Wednesday, March 15, 2006

   Um... yeah
Current Mood: Unknown
Current Song: Hurt by Nine Inch Nails

Crap... I cried in the car rider line today and I have a major headache again. Only this time, Zakuro was there when I was crying, which made me feel even worse because she saw how I really feel (well... not all I feel). I just want to be happy again and not really care about this idiot guy I have a crush on... My friend Jesse had this really good thing, she said "they call it a crush because it hurts." And it's true. Rachel and Jesse have had the same girl screw them over and get the guy they like (they like the same guy) and are upset about it, but not as much as I am. I am feeling better, though, it's not hitting me as hard as it was. I'm just gonna try to wait through it and hope and pray. Mom says that I need to talk to Zakuro but I'm afraid that I'm gonna screw up our friendship... I don't wanna screw anything else up, I've already done enough damage.



I wanna thank Oneechan (Purgatory) and BlackRose37, you guys have been sooo nice to comment and even though only you two have commented, you will never know how thankful I am. Hearing all these meaningful things you have to say make me feel loved and like someone cares. So thanks for dealing with me while I'm being so emo and bitchy. ^^ I love you guys. *hugs*



Well, I'm watching X-Play and getting distracted... Drunk Link is talking. Gotta go!
+Momo has A.D-hey, a monkey!+
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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

   She gets so sick of crying.
Current Mood: Upset
Current Song: Hurt by Nine Inch Nails

God, I feel so terrible. I've tried to be happy and feel good about how awesome my life is, but I can't bring myself to do it. I know that some people have friends that are dying, they are dying, are starving, and have a terrible life, but I can't stop feeling bad for myself and that makes me hate myself even more... today in the car rider line Zakuro told me that she's considering that she may go out with the guy I like since he asked her... I don't even think she really likes him, just wants someone to call her boyfriend, which is wrong. The reason I say this (no matter how malicious it sounds) is because whenever I used to talk about him she got annoyed and called him stupid and ugly and stuff and now she's thinking of going out with him... whenever she told me this, I waited until she left, but then I ran off and started crying, I couldn't help it. I felt so embarassed because everyone was staring at me and asking what was wrong with me and I felt so ashamed for crying... I just felt so overwhelmed with sorrow that I couldn't help it. She doesn't know how much this hurts me, I feel like dying just thinking about them together. But if she wants to go out with him, and it's because she truly likes him, she should go out with him. One of my other friends dated him when she knew how much I like him, so why shouldn't Zakuro stab me in the back too? It's not like anyone cares that I like him...

I feel so tired... my head hurts, my eyes hurts, my nose is stuffy, I'm starting to cough, I keep on coughing up tons of phlem, and I just want to go to sleep and wake up whenever everything is alright. I'm just tired of getting trampled on by the people who I trust most... I'm trying to be happy about my life, I really am, but I still feel sucky. I'm not PMSing or anything, I just feel terrible. It sucks and I feel ungrateful and like one of those little emo fags.

I didn't get to go outside last night... I know it sounds childish and ridiculous, but having one more thing that I wasn't able to do almost made me cry... I didn't, though. Thank God.

I'm too tired to put up pictures. I know, I'm a lazy S.O.B.
+Momo, your little emo faggot+
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Monday, March 13, 2006

   Cross my heart & hope to die but the needle's already in my eye...
Current Mood: Angry
Current Song: Dreams in Digital by Orgy

God, I am so pissed right now.. that retard I like likes Zakuro now, even after kissing her. I think Zakuro is starting to like him and even might go out with him, which makes me even ANGRIER because I had to suffer through one friend dating him, I don't want another to do the same. I'm so tired of trying to do something nice and just get stabbed in the back in return, like everything I do turns to complete and total shit. I feel like just laying beneath the stars and forget about everything and everyone I know... to start anew and forget about all these foolish feelings I harbor.



I decided to let myself be sad and angry just this one day and ONLY this one day. Then I'll get back on my feet and turn to my normal self, because I didn't get here to just get pushed back down by some dumbass guy. I've been trampled on too many times to let this one thing get to me. I'm stronger than that, and I know it. The fire still burns in me even though it's harder to find now.



I've felt really connected to nature right now... it's finally starting to get warm now and it feels so good. Today at school the teacher opened the windows and an occasional breeze would blow through and it felt like I was at the beach with the sand between my toes and my hair sticky with salt water... I felt so at peace. All I seem to want to do now is walk down the street where a ghetto close by is and go to the park. There I'll swing on one of their crappy, rusty swings and feel the wind blowing on my face, completely carefree and forget all my troubles. Then I'll go to the local ice cream store and watch all the cars pass by, mezmerised how everything around me seems to be going in fast-forward motion and how I'm frozen in time. I think I'll do that when mom gets back...



