Friday, May 12, 2006

   Under the Name of Justice
Current Mood: Unknown
Current Song: Clever Sleazoid by Dir en Grey

Today was better than yesterday. I'm not as mad as I was, I'm more uncaring. If Zakuro wants to be that way, she can be that way. I don't care... some important things have been stripped of me this year, but it's been the easiest to endure. I'm just going to go through life the way I want to. I know there will be a few bumps along the way and I'm gonna fall down, but I'll have to suck it up and get back on my trail. I have more friends than just Zakuro and she's going off to a different school than I am next year, so it's been easier than I've thought. I guess that I've got so numb that these type of things don't really affect me anymore... thank God for thick skin. But whenever I see her, I do try to get away because I don't want to hear the crap she might try to dump on me. That's all I really have to say about that.


Help me fade away...

Today in science we watched a video on volcanoes and they were so beautiful. The lava looked like melted rubies flowing onto the dark earth. I couldn't take my eyes away from it. There was also "black lava" although it looked more silver and it showed some black lava bubbling up and twisting around. It was gorgeous, it kind of looked like mercury. I would never want to be a volcanologist, but they're just so beautiful you can't help but admire them. I know I sound like a dork, but I'm just telling you how I felt. -_- We also watched a video about Rosa Parks and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in Social Studies and I got so mad whenever I heard people laughing whenever the protesters were getting beaten and punished for doing nothing. They also laughed during a Holocaust video we watched earlier this year at DEAD bodies... I started crying. How can people be so heartless? Why can't they SEE and FEEL their pain? I just don't understand it and it slowly kills me to know how hateful people are.


How could people laugh at this pain?

I'll post the song I wrote yesterday. It somewhat captures my feelings I felt yesterday after being stabbed in the back once again. I doubt you guys will like it, but I'll post it up anyways-I need to take up some space. (By the way-I talk about rape in this song, but DON'T take it literally. I'm using rape as a metaphor for being betrayed.)

Pastel Sky
Lying on my stomach
I feel my soul seep through me
The wound in my back refuses to heal
Blurry-eyed regrets tear me apart
Eat me from the inside-out
Kicked down so much, afraid to get up

Bittersweet metallic taste
Gazing at Heaven with a smile
Silently, I am raped
Silently, without fear
I'll just choke back these tears
As the pastel sky flows red

Although the bruises have healed
I still carry the same pained smile
Just looking for a warm heart
In this land full of hatred
Learn to hide, to mask my torment
A virgin rose with no thorn

Bittersweet metallic taste
Gazing at Heaven with a smile
Silently, I am raped
Silently, without fear
I'll just choke back these tears
As the pastel sky flows red

Embedded in amber
I lay waiting...
Waiting until my heart beats again
Emotionally frigid
Cum inside me
Eyes with a blank stare

Bittersweet metallic taste
Gazing at Heaven with a smile
When you let go of my hand
I'll just choke back these tears
As the pastel sky flows red

I appreciate all the comments you guys yesterday, it helps me remember that there's more to life than this place. So thanks for everyone who's there for me-you're all I've got.
+Momo+
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