Wednesday, July 11, 2007

   Chicken Noodle Crack for the Soul
Current Mood: Hyper
Current Song: Ain't Afraid to Die by Dir en grey

Hey, everyone. I'm at Nicole's house right now. v^_^v She's washing the dishes right now so I figured I'd update or something because I really don't have anything to do. o_o I woke up this morning at around 1:30 and sat around for a while just staring at the TV. Eventually I ate a quesodilla, but I never did end up taking a shower because there was a thunderstorm going on. D: Since I was bored, couldn't get on the computer, and was curious about our Harry Potter movie-going-ness, I called Nicole and talked to her for a little while. I asked if I could come over to her house and our parents both said that it was alright. I talked to her on the phone as I got dressed and put on makeup (not a very easy task, mind you @_@) and walked to her house. Whenever I got there we talked for a little while and then I checked some of my MySpace stuff and saw a video that Rachel and Alayna did and I loved it. XD So, I decided to rip off her idea since I have absolutely no creativity what so ever and Nicole and I did our own little documentary that is brain-numbingly stupid, but matches our every day lives very well. XD We sat in her room talking for a little while before going outside (*gasp*) and then going to the local convinience store. We came back and hung out for a little while before my mom and brother came over so that we could all go together to see Harry Potter. We got to the theater like 5 minutes before the movie started and I was pissed because I knew we were going to get shitty seats. As my prediction said, we got the front row seats. *face palm* Fuck. Good thing is, though, there was a really hot guy sitting near us. XD Nicole and I kept on glancing at him throught the movie. @_@ The movie was so awesome and the effects were GREAT. It's weird that everyone has grown up so much... during one scene I couldn't rip my eyes away from the screen because they were showing Daniel's neck and I have a really odd EXTREME neck fetish. @_@ Anyway, the movie rocked and was darker than ever. Hellz yeah. >D And I'm absolutely convinced that Snape has a sadistic attraction to Harry. I smell S&M shouta!!! XD Whenever we were walking out of the theater, Angela (Nicole's mom) just completely broke down and started crying. She made me promise that Nicole and I would visit her after we went to college. I nodded and told her that I would and gave her a hug. Poor thing. D: I went home and got my shit to spend the night over and said bye to Daddy and everything. Now, here I am. Watching Dave Chappelle and eating peanut butter chocolate stuff. Nicole and I are gonna tape some more and probably have a porno commentary. XD Pwn. Before we can show you guys the videos, Nicole has to get a memory card because the files are too big to just send over e-mail. -_- Damn camera.


Watch yourself, Ron and Harry. o_O

Well, I'll see you guys later. Hearts, hearts, hearts~!!! ^o^
+Momo+
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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

   I'll Make You Feel Good
Current Mood: Achey
Current Song: Hades by Dir en grey
Currently Watching: Spongebob Squarepants

Last night was pretty dismal. After going to the gym and eating dinner, I some of that stupid book, watched some TV, and studied a little bit of Japanese. I watched some of Jay Leno because Daniel Radcliffe was on it (he was my first eral obsession if you don't count the The Lion King when I was little XD) and he's so sweet. A TV popped up behind him and whenever he saw it, he screamed "OMG!" and asked to push the button to make it come up. XD <333 Oh, yeah, I also printed out 10 DIRU pictures for my wall of worship after my parents went to bed. XD I had a really weird dream last night, but it was so cute. I had a dream that I was waiting in a huge crowd waiting for something... it was in a desolate little desert and there were like aged pillars and stuff. All of the sudden the sky turned red and a bunch of little Japanese kids in elementary school outfits (y'know, with the yellow helmets and bookbags) started dancing around as Dir en grey's "THE IIID EMPIRE" started playing. DIRU was no where to be seen, but Kyo popped out of nowhere and started singing. The kids continued dancing and Kyo ran around, like holding his hands over the kids and all of the sudden whenever he sang the line "spark and spark", a little kid sang along with him (Kyo smiled whenever that happened and all of the fangirls in the crowd-including me-went "awwww" XD). That little kid kept on hanging around Kyo and signing with him with a huge smile on his face during the rest of the song. For some reason Kyo ran into the crowd and it parted like the red sea and he held out a card that said "for ______" (I forget whose name it was) and gave it to the wrong person. The person whose name really was that kept on asking Kyo to come back. XD I was just in shock that he had gotten so close to me (cause he ran RIGHT for me), I didn't really move. So, yeah, weird dream. @_@ No idea what it means, either, although I can usually interpret dreams fairly well. The little kid and Kyo was cute, though. :D

