Thursday, April 13, 2006

I feel so bad that I don't ever have toime to read you guys' sites....
Aww, you guys are all so sweet! But my life really doesn’t suck as bad as I make it out to be. Your support means millions, though. I guess my last entry seemed jam-packed with problems. It’s just hard sometimes, but that’s life and you make the best of it. I’ve kind of sort of figured things out with my boyfriend. We’re going to stay together, but it’s edgy. I’m afraid that this has permanently affected the way I feel about him, and it might be irreparable. Sorry for the long wait between entries. I was busy moving into my house and getting stuff set up. I’ll be getting a home phone set up on the 19th, so internet will follow shortly, since it’s from the same company.
As for getting a job, I found out my parents are willing to support me at least until autumn, so that I can enjoy the travel opportunities and balance school with a life for a while. Speaking of a life, I made a friend this weekend! He’s new here too, as well as American, so that makes things nice.
I may not have much time on here today, so if I don’t get to catch up on your entries, I’m sorry.
xxPhedre
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Friday, March 31, 2006

*pouty face*
Grr! THAT was quite a disappointment. I found out that I can't even apply for the job until next week, because that's when all of my things get delivered to my new home... including my high school diploma, which they need a copy of to hire me. It also says I need to include a copy of my driver's license, which could be a problem, cause, uh... I don't have one. I've lived in Europe so long, and over here you can't drive until you're 18, so I just never got one (I only just turned 18 this month). Oh well, here's hoping I can find a way around that.
A few entries ago, I wrote about my boyfriend. There's been some news in that area. I found out he has been on an online dating site, and that caused some problems. The entire situation is obviously much more complicated, but that's the gist of it. I told him that I need a little bit of time to figure it all out, and I haven't spoken to him in a few days. So I'm starting to wonder if this is all God's way of saying that the two of us aren't supposed to be together, or if he's telling me that I have to work hard for something like this. Or maybe, it's some strange combination of the two. Either way, I'm pretty confused, and I've spent the past few days contemplating everything, and what seems like every possible outcome. I want to say a big umbrella thank you to everyone who left me kind messages and words of support. It really made my day ^.^
I'm going to be building most of my furniture here. Some of it is from kits, like these great wooden chests that I'm planning on hand painting. Other plans are original designs, which I'm very excited about. And if I'm lucky, I'll be able to find some great stuff that I can strip and refinish. Needless to say, I'm trying to do this creatively, and on the cheap side, but still not live in a hovel.
It will be so nice when I get my internet hooked up... I'll be able to get on MyOtaku every day again! Then I'll be able to leave you guys more comments! I can't wait for these next four days to pass by... Then I'll be in my own place! Yay! (There were way too many exclamation points in this paragraph...)
On a sadder note, I've been feeling sick for the past few days. I think I'm coming down with a cold. *pout* Well, I think I'm going to go make some tea and hot soup, and maybe take a nap so I can feel better.
Also... you never know how much you use the letters W and S until they break on your keyboard. >.<

xxPhedre
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Monday, March 27, 2006

Wish me luck!
Tomorrow I'm going to apply for a job. I'm trying to work with children, at a sort of day-care-slash-preschool. Very child development oriented. I really hope I get this job, because it will definitely help me in the long run if I do. When I'm older (and graduated from college), I'd like to be a special education teacher, preferably for elementary age kids with autism and/or Down's syndrome. I used to volunteer at an elementary school doing that, and it was something that I really enjoyed. It's just something about these kids... When I'm around them, they don't have disabilities, they're just kids who need a little more help, a little more attention, and a lot more love. It's something about them, like when they've been having a rough day, and you catch the only smile they give. When they get back from the nurse and give you their sticker. When they give you a hug at the end of the day, or when they show signs of improvement, or when they flash that silly little grin on the playground... It's worth all the heartache a special ed teacher endures.
Anyway, lots of things to be done.. like sleeping!
xxPhedre
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Mmm, egotastic!
So, I filled this out on LivingDoll's profile, and it said to repost it. Consider it, reposted!
Please fill this out in your comment.

1. Name:
2. Date of birth:
3. Where you live:
4. What makes you happy:
5. Currently listening/the last thing you listened to:
6. Do you read my journal?:
7. If yes, what makes it especially good or bad?:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. Are you in love/do you have a crush at the moment?:
10. Favourite place to spend time:
11. Favourite lyric:
12. The best time of the year:

RECOMMEND
1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A band, a song, or album:

PLUS
1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Look at my friends-list and tell what you like about one of our mutual friends:
4. Put this in your journal so that I can tell you what I like about you.

