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Sunday, January 15, 2006


   Ugh...what a day to choose to do this...
Mood: Frustrated, angry, not really depressed, but not JUST sad, um...like killing stuff.
Music: Eat You Alive by Limp Bizkit (yes, it's coincidental that this song popped up)

*sighs*

It's amazing how wierd people will be when they are affected by love and stress at the same time. You'd think that they would come to you, if you supposedly made them happy, wouldn't they come to you if they needed help or a simple smile to brighten their day? Wouldn't they do that instead of breaking ties with that one person?
It's confusing. I loved him so much, and only wanted the best for him. Damnit.
It's funny/wierd...Seth and I seem to have almost the same kind of post. We are both strongly affected by love and past/present feelings. Both of have a strong love for a person, whether it be dying, newly created, or just dormant, about to spring up again into our hearts. Mine is just there, and it will never leave.


Of course, for those of you who are at the Raving Ninja Boards, you know that I'm no longer in a relationship, and I thank all of you that helped me out, made me laugh and ended on an extremely good note. It means a lot to me and I hope our friendships will continue to grow. I love you guys.


Well, after you all left, I proceeded running around the Gardens to find my loved one. He was standing on the side of the path, staring into the street from a small ledge. Breathing a sigh of relief, I approached him, wiping a tear from my cheek. This is one of the only times that I was not able to hide my tears in front of people. I'm usually very good at hiding my feelings, whether it be sadness, anger, regret, angst, or just confusion. He meant so much to me, and for him to want me to stay away for a bit, to break that certain little tie that we had, that little extra oomph in a relationship that takes it to the next level...just destroyed me.


Doesn't it hurt when you care for someone so much, and then they just break it up? They tell you that they need "time alone"? That they don't want to be around you because they've got too much shit on their plate? I mean, what the hell? I thought you said I made you Happy? Were you just putting some shit in my mind just so I'd think I was happy? Were you faking it? I probably have more shit in my than you do. You don't see me complaining. If everyone REALLY hated you, if you were TRUELY REJECTED as you say you are, do you think you would have a home? A place to sleep in everynight? Do you think I would be with you if you were TRUELY REJECTED? Huh?


.....I have NEVER cried like this over a guy. I fucking cried at church as well, after I dropped you of at your home, where your dad was worried about you coming home late. He wants to spend time with you....I prayed for you at church, like I do everytime I go. Even though, sometimes, it's not to "the god" that's meant to be prayed to, I still pray for you, hoping that you're safe. I just sit there and think about you, hoping that you're having a good day, hoping that you're not hurt, physically, emotionally, mentally...I think about you all the time, hoping that you're happy.


....*sigh* Well, I hope you're fucking happy now. Getting rid of the one thing that you'd think would keep you happy. The one person that would have loved you, if you say you were abandoned. I would never do that. I will always be here for you, but I'm not praising that fact that you wanted to break ties with me.


Great going.
...This is fucking stupid.

I love you so much. I want to make sure you're ok. I'm still going to check up on you, Now I just don't know if you're going to appreciate it as much as I appreciate you.


I'm just happy that I have something like DDR and friends, a pillow I can punch,
take my stress out. You won't believe of the shit I was thinking about. If you even do care. Sometimes, I just think it's all about you.


Be thankful that I beat up the ground, and not myself. Then would you be worried? Huh?


It seems you only want to be with me at your conveniance. Only when you figure things out, MAYBE you'll come back.


What the FUCK am I supposed to do? Wait around until YOU are happy again?
WE ALL HAVE SHIT ON OUR PLATE GODDAMNIT!!!


Now I have even more, and the same with you.


Guys, I really don't know how to end this post.
I'm just going to say thank you to all that were there for me, once more. I love you all.


Ani-chan: It's a good thing you took me with you when you went looking for him. What it something happened to you?


See? That's the kind of thing I wish he would even ask once in a while.


Ani-chan: What are you going to do at that place, when you go away for hours? Don't you see him there?


