Friday, May 30, 2008

   the sad sad tale of... me. thought i was gonna say chickenfoot didn't ya?

i think Matt's new word of the week is perfect for my mood right now. not that he came up with it or anything, but recently he's taken a liking to saying "Bleah" and that's how i feel. but before explaining, i totally graffitied on an outside wall of the school by mistake. you see, during social studies, we had inspiration and the girl told us to draw a picture with the chalk about what we were looking forward to over the summer. well she just said draw a picture, so i forgot what i was doing and started drawing a huge picture of a chibi deidara in some nice blue chalk. i forgot that it might be considered vandalism ok? ^__^; i almost finished it too, but when Mr. Brothers pointed it out to me i said "whoops... um... sorry." special aren't I? so deidara ended up with only half a body. o__0 but anyways i feel absolutely "bleah" right now because yesterday i had two projects, literature assignments, social studies pkt, a page long journal on Reconstruction, and studying for a Vocab test. i was way too stressed and i worked until around 6 a.m., so i got no more than around 2 hours of sleep. to top it off, the science sludge project i had was extremely annoying cuz we were only allowed to ask two questions and after using the last one, we still had 3 substances wrong so i basically guessed the answers for three that i thought might be the ones. but i forgot to copy down Lana's(partner) notes on the temp of the liquid so i couldn't complete the graphs and as a result i wasn't able to finish last night and in order to get the extra credit on this project(which i need otherwise im confident i would fail for once in science) everything has to be done. luckily she gave us time to work on it during class and said if we turned it in before 3 p.m. she would accept it for extra credit. i got stressed at making the graphs even though they were the same, but the dots were too close to each other and detailed so my hand was cramping and i kept incorrectly writing the numbers and put different time increments than the data i listed and i had a couple major errors on the placement of dots especially since i couldn't think of a way to fit it on the graph other than to have the y axis temp be spaced 3 units apart. and then when i finished the liquid graphs i suddenly couldn't find my other data summary sheets and i panicked and practically tore up the classroom finding 'em and then finally found them on the ground where i had apparently dropped them and i swore with the teacher close by when i was talking to autumn and she kinda raised her eyebrows at me like you know teachers do. animelover12344 was also in a bad mood for a reason i didn't quite catch since she mumbled it, but she made me feel even worse than i already was because of it. i wasn't really talking to her exactly even though we were walking next to each other, but i quoted an unaired Gir quote to try and make myself a bit less depressed and annoyed at every little thing in my life, but she said she wasn't in the mood for it. i know there are people who are worse off and much more stressed than i am right, and perhaps hannah was having a worse time of it that i was, but i don't think that's why it made me feel worse. perhaps i will sound like an uncaring bitch if i say this, but i think that i felt worse not because i felt bad for hannah at all, none whatsoever. i think it was more because i am just sick of hearing people muttering about their problematic little lives all the time! i think i got really irritated because i thought oh god, PLEASE stop acting like this!! i can tell you seem to be having a bad time and all that, but it's not as if you're the only with problems in this world! it probably never even occurred to anyone how depressed I FEEL. maybe it's just me but i feel like im always hearing people whining directly or indirectly at me about their horrible lives. why the hell do i always end up overhearing everyone's stupid problems?? and not just that, but of all people, hannah is one of the top people who can ruin my good mood in an instant without even trying. seriously, whenever i(rarely these days) feel happy, not tired and stressed, SOMEBODY will inevitably end up ruining it. like when im not feeling tired i might be in a good enough mood to greet someone cheerfully like "good morning[possible invader zim reference insert here] how are you?" then they respond with an extremely depressing or in my mind, rude remark. no not rude exactly but whenever i greet someone cheerfully on the rare occasion, they will say in a rather stony and clipped tone of voice "im in a bad mood today" or "im not in the mood for smiling today" perhaps it's just the lack of subtlety that bugs me. most people don't take me seriously unless i was crying my eyes out. i don't want to ruin people's day by being emo, so that's why i post it here instead of acting like a bitch because things aren't going my way. or if i try to ask them a question and didn't know they were having a bad day cuz i just walked up to them, they yell at me. that's when i absolutely do NOT give a damn about whatever the hell is bothering them. the moment they take it out on me, something inside me just snaps. this is why i post about my problems, so i might not blow up at other people. but one of these days im going to end up screaming at them. i don't know why i never do, but for some reason it never seems to happen. and perhaps also because i find it's easier to yell at someone via the internet, than to say it to their face. but the urge to scream gets worse when i type and builds up like it is now. i try my hardest to tell people in a "nice" way that i want to be left alone, but they never listen to me, which is by far the absolute most godawful shit that they do to me and yet remaining completely ignorant of how angry they're making me. this is completely off topic, but sasuke really was a loser as a kid. no kidding i read the most recent chapter and he had this dinosaur toy thing in his room or something and toy shuriken that looked like they might have been made from play-doh or something. i won't say anything more than this because the post would get too long again, but i just have to say sasuke is full of absolute bullshit at this point and now he wants to destroy Konoha, and while a part of me laughs at the irony of this, his sharingan is some weird ass shape now. and the naruto shippuden filler eludes me as to how they are going to tie things back to the hidan and kakuzu arc. i mean seriously! in the most recent episode, naruto gets his ass kicked by flower attacks! and not only that, but he nearly dies from a "death kiss ninjutsu". im sorry, but a DEATH KISS NINJUTSU??? seriously? and i thought i had seen some absolute bullshit ninjutsu before, but wow! i think that just took the cake right there folks. my brother for a weird reason went camping with friends and won't be back till sunday i think. he never struck me as an outdoor person, in fact nobody really is in our family, except maybe dad, but that's only cuz he has that garden and whatnot. my brother said that this camping trip was probably going to be his first and last one, and i agree, especially since it rained fairly hard a while ago. apparently a boyscout is also going who can teach them all how to do things. which also reminds me of the Squee! comic where the plane crashes into the bus full of boyscouts. XD it's so evil of me, but i can't help laughing. they got pwned in the greatest fashion possible, how couldn't i laugh? i am definitely gonna get the jthm director's cut from borders when i get the chance. *doop*

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