Well, I gots to go. See you, my beloved darklings.
+Momo, your favorite Peach+
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Saturday, March 11, 2006

   THANK YOU!!!
Current Mood: Relieved
Current Song: Beautiful Dirt by Dir en Grey

Zakuro and I finally made up... thank the Gods...
+Momo+
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   It's the End of the World As We Know It & I Feel Fine....
Current Mood: Crappy
Current Song: Saku by Dir en Grey

God, life has been crappy lately. For about the past month or so, I've felt pretty depressed and out of place. I have no idea why, but I don't really care. Okay, I do knowt hat part of it has to deal with the guy I like and that I don't want to like. See, I've liked him since before last October and had to watch him date two girls (one of them a good friend) and then Zakuro did that retarted "Truth or Dare" thing. I hate that guy so much right now and want to push him out of my mind... I should probably practice the principals of Buddah right now and try to be without desire... it's not doing me any good, anyways. >_< I also broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago, but he still loves me, so I got that guilt on my shoulders. I don't know what do to... I think I'm just gonna perform a cleansing ritual and hope that everything will turn out okay. Please, God, don't let this be a repeat of last year.



It's harder to be happy than I thought it was. Last night I talked to Zakuro for about an hour and she finally got me to say what was on my mind... and I told her how hurt and betrayed I felt for what she did to me. She said she would feel the same way and screamed, "then why did you do it?!" She then retaliated by saying she was sorry and that she didn't know why she did it and I said "see? That's why I didn't want to tell you what is with me" and I hung up on her. It's my fault for raising my voice at her and being such a bitch. I called her but her dad picked up the phone, but I haven't been able to apologize... I don't feel like I should have to, though.



I gotta go work on schoolwork... great.
+Momo+
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Friday, March 10, 2006

   What to do?
Current Mood: Confused
Current Song: Sexual Beast by D'espairsRay

Konnichiwa, minna. I'm still pretty upset and everything keeps on flashing in my mind and I had a dream last night that I was about to fall on some poisonous tacks... and I'm guessing that's a sign for bad things to come. Or that I'm already in the worst to come. Whatever. I'm trying to keep my chin up and just make it through with the comfort of J-rock, yaoi/yuri, Japan, books, and video games. I'm thinking of playing Resident Evil 4 cause blowing people's heads off is always a great way to blow off some steam. Either that or working out like an anorexic. Thanks who commented last night, I really needed some support. ^^ I'm not the happiest person right now, but these things happen. I've got kicked in the face and I stayed down and cried a little, but now it's time to get back in the fight and show life who's boss. I'm not the type of girl anymore that just sits back and gets runover. I know I'm stronger than that and I won't let something as pity as a guy that is a total asshole ruin my friendship between Zakuro and ruin my life. I need to stop pitying myself and get off my ass to do something about it.


I'm just gonna listen to some P!NK and stop feeling better for myself. ^^

On a lighter note, Dir en Grey is INDEED coming to America, but it's in New York and you have to be sixteen. I'm really upset about that but that just makes me more determined to go to Japan and immerse myself further in Japanese. Also, Nine Inch Nails is coming to a city near me, so I may get to go see Trent Reznor live and it would be the best 2nd concert ever!!! ^o^ (Yeah, I've only been to one concert but it had Breaking Benjamin, Three Days Grace, Seether, and Evanescence, so I still cherish that memory.) I want to go so bad and I'll probably do about anything to get a ticket and see my precious Trent live... hey, how much would you guys pay for a human heart?


I'M COMING, MY SWEET! I'M COMING!!!

Well, I got to go take a shower... I'm out of school today and because of that I didn't wake up until 2 today and I'm starting to feel a little nasty. >_<
+Momo is a Filthy Stink Child+
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Thursday, March 9, 2006

   The Proof of Life
Current Mood: Depressed
Current Song: The Final by Dir en Grey

What has happened to me? Everything was going so well and then it all crumbles around my head. Why does everything have to turn out this way? I slowly feel Zakuro fading away from me and I feel like I'm all alone on this world... I used to think solitude was a blessing but I didn't realize how wonderful it is to have someone to fall back on. Today Zakuro went on a field trip for band and kissed my crush because of a dare. How could she do that to me? She knows how much I like him... how could she be so selfish and rude? So if you're reading this, Zakuro, yes, I am mad at you. What did you expect?
+Momo is tired of all these tears+
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Friday, March 3, 2006

   Dir en Grey Madness!!!
Current Mood: Sick
Current Song: Cage by Dir en Grey

I am bored, stuck at home, and sick. So you're going to have to endure the horror of MOMO'S SUPER DIR EN GREY QUIZ!!

