Saturday, May 6, 2006

   Get away from me...
Current Mood: Somber
Current Song: Raven by Kittie

Last night I was talking to Zakuro over the phone and started crying... I felt depressed earlier that day, but everything seemed to press down to hard and I finally snapped. I felt bad because she had a really good day because her crush agreed to go with her to the last dance of the school year, then she had to listen to me. I don't know... I think I'm finally slowing down from all the happiness. Even sometimes whenever I listen to J-rock I get sad because I think that I'll never be able to meet them. I don't know, my brain is just picking out all the bad things in my life after this high (happiness) I've had... I guess it's because I feel like things I've wanted have been stripped from me and I've had to watch other people (sometimes my best friends) have them. When it all boils down, it's jealousy that's making me so miserable. I just wish that I could have some more things that I want. I know I sound selfish, but I try to do as much as I can for people and I usually get pushed down and walked on for it. It hurts been a doormat... I'm tired of it. Even at home I'm walked on.



Last night I watched "Clever Sleazoid" and helped my brother understand what it meant because he thought the song didn't make any sense at all. I explained to him that it meant Kyo's been a singer for years, and is different (part of something Japan is against, they support conformity) so people shun him for it and try to tell him to give it up. But he's fighting back and saying "shut up, I'm gonna do whatever you want to do and if you have a problem with it, you can SHOVE IT." What do you guys think it means?

Clever Sleazoid by Dir en Grey
Wake up you’re dead

Doing meaningless shit over and over
I’m just a third-rated star covered in blood
See the prince on the rocking horse, his polished face looks cool
I’m just gonna spill my guts on you

Under the name of Justice
You can’t break my soul
Under the name of Justice
Kill yourself
Think, you moron
Fall out of line you cockroach

Right, left, front and back, it overflows with despair and pain
They say this anger, this emotion and this passion is all a lie
Wither...
I’m not even trying to justify myself

Under the name of Justice
You can’t break my soul
Under the name of Justice
Kill yourself
Think, you moron
Fall out of line you cockroach

The dark dark Sunday, the blood stains
You can’t save yourself
The dark dark Sunday, the blood stains
One day I will fuck your parents

This is the last time
Welcome to the garden of destruction

(koe mo denai kurai ni... sonna ima ni hitori to kiduku)

The night is cold and long
The night sky is deep and wide

The dark dark Sunday, the blood stains
You can’t save yourself
The dark dark Sunday, the blood stains
One day I will fuck your parents


I know this isn't from Clever Sleazoid, but I thought Kaoru looked like a hot librarian in this. XD

Today I started writing a song like DIRU's "Kasumi"... it's about my childhood and what it was like the long summers where I didn't worry about anything and the world seemed wonderful. I think it's kinda pretty so far, but it'll still be sad... like all my songs. And I'm thinking of coming up with one about how I want to blossom and for people to see who I really am. All I have for it so far is "One day I will be the flower that blooms through the patch of stone." Last night I wrote a song called "Mokuteki" (or "Purpose") about how everything I want seems to fall through my fingers. Lately my songs have talked about feeling hollow and losing all emotion... I'm trying to steer it away from that and emphasise on emotions or senses (i.e. smell, taste, sight, hear, touch). I want my song to have a flavorful variety, like Dir en Grey's and Nine Inch Nails.




I couldn't find a good big picture of Trent... ToT

On Thursday I decorated my binder a pic of DIRU and little chibi drawings of them I did... I'm having trouble concentrating at school because of Kyo's hotness so I have to put it under my desk or turn it over. XD
+Momo+
Comments (3)