Wednesday, May 17, 2006

   Kiss Me Deadly
Current Mood: Happy
Current Song: Childprey by Dir en Grey

Okay, everyone. I finished my Dir en Grey fanfiction thing... it isn't as long as I promised, but I've decided to make chapters if you guys want more of this story. Also, I know it isn't my best, so please forgive me. Remember, the members are called by their real names in here, so Kyo is called Tooru and Die is called Daisuke. This story mainly focuses on Kyo, but didn't you expect that from me? And Oneechan, you have blonde hair, don't you? If you don't, I'm sorry... I wrote in this story that you do. ;_; Here you are, and please leave what you think. ^^

DIRU-Ness
Sitting at his vanity, Niimura Tooru stared at his own reflection. Pushing a thin cigarette between his lips, he examined himself while igniting the tip of his precious poison. His face glinted with sweat and fake vomit; he had just finished a live. Sighing, Tooru removed his soiled shirt in the sink, leaving it for the laundry woman.
Suddenly a gaijin girl sheepishly opened the door. She was blushing (or so it seemed) and cloaked her face with her chocolate brown hair. She had on a name tag that only staff members possesed.
"Be..ki? Are you new?" he asked and her face turned magenta.
"Oh, hai, hai." She bowed so much it made him motion sick. "I just came to pick up the laundry." Her Japanese was a little rough and she sounded too polite. He shrugged it off as he exahled a halo of smoke and nodded towards the sink. She bowed again ("what the hell's her problem?" he thought) and scuttled to the counter where she held the clothing as if it were made of gold.
"Um... hey, are you okay? I'll just do it if it's too much trouble." Tooru replied, an eyebrow arched while flicking ashes into their tray.
Out of the blue, the girl turned around and screamed something at the stop of her lungs in a foreign language, English, maybe. The screech stabbed through his skull like a knife and he covered ihs ears, desperate to escape the terrible noise. His world suddenly went black and felt a bag being pulled over his head. The gaijin whined, obviously concearned about something.
Tooru was suddenly hauled to his feet and dragged away, kicking his feet helplessly while screaming all the profanities he knew. Nothing seemed to be working. He tried to speak to them in English but found himself too panicked to think. A cool air bit at his bare chest and was pushed into a cramped space, hitting someone else. His hood was ripped off and he was staring the mock-laundry girl and another gaijin female with strawberry blonde hair straight in the face. They smiled trumphantly and chattered in English, like excited squirrels. To tell the truth, Tooru was afraid.
The door shut and he realized that he was in the back of a car with his bandmates Daisuke, Shinya, Toshiya, and Kaoru. They all seemed rather disshevelled and upset, either pouting or cursing to themselves. Well... some of them.
Daisuke was giggling non-stop, a can of beer in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other. Kaoru's lips were pressed together into a thin line and his brow was furrowed while holding a lighter's flame to the metallic wall. Toshiya was silently smirking, the faint glow of a cigarette between his fingers. Shinya, huddled in a corner, hugged his chihuahua, Miya, both who were shaking all over. Tooru noticed a pack of cigarettes and can of beer for each member, even though Shinya didn't smoke and hardly ever drank. Tooru cracked open his can of beer and sighed, learning against the wall.
"Anyone know who those chicks are?" Tooru enquired, choking down a gulp of the amber liquid.
"Nope, but they look pretty happy to see us. There was another girl who was, eh... very skilled with her hands, if you know what I mean." Daisuke winked and Tooru accidently spit out some of his beer. His red-haired friend giggled and took another puff of his "cancer stick."
"Has anyone else been... um, violated?" Tooru hesitantly asked and they all shook their heads except for Kaoru, who was too busy trying to melt the wall with his lighter.
"What we have here is a kidnapping..." Toshiya grimly stated, his face without worry, "The worst kind of kidnapping... by FANGIRLS." Tooru's blood ran cold. Die laughed. Shinay began to cry. Kaoru threw down the lighter in hopelessness. Toshiya just took another puff of the tobacco, smoke tumbling out of his lips. An eerie spell fell over the room.
***
"Aww.. he's sooo cute!" Tooru's eyes flickered open at the mere word. "Shh, Kyo's awake!" Tooru sat up to see that he was lying in a Western-styled bed in a messy, tiny room. His small, wiry frame was drenched in an oversized shirt and his boxers. Appalled, he looked around the room for the culprit and saw the two gaijin girls he met earlier and another with blonde hair.
"Ohaa, Kyo-san!" the dark-haired girl beamed, a smile crossing her lips. Tooru pushed away a stuffed animal he had clung to in his sleep and scowled.
"Where am I?" he growled and the brown-haired girl began to sqeal and wave her hand in the air.
"My house! Did you have a good sleep?" she asked with hopeful eyes. He shurgged while scratching his head, giving a slight yawn. "Is there anything I can get you? Cigarettes? Alcohol? Music? My virginity?" Tooru supressed a laugh, you had to love fangirls.
"Can I have some breakfast?" he asked and she nodded. "By the way, what's your name?" All three girls smiled.
"I'm Momo" she pointed to herself and he noted that she wore clothes about two sizes too big for her "she's Areina" she pointed to the blonde girl with a "Bocky" shirt on, "and this is Kitten." she finished while pointing to the other blonde girl who wore a strange combination of clothing.
Once the girls left the room, he put on a pair of jeans and a shirt lying at the foor of the bed, neatly folded. "At least they haven't put us in a dungeon or killed us and raped our dead bodies or something..." Tooru thought and walked out to the living room, where the rest of his bandmates were. Kaoru and Daisuke were playing on a Playstation 2, Toshiya was watching obscene music videos on the computer, and Shinya was sipping on a cup of tea while reading a book. Tooru sat on a counch and picked up a notebook that read "Kyo he-For Kyo" in meagerly written Japanese with a pen lying on top. He grinned, slightly touched by the small but thoughtful sntiment. He flipped through the pages, presseed flowers and pictures falling out, probably for inspiration. "These girls really know their facts", he thought with a slightly frightened smile.