My brother woke me up at like 1:30 today, which is a fair improvement from yesterday. My abs stomach hurt a whole lot from doing situps yesterday right after working out really hard and straining myself. After a while I watched Ninja Warrior with my brother and ate a quesodilla. I hung up my pictures of DIRU on my wall of worship and was pleased (the entire time I kept on thinking of the joke that Nicole told me that I hung all those pictures on my wall to masturbate to XDDDD). I'm running out of space, though. @_@ I'm suprised that my parents haven't killed me for printing out so many pictures. XD After hanging up all my pictures I got inspired to watch my 5 Ugly Kingdom DVD. I watched the little extras first and my brother was impressed my some of their playing and how many fangirls they had even in Taiwan and China. He laughed at something Kyo did (it made my heart happy-usually Logan says that Kyo is stupid D<) and whenever he actually talked, Logan went "OMG!!! He talked!" XD Logan also was able to witness the almighty Shinya say "pisu-tachio!" and I squealed. X3; I didn't mean to, I just love the pisutachio so much. ^^; I finally watched the feature presentation and I sang to almost every song and was moved by everyone's passion, and of course, Kyo's beauty. During "Ain't Afraid to Die" I couldn't even breathe during one part because I was so captivated by him. Good Lord, that man is so beautiful. I love watching that DVD and I'm amazed every single time I watch it. I love it. *huggles DVD* After watching that, I went to the gym and totally burned myself out. I pushed myself too hard whenever I listened to "Child Prey." @_@ I also saw Melody right as I left the gym, so I'm pretty happy that I got out of there earlier. I ate dinner and it was very tasty. ^_^ I love sammiches. :D


I wish I could meet Kyo's parents so I could personally thank them for creating such a beautiful son. I would hug them. XD (This is currently hanging on my wall. ^_^)

My dog keeps on farting on my dad. XD So funny. I gotta go, my tummy hurts. Mata ne~!
+Momo+
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Monday, July 9, 2007

   Kaze ni Naru
Current Mood: Awake
Current Song: Hotarubi by Dir en grey
Currently Watching: That 70's Show

Nothing really has happened since I last posted. Just made plans for a Kyo plushie (even though I don't even know how to sew.... XD I'm pretty sure I can figure it out, though, with my mom watching), read some of that stupid boring book I have to read for school (>_<), and got a time turner from Barnes and Nobles. Hot damn~! ^o^ I was a little dissapointed because it was made out of plastic, but I still love messing with it and spinning it. I do it for like 5 minutes at a time, just staring at it. As you can see, I'm amused easily. @_@

I was so pissed whenever I woke up this morning today. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 2:30-Mom decided that she was tired of waking me and my brother up. By the time I ate some ramen and took a shower, I needed to get dressed for the gym. While I was waiting for Dad to get home, I worked some more on my Kyo plushie design and practiced a little Japanese. In the gym I burned my regular 530 calories and I tried to do a few situps (I ended up doing only like 70) but wound up embarassing myself. -_- My legs were so tired from the eliptical trainer (whenever I was on it, I thought about sexing Kyo up-he was moaning in the dream *dies*-and almost fell off XD) and treadmill that my legs wouldn't really work whenever I did the situps. I decided that I wasd one looking like an idiot and I sat on the couch outside while my dad finished up his workout. I listened to DIRU and watched a fly crawl on my leg while I waited... I decided to name the fly. He is Billy. o_o Now, here I am. Yeah, I've had a hell of a day. If you can call being awake for 5 1/2 hours a day. -_-


*dies and falls off chair*
*comes back to life to look at pic one more time and dies again*

Hopefully I've lost some weight since I've started this workout plan-I haven't weight myself yet because I'm currently on my goddamn period. D< I've had more self-confidence since I've started and I'm more fond of my image, although I still think that my body is disgusting. I just want my figure to dissapear. -_-

We're gonna eat dinner soon so I guess I better get off. Love you guys! Mata yo~!
+Momo+
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Saturday, July 7, 2007

