Friday, August 19, 2005

August 18, 2005 11: 56PM


I left a kiss on your pillow.

From my computer in my room, I can see the full moon tonight. It’s so beautiful. Before I started up Word, I sat in front of the right side window, and felt my angel’s presence. The trees below danced as if he would be playing around them. I closed my eyes and felt his strong comforting arms around me. I felt his kiss on my lips, and his face close to mine.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before, to be honest. Every waking moment of my time, is committed to him in my thoughts, and my dreams are occupied by his existence. Although it is blissfully, I’m intrigued by the fact that he’s the only one that has had this subliminal effect on me. His spirit is always with me, and I’ve never been happier. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is wrong with him. Like the stars, he lights up my night, and like the sunflower to that fireball in the sky, I always want to be with him. He IS my light.
When he says he’s right outside my window, I believe it. I’ve never been spiritually connected to someone like this ever before. This is what I’ve always wanted.
One thing that he still asks: How does this happen to a wolf and a dragon? Well to be honest, I don’t know. The world works in mysterious ways, and tosses out so many things that we still do not understand. It’s funny how it all happens so fast too. One day, we will figure out how this works. Until then, I’d just like to enjoy the day and the time we have. I love my angel to the deepest extent that any heart could withhold.
The smoke that drifts from my incense reminds me of the times we have together. Drifting away so fast, so smoothly, into the unknown depths of air and unknowingness. It never goes down, pushes wherever it is taken, randomly going where it pleases. When I put it out, it burns and hisses at me, as if it was angry with me for ending its life. It fades away, only temporarily, for it knows that I will want and need it again soon.
So as I stare at this full moon crossing the sky tonight, adrenaline rushing, eyes wide open, I’ll never keep my mind off of him. I’ll love him and his beautiful soul forever. Even after he is gone, whenever that time will come. He is the other part of my mentality that I had been searching for, ever since I came here.
I’m sure there is more to say, at the moment, I’m just occupied by the luminescent glow of the moon that has captured my soul in its youth of the night.

1:15 AM

I finished letting off some of my energy by moving my computer area to a corner in my room. Before, it was right in the middle of my room, in front of the windows. My room looks a lot bigger now. I forgot to turn on the fan during this process, so I started sweating like mad. After it was all done, I moved the box that used to be in the way to the closet, as well as the objects that were cramped up next to it. Now I can open the middle windows with out a problem. Those are the most beautiful ones. I opened and closed the curtains behind me, so that they hid my back. I looked up at the stunning moon.
It was perfect. Right in the middle, right over my head, and the reflections of the window made a cross right on it, the moon was the intersection. The reflections also caused it to have some triple image. I could see 3 clear moons in a straight diagonal. I felt like I was on another planet.

1:22 AM

I looked out the window again, standing up, I prayed to the moon of my guardians. Opening my eyes again, I saw that my middle window locks were undone. I find that peculiar because with my computer in the way, I never really had a chance to open that window until now. I never did before…my parents did maybe? I’m not sure, but I know that I didn’t do it. I didn’t want to open the window now, because dad had set the ADT alarm already. I didn’t want to set it off and wake everyone up. I couldn’t lock one of them though. I didn’t want to push down on the window either, for the same reason as wanting to open it. I’ll just have to do with one. I’ve got enough sharp objects and things in my room to use as weapons. I doubt there will be a time when I will actually get attacked from my window. There is no way anyone can really get physically right outside my window. Even the tree out there is to thin for anyone to really climb up safely. If they were to jump from that tree to my window, they would need some sort of rope to catch them right below it, because they wouldn’t make it to the ledge. Then they would need someone at the window to help them up, and someone to actually open the window to get in safely too. There is almost no ledge. It’s about 6 maybe 7 inches out, and that’s not enough room for someone to balance correctly to get in my room.

2:16

I was laying on the floor, still awake, but spacing out while listening to Green Day on my stereo. Since the floor is kind of hard, I turned my neck to a more comfortable position. At that point I was looking away from my bed. All of a sudden, I felt a sharp, sudden pain on my neck as it someone was biting into it. I grabbed it, but there was no blood. I did enjoy it, I don’t doubt that, but it was surprising.

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