Mood: Frustrated, angry, not really depressed, but not JUST sad, um...like killing stuff.
Music: Eat You Alive by Limp Bizkit (yes, it's coincidental that this song popped up)
*sighs*
It's amazing how wierd people will be when they are affected by love and stress at the same time. You'd think that they would come to you, if you supposedly made them happy, wouldn't they come to you if they needed help or a simple smile to brighten their day? Wouldn't they do that instead of breaking ties with that one person?
It's confusing. I loved him so much, and only wanted the best for him. Damnit.
It's funny/wierd...Seth and I seem to have almost the same kind of post. We are both strongly affected by love and past/present feelings. Both of have a strong love for a person, whether it be dying, newly created, or just dormant, about to spring up again into our hearts. Mine is just there, and it will never leave.
Of course, for those of you who are at the Raving Ninja Boards, you know that I'm no longer in a relationship, and I thank all of you that helped me out, made me laugh and ended on an extremely good note. It means a lot to me and I hope our friendships will continue to grow. I love you guys.
Well, after you all left, I proceeded running around the Gardens to find my loved one. He was standing on the side of the path, staring into the street from a small ledge. Breathing a sigh of relief, I approached him, wiping a tear from my cheek. This is one of the only times that I was not able to hide my tears in front of people. I'm usually very good at hiding my feelings, whether it be sadness, anger, regret, angst, or just confusion. He meant so much to me, and for him to want me to stay away for a bit, to break that certain little tie that we had, that little extra oomph in a relationship that takes it to the next level...just destroyed me.
Doesn't it hurt when you care for someone so much, and then they just break it up? They tell you that they need "time alone"? That they don't want to be around you because they've got too much shit on their plate? I mean, what the hell? I thought you said I made you Happy? Were you just putting some shit in my mind just so I'd think I was happy? Were you faking it? I probably have more shit in my than you do. You don't see me complaining. If everyone REALLY hated you, if you were TRUELY REJECTED as you say you are, do you think you would have a home? A place to sleep in everynight? Do you think I would be with you if you were TRUELY REJECTED? Huh?
.....I have NEVER cried like this over a guy. I fucking cried at church as well, after I dropped you of at your home, where your dad was worried about you coming home late. He wants to spend time with you....I prayed for you at church, like I do everytime I go. Even though, sometimes, it's not to "the god" that's meant to be prayed to, I still pray for you, hoping that you're safe. I just sit there and think about you, hoping that you're having a good day, hoping that you're not hurt, physically, emotionally, mentally...I think about you all the time, hoping that you're happy.
....*sigh* Well, I hope you're fucking happy now. Getting rid of the one thing that you'd think would keep you happy. The one person that would have loved you, if you say you were abandoned. I would never do that. I will always be here for you, but I'm not praising that fact that you wanted to break ties with me.
Great going.
...This is fucking stupid.
I love you so much. I want to make sure you're ok. I'm still going to check up on you, Now I just don't know if you're going to appreciate it as much as I appreciate you.
I'm just happy that I have something like DDR and friends, a pillow I can punch,
take my stress out. You won't believe of the shit I was thinking about. If you even do care. Sometimes, I just think it's all about you.
Be thankful that I beat up the ground, and not myself. Then would you be worried? Huh?
It seems you only want to be with me at your conveniance. Only when you figure things out, MAYBE you'll come back.
What the FUCK am I supposed to do? Wait around until YOU are happy again?
WE ALL HAVE SHIT ON OUR PLATE GODDAMNIT!!!
Now I have even more, and the same with you.
Guys, I really don't know how to end this post.
I'm just going to say thank you to all that were there for me, once more. I love you all.
Ani-chan: It's a good thing you took me with you when you went looking for him. What it something happened to you?
See? That's the kind of thing I wish he would even ask once in a while.
Ani-chan: What are you going to do at that place, when you go away for hours? Don't you see him there?
I guess I'll just take it as it comes. I'm just going to wing it. I hope nothing flows down these cheeks again. I don't need something like that there.
Ani-chan: Should I come? Do you need me?
Hmm...I guess I can take you again. I'm going to need the extra lift. Plus I get to show you off in my new classes. Wouldn't that be fun? *small smile*
Ani-chan: YES! Let's go! I want to make new friends too. I also want to see Kawaii-Seth and Seth-sama to thank them both. I know how much they both mean to you. Just as much I love you Maki-chan
Aww. You know I love you too.
Ani-chan: Send my thanks and love to Zappa-kun and everyone else that helped out. And tell Zappa-kun thanks for bringing Irae-chan, and that I say hi to Sada-chan.
Ok sweetie. *yawns* I think it's time for bed. I spent almost an hour on this post. If you didn't read it all, I don't blame you.
PS- I hope the HTML works...>.< And I had a blast with the friends that I saw at the SG, which is where all of this took place. I love you guys and hope to do it all again soon!
I have also created an account at Furcadia, for whoever is on there. I might need a bit of help though. It's kind of confusing...
Ugh...what a day to choose to do this...