and I almost killed her when she was pregnant with me. Does she hate me for that? Does she hate me for fucking up her life and being unplanned? Would their lives be better if they had got an abortion? I know that every one will tell me differently, but I have that sense of doubt, that nagging at the back of my mind that she really would have a smile on her face if I were dead. The rest of the night we ignored each other until she said that she was going to bed and Logan asked how Dad was going to get home. She angrily sighed "I don't know", like he was some type of burden to her and she didn't give a fuck. I clenched my jaw and walked into my room and she screamed "WHAT? WHAT? YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY?" at me. I just took it and said "no." I wish I could've said something. I wish I could've made her cry so she knows how it feels.

I know I'm acting like such a victim and that people have lives that are so much worse than mine and I should be happy that my mother doesn't abuse me or anything. But that doesn't change the fact that I can't wait until I go to college so I can get away from her.

Today my family went up to the mountains. I woke up at 12 and got dressed and put on my makeup and everything and sat around for a while before we got in the car. On the way I up I listened to VULGAR and tried to wash out the thought of what happened last night. When we got to the Greek restaraunt we always eat at when we go to the mountains, I ended up having to sit next to her. I tried not to think whenever I ate. Once we were done with lunch, we went uptown and went to some shops. I checked out Screamies, a shop in the spirit of classic horror movies, I was sad that they didn't have the necklace I wanted. I think it was from Alchemy Gothic, and it was a cross with a skeleton hanging off it. I really liked it, but it is now gone. T~T After that we visited some other stores and went into a new store devoted to pirates. I got a jolly roger and a pen with some skulls and a skull with a pirate captain hat on. It rocks. :3 After that we started going back home and stopped at the parkway and whenever Mom was in the cooking store and went into Claires. They had some really awesome PoTC stuff, but I didn't have enough money for it... there was a necklace that looked like Davy Jones' music box but it was $16. D: I looked around in the clearance, though, and found a zebra print watch that was originally $18 for $3. FUCK YES. I snatched that son of a bitch up and put it on as soon as I was out of the store. After that we went home and Dad was wondering around the house. I asked him what was wrong and he said that he was depressed that he was starting a new job tommorow that he doesn't want to go to and is leaving one of his best friends there. He said that she loves him more than Mom does. He said he knows that she thinks he's a total moron. That broke my heart and I'm almost in tears thinking about it right now. I know that it kills my dad to know this.

Tommorow I'm going to the fair with Storm and Stacy. I'm glad that I get to spend time with them and that I'll get away from Mom. I'm desperate for anything right now. I can't even stand being in the same room with that woman.
+Momo+
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Saturday, September 1, 2007

   OH MY FUCKING GAAAAAAWWWWWWDDD!!!
Current Mood: Hyper, bouncy, happy
Current Song: Daughters Down by Kittie

OMFG, SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! *bounces up and down* I'm so happy, Dir en grey is coming out with a new single, "Dozing Green", on October 24th.... 2 days before my birthday!!!! o>w
I can't post about my day since I have a cold and my mom is already badgering me to go to bed although it's only 12. -_- Just thought I'd let you guys know about DIRU's new single. *SQUEE* Mata ne~!
+Momo+
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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

   I'd Like to Love You, but My Heart is a Sore
Current Mood: Empty
Current Song: KABOOM by Marilyn Manson

Heeeeeeeeey, everyone. Last night after I posted I went to the gym and burned 550 calories. Yaaaaaay. *weakly dances* I came home and Laura, one of my parents' friends, was drinking a bottle of wine with my mom. -__- My mom drinks at least once a week. At least she's not an alcoholic or anything, but she gets buzzed everytime she drinks. *le sigh* I took a shower and ate a quesodilla for dinner and wrote a little bit before I had to go to bed. I school because I have to get ready to go to bed at 10. -_-

