|
myOtaku.com
• Join Today!
My Pages
• Home
• Portfolio
• Guestbook
• Quiz Results
Vitals
Birthday
• 1993-03-13
Gender
•
Female
Location
• TACO LAND!!!!!!!!!
Member Since
• 2006-11-09
Occupation
• pirate!
Real Name
• midnighterdes8's Elf,emo girl,Gir, or L
Personal
Achievements
• Bothering people! Learning the Doom Song, blown up other pirate ships
Anime Fan Since
• I was 12
Favorite Anime
• Naruto, One Piece,Fullmetal Alchemist, Death Note, Bleach, Samurai Champloo, Jing: King of Bandits, Black Blood Brothers, Cardcaptors Sakura, Zero no Tsukaima, Suzumiya Haruhi no yuutsu, Keroro Gunso,Tsubasa, Black Cat, Shaman King, Pani Poni Dash, Gintam
Goals
• Become world's greatest pirate and taking over the world with my vampire piggy army
Hobbies
• reading, skiing, snowmobiling, bothering people, taking over the world and watching t.v.
Talents
• Bothering people, singing the doom song
|
|
|
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
filthy germs
ok well first thing is that luckily enough, school got canceled today because of some threat that the administration is taking seriously. for that im glad cuz i can take things easy now seeing as i finished my homework and all. although it does worry me a little about the threat thing. but sometimes ppl just want to be total jackasses so i can't say i believe in the existence of it 100% or anything. im worrying a lot more than in years past. sometimes i wish i wouldn't so much.
im sick and yesterday it was really bad and i had the feeling like i was gonna vomit every single time i coughed cuz of all that mucus and shit. and im kinda annoyed how nobody seemed to treat me any different. in fact, it was almost like i was being treated worse at one point. im not saying i want to be treated like royalty just cuz im sick, but i would have thought that being sick would at least make my friends stop poking me like they normally do, seeing as i can't scream with a sore throat and all. but in reality, nobody seemed to notice i was sick unless i spelled it out for them. the only one who seemed to notice and care was surprisingly Couch. there was also animelover12344, who recommended that i go to the nurse. but when i went to anime club, Couch actually asked me if i was feeling better which can't be said for anyone else. and i kept feeling throbbing pains in my sides all day in addition to coughing and stuff. i know it would probably feel a lot worse in reality, but i imagine it kinda felt like having a dagger slid into my ribs and stomach and it was pretty bad.
i also got yelled at which made me cry slightly. i was eating lunch and middy had to go and blow up on me. i tapped her on the shoulder and said "hey paige--" and then she yelled at me to "hold on" and after that she says "im not in a good mood today" and i walked off in an even worse mood. well SORRY for bugging u paige! i don't give a damn about your problems at the moment cuz i have my own problems too and just cuz you're having a bad day doesn't mean you can act like a bitch towards me WHEN I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING. i was just gonna ask a simple question and how the hell would i know you weren't having a good day?? find somebody else to blow up on and if that's the way you're gonna act towards me, fine, but don't expect me to hang around you. normally when i've had a chance to calm down, i regret things i've said but i have calmed down and i still think that was totally uncalled for and this is why i hang out with homsar88 cuz at least i get respect and if i have a bad day she listens to me. i could have a lot of things i could bitch about and in fact there's such a list but at the least i never take it out on anyone most of the time.
next thing im mentioning is something im telling because i feel like it and you really don't have to read this if you don't want. sometimes when you write things out it seems easier i guess. it's really just about the personality of me that i have never told anyone and some of these things might seem morbid to you or whatever. first thing is that whenever i have free time with nothing else to do, or even if i do, i think about death a lot. i find myself always wondering how im gonna die and my mind comes up with such vivid images of my death and there's always a lot of blood going everywhere. the one that shows up most is me crashing through the windshield of a car and i can picture my dead body so clearly i wish my head didn't come up with these thoughts. im not trying to think about it but i have always wondered how painful it is. and im always imagining blood and sharp objects like knives. a terrible accident and there goes my finger. every where i look i see a possible death. in fact, anytime i see something sharp my mind usually sees a possibility of accident and blood spurting like in bleach. im sure most of you have seen and know what that looks like so you can picture how my mind sees things. and i also found a site that had something called the death clock. you answer a few questions and then the time of your death shows up and your own personal death clock shows up and i spent a while just staring at the numbers on my death clock go down... in fact it was so alluring to look at i could hardly pull myself away from it. i think i might even have googled it which is why i found it in the first place. what kinda of person wants to look that up???
another thing is that i am constantly thinking about my actions and even a second later after something occurs, i instantly think of something i could have said differently and plays out a long montage of events according to what that happens. so if i say this what would happen? and then imagination takes over and the rest of the story is told even though it will never happen that way. i also think in first person and talk to myself out loud or in my head. i find it's helpful to argue with myself out loud sometimes and im trying to. because im always thinking "you could have handled that better" i have oftentimes told myself to shut up and i enjoy talking like L and sitting like him more and more. and in a messed up way of thinking, somehow i feel like i get more sad when my favorite anime character gets hurt than real people getting hurt. and that thought scares me. i think about all my actions i ever did and although the voice in my head says how awful they are i do what im already doing and don't change. i don't forget things easily and remember quite a few early memories so that's probably why i can really hold a grudge sometimes cuz i rarely forget. and im starting to feel a slight fear whenever i get into cars these days cuz i always see something go wrong. it's not exactly a phobia, it's just imagining a car crash and when my dad was using an example saying "if your brother lost his arm..." and i got really upset. i don't want to imagine nii-san without his arm... well i really don't know why im saying all of this and i just don't know why i decided to post such things and i know i won't ever be able to come up with an explanation. i wonder if it's delirium? i have moments when i feel like my body moves on its own and im not really in control anymore cuz my mind goes all hazy and absolutely blank like when i stay in a whirlpool too long.
i also seem to hallucinate cuz once i thought i saw a tall gray-ish man in a vague blurry sort of outline with a hat and suit on and he had one hand on his hat as if in a hurry and he dashed through the house in a straight line from the laundry room past the front door and out the wall. and i keep seeing things leaping out suddenly at me like once it seemed a rather large mass of something leaped from the shadows of the base of a step or perhaps the ceiling but it vanished as soon as it leaped at me in the blink of an eye.
*doop*
|
Comments
(2)
« Home |
|