   You're So Sudden & Sweet
Current Mood: Tired
Current Song: Evidence by Marilyn Manson (YAY~! \^O^/)
Currently Watching: Scrubs

Last night was fun. :B I didn't get to set off fireworks with Nicole, but I DID get to go see Disturbia at the Dollar Theater (I've been going to see movies so much this past month o_o) with her last night. I was happy because I've been wanting to see it for a while, and was upset that I didn't get to see it earlier. Nicole and I kept on talking through the previews and a little bit during the movies, so I'm sure that we pissed some people off. XD I kept on talking about how hot Ronnie (the BEAUTIFUL Korean dude in that) was and kept on humping the air. XD Yes, I realize how disgusting I am... and frankly, I don't give a fuck. <3 She was gushing about Shia LeBouf, so we're even. I couldn't believe that Shia actually slipped a girl the tongue during a makeout scene... I've watched him since Even Stevens, so it's odd seeing him all grown up. o_O Nicole and I later decided that we would get "Shia 4Ever" tattooed on her ass and "Ronnie 4Ever" on mine (don't worry, "Kyo 4Ever" is gonna be on the other asscheek). XD I've never gonna go see another horror movie with Nicole again, she kept on jumping and making little noises during scenes. @_@ I watch a horror movie about once a week usually, so I'm used to all of it. Whenever we came out of the theater, we saw Syrai and she was hanging out with this REALLY hot emo dude. I wanted to steal him. D: Nicole and I scared my mom in the car because of how cracky we were and how hard we were laughing. There was one part where Mom was talking about whenever she worked in a funeral home and I decided to hump the air and Mom saw my face and thought I was fake crying. She said "that's why I quit." Nicole stared at her and said "what? For necrophilia?!" XD We laughed so hard I thought my stomach was going to bust open. I wanted to spend the night but Mom wouldn't let me because I had a bass lesson today. -_- I started reading one of my books for the summer reading and it's so fucking boring.... I hope it gets better. -_-


Ronnie (...I don't know his real name XD <3<3<3) and Shia.

Mom woke me up at 12:45 today and I had to take a shower at 1 and put up on my makeup and do my hair and everything. I ran a little late for my lesson, but I eventually got there and I had a whole hour to work with Colton, so it's not like I had to really suffer for it or anything. We worked on "Seize the Day" and "Bat Country" by Avenged Sevenfold. He was really impressed by them, he had never heard them before. Mom took me back home after the lesson and I put up my bass and got Dad to go get something to eat. I was suprised that Mom let me listen to Marilyn Manson's new album in the car, but I think it was only because I kept on telling her that it didn't sound anything like his normal work, there was no screaming, and it wasn't all that nasty (well, compared to his old work XD). We decided to eat at a local Mexican restaraunt and there was a little kid there who looked like a tiny Corey Feldman. XDDD Kinda weird. After eating, we went to Wal*Mart and I looked around in the makeup aisle, mostly. I looked in the accessory section too, and I loved some of the hats. There were some really colorful skull hats, which is suprising because usually I won't wear anything unless it's dark. o_O Whenever we were in the checkout line, I was looking at some Pez and I flipped out over the Hello Kitty dispensers and I wanted the one at the very back. I guess I made a little bit of a scene by frantically attempting to get to the dispenser, but Mom said something that really pissed me off afterwards. "You're so weird." I'm used to being told that, normally I just giggle and flash a peace sign whenever people say that, but the way she said it pissed me off. It wasn't the gigglesnort "You're so weird", it was the youembarassmesomuchandIwishyouweren'tborn type of "You're so weird." In the car she also took out my Marilyn Manson CD, but I guess it was nice of her to listen to 7 songs whenever I know that she hates Manson. She also told me that I'm so much like my father... maybe one of the reasons she's so fed up with me and keeps me on such a short leash. It makes a lot of sense, considering how much she bitches at me and him, how much she screams at me, and hates my sense of humor. Well, guess what?

FUCK YOU, MOM.

I'm glad that I'm like my father. He's a good person, he makes me feel like it was a good accident that I was born, he's hilarious, he's amazingly smart, and is extremely talented. If I was more like you I'd probably try to bleed out the evil.