A plate of eggs, waffles, and strawberries was placed in front of him and he saw Momo, looking as if she were about to cry. "I'm so sorry, Kyo-san... I didn't have any rice or fish or beans, so I had to make you an American breakfast. I'm so sorry, please don't hate me." she sniffed and he stared at her in disbelief.
"No, no, it's okay. See?" he took a bite of strawberries. "It's good... don't cry." he replied and she suddenly smiled and giggled, clapping happily. This girl was a fucking schetzo. He popped another strawberry into his mouth, staring at his bandmates. Daisuke and Kitten were making out on an opposite couch. Shinya, finishing off his tea, sat next to Areina as she pet Miyu. Both Kaoru and Toshiya were now blocking the computer, drooling over American eroticy. Tooru began cutting up his waffles, silently contemplating how he could fend off the crazed females with the butter knife he now possesed but decided against it... they had been nice enough, why not stay a little longer? Momo was now staring at him adoringly, a please smiled brightening her face.
"Do you need anything else, Kyo-san?" she sweetly asked, her intonation becoming higher every moment. He shook his head and stuffed the last morsel of waffle into his mouth, flipping through his notebook.
"Thanks for the notebook." he replied and she smiled even wider, if it was possible. Daisuke suddenly stood up, carrying Kitten in his arms while screaming unintelligible things. He ran into the bedroom Tooru had previously been in, slamming the door in a hurry. Kaoru and Toshiya ripped their attention away from the computer and wedged themselves into the room, giggling mischeviously. Tooru smiled and shook the head, amused by his sex-crazed band members.
He streached, yawning, and reached for the remote, flipping through the absurdities of American television. He made himself comfortable, leaning back in a comfortable position. As soon as he was at peace, he suddenly felt a slight tug at the crotch of his jeans. He shifted uncomfotably, thinking nothing of the minor dilemma. However, when he felt the pull again, he looked down to see Momo carefully undoing his pants.
"Hey, what the Hell?!" Tooru screeched, jumping up and buttoning his pants back up. She looked at him innocently, almost sadly, with a slight pout.
"But Kyo-saaan..." she whined, crawling closer to him, "Shinya and Areina-chan are already kissing! Besides, I promise to do anything you want!!!"
As she said that, Kaoru, Toshiya, Daisuke, and Kitten stumbled out of the bedroom, dizzy and grinning madly. "Kyo, do it, man. American chicks are AWESOME. I'm never leaving here..." Daisuke stated, pulling down his crumpled shirt.
"Move, our turn!" Areina commanded, pushing her way past the other bandmates and dragged Shinya into the bedroom. The boys began to cheer and do something that looked like a rain dance, like a pack of wild howler monkeys on ecstacy. Tooru laughed and joined them, jumping up and down while babbling as fast as his mind could comeup with new gibberish. Kitten and Momo were talking to each other, giggling in English and taking pictures of the twitching group of boys.
After about 20 minutes of singing Japanese folk songs, chugging beer, laughing incesintly at Momo's Japanese Street Slang book, playing DDR, and snorting Gatorade powder, they all ran out of steam and hit the floor. Once Areina and Shinya finally came out of the room, they were just as tired and Areina had a slight limp to her step. The boys cheered and pat Shinya on the back as he slightly blushed.
"Congrats, Shinya!" Daisuke exclaimed, handing him a coke, "You finally got some ass!" Shinya gave him a death flare and shook his can of soda, his lips pressed into a pale line. As Daisuke turned to talk dirty to Kitten once again, Shinya pulled the tab of the can, sending a torrent of coke towards his enemy. Areina couldn't help but supress a laugh as Daisuke stood there like a wet dog, hair flattened and clothes dripping. The room was soon filled with laughter as Shinya and Daisuke avoided getting hit with alluminum cans, some still with coke in them. Kaoru and Momo were, well... it SEEMED like they were wrestling. Shinya and Daisuke were still in their soda can fight. Toshiya laughed and swung an arm around Tooru's neck, grinning like an idiot.
"What's the matter, Kyo? Cheer up! WE're in America with everything we could ever want! What's got you down?" Toshiya asked, examining the scene with a proclamined grin. Tooru looked at him meaningfully. "Ohh... that? Don't worry about it, I'll get you some fake puke by the end of the day, promise." Tooru smiled at his friend's offer, he missed the feel of yogurt, eggs, and chunks of food rolling over his tongue.
"Hey, Kyo! Why is Momo-chan telling me that you guys haven't done anything yet? I offered to take care of her, but apparently she won't know the boots with me until she's claimed you." Kaoru pouted, nodding over towards Momo talking to Areina and Kitten.
Tooru shrugged. "I guess I'm just not in the mood..."
"NOT IN THE MOOD? Dude, we got hot American girls, booze, cigarettes, a bedroom, and Gatorade powder! What else do you need?"
"Blood, scorpions, fake vomit..."
"Kyo, these girls are PREPARED. Mom has all those things and backups." Kaoru reasoned and Tooru paused, mulling this thought over while biting one of the holes his liprings would usually be.
"It is very tempting..."
"You bet it's tempting!" Kaoru screamed, loud enough that it got the whole room to stop what they were doing. While Daisuke wasn't looking, Shinya nailed him in the head with a can, perfectly aimed. This ignited the commotion once again, ignoring Kaoru's outburst. "Like I said, though, these girls are prepared, and Momo's willing to wait for you."
Tooru turned his gaze to the dark-haired gaijin. She looked like someone out of one of his songs. Maybe from "Drain Away"... but now she looked truly happy, no sign of sorrow. He walked over to Momo and grabbed her wrist, her eyes questioning what he was doing. "You're my bitch." he replied and her face brightened, smiling as wide as she could muster. She suprisingly had the strength to lift him up, his thin frame light in her arms. She rushed into the bedroom, closing and locking the door behind her. Everyone else began their "wild howler monkey on ecstacy" dance, celebrating that Momo was finally Tooru's bitch.



