Wednesday, February 27, 2008

   filthy germs

ok well first thing is that luckily enough, school got canceled today because of some threat that the administration is taking seriously. for that im glad cuz i can take things easy now seeing as i finished my homework and all. although it does worry me a little about the threat thing. but sometimes ppl just want to be total jackasses so i can't say i believe in the existence of it 100% or anything. im worrying a lot more than in years past. sometimes i wish i wouldn't so much. im sick and yesterday it was really bad and i had the feeling like i was gonna vomit every single time i coughed cuz of all that mucus and shit. and im kinda annoyed how nobody seemed to treat me any different. in fact, it was almost like i was being treated worse at one point. im not saying i want to be treated like royalty just cuz im sick, but i would have thought that being sick would at least make my friends stop poking me like they normally do, seeing as i can't scream with a sore throat and all. but in reality, nobody seemed to notice i was sick unless i spelled it out for them. the only one who seemed to notice and care was surprisingly Couch. there was also animelover12344, who recommended that i go to the nurse. but when i went to anime club, Couch actually asked me if i was feeling better which can't be said for anyone else. and i kept feeling throbbing pains in my sides all day in addition to coughing and stuff. i know it would probably feel a lot worse in reality, but i imagine it kinda felt like having a dagger slid into my ribs and stomach and it was pretty bad. i also got yelled at which made me cry slightly. i was eating lunch and middy had to go and blow up on me. i tapped her on the shoulder and said "hey paige--" and then she yelled at me to "hold on" and after that she says "im not in a good mood today" and i walked off in an even worse mood. well SORRY for bugging u paige! i don't give a damn about your problems at the moment cuz i have my own problems too and just cuz you're having a bad day doesn't mean you can act like a bitch towards me WHEN I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING. i was just gonna ask a simple question and how the hell would i know you weren't having a good day?? find somebody else to blow up on and if that's the way you're gonna act towards me, fine, but don't expect me to hang around you. normally when i've had a chance to calm down, i regret things i've said but i have calmed down and i still think that was totally uncalled for and this is why i hang out with homsar88 cuz at least i get respect and if i have a bad day she listens to me. i could have a lot of things i could bitch about and in fact there's such a list but at the least i never take it out on anyone most of the time. next thing im mentioning is something im telling because i feel like it and you really don't have to read this if you don't want. sometimes when you write things out it seems easier i guess. it's really just about the personality of me that i have never told anyone and some of these things might seem morbid to you or whatever. first thing is that whenever i have free time with nothing else to do, or even if i do, i think about death a lot. i find myself always wondering how im gonna die and my mind comes up with such vivid images of my death and there's always a lot of blood going everywhere. the one that shows up most is me crashing through the windshield of a car and i can picture my dead body so clearly i wish my head didn't come up with these thoughts. im not trying to think about it but i have always wondered how painful it is. and im always imagining blood and sharp objects like knives. a terrible accident and there goes my finger. every where i look i see a possible death. in fact, anytime i see something sharp my mind usually sees a possibility of accident and blood spurting like in bleach. im sure most of you have seen and know what that looks like so you can picture how my mind sees things. and i also found a site that had something called the death clock. you answer a few questions and then the time of your death shows up and your own personal death clock shows up and i spent a while just staring at the numbers on my death clock go down... in fact it was so alluring to look at i could hardly pull myself away from it. i think i might even have googled it which is why i found it in the first place. what kinda of person wants to look that up??? another thing is that i am constantly thinking about my actions and even a second later after something occurs, i instantly think of something i could have said differently and plays out a long montage of events according to what that happens. so if i say this what would happen? and then imagination takes over and the rest of the story is told even though it will never happen that way. i also think in first person and talk to myself out loud or in my head. i find it's helpful to argue with myself out loud sometimes and im trying to. because im always thinking "you could have handled that better" i have oftentimes told myself to shut up and i enjoy talking like L and sitting like him more and more. and in a messed up way of thinking, somehow i feel like i get more sad when my favorite anime character gets hurt than real people getting hurt. and that thought scares me. i think about all my actions i ever did and although the voice in my head says how awful they are i do what im already doing and don't change. i don't forget things easily and remember quite a few early memories so that's probably why i can really hold a grudge sometimes cuz i rarely forget. and im starting to feel a slight fear whenever i get into cars these days cuz i always see something go wrong. it's not exactly a phobia, it's just imagining a car crash and when my dad was using an example saying "if your brother lost his arm..." and i got really upset. i don't want to imagine nii-san without his arm... well i really don't know why im saying all of this and i just don't know why i decided to post such things and i know i won't ever be able to come up with an explanation. i wonder if it's delirium? i have moments when i feel like my body moves on its own and im not really in control anymore cuz my mind goes all hazy and absolutely blank like when i stay in a whirlpool too long. i also seem to hallucinate cuz once i thought i saw a tall gray-ish man in a vague blurry sort of outline with a hat and suit on and he had one hand on his hat as if in a hurry and he dashed through the house in a straight line from the laundry room past the front door and out the wall. and i keep seeing things leaping out suddenly at me like once it seemed a rather large mass of something leaped from the shadows of the base of a step or perhaps the ceiling but it vanished as soon as it leaped at me in the blink of an eye. *doop*