I guess I'll just take it as it comes. I'm just going to wing it. I hope nothing flows down these cheeks again. I don't need something like that there.


Ani-chan: Should I come? Do you need me?


Hmm...I guess I can take you again. I'm going to need the extra lift. Plus I get to show you off in my new classes. Wouldn't that be fun? *small smile*


Ani-chan: YES! Let's go! I want to make new friends too. I also want to see Kawaii-Seth and Seth-sama to thank them both. I know how much they both mean to you. Just as much I love you Maki-chan


Aww. You know I love you too.


Ani-chan: Send my thanks and love to Zappa-kun and everyone else that helped out. And tell Zappa-kun thanks for bringing Irae-chan, and that I say hi to Sada-chan.


Ok sweetie. *yawns* I think it's time for bed. I spent almost an hour on this post. If you didn't read it all, I don't blame you.


PS- I hope the HTML works...>.< And I had a blast with the friends that I saw at the SG, which is where all of this took place. I love you guys and hope to do it all again soon!

I have also created an account at Furcadia, for whoever is on there. I might need a bit of help though. It's kind of confusing...

Comments (5) | Permalink



Friday, January 13, 2006


If I could get close to the scent you left behind, THAT BE FINE
~Updated at home, paragraph 2~
Music: Maki's angry music- Eat You Alive (Limp Bizkit)


Animula here.
Maki is very tired, finished a test of some sort. We're both very hungry. Last night, there was some sort of quarrel in the house, and Maki layed down to sleep with a face all wet.
At the place we are now, everything is good. I hope it's the same for tomorrow. I get to see my friends! Hopefully all goes well.


All is not well...

Dear Maki,
I am going through a lot of problems and I am under a lot of stress. I have a lot of anger in me that I need to let out and it is going to take some time. I do not want to hurt you, but I need time alone, I have a lot on my mind, and I am going crazy. Writing this makes me sad, but I am sorry (insert frown face). Give me time to fix my problems and I might come back
Love ________ *Maki leaves it blank intentionally*
PS- Smile, I will still go with you tomorrow

Maki: *Gives a big sarcastic smile* WELL WHOOPDEE FUCKING DOO. Ok, well this note really pisses me off, but hey, it's ok; As long as you're able to come with ME to the Sunken Gardens, I'm happy! It's not like YOU matter anything to me anyway. *sarcasm*
.....*sigh* Well....goddamnit

Animula: Oh dear

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

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Thursday, January 12, 2006


   Uh...Here comes some Moosiq

Music Video Codes
| Myspace Layouts

Ok I'm not going to apologize if you don't like Limp Bizkit. This is MyO, and I like it, and I'm going to post it.
Also, the guitarist with the white face has the contacts that I want for my Animula cosplay. Watch the video and see.
This video is also censored, I'll apologize for that. I like Limp Bizkit because he reminds me of my brother. I miss him

I really want to get some music videos onto my site. I've decided I'm going to feature a new video every week, or every five posts, whenever the other ones gets off the page when the number of pages displayed makes it disappear
Now...onto the post....

Oi.
I just watched 2 episodes of "A Baby Story" on the Toob. I don't know what it is about watching a recorded birth on the television that makes you stay on the couch to watch the whole thing.

It was cool though I guess.
Sometimes I can't wait until I can have my own kid. I noticed I think about it more than usual. I don't know why. I've always wanted a boy, then a girl...
This is scaring the shit out of me.

I'm taking a walk to clear my head. Whoo...*sigh* There's something wrong with me...