I know it's not the best, but I wrote it in two days, so give me a break. >_< Aah, I gotta get off cause G4 is luring me to the TV, my bro wants to get on the computer, and I gotta go play DDR. Lovey!!!
+Momo+
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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

   Tsurushita Kuzuki Koyoi De Ikutsu?
Current Mood: Alright
Current Song: OBSCURE by Dir en Grey

Alas, I've started something I've wanted to do for a while... I've created a fanfiction (well, kind of a fanfiction) on what would happen if Areina-chan, Oneechan, and I stole Dir en Grey. ^-^ It's weird cause it's written in the proper way, but has many kinks and hidden jokes in there. I recommend it only for DIRU fans because you'll be lost because it talks about a lot of things the bandmembers prefer (especially about cigarettes... I got to use my favorite name for them too-"cancer sticks!!!" XD) and their real names (I call Kyo: Tooru and Die: Daisuke). So far I'm only 4 pages in, and I still haven't got to the middle, so it'll probably be 15-20 pages long. I like how it's coming out still, my friend thought it was funny. My favorite line I've wrote though is whenever Kyo asks Die if he knew who we were and Die just said "No, put they seemed pretty happy to see us. But there was another girl (Oneechan) who was, eh... very skilled with her hands." XD I'll post the fanfic up in portions for you guys to read once I finish it, I hope you guys are looking forward to it!!!



Speaking of Dir en Grey, I've had to watch "OBSCUREd" over and over and over again today... I've watched it probably 5-6 times. It's my favorite DIRU PV and is the sexiest one ever.... Kaoru is like my manwhore in that one. X3 Especially how he headbangs and is so into the music... it really shows how dedicated he is to his work. Of course, though, Kyo-san is mine. ^^ I put it in slow motion because I really think that there's an odd sort of beauty to the PV and I noticed that they really took the makeup of the geisha into consideration, which made me happy. :D They used the traditional black wax on their teeth (you can tell whenever the geisha spits out the blood and does that weird smile thing) and whenever the geisha was picking pomegrantes, you could see the sakura-colored blush that senior maiko wear, so that made me happy to know that the geisha still live on even though thier numbers are limited. I even was able to translate the first line "tsurushita kuzuki koyoi de ikutsu", so I's proud. ^-----^ (Tsurushita-hangings, kuzuki-red moon, koyoi de-tonight, ikutsu-how many; making "how many hangings will there be under the red moon tonight?") The fact of how much Japanese I've learned over 1 1/2 years BY MYSELF makes me proud and want to pursue my goal of living in Japan even more. (By the way, I put on some smeared black lipstick and ROCKED the J-Rock look today, making crazy Kyo faces in the mirror. ^^)


Kyo in his "OBSCURE" outfit, without the gauze on his face.

I'm not even talking about Zakuro anymore, it just makes me angry when I do, so what's the point? But if I need to vent, beware, cause I will.

I'm still trying to decide what to do about my boyfriend... I think I'm going use a Wiccan spell on Friday (the day for love and emotions; the moon is in Aquarius too so that means it's a good time for breaking bonds... it's also the waning moon, which means for things to go away... thank God for my Llywen (SP?) Alamanac. -_-) so I won't have to hurt him, hopefully. Yeah, I'm a Wiccan-so what? It's a free county and it's what I love!