Meh, that's basically been my day. I have no idea why I'm so tired. -_- Maybe it's being pissed off. @_@ I better go take a nap or something. Later.
+Momo+
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   Kanji Help~!!!
Current Mood: Tired
Current Song: Rockstar by Nickleback

Hey, I'm posting again because I'm a loser and I'm on the internet 24/7. XD

I need some Japanese help cause I suck at kanji. Can you guys tell me how to pronounce this (I know what it means)? I can read "suki na mono suki dakara", but that's it.



Thanks for your help. D:
+Momo+
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Friday, July 6, 2007

   No More Whitewashing
Current Mood: Happy
Current Song: Asunaki Koufuku Koenaki Asu by Dir en grey
Currently Watching: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy

Yo, everyone. Last night was pretty normal, I went to the gym, and wrote a little fic for the first time in a long time~! ^o^ It's about two guys who have just graduated from high school and they're sitting underneath the bleachers of the local alternate high school and talking about what they're going to do during the summer. It's short and sweet, nothing special. I'm thinking of posting it up in my LJ since I never use it. XD

Today has been nice. ^_^ I woke up at 12:30 to Mom asking me if I wanted to go eat lunch with Dad. I nodded yeah since I was too tired to even speak. I eventually dragged myself out of bed and took a shower, got dressed, and did my makeup. While we rode to Dad's office, we kept the windows down to dry my hair. XD We eventually decided that we wanted to eat at the local Thai restaraunt, which we haven't ate at in FOREVER. Everyone greeted us happily, like they normally do, and they kept on asking "where's the little one?" (My brother's gone camping for the weekend.) XD I didn't see Mr. ButterflyLashes, the really pretty Thai boy who works there. D: I blush whenever he takes my order. XD Anyway, the food was soooooooooo delicious. I missed it so bad. I got my usual, soy sauce noodles with tofu, broccoli, carrots, and a side of white rice. *sighs* SO DELICIOUS~! ^O^ Once we were done with lunch, we took my dad back to his office and went to a store that has clothes on discount, like Rugged Warehouse. I got a pair of boy's basketball shorts, a polka dot hairband (LOVE~! v^_^v), a pair of bedpants, and a little jacket thing for when I wear tanktops. I feel bad for Mom spending so much money on me, but I haven't got any new clothes in months. :( Once we came home, I got on the computer and checked my usual DIRU sources. Hopefully tonight I'll be able to shoot off fireworks with Nicole. Or throw snap n' pops at eachother. XD

Hm, I guess I should exercise. :/ Later~!
+Momo+
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Wednesday, July 4, 2007

   Fireworks and Porno Shops
Current Mood: Happy
Current Song: Ryoujoku no Ame by Dir en grey

Last night I had a really odd dream.... I only remember one part of it, but I was interviewed at a mall and I was wearing a shirt that had a picture of Kyo from "Ryoujoku no Ame" on it and DIR EN GREY above the picture. Some of the picture was colored irregularly, like a chunk of his hair was colored lime green. I was talking to the interviewer about how upset I was that the shirt got colored oddly, and I couldn't buy another one. I think the dream was a reflection of my consearn about my Dir en grey shirt that I couldn't find-and it had a pastel stain on it for a while (there was a really light blue smear on the ninja-dude's hood from pastels in art class XD). I don't know, but it was really weird. And I want that shirt I dreamt of... the only problem is that I would constantly be staring at it (it would look like I was staring at my boobs 24/7 XD) and never take it off. Hmmmmmm.... *thinks of a way to create it out of thin air*


Mmmm... Kyo, I would love for you to be on my chest. XD (BTW, I now have 929 pictures of Kyo~!!! ^o^ Only 81 more pictures until 1000! :D)