This morning my alarm went off and I turned it off in mid-sleep mode. Then I realized I had better get up or else I'd be late. I got ready and everything and got to school at 7:15, and it starts at 7:35. I wandered around with Lisa for a little bit before we went our seperate ways and I stood off in our little group not talking, but Katie came over because she said that I looked sad and started talking to me. Katie's such a sweetheart. ♥ I went to homebase (yes, I'm still in the middle schooler habit of saying homebase, NaeNae XD) early and all our teacher did was give us our lockers and combinations, and they were the exact same they were last year. -_- I talked to Chelsea for a little while before the bell rang and I had to go downstairs and put my shit in my locker. Since we have homebase this week, we only have 5 minutes between each class and I was running around trying to be on time. Luckily, I got in the room like a minute before the bell rang and was on time~! ^o^ In Art we had to look up definitions and identify the elements and principles of style in artwork around the room. *head desks* I hope the rest of the class this year be more exciting than that. We have to sit on these tiny, old stools and I had an extra creaky one. It probably didn't help that I fidgeted every five minutes because I couldn't get comfortable and I REALLY wanted to stand up. o_< In German class Frau Stammerjohann (I'm guessing that means Mrs. Stammerjohann, because that's what she wants us to call her) taught us some German today and I was furiously scribbling down notes. It was funny whenever everyone was practicing their r's because you have to kinda gargle whenever you say them. XD It didn't help that I had a sore throat. :/ She talked about how to pronounciate some stuff and recommended that we should listen to some German music. Nicole and I instantly thought "RAMMSTEIN!!!" XD We're such dorks. I would listen to some songs from GAUZE for German, but Kyo's pronounciation isn't all that great (it's okay, we still love him!!! T^T). We had to go around asking people "Hi, how are you? What's your name?", etc. in German and they had to answer in German. Nicole asked me but that was the only person I talked to in German... as you can see, I don't really like talking to people I don't know. @_@ Nicole also made fun of me because I kept on saying "America" in a Japanese accent. x_x We had to go up in front of everyone with a poster we made last night talking about us. I was so nervous that I was shaking and could hardly speak. -__- After I sat down I was still shaking so hard that Nicole went "Oh my God, Becky!" During my presentation I mentioned that I played bass and whenever someone said that they played an instrument, Frau Stammerjohann would say "you can play in a band!!!" XD My friend Thu went up there and said that he played guitar and she said "oh!!! Have him in a band, you even have the same hair!" X3; She's pretty funny. There was this guy who stood up in front of the class and told us that he was going to Iraq after his final year of high school was over and was talking about how patriotic he was and that he wanted to protect his country. I'm not super patriotic and don't support the war in Iraq, but I was really impressed with how passionate he was. At first glace I thought he was just your average idiot, but now I have a real respect for him. Once German was over I ran downstair and grabbed all of my books and ran upstairs to Geometry (the teacher's REALLY strict-if you're late, your parents get called) but was there on time, thank God. Korki was worried about me because I was breathing hard and looked all flustered. XD I already hate the Geometry class. The teacher is a bitch, is extremely picky (for instance, if you do your work in ink, you get a zero) and.... I just don't like her. I guess I should get used to teachers like this, though, because that's the way they are in college. We did a worksheet and went to lunch, came back, and did a quiz.... for the second time in two days. -__- The good thing is that she gave us an easy worksheet for homework. I finished half of it in about 3-5 minutes. :P In English we traded our papers with someone in our class about a memorable thing we wrong, and I was nervous because I actually wrote a line of the poem I was proud of. -__- Luckily, I traded papers with another quiet girl and she said that she liked it. ^_^ That made me happy. After that we had to do this weird activity where we would walk to either side of the room, labled "agree" or "disagree" whenever she would read a statement. We had to write our reasons down on paper and the retards of the class were always in charge of the pen. -__- Like I said yesterday, I absolutely hate honors class kids. They think that they're better than everyone else, are extremely over confident when they don't have anything to be confident about, are loud and obnoxious, and are just plain annoying. (And NaeNae, your teacher is exactly right about honors classes. All we do is get more work and everyone instantly thinks that they can misbehave and are smarter than the kids in the CP class.) The only reason I'm in English Honors is because I know it'll look good on my college application and if I want to be a Japanese translator, I have to have proper grammar and everything in English too. Sometimes I don't even think it's worth it, though. -_- After that activity we had to pick a topic we were very passionate about and explain why we were so passionate about it. I picked "killing is bad", because it is. That's kinda obvious. She wanted some people to share their opinions, but no one was raising their hand. About three people shared but then no one was and she said "if you're really passionate about whatever you wrote, you'd be willing to share it." Since no one was talking, I stated my opinion and I was so nervous and my voice was so shaky that it sounded like I was crying. Then some asshole tried to argue whenever the floor wasn't open for argument. -_- I mean, it's fine that someone has their own opinion, but couldn't they see that I was really nervous and didn't want to elaborate anymore on the subject? I wanted to punch that stupid motherfucker in the face. Eventually we had to get together with a group and sketch out what we thought Mary Holmes from On the Beach (*shudders* I hate that book) looked like, but everyone was just talking in my group so I started drawing what I thought she looked like. I drew a baby with her since she's a mother in the story and one of the idiots in my group said "draw her breastfeeding!!!" -__- You can see why I hate the people in that class. After school I talked to Nicole, Stacy, and Storm and was envious of Stacy's Willy Wonka bag that her boyfriend bought her. T^T I want one!!! She said I could borrow it, though, but only because she loves me. *shiny eyes* We were talking about one of my ex-boyfriends later on and I said "I have bad judgement.... except for about Kyo~!" She laughed and said "you're gonna marry him one day." I was so happy that I squealed. XD I love whenever people say that. Eventually I had to start walking home. On a crossroad I saw Katie and Sydney in a red beetle with spots on it (so it looked like a ladybug-so cute~!) and told me to get in. They drove me home but then said that they were going to get some ice cream at a place that was just like 5 houses up my street. They asked if I could come and I was a little hesitant at first but Mom wasn't home so I went. They bought me a chocolate cone (I'm gonna have to pay them back, they bought it with their own money) and we sat in the car and talked for a while. I always like talking to Sydney and Katie, they're awesome. Once we were finished eating and talking, they drove me back home and I said bye. I got in the house and Mom still wasn't home so I finished my homework and got on the computer. Here I am~! :D