Well, I gots to go take a shower and mull things over... I love you, darklings!
+Momo+
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Monday, May 15, 2006

   We Are So Unstable
Current Mood: Sad/Angry
Current Song: Unstable by Adema

God, I feel like such a bitch. My boyfriend is so sweet although I don't like him back. I feel so weighed down with guilt that I just want to hide under my bed... he waits for me for the majority of my classes whenever we get out and he talks to me and stuff. He's so nice and here I am pretending to be someone I'm not. So I'm just gonna bare it all to him-my religion, my music, my mind, everything. He'll probably shun me away for it since he's so Christian and sticks to what he believes, but that's okay. If he can't accept me, what else is new? And I don't like him all that much, so it won't hurt. I just don't want to dissapoint him and give him a slap in the face just for liking me... I mean, he's had a crush on me since the 4TH GRADE. I don't want to spoil it for him. It seems like I've put a gun to my head and my finger's on the trigger, just waiting to pull. I told the only real friend I can trust that's not over MyO and she was shocked... she said I could get someone better. I don't know... I just don't know. I'm so dysfunctional and manage to fuck up everything I do. Why can't I just do stuff the right way? I want to please everyone, but in the end, I can't even please myself.



Everyone keeps on mentioning Zakuro to me... I just want to scream at everyone that she backstabbed me so stop talking about her, but I always have to end up explaining it to them. She used me to take out her frustration... she used me for her errands... she criticized me... she backstabbed me... she stood back while I hurt myself... she never really saw my pain... in the end I wonder if it was ever real. Either way, I don't care. If she's going to hurt me, she can just go on her merry little way and do it to someone else. I'm know I'm being mean and being a bitch, but this is who I am. I'm human... I'm not perfect... I'm hurt... and I'm angry. I can't help it... here's a song that I wrote that somewhat sums up how I feel.

Mokuteki
Standing on the sidelines
All I can do is watch
As my desires are ripped from my chest
Even the ones I loved the most
Have betrayed me
In the end, I can't even trust myself

Bleeding in the background
Crying in the rain
Sometimes I'm so fake I fool myself
I want to scream but you've silenced me
The silver slowly rusts

It seems that I'm transparent
Even the dead won't hear my cries
Unseen, chained to the wall
I've learned to stop feeling because
My heart's always a traiter


Bleeding in the background
Crying in the rain
Sometimes I'm so fake I fool myself
I want to scream but you've silenced me
The silver slowly rusts

Stick pins and needles in my eyes
Your broken little voodoo doll
Let the pedophiles rape me
Seeings spots, lying in the sun
Slowly, I rot away
Saigo de, mokuteki wa motte imasen.



There you go... I'm just gonna go play DDR or somethings. Love you guys and see you later.
+Momo+
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Sunday, May 14, 2006

   Even I Don't Know What I Truly Want.
Current Mood: Sleepy/Confused
Current Song: Increase Blue by Dir en Grey

There's only one real word to describe yesterday. And that one word is WHOA. I went to a field trip with my orchestra class to a theme park. So on the bus, I sat by myself and studied Japanese and read and watched the view outside. I was originally going to be in a group with all the kids in my grade, but my little friends convinced me to get in a group with them. So I agreed to, and one of my classmates was screwing around with me like poking me in the back, tapping me on the shoulder, you know, stuff like that. But then we went to a ride that I had never been on before.. and I was kinda scared. He then offered to sit with me, so I agreed and he seemed really suprised. The more we walked around the park, the more he talked, and he began to flirt. One time he put his arm around my shoulders and said "hey, baby", called me his girlfriend, kept on wanting to sit next to me on rides, offered to share a drink with me, asked me if I do anything on weekends, and the list goes on and on. I mostly just giggled and blushed whenever he did these things, and it was pretty obvious that he liked me. I don't really see him all that much, but the more I talked to him, the more I realized how much of a nice guy he is. I mean, sure, he's kinda dorky, but I'm dorky too and I can let it all fly without being judged. Then, on the bus, he sat next to me and we got caught in traffic, so we sat together on the bus for 5 hours. Mostly, he did the talking (I don't like talking all that much, I'm a good listener, and am intrested in what people have to say) but I didn't really mind. I ocassionally drew little chibi of DIRU and he made fun of them (like how big their heads were and stuff >_<) and made his eye twitch whenever I read Dracula but it was funny anyway. Since we were stuck in traffic for 3 hours and I was starting to get sleepy, he asked if I'd like to lay my head on his shoulder. I hesistated, but eventually agreed. He really trusted me since he had talked to me about his parents getting divorced (he started crying whenever he told me about it... I started crying too. ;_;) and what his life is like and how much he loves his religion. A few minutes later he asked "um... this is really hard for me but... uh... do you like me... y'know.. um, as a boyfriend?" >_< Boys are so effing clueless!!! I never whore out like I did that day and he still didn't know if I liked him or not!!! So I just said "Yes, I like you as a friend... and a boyfriend." His face then lit up and I layed my head back on his shoulder and held his hand. It was really sweet. He then told me that he's liked me since 4th grade (O_O WOW) and that he was really nervous to ask me. Whenever we got back to the school, he was really upset that I had to leave, and I was too. However, now that the day is over, I kinda question what I did. I mean, he's a really nice boy, but I still like the other guy... I don't know what to do. It seems like everytime I door opens for me, I want to pick another one. I'm so confused... I like him, but not as much as the other boy. What should I do???