1. Who is your favorite member?
2. Who is the hottest?
3. Who is the cutest?
4. Who is the scariest?
5. Who has the best costumes?
6. Which one of Shinya's dogs do you like- Miyu or Yuyu?
7. Who would you prefer to take to meet your parents?
8. Who is the craziest?
9. What's your favorite album?
10. What's your favorite song?
11. What's your favorite PV?
12. Which era had the best costumes?
13. Who do you think will die from lung cancer first?
14. Who would be the best pairing? ^-^
15. Who scares you more-Kyo or Kaoru?
16. Who rocks the most?
17. What does Shinya look best in-vinyl or lace?
18. Would you risk telling Kyo that he's kawaii to his face?
19. Who's dressing room would you want to sneak in the most?
20. What do you hope for from DIRU next?



My Answers!
1. KYO-SAMA!!!
2. Kyo-kun... or Totchi! :D
3. Shin-chan... I have a teddy bear named after him. ^^
4. Kaoru... Kyo can be scary, but Kaoru has scared KYO before. Now that's saying something.
5. Shin-chan because he always looks so polished and nice. ^^
6. Miyu because he's nice to Shinya.
7. Kyo, definately... he'd scare the crapless. :D
8. Die-kun... I think it's from all that Coke he drinks. o_O
9. Vulgar!!! ^o^
10. Obscure, probably...
11. -zan- or Obscure. ^^
12. The Vulgar era, they had a grungy/darkly entrancing look in their costumes.
13. Kyo, sadly... ;_;
14. KaoruXTotchi!!! n_n
15. Kaoru... DO NOT mess with that guy, he'll kill you dead.
16. Hm... Kyo or Kaoru. ^^
17. Lace-he looks so adorable in it~! ^_~
18. Yes... I would die, but die happily. ^^
19. Totchi... he probably has all types of stuff in there. ^.~
20. Nothing-I love them as they are!!!

Well, there it is everybody. I know that I have neglected Die-kun in this servey, and I am extremely sorry for that... I want you all to know that I still love Die... he is a crucial member of the band... I love you Die-kun... *sniffs & hugs non-existant Die plushie*
+Momo is the Mazohyst of Decadence+
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Thursday, March 2, 2006

   Get Down With the Sickness
Current Mood: Crappy
Current Song: Closer by Nine Inch Nails

Konnichiwa, minna-san. I'm feeling better than I was the last time I posted (thank the Gods), but I'm sick. >_< It sucks... This about the third time I've got sick THIS YEAR. My immune system sucks... I think I'm gonna stab it with the sporks I hide in my room. *stabby* I guess it's my fault for taking a sip out of my dad's cup and forgeting that he's sick. XD Gods, I'm stupid. Now I'm just drinking out of my cup cause it's my fault for being greedy. >_<


Aw... rabid Kyo-sama makes me feel better. ^^ Totemo kawaii desu, ne?

I'm sorry, Purgatory, about what I said about Hostel on my account on Aimai-Kagura. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for anyone that I offended, I guess it just angered me that it focused more on sex and torture more than the actual storyline in my opinion... I prefer psychological thrillers. For example, I watched Cry Wolf and that didn't scare me, but I highly respect it because it screws around with your mind. That's the type of stuff that I like. n_n I'm just not afraid to speak my mind, and sometimes that's a bad thing. People give me crap and it's not acceptable for people to speak their mind in this world... like in Iraq if you spoke against the government... haha, say goodbye. I'm not insulting anyone or trying to put them down, I'm just babbling. -_-



My throat hurts, it feels like I swallowed some shards of glass... stupid immunity system. *punches herself in stomach*
+Momo is Mrs. Self Destruct+
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Wednesday, March 1, 2006

   Emotions suck.
Current Mood: Pissed off
Current Song: Beautiful People by Marilyn Manson

I don't mean to be whiny, but I'm so sick of everything right now. Normally I feel bad for complaining about my life because I know that I hav a much better life than others do, but I'm too upset to care. I like someone but they don't like me back, my friends use me a as a last resort, I'm ugly, I hate myself, my grades are slowly slipping, I'm stressing about my next school, one of my friends has a spot on her brain, my brother is pissed at me because I wanted to be on the computer when I hadn't been on in 2 days, my dad fussed at me for being sad, I started crying right out of nowhere yesterday, and I feel like no one loves me. I should be ashamed of myself for feeling such pity for myself, and I wish I wouldn't feel like this. It angers me so to know that I'm being so selfish when others just in my neighborhood... today a hobo came up to my dad and he was incredibly thankful to get just $2. What the hell is the world coming to?



+Momo-chan feels guilty+
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