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Friday, March 17, 2006

A very personal entry
Ah, it's been a couple days. I think I may have found a place to live, woo!
*very personal entry coming up-- sorry, I just need to vent it somewhere*
The last week or so has been really rough on me. My boyfriend has had a few health revelations that, frankly, I'm not sure if I can handle. He found out he can't have children. He also recently found out that he is diabetic, which means adoption is pretty much out of the question, too. Most agencies don't want to give a child to someone with diabetes. I'm afraid; we've talked about marriage, and he gave me a "promise ring" last year (for those of you who haven't heard of those, it's kind of like a "we're not ready to be engaged, but this is a way of showing our commitment" thing.), and he plans to propose to me in just a few weeks (although in his eyes, I don't know this). I am here for him during this hard time, but I'm not sure if I can be with him romantically anymore. I do want children; very much so. But even so; other things have been changing in our relationship, before he found these things out. He's become petty, and lately, it seems all he wants to talk about is sex-related. Now, I am definitely a prude, so, y'know, I don't really want to talk about that. We used to have great conversations; but now it's turned into "So here's what I did today..." and it's been that way for months. I need to be able to have a conversation with someone to feel close to them. I feel like I'm becoming very distant because of all that's happening. I don't want to lose him, because I care for him deeply; I love him. But I'm afraid that maybe, just maybe, this is God's way of telling me that he isn't the right one for me. Or maybe God just doesn't want me to have children. I don't understand why things like this happen, but i very t's not my place to understand. There is a force at work here much larger than anything I could ever comprehend. Sigh.
*very personal entry over* You may now resume your regularly scheduled programming.
xxPhedre
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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

This Is Not A Mockery Of The Monkery.
I have decided, that I want to start a nunastery. Somewhat like a convent, and somewhat like a monastery. It would be a lot like a convent, but we'd get to wear the Buddhist monk's brown robes and go barefoot instead of the nun's habit and headdress thing. Also, more zenlike. It would be wonderful. And I mean this all in a non-sacrilegous way (just so it doesn't get taken wrongly). We'd study about God and just be close to Him.
Still on the lookout for a place to live. Right now I'm at a cyber cafe, drinking hot chocolate and wondering what I'll do for dinner tonight. Yesterday I went to what is probably the Italian equivalent of a Bed Bath & Beyond. There were two whole aisles dedicated to things for making coffee. And another two for wine glasses. OH! And in the front was a whole section dedicated to Italian pottery. It was wonderful. I also found a 2000 piece puzzle of Van Gogh's Starry Starry Night (I have a love affair with all things celestial). But alas, I didn't have the 20 Euros on me that I would have needed.
Today Izzy and I went to the grocery store and stocked up on ice cream. We got butter pecan, cookies and cream, ice cream sandwiches, cups, cones, microwaveable fudge topping, and an ice cream scooper that I wielded menacingly as I hummed the Mission Impossible theme. Ah, good times.
xxPhedre
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Sunday, March 12, 2006

Italy. Mmm, Italian food.
Hey!
I've finally gotten a chance to get on a computer here.
Yeah, I only ate Chinese food on the way down here... But since I've been here I've only eaten Italian food! That's different, though, isn't it? If I keep eating out every night, my wallet will get as thin as I'll get fat. "If we keep eating out like this, I'm going to have to buy a bigger robe!"
Still gotta find a house. Got a gorgeous view of the Dolomites from my hotel though! (They're the mountains at the base of the alps, in case you were wondering.) There's also a monastery in the mountains I might take a look at one day, if I have time. I think monasteries are so cool. They're tranquil, and monks just spend all of their time so close to God. I like that. I could handle being a nun, I think. If I don't ever get married, I think I'll be a nun. (Don't quote me on that!)
Gonna go leave some comments!
xxPhedre
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Tuesday, March 7, 2006

Germany!
No time to comment or reply, sorry those who did new posts ^.^ Thanks for the good wishes, everyone, and Magnus Lensherr, I'll be sure to get back to you, I promise!
This is just a quick update... stopping in Germany for the night on my way to Italy. I stayed in Dover last night, before I crossed the Channel. I had the BEST Chinese food I've had in a long time last night in Dover. The restaurant was called Chapter Eight, and oh man, I couldn't get enough of it. And lucky me, I get Chinese again tonight! Yay! Only, probably not GOOD Chinese, *sigh.*
Anyway, I lucked out and found places to stay that would be willing to let me keep my boys with me while I travel, yay! Italy, here I come.
I'll try and reply to you guys tomorrow, but it might not be until Thursday.
xxPhedre
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Sunday, March 5, 2006

It's my birthday today!
And what am I doing? Packing, because I leave tomorrow morning! Tonight I'm staying over at a friend's house. Last night, though, was the big ol' party I mentioned earlier. I bought my first legal drink. I'm not big on liquor, but y'know. The big 1-8, you kind of have to buy it, even if you don't drink it.
My friend Beth cut my hair again, now I look like Kisa from Furuba. Whee! I can't wait until the dyed part finishes growing out (should be just another month or so, it's taken forever) so that it'll all be the same color. That will be nice.
Well, I'm going to go check up on some of your sites. Byyye!
xxPhedre
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Wednesday, March 1, 2006

I'm here!
Packing out the house only took two days, not three, so I got a chance to come to the library! Woo! There's a long line, though, so they're going to enforce the time limit, so I won't have time to check up/comment on any of your sites. Sorry! >.< I'll try to come back at a time when there aren't as many people waiting.
I'm kind of mad; sometime while the movers were here, the sapphire in my cross necklace (which I never take off) came out. So now, the prongs keep stabbing me (And will until I get a new one.. cause I don't take this off). Not cool.
I finished my book that I was reading, God.com. It's actually pretty good. I didn't really like it at first. There's a twist in the middle! (I totally knew when I saw his picture on the back sleeve though. I'm just good like that.)
My sister's birthday is today. But, I don't have a phone, so I can't call her. She'll understand. Right now I'm looking forward to Saturday, because there's gonna be a HUGE party. Woohoo!
Gotta run!!
xxPhedre
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