Today, of course, is Mother's Day. I wrote my mom a letter that made her cry (happy tears, but I still felt bad -_-) and made her a paper crane. I know it's not a lot, but she really liked it. My dad got her some really pretty crimson roses and a pink card with a heart and pink roses on it. I went to my grandma's and we ate a really big country-styled (they're VERY southern) lunch and my mom bought her the PRETTIEST cake. It was white with soft yellow icing around the rim and a branh of magnolias made from sugar on top. I wanted to take a picture of it but I didn't have a camera with me. XP Grandma gave mom two roses that she grew in her garden (one deep red one and a pinkish-orange one that looked more like a crysanthemum) that smelled so beautiful! I loved them and they're in a class vase right now. I was able to look outside and see all the cardinals and blue jays and wrens, the were all so pretty. Grandma showed me a little book with the most common birds in America and they were all so gorgeous... I have a strange attraction to birds, they just seem so majestic and free. So, my Mothers' Day was good (even though I'm not a mother-I'm far too young XD). How about you guys?



Well, I have to go and watch some DIRU PVs. ^^ Loves and see you guys later!
+Momo+
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Friday, May 12, 2006

   Under the Name of Justice
Current Mood: Unknown
Current Song: Clever Sleazoid by Dir en Grey

Today was better than yesterday. I'm not as mad as I was, I'm more uncaring. If Zakuro wants to be that way, she can be that way. I don't care... some important things have been stripped of me this year, but it's been the easiest to endure. I'm just going to go through life the way I want to. I know there will be a few bumps along the way and I'm gonna fall down, but I'll have to suck it up and get back on my trail. I have more friends than just Zakuro and she's going off to a different school than I am next year, so it's been easier than I've thought. I guess that I've got so numb that these type of things don't really affect me anymore... thank God for thick skin. But whenever I see her, I do try to get away because I don't want to hear the crap she might try to dump on me. That's all I really have to say about that.


Help me fade away...

Today in science we watched a video on volcanoes and they were so beautiful. The lava looked like melted rubies flowing onto the dark earth. I couldn't take my eyes away from it. There was also "black lava" although it looked more silver and it showed some black lava bubbling up and twisting around. It was gorgeous, it kind of looked like mercury. I would never want to be a volcanologist, but they're just so beautiful you can't help but admire them. I know I sound like a dork, but I'm just telling you how I felt. -_- We also watched a video about Rosa Parks and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in Social Studies and I got so mad whenever I heard people laughing whenever the protesters were getting beaten and punished for doing nothing. They also laughed during a Holocaust video we watched earlier this year at DEAD bodies... I started crying. How can people be so heartless? Why can't they SEE and FEEL their pain? I just don't understand it and it slowly kills me to know how hateful people are.


How could people laugh at this pain?

I'll post the song I wrote yesterday. It somewhat captures my feelings I felt yesterday after being stabbed in the back once again. I doubt you guys will like it, but I'll post it up anyways-I need to take up some space. (By the way-I talk about rape in this song, but DON'T take it literally. I'm using rape as a metaphor for being betrayed.)

Pastel Sky
Lying on my stomach
I feel my soul seep through me
The wound in my back refuses to heal
Blurry-eyed regrets tear me apart
Eat me from the inside-out
Kicked down so much, afraid to get up

Bittersweet metallic taste
Gazing at Heaven with a smile
Silently, I am raped
Silently, without fear
I'll just choke back these tears
As the pastel sky flows red

Although the bruises have healed
I still carry the same pained smile
Just looking for a warm heart
In this land full of hatred
Learn to hide, to mask my torment
A virgin rose with no thorn

Bittersweet metallic taste
Gazing at Heaven with a smile
Silently, I am raped
Silently, without fear
I'll just choke back these tears
As the pastel sky flows red

Embedded in amber
I lay waiting...
Waiting until my heart beats again
Emotionally frigid
Cum inside me
Eyes with a blank stare

Bittersweet metallic taste
Gazing at Heaven with a smile
When you let go of my hand
I'll just choke back these tears
As the pastel sky flows red

I appreciate all the comments you guys yesterday, it helps me remember that there's more to life than this place. So thanks for everyone who's there for me-you're all I've got.
+Momo+
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Thursday, May 11, 2006

   I Will Make You Hurt...
Current Mood: Angry
Current Song: OBSCURE by Dir en Grey

I give up. Everything I do... is meaningless. It just ends up reversing itself and coming back to kick me in the ass. I let people take advantage of me... I let them break me down. Even the people I thought cared about me. You see, the boy I like is also the boy that Zakuro likes. But I haven't said anything and I been quiet so she could have him even though she kissed the guy I was practically infatuated with. I let that go even though it still hurts and I pushed my feelings aside for her. So, I did what she asked me to do... to ask if he liked her. Also, one of my supposed "friends" told her that I showed him a note that talked about him that she wrote WHICH I DIDN'T. Now she's believing that bitch instead of me... someone who's gotten fucked in the ass by her but still stuck around. Zakuro even threatened to kill me and gut me like a pig... yeah, some friend she is. I'm tired of it. I told her that I'm not gonna do anymore favors for her and she can forget about asking me about it. I'm so tired of trusting people and just getting hurt in return. I want to help people, but why does having to do good have to hurt so much?! God, I wish everything would just turn out alright and I wouldn't have to deal with all this crap that I get all the time... and Zakuro, if you're reading this, I'm NOT taking any of this back. If you were my friend, you wouldn't have put me through all this shit. Go ahead. Have Aaron. I don't give a fuck anymore.

