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I'm over at tb's house and these kids are over.
Kid #1: You're gay!
Kid #2: I'm also strong!
Kid #2: I'm so good at flying because I tried it at home.
Ok, these are the stupid things that me and my friends say (aka, the Words of Wisdom)
trigunbabe318: *looks at caller ID* It says William, BJ. . . .
her dad: It's Blow Job Billy!
Akume131: Mom, you're so corny.
her mom: *laughs* At least I'm not something that rhymes with it!
Aaron: *throws toilet paper roll* You look like shit!
me: Dad, would you be lonely if I went over to Bek-
my dad: NO.
trigunbabe318: I can see you saying, "What's a carnie? Is it some kind of bird?" *laughs*
me: *laughs half-heartedly*
tb318: *stops* Do you even know what a carnie is?
me: No.
me: Hey, Aubrey, who was the first president?
Aubrey: Wasn't is Lincoln?
me: Dad, who was the first president?
mydad: Lincolnway. ((In case you're wondering, Lincolnway is a road))
Everett: I don't get this dumb math problem.
Some girl: Stupid, you're supposed to divide it by seven.
Everett: Your mom's divided by seven.
Radio station show((Please don't be offended, it was on the radio)): I think God is black. That explains why so many things taste like chicken.
Same radio station: Do you know why they call it PMS?
Some girl: Why?
Radio station: Mad cow disease was taken.
me (at 3 years) : *to her dad* Wake up you big silly dummy!
me: Kayla H., how much do you weigh?
Kayla H.: *proudly* 100 exactly.
me: Is that before or after you stuff your bra?
tb318: *reading book title* The Long Winter . . . Ooer.
tb318: *runs to Jabari ((who is a guy))* Haley's trying to get me!!!
Jabari: Where is she? I'll throw my titti at her.
Some greeting card: I love you . . . are you still on your meds?
me: *to tb318* Okay. I had a dream that I had a dream about you and somebody and woke-up in the dream.
me (in church): Goodbye vision of Brandon Flowers -- I'm in a place of God!
me: Dang. My ankle hurts and my butt is green.
me: Jessi ((who is a girl)), who would win in a fight between Big Josh and Little Josh?
Jessi: Me.
me: This one time I was gonna go to church, but I forgot.
me: trigunbabe318, who puts carpet on their walls?
tb318: My grandma.
me: The Mafia reminds me of a muffin. Muffins are a good thing.
me: I got a secret! And no, it doesn't stink.
tb318: Did you know Moby Dick was a Sperm whale? ((true fact!))
me: Oh, goddamn! Adam Levine's arms are hairy as Terry's mother!
tb318: I only did the fundraiser 'cause I wanted the little catalog thingy.
Some kid in class: I'm smart!
Mrs. Kingsberry: Spell smart!
Kid: S-a-r-t.
me: I gotta do my al-g-bra homework. Bra . . . no wonder I'm failing.
Jack M.: *sees a pig* THERE'S ME!!!
tb318's mom: What's that smell? It smells like propane.
Brandon: I farted.
tb318 (on the phone with MCP): I hear a doggy.
me: What? I thought you said, "I hear a dummy."
tb318: I do.
VashLuver131/Akume131: Ellaina and me are trying to figure out why spiders are so hairy.
me: I don't know. Maybe because they don't shave their pubes.
Jack M.: *at random* POP SOX!
tb318: <_< >_>
Josh (aka "Big Josh"): *to tb318* I bet it's gonna be hard for you to find a boyfriend taller than you.
me: Aren't you taller than her, Josh?
tb318: In this A Man Without a Country book, there's a line that says, "With officers, he had unrestrained intercourse, as far as they and he chose." Ooer.
tb318: *to MCP* Poor us. Don't worry, I understand how you feel if Tyler S. leaves. . . . Let's become nuns. But let's get braces so we don't look like Sister Wendy. We'll be hot nuns.
tb318: I "stabbed" Terry with a pen and then he said he was gonna get lead poisoning.
Tyler S.: *in a note* I have to restart my life in a new, clean envri envrion envryn habitat.
A line from a school worksheet: Unlike Phyllis Wheatley or Douglass, Harriet had no teaching of any sort, except the whip.
Josh: *lifts up shirt to tb318 and MCP* Sneak preview. . . .
me: AHHH!!! WHITE!!!
tb318: I found a pen in the rip of my backpack.
Nick: God, you probably have something living in there.
tb318: Well, it didn't bite me when I stuck my hand in there.
Nick: It probably isn't fully grown yet.
tb318: That Tyler guys nice. What's his last name?
me: Croft.
tb318: Oh yeah. Maybe he's related to Lara Croft.
me: Do you think that's where he gets his tits?
tb318: Before lunch let's run to Mrs. Matthew's room 'cause she said she had some invitation for me.
me: CRACK PARTY!
tb318: Sweet! Josh'll be there!
me: Yeaah! And Jack M.!
tb318: Yay! Boys we know that won't cheat on us 'cause they're not hot enough!
tb318: Boys piss me off. Jennifer's buying me a rice crispy treat so I feel better. I love rice crispy treats.
me: trigunbabe318, are you being groped?
tb318: *not paying attention* Ouch. What?
tb318: My pen died! Stupid St. Joe Hospital pen. I was born at Memorial Hospital anyway!!! So HAH.
Jack H.: *about "chubby" Mrs. Heisey* I was just standing at her desk watching her play with her toys and her chin was talking to me.
me: Holy crap, Mr. B's nippies poke out bad as a mother! (("as a mother" is just our phrase referring to 'exremely' Example: I'm hungry as a mother! Or: I'm cold as a mother!))
tb318: Alonte's little braid thing looks like a turd. Not to be mean. . . .
me: *sleeping*
my dad: *comes in, BURPS REALLY LOUD*
me: *jolts awake*
my dad: Good morning!
my French teacher: Bonjour! Can you say bonjour?
me: Bonjour.
my French teacher: Again, bonjour.
me: *slightly irritated* Bonjour.
my French teacher: Once again, bonjour.
me: *VERY AGITATED* BONJOUR!
Akume131: Don't smack me, my back hurts.
Akume131: I can't run, my neck hurts.
me: Yeah, I got a locker, Mrs. Greene.
Mrs. Greene: Oh bless you.
Melissa: Can you say bonjour?
me: BONJOUR, BITCH, BONJOUR!
tb318: (about teacher) caring, but a little blunt. She called her youngest daughter a screw-up.
(about Saving Private Ryan)
me: Who saved Ryan's privates?
tb318: I did.
me: Tyler keeps staring at me. *evil glare* Oh, he snorted at me. Oh, dang, now he's in trouble. Maybe it's because he snorted at me.
tb318: Oink.
tb318: Buhh! Someone put a pen mark on the back of my shoulder! They were probably tempted to do it because my shirt's white! And I'm white!
Akume131: Steven is looking at me! Boo
me: YOU WHORE!
tb318: Close Encounters of the Third Kind.
Zack: No one says, "It's a swell of fun!"
Pat: Rednecks do.
Matt: HEY!
me: Oops, I tried to write shuttle in cursive but I wrote shittle.
Shittle.
(about our made-up park called Aquafine)
Mrs E: Sooo...drink up and have fun.
Zack: Drink up and have fun? I don't get it. ((for those of you that don't know, Aquafina is a brand of water bottle))
Akume131: Calm down, Jesus!
Akume131: Slow down, Moses!
~the end~
Ok. That's it for now. I thought you guys might need a laugh.
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WORDS OF WISDOM!