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Friday, February 22, 2008

lol for porn

the other day was really amusing cuz my mom was talking to me about how she sometimes went on to youtube when she was at work and she always goes for the "most popular" vids cuz she just can't appreciate how awesome ashby is. she clicked on this one vid what do you think it was? yup, porn. her reaction was hilarious... something like :0 except for lack of bulging eyes. my mom has this hilarious "bug eyed" look when she's shocked. here are some vids well ok not SOME there a quite a few and im sure you've seen some, but i need something to do to pass the time cuz im not feeling well again:

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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

   GIR!!!!

yay! Gir kicks ass!! woooooo!! i changed my theme and i love it! XD social studies was hilarious today cuz i had "inspiration" today and i picked "Ashby" and everyone thought it was hilarious. XDDDDDDD i don't have a lot of homework today, but as of late... ok, im always a procrastinator, but today is especially bad. no this whole week is especially so. maybe it could be cuz all i can think about is my cosplay sword my mom got me. i swear, i can hardly stand 5 minutes without running upstairs to my room and drawing my sword and posing in case anyone wants to take my picture. ha ha... im gonna bring my camera and get a picture of EVERYTHING. it's my first time ever after all. watch this hilarious vid heather told me about btw, it's hilarious. and when i have more time like on the weekend or something, im gonna have more funny ones. 1. like the new theme? and doesn't the song kick ass? it's totally Gir's theme song!! XD 2. which one is the better song: best friend song or waka laka? *doop*

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Sunday, February 17, 2008

new theme! again!

ha ha... well that kakashi theme had to be the shortest one ever... and i thought it would last but i couldn't resist changing it. ^___^' well as you can see the theme is kiki's delivery service. i just watched it last night so that's why. in fact, the theme should really be films by hayao miyazaki that are my favorite and if u don't know who hayao miyazaki is, then im gonna hit u over the head with a stale fruitcake. XD ok this is REALLY random, but i swear these popsicles my dad bought kinda look like a penis. they're supposed to be "pencils" and all but that's my honest opinion im not sure if u would think that... i have so much anime i wanna watch i don't know where to start. there's dokuro-chan, zero no tsukaima, haruhi no yuutsu, etc. and now i wanna watch a movie called the cat returns and i still have homework and who the hell is jonathan edwards??? ok screw him at the moment i don't care. XD check out both wallpapers on my site. don't chihiro and haku look great together? and i just LOVE the forest spirits from princess mononoke as a post bg. aren't they adorable!? squee! it sure is great that i can choose 2 wallpapers cuz there were a lot of awesome ones. 1. what miyazaki movies are your favs? mine are spirited away, princess mononoke, howl's moving castle, kiki's delivery service... well actually, all of them are my favorites except for nausicaa valley of the wind. that one wasn't as good. 2. do u like the theme and music?(which is probably gonna be changed soon knowing how impulsive i am ^___^') 3. best anime? 4. which is better: pocky or ramen? other? 5. best tv show that is not an anime? i think it's invader zim or avatar the last airbender cuz of sokka and his "friendly mushroom" dance. XD *doop*