Mushi by Dir en Grey (Translated by Centigrade-J
I can't confide in anyone,
I can't trust any of them,
don't you see, you can't see it all
without the light shining upon me,
even now, I'm wilting.
what I can't reveal
is my weakness, my past
there's something to gain but
No doubt, the kindness I hold fast to
will go away.
the simple answer is to live,
go back to the drawing board,
and try again in the next life.

the heart shuts itself
still now falling apart.
days I laughed
holding back the tears.
the heart showed me there was no reason to believe.
the hypocrite who killed me.

the heart shuts itself
still now crumbling apart
days I screamed,
holding back the tears
the heart left me the strength to believe there's a reason
it was my very own heart that killed me.



Yeah, so that's my day. Real fun...
+Momo+
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Tuesday, May 9, 2006

   Kirei na Hana nai...
Current Mood: Mixed Feelings
Current Song: Kasumi by DIRU

Okay, I know this post is gonna be really whiny, so beware of all the stupid emo-ness. But if you really think about it, it's one of the 3 reasons MyO was created...

Reasons MyO was Created
+To make friends
+To whine about how crappy your life is
+To gain popularity you can't get in the real world

Anyhow, my day was going fine (except just boring, as always) until 6th period, almost before the school day was over. But my friend and I made a bet. I told Jesse that if she got one boy to tell me that I was pretty, I would believe that I'm not ugly and I would give her 50 cents. Well, unfortunately, one of the things I didn't want to happen the most, well, happened. The guy I like was kinda flirting with Carley (which pissed me off and made me jealous) but I kept quiet.. then Jesse and Carley talked to my crush while I wasn't around and the next thing I knew, he came up to me and said "You're pretty." Then he came up AGAIN and said "You're very attractive." I just laughed at him and then asked Jesse what she did to get him to say that and then she replied "Carley has to hug him twice." It sucks having pretty friends... maybe I should just hang out with "ugly" people and we can all be emo and crap together... almost all the guys I like have flirted with my pretty friends but not with me, but that makes me feel like crap. Whatever... I'm not gonna pity myself or sit around moping about it, it's not like I'm in Iraq or anything. I'd rather be ugly than dead anyday.

I started writing a song about hope last night and I think at least the chorus and beginning are good. I started writing the middle part and it just seemed like I was babbling, so I'm just gonna re-do the middle and finish writing the end, no biggie. It's basically talking about although everything has changed in my life and alot of my hopes have been lost, I'll always have one little hope I can hold onto no matter what... and that life is always worth living, no matter how terrible it may seem. The idea came from a quote I made up in the middle of Language class-"Floating in the abyss, I still have that one little star to hold onto." You like? I like... whoa. I just complimented my work. O_O I think I may be coming down with something...

Last night I was watching DIRU clips and it was so cute, I loved it. ^^ There was a interview with BBC with Kyo and Die, it was so funny. Apparently Kyo hates Marilyn Manson, Die hates goth and gothic lolita style (especially the ribbons in their hair o_O), and Kyo would love for you to come see them if you don't mind getting eggs thrown at you or being covered in Kyo's fake blood. ^^ I would bathe in Kyo's fake blood if I could. ^//^ Kyo-san is my homie... *does happy dance* And Oneechan is going to help me and Areina-chan steal Dir en Grey! Yay!!! And the Oneechan can marry Die-kun, Areina-chan can marry Shinya-kun, and I can marry Kyo-san!!! *squeals and claps* I told everyone that he'd be my future husband~! Then Toshiya-san and Kao-chan can be our *ahem* slaves. LOL Yayness for stealing Dir en Grey! ^^


My future husband!!!


Oneechan's future husband!!!


Areina-chan's future husband!!!


Our future *ahem* slave/hawt librarian!!!


Our future *ahem* slave/whore!!!

Well, I'm talking to Zakuro and I gots to go... she talking about stuff and scaring me. O_O
+Momo+
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Monday, May 8, 2006

   Mama, I need some more candy...
Current Mood: Bored
Current Song: [KR] Cube by DIRU

Man, I need to stop eating ice (not the drug, FROZEN WATER, you sick, sick people)... my mouth is all numb. >_< Whenever I talk after eating ice, it sounds like I'm drunk from slurring my words or have cotton stuck in my mouth. XD It's funny either way. ^^ Ice rules!!!

As you can clearly see, I have changed my layout to ONCE AGAIN, Dir en Grey. If you have a problem with it, I am sorry. You may say whatever you like about me or Dir en Grey, but this is who I am and what I like. If you're dissatisfied with it, you may leave until you are satisfied with my site or never again. Either way, I am fine with it. And plus, I was looking for this wallpaper of Kyo since it's one of my favorites... he's so hawt in it. XD Plus, "Mazohyst of the Decadence" is a solid, creepy song.


You REALLY wanna mess with him? Yeah, I didn't think so...