Goddammit, I love that man. XD *is jealous of that dude sitting beside him*

Damn, I've spent a while typing this up. @_@ I'll see you guys later. Mata ne~!
+Momo+
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Monday, August 27, 2007

   First Day of HELL
Current Mood: Agitated
Current Song: The Fatal Believer by Dir en grey

Ugh. Today was the first day of school. I probably wouldn't have even bothered waking up if it hadn't have been waking up to "Conceived Sorrow" and knowing that I'd see my friends. I woke up at 6:30, pulled on some clothes, put on my makeup, and ate a piece of pizza before I had to go. Whenever I got to school, I found Matt and Nicole. Matt hugged me and hiked his leg over my hip (he loves doing that XDDD) and hugged Nicole even though I saw her at least once a month this summer. I saw Sydney, Storm (her monroe looks so cool!!! D:), and Katie and hugged all of them before Nicole went up to see Mrs. Parnell and dragged me there. Mrs. Parnell got married, she's now Mrs. Major. I'm happy that she found someone she really likes. ^_^ I wandered off to go see my homebase and ran into Lisa and she helped me look for it, although she had to go before I got there. My homebase was a Spanish teacher (kinda weird o_O) and we went over rules and everything... they're getting a whole lot more strict, although I know that no one's going to follow them. I guess all the gang activity and fights going on made them crack down on everything. I don't know why, we have cameras and cops all over the place... I guess they're not doing their job. After going over the rules I talked to Chelsea and the first thing she said to me was "damn! You got skinny, did you puke up everything you ate?" XD We talked for a while before the bell rang and I went to Visual Arts 2. Whenever I sat down Mrs. Major's son, Christian, sat down at the table beside me and smiled and nodded at me. I think he's kinda cute so I tried not to blush and smiled back. XD I fail at life, dude. Mrs. Verbiest, the teacher seems okay, just a little spacey. She asked us to write stuff about ourselves and just doodle on the paper. I wrote some normal stuff down (included Dir en grey :D) and did some chibi doodles, an eye, and Kyo with a small little heart beside it (I always write that on my papers). Soon enough we went to German and I sat with Nicole and Devon. I might get pissed off at Nicole, she can never keep a thought shut in her head and always blurts stuff out.... gonna get us all in trouble. -__- At first the teacher kept on speaking in German and no one could understand a thing she said. Everyone just kinda stared at each other... for a while I didn't think she even really spoke English well, but it turns out she does. XD We had to do this really stupid game where we clapped then said our name. I hate whenever people stare at me. -_- We got this homework assignment where we got a huge sheet of paper and have to write stuff about us on it and pictures. I was running over stuff to write and was listing the following off to Nicole:

"Hi, my name is Becky, and I'm obsessed with Kyo's crotch."
"Hi, my name is Becky, and I write homoerotica."

XD I found out that Daniel, one of my ex-boyfriends is the teacher's assistant. *head desks* I went to Geometry and I'm not happy with my teacher at all. She's a bitch who's OCD (I don't have a problem with OCD, just people like HER) who will give you a zero if you don't do every little thing to her expectations. She gave us 25 problems for homework right off the bat... I already don't like her. Halfway through class I went to lunch and ate with Kimberly, Stacie, Katie, and Sydney. They made fun of my Hello Kitty lunch box. ;o; Whenever I went to the bathroom I almost threw up... I forgot how bad it looked. I wanted my own bathroom. -__- We went back to Geometry and couldn't wait to get home. I went to English 2 Honors and the first test off the bat was hard... like it was down to questions like "who said this?" @_@ I don't like the people in Honors classes, they always think that they're better than everyone else and are usually rich brats who think the world owes them something. Grr. Most of the time I worked on that and then listened as the teacher went over the rules. Whenever school let out I waited for Nicole to get outside but whenever she didn't come, I started walking home and ran into another one of my ex-boyfriends, who just started highschool. -_- It's always ackward being near him, because she's told me that he still likes me. :/ We talked a little while making idle conversation before I got home and started doing homework. I finished at around 5. *face palm*