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Saturday, February 16, 2008

kakashi!!!

well as you can obviously see, i changed my theme! it's kakashi!! again! i just loved the wallpaper. it's too bad the image of kakashi in a suit got cut off. maybe i'll get a clip of that episode so u guys can see what i mean. the part where he's describing how awesome make-out tactics is one of my favorite things in the shippuden. im trying to find the clip as i type this, so plz be sure to watch it when i find it. it's completely eluuuuuuuuding me!!! dammit what the hell?? why is it that naruto shippuden episode 1 has suddenly become the only episode that i can't watch?? i hate downloading but where the hell should i look... while i search for it, i'll tell you that i have just gotten into neon genesis evangelion manga and anime. and on another note, im pissed that the tv schedule last week on saturday changed AGAIN and samurai champloo wasn't on. but in the worse case i can watch 'em online, but it's still annoying that adult swim keeps changing the damn schedule. i got a few more fortunes today and i think they're great: "your troubles will cease and fortune will smile upon you(in bed)" "rely on long time friends to give you advice(in bed)" "the most direct approach isn't always the best. use diplomacy(in bed)" and one more thing i suppose i should say about my theme. originally i wasn't going to use this song because i think of sai when i hear "kimi monogatari" cuz it was all about him in the ending credits. but the song i wanted turned out to be a 30 second preview on this site. but u can listen to a version on it now if you want. it's not the full version but i love how naruto dances and there's this part where he's skipping or something and i thought that was hilarious. XD and watch the naruto shippuden episode parts i have. i found a site that has 'em(finally!). mostly watch when kakashi gets the book in the first vid and the extra part with jiraiya and kakashi's conversation the 2nd one. that's all i wanted to show you, but feel free to watch the whole thing cuz i think it's all funny. XD *doop*

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Friday, February 15, 2008

   "check out what's in your tool box"

i love fullmetal alchemist extras! and the part in the manga where the girl's panda xiao mei wanders over to scar and has this adorable expression and scar had this hilarious expression on his face. i really wanna show u guys. and in the extras, edward sees hohenheim and says "van hohenheim!! how dare you come back here!" and then his dad says "i got you a gift" and holds up a magazine with the title "naughty book" on it and ed's "appreciation for father meter" goes shooting up. XD or when al and winry envision ling yao as a prince and he's all sparkling and blushing and stuff. one of the most awesome was when winry and al are reminiscing about the past... "hey, remember when we **** to ed with a **** while he was asleep?" or "uh-huh. and then there was that time we **** big brother's **** while he was ****" or "and his **** was all ****" OMFG, what on earth have they been doing to ed? that sounds so wrong... XD i also loved it when "the truth" has a mom and he's like "hey.. wait... at least knock mom!!" when she brings him a snack and the truth has the "naughty book" in his hands when he's supposed to be studying. XDDDDDD i really enjoyed 4th hour today cuz of the fables. it's always really lively in english which is contrary to any other english class i've ever had, so despite the fact that 4th hour is the time when students "crash" and become zombies, it's so energetic that i look forward to it. and i love the 2 ads some ppl picked to present. one was an ad for axe body spray and the other was about a car but the first 2 sentences or so sounded soooo wrong... i loved the fable some group wrote about the penguins. to summarize, it was about 300 penguins that marched to war in order to fight the polar bears and trekked hundreds of miles in the artic and collect every single "snow-based" weapon they can. so in the end they all get wiped out by the polar bears who somehow killed them with snowballs. WTF? XD another one i liked sounds really cheesy and stupid. but it's really hilarious how the name of the island was "the magical island of fun" and that seriously sounds like crack to me. or some other kind of drug. XD im starting to read neon genesis evangelion and the first chapter seems pretty good. speaking of good, i should add to "favorite anime" in my profile. after all there's "zero no tsukaima" for all its boobilicious-ness XD and "haruhi no yuutsu" for... the same thing! i love the episode when haruhi gets a computer for the SOS brigade. XD OMFG, i just read blood + volume one at barnes and noble yesterday! it was some kick ass stuff. and hagi is so SEXY!!! and i love the extras where hagi is lurking around saya and she's completely ignorant. XD i got some fortune cookies today: "financial opportunity lies ahead(in bed)" "your perseverance will pay off soon(in bed)" XD and today on the bus Captain Pants-off was talking about how he "bullshited" his way through a 50 pt science review. like for one question that asked the definition of scientific method, he put down a lasagna recipe. then for one he put clementines and also told a story about how he had once put "i will kill you next summer" for every single one of his answers and got full credit. XD then he went back to the present and said how he was flipping through the packet as fast as he could so the teacher who was checking wouldn't catch anything. and then he flipped past the graphs to the back page and the teacher said "wait, go back" and he was like "oh shit!" and then the teacher looks at the graphs for about 5 seconds and then says "ok good" and joel was all like OMG, cuz he put "luke skywalker" for one of his variables and the teacher didn't notice even though she stared at it for about 5 seconds. ROFL. teachers really don't pay attention do they? XDDDDDDDDDDD *doop*