I woke up today at 1 by my dad flickering the lights on and off screaming "IT'S THE 4TH OF JULY, WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!" XD My dad's just as much of a crackhead as I am. I got up and glared at him but gave him a hug to tell him that I wasn't angry at him. I usually don't talk in the morning, I just grunt. @_@ After about 15 minutes, I got dressed while listening to "THE IIID EMPIRE" and found my Dir en grey shirt!!! \^O^/ It was lost in the wash for a little while. @_@; I watched some TV with my family and layed on some serious eyeshadow (I must've looked pretty scary for 4th of July with my zombie ninja DIRU shirt on, dark black eyes, and always scowling at people.... it's become a habit by now XD) until my brother was ready to go. My parents got me something to eat at Jack in the Box since they wanted to go to Chick Fil A and they made fun of me because of a radio show talking about how much of a pain in the ass vegetarians and vegans are. -_- I know I'm a pain in the ass, but it's my life choice, dammit! After lunch we went to Target to get some stuff and they had lots of pretty colors of eyeshadown from H.I.P. by Loreal. I love that makeup line. :D Wheneve we were leaving the parking lot, I saw a little kid on the sidwalk alone and I got all upset because I thought he was alone. Luckily, I saw that his parents were ahead of him, so don't worry. ^_^ Dad said "I bet you wanted to snatch that little Asian boy up and raise him as your own, Becky!!!" XD I agreed and said that I would name him Kyo Jr. >3 After Target, we went to go see.... *drum roll*

TRANSFORMERS!!!! >DDDD

Hell yeah~!!! And our movie theater had some cars outside of the theater like some of the autobots. XD Fuckin' geektastic. I was really stocked to see it since it looked so cool... my dad and I were kind of embarassed because of how excited we were. XD The movie was really great (except for some tacky parts, but hey, c'mon, its Transformers, what do you expect?), but there was an old man in our aisle who was coughing at lot at the beginning of the movie and I was worried about him.... also, he fell asleep before even half of the movie and I felt bad for him. :( Mom ended up having to wake him up at the end of the movie. Anyhow, the movie was really great, the effects were amazing, one of the main chicks was REALLY hot (I'm sorry, I can't help it, my bi side becomes extra strong just randomly @_@), and you can never get enough good ol' robot fightin. >D I kept on saying that I wanted a shirt that had a picture of Megatron and Optimus Prime fighting and "Robot Fighting: An American Tradition" underneath it. XD After the movie we came home and Nicole called me shortly afterwards. We talked for about 45 minutes and Mom brought us back dinner from McDonalds (they have pretty good fruit & walnut salads there :D Then again, I don't have any choice.... that's the only meal they don't have with meat -3-). My dad kept on asking me if it was okay that we didn't go see fireworks, but he wouldn't believe me. I don't really care all that much... we've kinda stopped going. My favorite 4th of July memory, though, is whenever we went to go see fireworks at the fairgrounds, but there was no space to park. So, we parked in the nearest parking lot.... at a porn shop. XD Everytime we drive there, I laugh. That's probably gonna be my fondest 4th of July memory for the rest of my life.

Well, I hope that you guys are having good 4th of Julys. Sometime later this week I'm gonna go to Nicole's house to shoot fireworks. I just hope that a bullet doesn't come through our roof until then. @_@ (In our neighborhood, everyone loves to shoot off fireworks and/or guns on the 4th of July or New Years. XD) Mata ne~!
+Momo+
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Tuesday, July 3, 2007

   Chicks in Metal Own My Ass.
Current Mood: Content
Current Song: Brackish by Kittie *heartsheartshearts*
Currently Watcing: X-Play

*dies* OMFG, I love "Brackish." If you guys haven't heard Kittie, you need to go listen to some of their stuff IMMEDIATELY. They're so fucking awesome. \m/>w<\m/ They're one of my favorite American bands, and I admire them for perservering through some tough times whenever their career was really threatened. Morgan and Mercedes amaze me. ^_^

Anyway, enough gushing about Kittie. XD; Last night was pretty meteocre, I just practiced some new ways of writing hiragana since it's easier. I really need to practice my kanji, I haven't in a while. Damn you, you tedious Chinese characters. *shakes fist* I eventually went to bed at around 2.

