Wednesday, July 18, 2007

   Kyo Fanfic
Current Mood: Tired
Current Song: DRAIN AWAY by Dir en grey

Okay, so some of you wanted to hear my Kyo fanfic, and I have nothing else to do since I finished sewing up my stuffed pig. It's a little rusty and cliche and I don't have the best writing skills in the world, but it's the best I can do. Enjoy.

***

Winter
Another road. Another empty night in another country. Goddamn, it was getting reptitive.
Kyo sighed and placed his hand under his chin and stared out the window, rain punching the pane in steady beats. This tour bus had grown so stale and confining. Despite the fact his friends were with him, he felt so numb all the time. He was beginning to think that he could not feel at all, as if the road seducted him with its kiss of death and left him dry and hollow.
Even fucking had lost its fun. His girlfriend would meet him once a month, and he always knew what she wanted. She would make some type of small talk trying to be non-conspicious before she was stripping and unzipping his pants. The poor girl had to belt out everything in her repetoire before he even got hard. And it was almost impossible to come unless he focused everything on the act and pushed himself as hard as possible. Afterwards the girl would lay spent and panting beside him while Kyo stared at the ceiling, wondering what was wrong with him. He was a rockstar, fucking all the girls he wanted was one of its privleges. As a boy he imagined girls lining up to let him inside of them. Now that it was happening, he felt nothing from it. She would pull on her clothes before kissing him, the taste of his cum still heavy on her breath, and leave him to his thoughts. Kyo would remain there for hours, laying naked and cold. He didn't recognize the man in the mirror anymore.
Often after these passionless one-night stands, Kyo would experiment with his tolerance of pain. He started using a scalpel he bought recently and proved itself far more useful than normal razors. He would carve deeply into his chest, scratching out words that screamed so loudly in his head. Sometimes he cut on his neck, threatening death upon himself. Eventually he would turn the blade to his wrist and watch the blood bead upon the fresh wound. He stared at the mirror, watching the ruby liquid trickle down his body. His chest seemed to be nothing but scabs. No one had ever said anything to Kyo about inflicting pain upon himself, but earlier that week Shinya expressed his consearn. He said that he was afraid he'd find Kyo dead and lying in his own pool of blood one day. The reason he took the scalpel to himself so much was because he couldn't feel anything. No matter how deep he cut, even if he reached his inner most core.... Kyo never felt a thing.
The only time his emotions pierced through him was on stage. With the blinding lights, nameless faces, and so many voices screaming his name. He could hear the pain, desire, lust, and every other color he had muted in himself within his voice. Whenever he ripped himself open in front of the ones who craved him so, he felt real. He flied on razor-blade wings. Kyo wished he could jump into the crowd of greedy hands and let them tear him apart piece by piece. Sitting backstage after a show, panting and covered in blood and sweat, he felt complete. His cuts stung. His heart ached and he could smile. He could laugh. Kyo's life exploded into technicolor onstage. Anywhere else he was just a lifeless shell. The Nobody.
Kyo stared out at the tar embilical cord streached before him and breathed upon the window, fogging it up.
"Bo-ku wa... na-ni-mo... nai.", he spelled out in the fog, gazing at it while it burrowed into his brain. "I am nothing.", he repeated in broken English. Once more he gave the window a glance before laying down on a couch and closing his eyes. The concert would be in a couple of hours.
Maybe he could cry this time.

***

Ooooh, emo-tastic! So that's my depressing little story. Enjoy.

Meh, I got me some strawberry pocky, bitches. >3 I gotta finish On the Beach before Friday, whenever Harry Potter comes out. @_@ Later!
+Momo+
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