I've had "[KR] Cube" (Zakuro thinks Die is scary in that PV where I think he's hot XD) and "Mask" stuck in my head all day... it's so cute in the "Macrabe 00-01" tour (I HAVE THE DVD, IT'S SO AWESOME!!!) whenever they're singing "[KR] Cube" live and Kyo starts waving his hands in the air.. I just want to squeal and hug the TV whenever he does it... hehe. ^^ So, in honor of Kyo-san, I made up a happy dance that I was doing in gym today where I do a skip-thing where my feet go from side to side and I wave my hands in front of my chest. :D But my friends won't do it with me cause they think it's weird and they have a "reputation" to hold up. T^T Screw them!!! LOL j/k I just don't care about my reputation and I know I'm weird but don't care. It was also really funny because Jesse brought a bright pink ribbon to school and I just looked at it with this horrified expression and she started touching me with it and I started screaming... LOL She knows I hate pink so she tied it to the front of her purse so I HAD to look at it. Gah. >_< Then she stuck the ribbon on me AGAIN in Social Studies so I started yelling "NO, STOP!!!" and the entire class was staring at us as I was trying to fight her back and the teacher eventually cleared his throat and we got the hint. ^^; It was still fun, though!!! :D


Aww... kawaii!!!

DIRU is coming to my state with Korn but they don't have the dates posted on Dir en Grey's, Korn's, or MTV's sites!!! I'm afraid that they may not come until late this year, but I hope they come in the summer... ;_; I have to see DIRU if they come to my state!!! It'll kill me if I don't!!! But I hope I do get to go and that I get the dates. That way, Areina-chan, Oneechan, and I can kidnap the entire band and make them take us to Japan (Kyo can't stay out of Japan for more than a week without getting homesick... aww... and Japan is more fun than America) where we shall marry them and have tons of super-happy fun!!! ^//^ LOL, I wish. It would be cool, though. It would be even more cool if I were to take some of my songs to the concert and translate them into Japanese, show them to Kyo, and he liked them!!! *OMFG, SQUEE!!!* It's nice to dream.


Aww, Kaoru's so adorable in that pic!!! ^^

Okays, I got to go cause my brother is taking his pants off outside >_<" and "Face/Off" (Reita-kun from Gazette's favorite movie!!!) is on and it's awesome... I love you all, my darlings~!
+Momo+
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Sunday, May 7, 2006

   An Orange'd Up 13...
Current Mood: Sleepy
Current Song: Unknown... Despair... A Lost by DIRU

Man... I can't believe that the weekend is over already. >_< Stupid time goes by too fast. Yesterday I went to an International Fest in our town and it was REALLY boring. There were only like 4 booths set up... there was one with origami and Mom said I should've gone to talk to the people in Japanese and freak them out. LOL It'd be fun, but I was afraid that I'd look like an idiot for not knowing all that much. Besides, it was an origami booth and I don't even know how to say "fold." ;_; Grrness. Anyhow, I finished the song that I said kinda sounded like "Kasumi." It's basically talking about how when I was little everything seemed so wonderful and beautiful... but now that I've grown up, I see all the pain and waste in my neighborhood. Also, today I wrote a poem that was partially inspired by "Akuro No Oka" and "Ain't Afraid To Die." I watched the video for "Ain't Afraid To Die" last night and it was so sad that I started crying... it was so sad and it ate at my heart. My parents started freaking out and asked if I had taken my depression medication but I guess they just don't understand how deeply it touched me. And I was partially jealous of that girl who got her hand kissed by Kyo. >_<



I watched "Mission Impossible 3" today and it was AWESOME. I haven't seen the first 2, but you can still follow the storyline and they have some wicked previews for X-Men 3, Pirates of the Carribean 2, and Nacho Libre. But anyhow, my dad said that this movie was a REAL "Mission Impossible." Also, part of it was in China, so that made me happy. ^^ And there was a limo that pulled up in a wasteland-ish place and it reminded me of the NIN music video for Starf*ckers Inc. But it's a really good movie filled with suspense, action, conspiracy, and romance. And plus, Tom Cruise looked pretty good in it... he's pretty nice looking for someone his age... Tom looks so spiffy in grungy clothes... He also has really pretty eyes. ^//^ I wuv pretty eyes.


Awww!!!

Okay, since I'm bored, I'm gonna create a DIRU survey. Yay!!!

1. What DIRU PV is the sexiest?
2. What DIRU costume is the best?
3. What's your favorite Toshiya costume?
4. What's your favorite Kyo costume?
5. What's your favorite Kaoru costume?
6. What's your favorite Die costume?
7. What's your favorite Shinya costume?
8. Who do you think goes the most unappreciated?
9. What DIRU PV is the scariest?
10. What DIRU PV is the cutest?
11. Who's house would you want to go in the most?
12. Who would you want a makeover from?
13. What DIRU song do you want to be put into a PV?
14. What DIRU song makes you want to dance the most?
15. What is the saddest DIRU song?
16. Who do you think would rock the most at DDR in DIRU?
17. Who has the biggest split personality (stage/backstage) in DIRU?
18. Who would be the most fun to hang out with out of DIRU?
19. Do you think Kyo looks good in dresses or should he stick to pants?
20. Who's hair do you want?


OMFG, Kaoru's geta are so cool...