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Wednesday, February 13, 2008

im gonna eat your face lol

today was zero hour... im so happy i dropped choir but i can actually use the free time for something useful. in terms 1 & 2, i usually played DS games or something but now i can use that time for studying and shit. hooray(note the lack of exclamation marks). during zero hour, we had a random "circle of poking" and we were all touching each other in a continuous circle of poking. don't even begin to wonder how weird that looked. it was awesome. XD and i finally got the registration thing fixed and im gonna be taking japanese 1 & 2 and for the love of fucking god, if it gets canceled again, im gonna bite someone's head off. *twitch* so if u go to my school consider it. if they cancel japanese, then i will have 4 terms with blank slots and no way in hell am i taking spanish EVER AGAIN. i also shared my last package of pocky with homsar88 during lunch. yesterday at anime club, u could feel the vulture-ness of everyone else, but i only gave a couple to chihirochan cuz i wanted homsar88 to try some too. i loved the bleach episode we watched with the debut of don kanonji and all of us were like "bohahahaha!!!!" for practically the entire episode and stuff. it was hilarious. XD Couch fell asleep during anime club and it was kinda funny seeing him sleeping... but he was so tired that he collapsed like "a ton of bricks" luckily, onto carpeted area but he said he felt better when he got home so i suppose it's all good. i feel like im not getting enough sleep either. sometimes when i look into the mirror i swear im starting to look like L cuz of the shadows under my eyes. it makes me feel sorry that gaara hasn't been able to sleep his whole life. poor guy... i also got a new theme if u noticed. well actually, it's the same theme(yaoi) only different backround and stuff. if u can't tell, the wallpaper is CloudXZack since i couldn't find any good CloudXSephiroth wallpapers. and i love the post bg pic. don't you think the artist captured roy's personality perfectly? i think they did a good job. yaoi should still have some essence of their personality. after all, it wouldn't make sense for byakuya to suddenly become all girly just cuz he's gay for zaraki, renji, and god knows who else. XD ... well actually i can picture that one. bad example but u get my point. *zaraki is sparkling* ha ha never gets old... XD i didn't bother changing my avi since it doesn't show up cuz version vibrant is coming soon and all that as im sure u all know already. but i found this great bunch of kuroganeXfai avatars on photobucket. XD *doop*

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Monday, February 11, 2008

   yay! mostly!

