Tuesday, April 17, 2007

   I'm a Sad, Sad Little Cafekko
Current Mood: Upset
Current Song: Escapism by AnCafe
Currently Watching: X-Play

Last night I heard that Bou from AnCafe is leaving. I was really upset, but I understand. He wants to pursue a solo career, and his heart hurt whenever he kept the secret from the rest of the band, so, I'm happy that he's happy. None of the members are bitter, and they wish him the best of luck. I thought everyone's comments were really sweet, and I thought it was adorable how Bou said Teruki was "love at first sight." I'm glad that AnCafe didn't break up, although it will never be the same without Bou. I hope the rest of the Cafekko will be as understanding and wish Bou the best of wishes. His last live will be on April 30th, and I hope it's a beautiful one.


Good luck, Bou-kun. We'll all miss you.

Today hasn't been the best of days. My dad was listening to the radio and it was talking about the Virginia Tech massacre. Whenever he found out it was an Asian who was the gunman, he apologized. o_O Why would I be upset? I know that people from every single race are capable of evil-everyone is. I was a little offended by that. Whenever I got to school, Katie started talking about the Virginia Tech thing too, although I hoped we wouldn't talk about it. She talked about how she saw that on Dr. Phil yesterday, he mentioned Columbine and said that these things are because of violent video games and music.

OH MY FUCKING GOD.

Our whole circle started screaming. I listen to Dir en grey, Marilyn Manson, Nine Inch Nails, and tons of other bands that could be considered "violent", but I'm one of the most peace-loving people I know. War and death makes me cry, I'm a vegetarian, I hate killing bugs, and I've never touched a gun. I've held a knife and a sword before, but I only used the knife on myself and the sword was in Aikido when we were learning the discipline the sword teaches someone. It just pisses me off whenever people say that shit. Before Orchestra, the guy on the PA started talking about Virginia Tech and I almost started crying. Especially whenever no one would be quiet during the moment of silence. It's just so disrespectful. In Orchestra, our teacher was a real asshole. He kept on screaming at us to do better, said we sounded like crap, told the viola section to shut up, and insulted Storm in front of everyone. I'm so glad I'm not going to be in Orchestra next year-I'm tired of this crap. In Art we started painting our paper mache creations, and that meant painting my lolita dress. I decided to paint it with a sweet lolita pinkXwhite motif, but I couldn't get the pink light enough. >_< Now my lolita dress looks like crap!!! ;~; Hopefully tommorow I'll fix it up better. I eventually got tired of paiting and colored my dream house. I still have to finish the grass and sky, and then I'm gonna color the blueprints blue because I'm a dork like that. XD Whenever the bell rang for lunch, I went down and Nicole met up with me, and tried to take my lunch box away. I ran away from her, and she grabbed the strap of my purse and RIPPED IT. I was so pissed off, I just walked away and Stacie picked up my purse (one of the reasons I was so pissed off about it is because my mom made it and will think I'm not responsible enough to borrow anything when she sees this). They walked after me and Nicole kept on apologizing, although she was laughing and didn't sound very sincere. Since she started screaming at the top of her lungs, like she always annoyingly does, that didn't really help my mood. She screamed again and I just said "SHUT UP! Just stop it, okay?!" She walked off and I moved to a place where I would sit by myself. I was just tired of the shit she constantly puts me through and makes me feel like I'm meaningless. Whenever I was sitting alone, I kept on thinking of how my "friends" always tear up the things I have. Whether it be a purse, my confidence (when I even HAVE any), my body image, or never doing favors I ask of them. I'm just so tired of it. For a second I wondered if I really would be happier alone because I already feel that way. I'm glad that I won't have to talk to anyone tommorow. In Science Matt and Korki helped me feel better. Korki was so sweet, she kept on saying "Kyo still loves you." ^^; That was the first smile she got out of me. We had a substitute today and we watched a movie on magnetism. So, naturally, I studied Japanese and went to sleep. Whenever I woke up, my neck hurt like a son of a bitch and we had to do some work in the workbook, but luckily, I got it all finished. In English we had a substitute too, and she talked really funny, so that made me laugh a little. We had to read 2 scenes out of "The Merchant of Venice", and one of them was super long. @_@ We had to take a quiz on it afterwards, but I think I did well. After that we watched "Grammar Rock" from "School House Rock." -_- I wanted to kill myself. After school, I went to my locker and saw Nicole and Stacie there. I finally decided to Nicole, although whenever I apologized, she looked at me like I did something wrong. I sucked it up and said "Nicole, I'm sorry for being an assface." Then she said "you're always an assface." I wanted to walk away, but I knew I would only make them upset again. I know I can't please everyone. But I still want to. Whenever I was talking to my friends, I found out that there's another Cafekko at my school!!! :D So I'll have to find her and fangirl with her. XD And Stacie hit me, but the spikes on her bracelet hit me and made me bleed. -_- Whenever I walked home with Nicole and Bobby, Nicole told me that she was going to do the Day of Silence too. Yeah fucking right. I'm all for more people participating in fighting for gay rights, but her commmitment lacks so much. I'd rather her not participate in it than just pretending she is. She lies right to my face and tells me that she's a vegetarian, but she's eaten meat right in front of me. She's a liar! I doubt that she'll last half an hour. I really want to break this off with Nicole, but I've known her since kindergarten and it's hard. The last time I tried because she stole from me, we just ended up being friends again. I don't know.

Right now I'm listening to "Year Zero", Nine Inch Nails' new album. Yay! :D NIN is my favorite American band, so that makes me happy. *wiggles* I'll need to make my Day of Silence stuff soon. Mata ne, and sorry for the emo post.
+Momo+
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