Edit: I stole this from that person who signed my guestbook last. These are pretty cool. I hope it works. If it doesn't I'll fix it later. I'm at one of my friend's houses. It took up 30 minutes to walk here. It's a 2 minute drive to his house.
I couldn't think of anything else to write for the glitter letters. Here ya go:

Glittergraphics.us - Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graphics, Glitter Graphics, MySpace layoutsGlittergraphics.us - Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graphics, Glitter Graphics, MySpace layoutsGlittergraphics.us - Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graphics, Glitter Graphics, MySpace layoutsGlittergraphics.us - Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graphics, Glitter Graphics, MySpace layouts Glittergraphics.us - Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graphics, Glitter Graphics, MySpace layouts Glittergraphics.us - Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graphics, Glitter Graphics, MySpace layoutsGlittergraphics.us - Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graphics, Glitter Graphics, MySpace layoutsGlittergraphics.us - Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graphics, Glitter Graphics, MySpace layouts

Here's another one:

Glittergraphics.us - Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graphics, Glitter Graphics, MySpace layoutsGlittergraphics.us - Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graphics, Glitter Graphics, MySpace layoutsGlittergraphics.us - Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graphics, Glitter Graphics, MySpace layoutsGlittergraphics.us - Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graphics, Glitter Graphics, MySpace layouts Glittergraphics.us - Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graphics, Glitter Graphics, MySpace layoutsGlittergraphics.us - Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graphics, Glitter Graphics, MySpace layoutsGlittergraphics.us - Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graphics, Glitter Graphics, MySpace layoutsGlittergraphics.us - Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graphics, Glitter Graphics, MySpace layoutsGlittergraphics.us - Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graphics, Glitter Graphics, MySpace layouts

Roll your mouse over it to get some of your own, cause I'm not doing it for you. >.<
Comments (4) | Permalink



Wednesday, January 11, 2006


Layout
I'm looking to get a new layout...
Not sure what to do..
Need help.
Any suggestions? You guys are the ones reading this thing...Heheh.
Or should I just try to make a better Little Apple Dolls layout?

Ani-chan: FEATURE ME!!!

Sorry, babe, can't. I need to put something up so that everyone is happy. I would if you could find a good pic to use. But I also want to feature other friends. Mabye later

Ani-chan: Oh...*walks off to our room and sleeps*

Hmm...I think I just need to get a better wallpaper thing. Does anyone have any suggestions? I want to keep The Inbetween kind of...
Ah, I'll search stuff tomorrow after those stupid tests.
Zappa-kun, I also want to put something from YouTube on here. I found the music video. I'll PM it to you later.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Tired...Post more later
Hot Dog


Ladies and gentlement!
Introducing the Chocolate Starfish!
and the Hotdog Flavored Water
Bring it on!
Get the fuck up!
Yeah!
Check, one, two

Listen up, listen up!
Here we go
It's a fucked world
We're a fucked up place
Everybody's judged by their fucked up face
Fucked up dreams
Fucked up life
A fucked up kid
With a fucked up knife
Fucked up moms
And fucked dads
It's a fucked up a cop
With a fucked up badge
Fucked up job
With fucked up pay
And a fucked up boss
Is a fucked up pain
Fucked up press
And fucked up lies
Well, Lethal's in the back
With the fact of the fires

Hey, it's on
Everybody knows this song
Hey, it's on
Everybody knows this song

Ain't it a shame that you can't say "Fuck"
Fuck's just a word
And it's all fucked up
Like a fucked up punk
With a fucked up mouth
A nine ninch nail
I'll get knocked the fuck out
Fucked up babes
Who fucked up sex
Fake ass titties
On a fucked up chest
We're all fucked up
So whatcha wanna do?
We fucked up me
And fucked up you

You wanna fuck me like an animal
You'd like to burn me on the inside
You like to think that I'm a perfect drug
Just know that nothing you do
Will bring you closer to me

Ain't life a bitch?
A fucked up bitch
A fucked up soul with a fucked up stitch
A fucked up head
Is a fucked up shame
Swinging on my nuts
Is a fucked up game
Jealousy filling up a fucked up mind
It's real fucked up
Like a fucked up crime
If I say "Fuck", two more times
That's fourty six "Fucks" in this fucked up rhyme

It's on
Everybody knows this song
Hey, it's on
Everybody knows this song

You wanna fuck me like an animal
You'd like to burn me on the inside
You like to think that I'm a perfect drug
Just know that nothing you do
Will bring you closer to me