Mom woke me up at 1, I think. I don't really remember. @_@ I was really hungry so I made myself a bowl of ramen and feasted. ^w^ Mom went to ceramics or something and I watched some Dir en grey PVs on my Gauze -62045- DVD and I was happy to see Logan headbanging to a few songs. Apparently he really likes Tsumi to Batsu. XD Good thing he doesn't know what the lyrics mean, he's already a total pervert. -_- When Mom came home, I got dressed and went to the gym. I stayed there for an hour and half and burned off 525 calories... I have an exertion headache now from it. *facepalm* There was a guy staring at me in there and I kinda glared at him and he back off for a little while.... but I caught him doing it again whenever I was on the eliptical trainer and I was about to knock his balls up into his stomach. I hate whenever people stare at me, and whenever guys do it, I get all paranoid that they're gonna rape me (even though I wouldn't rape me for a million bucks). After I was done I called my mom and waited for about 15-25 minutes for her to come get me and then I had to wait 30 more minutes for Logan to get his glasses fixed. -_- I passed by the time by petting my dog and listening to some DIRU. At least I had that. Whenever I got home at 5:30, I took a shower since we were going out to eat for Dad's birthday. After that I put on my makeup and blow dried my hair (I love my hair, I don't even need to put anything in it for it to look spiky and cute ^_^). I hung around for about 10 minutes before we went to Longhorn. Grandma handed me a Victoria's Secret bag and I got all scared at first, but she told me that there was some stuff from her friend in there. For some reason her friend always gives me makeup and stuff. About 2 years ago, she gave me an Estee Lauter thing that came as a gift with one of her purchases (for a long time I was too afraid to use it because I've never had more than like Maybelline XD). We got seated and everyone chatted for a little while and I checked out the stuff I got (HELLZ YEAH~!!! I got a leapard pring bag!!! >D And some other stuff too, I'm just really excited about the leapard print XD). I decided that I was going to get a grilled cheese sandwich from the kid's menu since that and macaroni and cheese were the only things on their menu without meat. o_o While we were waiting for our food, I solved the puzzles on the kid's menu and everything. XD Once we ate, we talked outside for a little while and then parted, like always. Now here I be. I feel bad because Dad didn't even want anyone to know that it was his birthday, he's depressed because he turned 43, and he got sick on his birthday. He didn't want any presents either. :( Hopefully he'll feel better.

Our new remote came in the mail today, and it's really cool looking. It makes me feel less bad that I broke the old one. XD I guess I should go since it's Dad's birthday, and we're gonna eat cake soon. Love ya~!
+Momo+
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Monday, July 2, 2007

   Cannibals are seeeeeeexy.....
Current Mood: Extremely Tired
Current Song: When I am Queen by Jack Off Jill
Currently Watching: Kyle XY

First of all, thank you guys for all the support and kind words. It was comforting knowing that I'm not alone in this whole parent-fighting thing, although I'm sorry that you've had to go through the same thing.

Ugh, the rest of last night wasn't all that great. As I left off on my last post, Nicole called and I talked to her. She asked me what was wrong and I totally broke down-I ended up sobbing on the phone and spilling my guts to her. Despite the fact that I'm extremely candid on my site, I really hate to feel so exposed and naked. I think my parents heard me cry from my room too. After talking to her, I ended up crying myself to sleep even though it was around 7 and I woke up at 12. I woke up at 9 and ate my dinner, and everything was back to normal. I went to sleep at around 2, I think.

I woke up at around 1 this morning and mindlessly stared at the TV while Paula Deen raped my brain. Soon it ended and Mom let us change the channel and I ate a quesodilla while watching some good ol' Spongebob. After eating, I took a shower and practiced singing a little and noticed that I can manipulate my voice to sound exactly like Jessika from Jack Off Jill... so, the range of my voice can sound like a higher-pitched Kyo to Jessika. XD Once I was squeaky clean, I sat down for a little while before I decided to watch Hannibal Rising. Man, that movie was soooooooooo good. And to make it even better, Gong Li (the girl who played Hatsumomo in Memoirs of a Geisha and the Queen in Curse of the Golden Flower) was in it, and Gaspard Ulliel (the guy who played Hannibal) was INCREDIBLY hot. His accent didn't help either (I have this really weird thing about boys with accents X3;). I know I shouldn't be turned on by a cold-blooded killer licking blood off of his fingers (in the movies), but I am. @_@ Damn my really odd fetishes. After watching Hannibal Rising, I went to the gym and I worked off 530 calories. I hope that was enough to get rid of drinking a glass of soda and some chips. -_- Whenever my dad and I were riding home from the gym, he told me that he was going to get the money mom owed me this week, and that he wasn't going to make me pay for the remote. He said he made the decision in anger, and that I shouldn't have to pay for it. I feel sort of guilty, like I should pay for it, because my family doesn't have all that much money, and I DID break the remote. I really should've kept my anger to myself and that whole crisis would've been avoided. It was my fault. But although I feel guilty, I'm happy that I'm going to get ALL of my money.

