Tuesday, February 20, 2007

   You are Stunning and I Just Want You
Current Mood: Dissapointed
Current Song: DISABLED COMPLEXES by Dir en grey

*sighs* I'm so dissapointed. Our crappy Hot Topic doesn't carry CDs, so it sure as hell doesn't have "THE MARROW OF A BONE." At least my parents got me the t-shirt, so I shouldn't be as dissapointed as I am. Plus, I have the CD downloaded on the computer, so it's not a total loss. I just want to have it in tangiblity so I'll be able to listen to it whenever I'm away from the computer. Oh, well... I'll have to be patient until I do actually get it.

Last night I realized why I was so upset about the whole DIRU thing. Yes, I'm dissapointed about the album, but I'm even more dissapointed in what I found out about myself. My mom told me that we might not be able to go, and that really hurt me. She promised me, and she knew how much I was looking forward to it. Because of that, I started thinking about all of the other things that she promised would happen that never came true. She promised me that she would teach me how to sew after 5th grade (I'm currently in 9th), promised she would make me a purse (a year ago), promised me she would cash my check for $70 and put it on an eBay card (I've waited for 3 months and still no fucking card), promised that she'd cash my rolled up coins, etc. Just one would be alright, but they've piled up so much. And not only from Mom, but from all of my friends. I was so mad at everyone and was crying because I was so angry, but I then realized that I had no one to blame but myself. I've let myself become this. I've let myself become a doormat. I let people step all over me. Granted, I only do this to spare people's feelings... but what about my feelings? I know that others are more important than I am, but I still wish I could be nice and feel good about myself. I guess I'll have to make the decision of being a "good person" or being happy. I've had the practice of being a doormat for 15 years, so I think I'll just stick to that.

This morning Nicole noticed something was wrong and asked me what it was. Whenever I told her, she seemed semi-sad for me, but then she asked me to go upstairs with her whenever I clearly didn't want to. Thus, another way I'm dragged around. In Orchestra we played the entire time, as usual, and we were fussed at and told we sucked even more than usual. I'm used to it by now, so I'm not going to complain. In Art we had a substitute, so I didn't even bother listening to him and listened to "Kisou." I finished my picture from yesterday, so I had time to work on a short story. During lunch I was dragged around again and made me really self-aware of how much I'm taken advantage of everyday. They may be tiny little things, like walking to get pizza with them or something, but they still don't care about what I want to do. That really hurts. In Science I worked more on my short story and stared at the wall for a little while. And at the end of it, my teacher stopped me and said "Rebecca!" I stopped and said "Yes, sir?" He just said "have a glorious day." I kinda paused for a moment then nodded in thanks and said "you too, sir." But then agian, that's not odd for him. @_@ It did make me a little happier, though. In English I had to suffer through Caleb's stupidity and was barely able to concentrate on my work. Luckily, I did get the majority done. Once I got home Dad told me the bad news about "THE MARROW OF A BONE" (that I expected), but at least I got the t-shirt. Wish it had DIRU on it, though. *sniffles*


Kyo-kun, make me feel better... T~T *hugs*

Well, I have to go to my brother's orchestra concert tonight, so I better get off. I hope you guys got your copies of TMOAB. Mata ne.
+Momo+

EDIT:
I GOT "THE MARROW OF A BONE", BITCHES~!!!!!!!!!! *dances* Haha, stupid fucking Hot Topic can't stop me! >D Since we had to go to my brother's concert, we dropped him off since he wouldn't play for about an hour. We went to Barnes & Noble to try to see if they would have it there. And sadly, they did not. ;~; But, luckily, I saw Sydney and Katie and found me in the Japanese section. X3 I showed them all of the Japanese books I already had and they were amazed... I told them I had a tiny Japanese library!!! After we went to Barnes & Noble, we planned to go back to the school but we had about half an hour left. Whenever we passed the mall I kept on screaming at Hot Topic that I was gonna kill all the employees or get Kyo to screech their ears off and Kaoru to deafen them with his godly guitar. >D Since we had more time, we went to Best Buy to see if it was there. I highly doubt TMOAB would be there, but I looked anyways. I scoured around the "D" section, and my heart jumped whenever I saw "Dir en grey." I frantically pushed away the other sections and saw that there was only two copies of "THE MARROW OF A BONE." So I snatched that motherfucker up and started squealing like mad!!!! I showed it to my dad and he was really relieved. I start squealing and hugging him and jumping up and down and shoving my arms up in the air, etc. There weren't a whole lot of people there, and I wouldn't care if they stared anyway. I got my DIRU, bitches. So we checked out and the entire time I was trying not to smile or squeal. XD Whenever we got out of Best Buy, I started screaming and sqealing and screaming "I GOT IT!!!!!!" X_X My dad said he was happy I was so excited, but was starting to go deaf. XD We went to Logan's concert, but I had to bring TMOAB with me... I couldn't leave my baby in the cold. D: We got just in time for the concert and I wiggled the CD at my brother. He just shook his head. XDDD After talking to my old orchestra teacher about Japanese (she used to study it), we went to go get something to eat. My parents got me some shit from Wendy's so they could go next door to Chick-Fil-A. And, of course, I took TMOAB with me. XD Whenever I got home I immediately listened to the CD and sang along with the lyrics. ^-^ Granted, I had to take a shower after "Ryoujoku no Ame", but I still listened to it all.

Damn, I feel great. I got my CD and my t-shirt. I shall wear it tommorow with pride and dream of listening to it once again when I get home from school. ^-^ Hehe~, stupid fucking Hot Topic ain't got nothin' on me!!! I'm still gonna blow them up in the name of all those who weren't able to get "THE MARROW OF A BONE", though. So, if you see a crazy brown-haired girl giggling and wearing a DIRU t-shirt and carrying a lighter and screaming "IN THE NAME OF KYO-SAN", run. RUN. XD
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