well the greatest thing that's happened to me is that my mom bought me a real metal senbonzakura cosplay sword from Too Cool and it was like $100! im so happy and even though it's rather heavy it's worth it! i met chihirochan at the mall and stuff too. XDDDDDDDDDDDD oh and the other day on the bus ride home, me and david wang started talking about what we control. i was telling him about my world domination plans and how i controlled the vampire piggies and i asked him what he was master of. can u guess what he told me? he said "i would have a bunch of communistic lumberjacks. and not the kind that cuts down green pine trees. they would be red. yes red pine trees." and i was kinda like what? and then somehow he started talking about how he would control communistic lemmings or something and Captain Pants-off heard him say that and then he gives me this WTF look that i wish i had taken a picture of or something. XD im also gonna finally drop choir and i wonder why i didn't from the start. and all i can say for computer tech class is it's the most useless class and what irritated me was that the teacher got mad at me for being on the otaku and all around me there were other girls on youtube and shit and she didn't get mad at them which i think is just a tad unfair. the only thing that didn't go so nicely today was the fact that the main water pipe busted this morning at my house and when i woke up(accidentally set it at 8 instead of 7 ^___^') it was 7:15 am and there was water pouring out the ceiling in the kitchen and flooding that area. and of course there's always a terrible smell that i was unfortunate enough to breathe. normally i don't even breathe through my nose most of the time anyway though. but the problem isn't as simple as last time. last year in winter the same thing happened, only it was a minor problem that dad was resourceful enough to fix. but now they have to tear down part of the ceiling to find out which part was busted and fix it that way. they are still working on it and boy is it loud. it's hard to concentrate but im able to drown most of it out by playing the music on my imeem site louder. XD im probably gonna go deaf at an early age or something.... but on a slightly more cheery note, i changed my theme just a little. i was pretty annoyed with that though. i changed it yesterday or something but the next time i got on the otaku, it was back to the way it was before. and it wasn't originally a sasunaru wallpaper, it was royXed and it really fit the music better. but the post bg is the same. and as u might be able to tell, i added a ton of asian kung fu generation to my playlist. and i think i figured out part of the reason why my playlist is so damn long. partially cuz of the fact that any song i've listened to and liked is probably on here, but also cuz im lazy. ^___^" i don't wanna deal with embedding a new code and crap so whenever i create a new theme, all i have to do is rearrange the songs on my playlist. lazy but efficient! XD so do u like the new theme and songs? AKFG is a great band.... *doop*

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Saturday, February 9, 2008

   a madhouse

today i went to theshinobihobbit's house and had a "meeting" if u can call it that cuz it was sheer madness. even more insane than when me and my friends get together. now that's a scary thought. XD actually it was kinda funny... going to her house was the one and only time in history that i rang the wrong doorbell. i blame my mom for that. i brought 5 boxes or so of pocky. XD i was gobbling 'em down pretty fast i estimate over 20 of 'em. XD there were 3 kids named alex, zack, max, and the rest i can't remember. ^___^' we had an insane paopu fruit war and i "killed" someone with it and it went flying around the room and then i pwned some ppl with it and got hit with it too. i also got to bear witness to more than one or even 5 live yaoi scenes. "we're having a crazy orgy over here!" "aaah im being raped! get off me!!!" or "dogpile! get your foot outta my face ugh! *gets squashed*" XD im a lucky girl aren't i?? XD we introduced ourselves but i hardly remember anyone.... ^___^' several times i got the gir hat stolen from me and there was lots of shrieking and all around insanity. ppl tumbling off chairs, jumping off the coffee table and pwning each other with the paopu fruit plushie.... quite frankly i was surprised that nothing got broken. XD we played tons of super smash melee and i pretty much got pwned but give me a break here i haven't played in years. Muffin king will pay for his insolent taunts.... *vengeance face* but we also watched tons of hilarious vids online like ashby, half beard, master chief sucks at halo 3, trashmation pokeon episode, and several other final fantasy/kingdom hearts parodies. "silver haired men blast off at the speed of light!" XD im sad i barely got to play any windwaker though. TT____TT but i had lots of fun and got to shriek pretty loudly once. and i know i can go higher pitched but there's nowhere i can let it all out without getting in trouble right? unless there's another "meeting" at theshinobihobbit's house. XD i have also gotten into a couple new animes! the first one is suzumiya haruhi no yuutsu or the melancholy of haruhi and im sure u all know about that one. and in case you didn't know im going to be cosplaying as yuki cuz im gonna be dancing the hare hare yukai dance with jilly, megan, heather, john, and some other boy. if you're going to Anime Detour please watch! ^___^ the second anime is something i started watching because of David Wang, who i had previously been enemies with but i suppose in a general sense we're now friends. he said that all the characters dress like harry potter and he said he'd get me the first season on a disk. he didn't know what the series was called when i asked. *shakes head* but after getting the cds i finally figured it out. the anime is called "zero no tsukaima" and it's so much like harry potter... even the castle reminds me of hogwarts. it's got the 4 towers and everything. it's a really good anime and i found the episodes online which is good cuz the cds didn't work right on my laptop. it's about a pink haired aristocrat named "louise the zero" who is a 2nd year of magic only she is beyond terrible at casting spells and blows things up when she tries. all the 2nd years summon a "familar" which is usually some kind of mythical creature. only when she tries she accidentally summons a human(plebian) boy by the name of hiraga saito. (btw, saito came from earth which is a totally different world louise lives in cuz her world has two moons.) since the ritual of summoning a familiar prohibits retrying, she is stuck with him and to complete the ritual she kisses him. it's a hilarious series and the principal(who looks an awful lot like dumbledore) is a blatant perv who is constantly using his mouse familiar to peek at the panties of his secretary ms. longbill. XD and she is constantly beating him up for his perverted ways. XD tabitha has got such a cool dragon familiar and guiche is a jerk(almost like malfoy) except he's more of a pretty boy who uses a rose for a wand and is constantly sparkling like couch man. kirche is one of several "boobilicious" girls and is making louise angry cuz she's "flat chested" and got mistaken for a boy in episode 7 i think. lol. it's also really funny how saito is forced to wash louise's panties. "enjoyable yet annoying..." and it's also great how louise doesn't seem to think of saito as a "person" cuz she gets naked right in front of him and makes him dress her too. and saito also seems to get his face smothered by boobs in every single episode.... XDDDDDDDD *doop*