Tommorow is my dad's birthday, but he says he doesn't feel like doing anything for it. I don't what to do... I don't know if hes going to get a gift, but I want to get him Velvet Revolver's new album. The problem is, I don't have any money. :/ I suck ass. Since I don't have anything else to say, I guess I'll talk to you guys later. Mata ne~!

OOOOOH, HAWT DAMN, THEY'RE PLAYING BEETLEJUICE TONIGHT!!!! WHOOOOOOOO!!! \^O^/ *sorry, I've loved that movie since I was a little baby @_@*
+Momo+
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Sunday, July 1, 2007

   It's Official-I suck.
Current Mood: Depressed/Numb
Current Song: None
Currently Watching: America's Funniest Home Videos

Last night sucked so much. After watching a movie, we channel surfed for a little while and then my dad decided that I could watch Shin-chan since nothing else was on. I had a bad feeling about it, so I should've changed it. I knew better, but I kept it on anyways. Within 2 minutes, my mom was bitching about how disgusting and inappropriate it was. I started looking for something else to watch whenever all of the sudden she threw her knitting shit on the ground and stormed out of the room. All of the sudden so many feelings welled up inside of me-primarily anger. I can never fucking do anything without her hanging over my head, she hates everything I like, she never stops to think about my feelings, and I always keep quiet. In a moment of rage, I flung the remote against the brick fireplace and I saw it smash into a couple of pieces as I turned and went to my bedroom. I layed down on the bed and fumed whenever all of the sudden I heard my mother and father scream "BECKY!!!" They slammed open my door and started screaming at me, asking, "what makes you think what you did is right?" My dad kept on talking about how tired he was of being the referee between my mother and I. There is no fight-she constantly bitches at me but I NEVER retaliate. I've only screamed at her once in my life, and that was whenever she was trying to bring my brother down with me. He said that he would leave if he didn't know that Mom and I were going to claw each other's eyes out afterwards. Also, Dad also decided that I was going to pay for the remote replacement out of the $60 Mom has owed me for 7 months... the money I've been saving to buy Dir en grey stuff with. He left the room and Mom told me that I was tearing apart the family and that pretty soon I was gonna make him leave forever-you don't know how many times she blames me for it. As you can imagine, it can make a girl feel soooooo special inside. *sarcasm, in case you can't tell* I ran into my room and started crying even harder and started doing all sorts of shit to myself. I scratched myself, I punched myself, I raked my knuckles across my bracelet until I bled, I cut my ankle, I tried to fishhook myself, I bit myself, etc. I wished I had someone to beat the shit out of me until I was spitting out teeth. I saw my Kyo pictures and I wanted to scream and tear them all down-Mom mentioned something about Dir en grey, something like she didn't even know who I was anymore because I was so wrapped up in them. I cried for about 15 more minutes and Mom came in and apologized.... she's apologized so many times and done so much of the same thing that I'm immune to them. Her saying sorry to me is just her way of saying "all the emotional scarring I've done to you is erased now. I'm your best friend now. I'm just gonna do it all over to you again whenever I feel like it." I went back to my bed room at 1 and read a little before going to sleep. It's a good thing Mom gives me body checks, or I would've seriously hurt myself.

I woke up at 12 today and didn't feel like moving. Fuck, I didn't even feel like breathing. Whenever I woke up in the morning I got the same greeting, like nothing ever happened. I hate whenever my family does that. Sometimes I wish we'd just ignore each other. I took a shower and called Storm, explaining why I couldn't go over to her house. She understood... if my parents DID let me go, I wouldn't want to after what happened last night. After a while we went to go out to eat at Sonic and they kept on asking me if I was okay. By a tired "no", they should've realized that I was fucking depressed and I didn't want anyone near me. After eating we decided we wanted to go see Live Free or Die Hard, so we had to go to the bank to get some cash. While we were there, I asked Mom how much the replacement remote was going to be... she said $28. Half of my money I've wanted for half a year. I almost started crying. Anyway, Live Free or Die Hard was pretty good... there were a lot of old people there, though. o_O Very odd.

Well, I guess I better go since I'm talking to Nicole. Hopefully things will get better. Later.
+Momo+
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