Well, I better get off the computer if I want to go to the gym. I love you guys. *waves tiredly*
+Momo+
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Sunday, August 26, 2007

   Stab Me in the Eye with an Icepick. O_O
Current Mood: Pouty
Current Song: RED...[em] by Dir en grey
Currently Watching: The Departed

Goddammit... I hate MyO. -_- It's been an asshole and hasn't let me on for like a week. *sighs and shakes angry fist* You guys haven't missed anything exciting. I got two pairs of pants and some capris for school, finished reading Les Miserables (today), have been writing homoerotic fanfiction, and getting ready to go back to the abyss of high school tommorow. X_x I have to print out some pictures of Kyo for my binders (I need my manwhore with me at all times to distract me during classtime) and just prepare myself. At least I'll get to see my friends. I'll prepare a descent post tommorow since it's the first day of school, but now I'm just too.. meh.

Thought I'd let you know what's going on.
+Momo+
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Thursday, August 16, 2007

   Koe ga Kareru Made, Saigo no....
Current Mood: Happy
Current Song: AMBER by Dir en grey
Currently Watching: Spongebob Squarepants

Hm, yesterday I didn't really do anything all that exciting. I stared reading some manga (if I'm gonna read so much Naruto, I need to read some Nana and Chobits too :O) and decided I was going to put my cold hands on my brother (I can get the coldest hands you've ever felt-I have dead people hands o_O), but we smashed heads together. OW. My brother has the hardest head out of anyone I know, and I hit it on a knot in his head (hehe... [a knot]. Get it? [a knot]? Eh, whatever). It felt like someone smashed a rock against my forehead and my eyes were watering. ;o; My head hurt for like an hour after that and I still have the lump. -_- I guess that's what I get for being mean to my brother, though. :/ I went to the gym again and I'm tired... I should've at least done some sit-ups whenever I was sick so I wouldn't fall out of the routine. -_- The rest of the night, I wrote, read (some of my book for school, manga, and KakaIru fics), and played video games. I decided to post my KakaIru fic onto a Livejournal community and I was very nervous. :X Whenever I went to bed, I looked up at my wall of worship and started thinking about Kyo. The performance of "AMBER" from "The Code of VULGAR[ism]" began playing in my head and I just searched my feelings and started crying. It wasn't a sad cry, but it wasn't really happy cry either. Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed by my feelings (they're not always bad feelings) and start bawling like a baby. I do that a lot whenever I think about Kyo. The way I feel is so hard to explain... whenever I see him, it's like my heart explodes. He's so incredibly gorgeous, and the voice he emits makes me forget about everything else. It's like all of the world's beauty bleeds through him. I want to say it's love, but I don't know if that's true. Dammit, I'm got teary again. @_@


God... it's like the whole fucking world melts around him.

Today I woke up at 11:45 and immediately checked what the people had to say about the story. XD; I was so nervous that my tummy started to hurt, but I was so happy to hear that everyone had only good things to say about it. One person even added the story to their memories, and another said that I was better than some older members of the community. *shiny eyes* I was so afraid that everyone was gonna scream at me that I sucked. @_@; I ate a quesodilla while blankly watching The Price is Right (I have a conspiracy that Bob Barker is a vampire, and will never die o_O). I took a shower and then posted "Winter", my short Kyo story that I posted up here a while ago on LJ and now I'm here.

I really should start sewing on my onigiri pillow that I already have cut out. @_@ See ya later~!
+Momo+
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Wednesday, August 15, 2007

   Pimp in a Thimble XD
Current Mood: Tired
Current Song: THE IIID EMPIRE by Dir en grey