Hooo Haaa Haaaw!
Listen up baby
You.. can't.. bring.. me.. (bring me).. down
I.. don't.. think.. so
I don't want some
You.. better.. check.. your.. (check it).. self
Before.. you.. wreck.. your.. self
This.. my.. star.. fish
My.. choco.. late.. Starfish.. punk
This.. my.. star.. fish
My.. choco.. late.. Starfish.. punk

You wanna fuck me like an animal
You'd like to burn me on the inside
You like to think that I'm a perfect drug
Just know that nothing you do
Will bring you closer to me



Hey now, I felt like posting that song. It's great. I really want to just stop everything sometimes because you get so tired and just want to rest.

The elders gave me permission for a nap. I actually asked for one. That's how tired I am.
*slumps off to bed for 45 minutes*

Comments (0) | Permalink

Ninja of the night
http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=S59UifCe3Zc

Ok this is awesome. I want to get it onto my profile thing one of these days...
I might change my layout in a couple weeks. I'm not sure. I want to stick with Little Apple Dolls, but I need to change it so that The dolls aren't all small, and so that you can at least see what it's all about...

I might need help with that.
*runs off to read HTML tutorial*

Comments (4) | Permalink



Monday, January 9, 2006


Eh...I'm going to Keep this. I can't find the forum
Tattoos...
They can cover up scars. They are a reminder of a great or specific part of your life. Depending on what you actually get, they are a very artistic expression fo your interests or personalitly. I have no tattoos yet, I'm too young, but I do plan to get some later in life. I think it's just up to whoever is getting the "tat". Heheh.
If someone doesn't like them, too bad. Don't get in someone's face because they choose to express themselves in a different manner than you're used to. You have no life if you'd do that.
Get over it.

This was originally a post for Gaia...But.. here..

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   For Future reference- I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT SETH (like everyone else freaking does...)
Ah...Here at wherever. Upon the mist of stressfull bodies, As the weight of knowledge come bearing upon them in a hateful rush of agony!!!

I fell asleep earlier, yet, still tired. I was to wear my new Puma Shirt, but it's ok. I like the sleeves.
Forgive me for not updating the past couple days/day (not sure when I updated last)
I've been very busy cramming my brain with stuff.
*is kind of blushing to be typing the next few lines*
First off- THIS IS MY OTAKU, AND I CAN TYPE WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT TO...EVEN IF THEY ARE MY FEELINGS AND THE PERSON CAN SEE IT! AND I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY SAY!! Well, actually, I kinda do...depending of what it is.
Last night I had the privaledge (SP?)to converse with one of the most awesome/cool girls in the world.
45 freaking minutes....
Last time this happened, was...at the beginning of the year with I first moved to this place...And I don't know what's going on with me. I'm really anxious to see this person on the 14th. I've been talking to him/her (Not willing to totally give out many hints) a lot lately. I really want to see them.
UGH!! I just don't know what else to say.

This week is going by so slow...
I need it to pass quickly....

Ani-chan: You need to be careful. You've already got SO. What's going to happen if anythign gets too serious?

Maki-san: I know. That is, IF it gets anything near serious AT ALL.
...*deep sigh*
I just don't know what I would do. I'm kinda nervous to see him/her in person...SHIT!!!!!!!!

Ani-chan: *continues to comb her hair and gives a worried face to Maki as she is pacing around MyO, biting her lip*
You need to calm down...Here. *hands Maki a Bottle Ramune* Animula continues with her hair and watches Maki guzzle down the whole bottle without tipping over the ball*
...Jeebus....She's as beautiful as this--->Image hosted by Photobucket.com

THIS CALLS FOR 2 ICONS:
Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com
I'm just kind aconfused, it and sucks when I think about it because this is one of few times that I DON'T know what to do....