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Friday, February 8, 2008

my emo day

im just really upset today... there were a couple of funny things that happened earlier the other day but im too depressed to even smile at the thought. last night theshinobihobbit asked me if her dad could pick me up at 8:30 instead of me coming at 6 pm so i wouldn't be left all alone and shit. my dad was really unhappy about that idea, especially when he found out that she wasn't even gonna be home until then. prior to that, my dad was already pissing me off. he always tends to insult my friends and doesn't even seem to realize how upset it makes me to hear him say such awful things. even the slightest thing makes me upset especially concerning friends and i was trying really hard not to tell him to shut the hell up already about my friends, he has no right and how would he feel if i said bad stuff about his friend?? he wasn't being serious at all... i got really upset and snapped at him when he asked me a random question and then he got really pissed off at me and said "that's it you're not going to her house on friday". first i started crying and then i got mad at myself and started punching the wall and i swear i almost cut myself cuz i was thinking about it. and i started crying nonstop until i finally fell asleep. this morning, my mom found out dad said i couldn't go and treated me to another lecture and basically said that im a spoiled brat who only thinks of her parents as ppl who sit at a desk and make money for me. everything up until then was upsetting but that made me snap. i can agree to the "spoiled rotten" part cuz i know it's true and i have long ago accepted it. but the moment she said that other thing i couldn't stop crying. i skipped choir cuz i was crying for about the entire half of first hour and at lunch i didn't even have anyone to sit next to and animelover12344 kinda made it worse cuz she asked me what was wrong and i only said one sentence and then she pretty much just walked off without letting me finish telling her. and for the rest of the day i felt like crying and when i got home i got so upset i chucked my textbooks across the room and started crying again. and now my dad is probably trying to make me forget about it by offering me mcdonald's and he just doesn't get it at all. he thinks that im just gonna cheer right up if he bribes me or something?? im not pissed at him though... if anything im pissed at myself for not keeping my big mouth shut. if i hadn't said anything to him last night i would still be going. i was looking forward to this for the whole week and cuz i couldn't learn to shut up for once, i ruined my chance to go. for once i didn't smile at all today. but i only act weird and loud to get attention and not get lonely. in truth im afraid that if i don't attract attention then im gonna be all alone and that isolated feeling is one of the most painful things for me to deal with.

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