Oh, shit... I'm so tired. @_@ Yesterday I woke up at around 11:30 and watched Ninja Warrior for a while before taking a shower and watching a video of "One Point English" (where this chick who looks like a prostitute teaches you how to talk dirty in English. My favorite one is "my grandmother gives good head" XDDD) while eating a peanut butter sandwich. Once I was squeaky clean I started typing up "Tsukuyomi", my ItaSasu/Uchiha incest story. It's on my LJ if you wanna read it, and the first chapter of my KakaIru is on there too. I like "Tsukuyomi" better than "Addiction" (my KakaIru) because it feels more like my style. (BTW, Shiko-chan, you don't have to read it. ^^; I was really touched that you read "Addiction" even though you don't like yaoi. I really appreciate it. ^_^ *hugs*) After that I tried to watch some Naruto on YouTube but it kept on fucking up on me. -_- Eventually I went to the gym and probably pushed myself too hard because I felt like I was gonna fall off the machine from exhaustion a couple of times. o_o; I was really pissed because I gained weight whenever I was sick because I couldn't go to the gym. At least I used Kyo as motivation and burned 622 calories, that makes me feel better. ^_^v Whenever we got home, we ate dinner and watched Dog the Bounty Hunter and Criss Angel: Mindfreak. Dog was really sad because he went back to his hometown and visited his father's grave and cried super-hard there. I hate seeing other people in pain, I started getting all teary too. ;~; Criss Angel was funny, though, because he was re-creating Houdini's jail escape and went into the cell with just biking shorts on but his crew came in and took off his shorts. XD I'm sure he didn't mind though, he's such a fucking man-whore. Once that was over with, I read the pilot for the Naruto manga on OneManga.com and it was so sad. D: I thought Kishimoto Misashi's first drawing of Naruto was funny because he looked extra dorky. XD Soon enough LA Ink came on and I watched that. I kinda like Kat, but I don't like how she springs things on people and puts them in a situation where they can't say no. :/ She's an brilliant tattoo artist, though. ^_^ Eh, nothing else really happened last night except for reading some of Les Miserables.


That's some... um.... *coughs* good motivation. @_@ *fans self*

Goddammit, my back really hurts today and my thighs are sore. ;o; Shit.
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Monday, August 13, 2007

   When I am Queen... you shall all listen to DIRU! >D
Current Mood: Dorky
Current Song: When I am Queen by Jack Off Jill

Ahaha... I'm a loser. XD

This weekend was okay. On Saturday I was able to go to bass lesson and got the tab for Marilyn Manson's "Heart Shaped Glasses", "Evidence", and "You & Me & the Devil Makes 3." Colton (my bass teacher) actually liked it so much that he said he was going out to go buy it, and he only really likes early Manson (like up to Smells Like Children). After that my family went to go get something to eat then went to the local comic book store. There was a table with anime stuff on it and I looked at the Trigun and Naruto stuff. Mostly I looked at the Naruto manga to look for inspiration. *coughs* I eventually got a Naruto figure (the tiny little ones in the box and the one you get is a suprise). I kept on shaking them trying to decide which one was Kakashi but ended up getting Naruto. @_@ I wanted Kakashi, Sasuke, or Gaara. D: It's still pretty cool looking, though. I also got a Konohagakure necklace. Yay. :D After the comic book shop I went to Nicole's house and hung out with her and Devon until Devon had to go home at 8. After that Nicole and I just talked and went through our rituals of being togehter. Mostly consisting of watching gay porn (OMFG, it was so tacky, we were laughing the entire time XDDD), watching Harold and Kumar go to White Castle (I'm Harold, she's Kumar XD), eating an assload of pretzles, and staying up until late. We didn't go to bed until 5:30. @_@; On Sunday I didn't wake up until 1:30 and we hung out watching Memoirs of a Geisha until around 5 and my mom picked me up. At home I just layed around basically. o_O Storm called me around 10 and we talked about her little adventure in Tennessee and I have concluded that she's going to grow up to be a porn star. XD She and her friends ordered pizza and managed to get the pizza guy to hang out with them and the pizza guy ended up making out with her and she went dominatrix on his ass. I don't know how the fuck she managed that, but she did (she wasn't even drinking a lot!!!). Then she and her friends went back in the house and watched some lesbian BDSM porno. XDDD Nice. After that we talked about our band that we have to form and apparently she's had to deal with some people who wanted to be singers for the band but really sucked, and were already told that I was going to be the singer. XD Poor thing. I didn't get to sleep until 2 because I watched Zodiac (that was a LONG ass movie). It was okay, but not my favorite movie.


The whole thing can come apart...


Even his head, torso, and one of his feet can come off. XDDD


Le Konohagakure necklace. Yay boobies!!!

Today I woke up at 2... I really need to start waking up earlier since I go back to school on the 27th. -_- Also, I need to start reading Les Miserables. *dies* I've been slacking off way too much.


Dammit... stuff like this distracts me. @_@

WTF, on Radio.Blog.Club they only have "Fear of Dying" and "Angel Fuck" by Jack off Jill. Man. )<
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