1. [KR] Cube... everyone's so sexy with weapons. ^^
2. Toshiya's costume during the Gauze era... I love the deflated boobs! XD
3. Either the one listed above or his plaid skirt... so adorable!!! ^^
4. His outfit from OBSCURE... the gauze over his face is sooo smexy.
5. His Childprey or Drain Away costume... those spikes are the shizzle!
6. Like Toshiya, his costume from the Gauze era... vinyl is AWESOME.
7. His out fit from "Saku"... he looks about 10x more sexy, if that's possible!
8. Shinya... everyone is so mean to him but without him, DIRU would suffer beyond belief.
9. Mm... I don't really know... they're all pretty scary. LOL j/k
10. Childprey... I love how it makes NO SENSE at all.
11. Kyo, I guess... they'd all be really interesting, though! ^^
12. Toshiya, he's so pretty!!! ^o^
13. Mm... Marmalade Chainsaw... I'd like to see how they'd portray that song.
14. Saku, I like to jump up and down and scream the chorus whenever I listen to it. XD I did it with my friends watching one time and they stayed away from me for a while. XD
15. Either "Ain't Afraid To Die" or "Akuro No Oka"... they both made me cry the first time I saw them.
16. Die, since he drinks so much Coke. XD
17. Kyo. He's so crazy on stage but backstage he's quiet and reserved.
18. Gah! I can't decide! Either Kaoru, Toshiya, or Die, they're all so hyper and crazy! ^^
19. I think he should stick to pants, he looks the hottest in them. ^_~
20. I don't know... all of their hair seems so silky and beautiful. ^^

Well, my bro wants to check his e-mail and "The Simpsons" is on. ^^ Later, my loves!
+Momo+
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Saturday, May 6, 2006

   Get away from me...
Current Mood: Somber
Current Song: Raven by Kittie

Last night I was talking to Zakuro over the phone and started crying... I felt depressed earlier that day, but everything seemed to press down to hard and I finally snapped. I felt bad because she had a really good day because her crush agreed to go with her to the last dance of the school year, then she had to listen to me. I don't know... I think I'm finally slowing down from all the happiness. Even sometimes whenever I listen to J-rock I get sad because I think that I'll never be able to meet them. I don't know, my brain is just picking out all the bad things in my life after this high (happiness) I've had... I guess it's because I feel like things I've wanted have been stripped from me and I've had to watch other people (sometimes my best friends) have them. When it all boils down, it's jealousy that's making me so miserable. I just wish that I could have some more things that I want. I know I sound selfish, but I try to do as much as I can for people and I usually get pushed down and walked on for it. It hurts been a doormat... I'm tired of it. Even at home I'm walked on.



Last night I watched "Clever Sleazoid" and helped my brother understand what it meant because he thought the song didn't make any sense at all. I explained to him that it meant Kyo's been a singer for years, and is different (part of something Japan is against, they support conformity) so people shun him for it and try to tell him to give it up. But he's fighting back and saying "shut up, I'm gonna do whatever you want to do and if you have a problem with it, you can SHOVE IT." What do you guys think it means?

Clever Sleazoid by Dir en Grey
Wake up you’re dead

Doing meaningless shit over and over
I’m just a third-rated star covered in blood
See the prince on the rocking horse, his polished face looks cool
I’m just gonna spill my guts on you

Under the name of Justice
You can’t break my soul
Under the name of Justice
Kill yourself
Think, you moron
Fall out of line you cockroach

Right, left, front and back, it overflows with despair and pain
They say this anger, this emotion and this passion is all a lie
Wither...
I’m not even trying to justify myself

Under the name of Justice
You can’t break my soul
Under the name of Justice
Kill yourself
Think, you moron
Fall out of line you cockroach

The dark dark Sunday, the blood stains
You can’t save yourself
The dark dark Sunday, the blood stains
One day I will fuck your parents

This is the last time
Welcome to the garden of destruction

(koe mo denai kurai ni... sonna ima ni hitori to kiduku)

The night is cold and long
The night sky is deep and wide

The dark dark Sunday, the blood stains
You can’t save yourself
The dark dark Sunday, the blood stains
One day I will fuck your parents


I know this isn't from Clever Sleazoid, but I thought Kaoru looked like a hot librarian in this. XD

Today I started writing a song like DIRU's "Kasumi"... it's about my childhood and what it was like the long summers where I didn't worry about anything and the world seemed wonderful. I think it's kinda pretty so far, but it'll still be sad... like all my songs. And I'm thinking of coming up with one about how I want to blossom and for people to see who I really am. All I have for it so far is "One day I will be the flower that blooms through the patch of stone." Last night I wrote a song called "Mokuteki" (or "Purpose") about how everything I want seems to fall through my fingers. Lately my songs have talked about feeling hollow and losing all emotion... I'm trying to steer it away from that and emphasise on emotions or senses (i.e. smell, taste, sight, hear, touch). I want my song to have a flavorful variety, like Dir en Grey's and Nine Inch Nails.




I couldn't find a good big picture of Trent... ToT

On Thursday I decorated my binder a pic of DIRU and little chibi drawings of them I did... I'm having trouble concentrating at school because of Kyo's hotness so I have to put it under my desk or turn it over. XD
+Momo+
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