*fifteen Minutes later*

Ani-chan: He's just being an asshole...
Sorry guys. Maki doesn't feel like writing now. SO's just pissing her off. Apparantly, he's has no respect for what's important to her. He likes to turn things around so they pertain to him and him only. THAT BITCH.
All about him and his skateboards and his hockey. I'm glad he's got things going for him, becuase he's got goals. But he's really taking it away from what she wants and needs.
Maki: *sitting in the corner, silently crying one tear by tear*

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Friday, January 6, 2006


   OH EM GEE
My day was awesome...
One little detail can always perk up the day, no matter what...XD
Ani-chan: Tell them! TELL THEM!

Hold on!! Let me go get my Pizza Rolls from the microwave, I'm hungry.
*two minutes later Maki arrives witha plate of yummy pizza rolls. Ani-chan is sitting in the chair, legs crossed, hand cradles her chin, looking bored*
...Oops, I burnt them. Image hosted by Photobucket.com
*rolls her eyes*

Heh...^.^
Well, Ok I'm just going to come out with it.
I had lost my book earlier and went looking for it. To take a shortcut after finding it, I cut across the outdoor covered courtyard thingy. Immediately to the right, two boys were sitting, cuddling and flirting with each other! IT WAS SO KAWAII!!!!
I turned around and looked at them, like this---> O.O....>.<
And gave them the biggest smile I had! They just kinda stopped and gave me a shy smile, both of them. AwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWw WwWwWwWwWwWwWWw
To make sure they knew it was safe to expose their precious relationship around me, I said "You guys are so cute! I want to take a picture. aww....
Don't worry, ya'll are safe"
With relieved smiles, they went back to flirting and cuddling faces in necks. AWWWWWWWWWW
I couldn't stop smiling and looking back at them once in a while.
After that, I saw one of them in the hall, and gave a smile, recieving a shy one in return. I sent Seth-chan out to see them too. They actually recocnized me from my Kifu hat....funny.

That just made my whole damn weekend.

Heheheh.
So then I got on my bus to get home. After a while of sitting, I hear noise in the backseats (I usually sit towards the middle so I can listen to my music).
Two boys were having a sword fight with styrofoam 2 foot swords and wooden shields! It was so awesome. I wanted to join, but I decided against it and kept combing out Ani-chan's hair

Ani-chan: *smile* Thank you for letting me come with again. Seth talked to me more today! He's such a sweetheart!
Now I also want to come to Latin Class next year. I missed everyone again. I like how Seth-chan cuddles me in class. She's so pretty!!

Maki-san: Yup, the day was good, awesome, wonderful and I love everybody that I saw today.
I can't wait for next Saturday. I get to see more friends and people that I know. Hopefully make some new friends as well.

Maki-san, OUT! *throws victory sign*
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
*GLOMPS JOO ALL*

Comments (3) | Permalink

   Good post *nods* good post
Maki-san: Doesn't it suck when someone you love is going through shit, and you just can't help them because either you just can't, or they won't let you?

Ani-chan: Don't worry, he'll be fine.

Maki-san: I'm not worried about just SO, but more people, that's the bad part. Many have told me that I'm too soft, even if I HAVE toughened up wiht my feelings toward others since I moved here. I had to toughen up, being in this place...UGH. I just feel helpless and I don't know how to help. I really want to. I don't know what to do. I want to help Zappa, SO, and Tala...I guess I can't really do much until I see them

Ani-chan: I want to help too! I'm going out with you today, right? Is that a way to help? I want to help? And on the 14th?

Maki-san: I know you want to help. That's why I love you. And yes, you are going with me. I'll have to see about the 14th ok sweetie? We'll see if Irae-chan is coming.
*huggle*

On the side note. I'm picking myself back up again from that slump that I left off before break. It's getting close to hte end, and I can't leave off on a bad note.
Also, I'm pretty much going with everyone on the 14th. I just have to take Ray with me. Here's what was said last night about the rave forums and it's wonderful:

Me: "Thanks for giving it a chance"
Mom: "Oh you're welcome baby. Thanks for showing me what you do"

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

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