Friday, June 17, 2005

Pull the trigger, but I'm not dead.

Meh ... I miss her. I don't want to, but it's difficult. It's all over now, and I'm the one left to blame.

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Tuesday, June 7, 2005

Moving ahead ...

All I want to say is that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

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Sunday, June 5, 2005

1, 2, 3, and 4 is 5

Everyone here is a friend of mine. Some quick things I would like to point out: (1) Apocalypse Hoboken rocks. (2) I am really digging this pure white layout. The lack of borders makes everything look so free. Maybe I should choose a different set of colors though. (3) Being outside is freaking awesome. Especially at about 5AM after it has rained the previous night, and you are barefoot. There's real post below this one, lol.

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Pop goes the world.

So I just got finished with and AIM conversation with a friend of mine I met last summer on a mission trip to Colorado, she is from Minnesota. Actually ... she is in one of the pictures I have online: She is the one sitting next to me. (opens in a new window) Basically, to give a bit of history, a friend of mine invited to go on a mission trip with him to give me something to do. So I said sure. And this person was the one cool person I found there the whole time. I was pretty surprised at the considering I was an agnostic at a religious event (but hey, stranger things have happened. Like an agnostic falling in love with a Mormon. OMGlykWTF!#$?). FYI, I am very loopy right now. I have been up for a very long time. I am bound to be more blatantly open and honest than usual. No inhibitions rock! Anyway, we pretty much initially met because I explained to her which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle was which (the best topic on which to meet someone EVER). So anyway, being that we obviously both were fans on some level of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, we started talking more, blah blah blah ... I am pretty sure you all know where this is going. No, we didn't have sex. STFUn00b~! But, alas, we did start liking each other. Now all you sarcastic smartasses out there are probably going, "But JOHN! Duh, you two like each other, you are friends!" Shut up. You know what I mean. Anyway, of course neither of us really did anything about it. I pretty much expected it by the end of the week I was there, but I never do anything until a person tells me they like me. Yeah, I may be a chicken-shit. Shut up. It's the way I roll, son. We have talked every once in a while on AIM since then. She is not on often, and when she is she can't be on for long. And of course it all eventually came out, but of course not before somewhere in that time I mentioned a certain Mormon girl I care about (omg who culd i b talkin bout???). So to cut a long story short, the conversation tonight boiled down to me trying to explain to her that things that aren't even set in stone shouldn't stop her from feeling a certain way about them. Even if they were set in stone, nothing should change. And the conversation ended abruptly adter we both told each other that we still liked each other, because her parents have AOL and still keep her on a daily time limit (I was annoyed because I had a couple hours more of that conversation in me). So yeah, that was interesting. I could have probably gone into more detail, but you people are smart. I am sure you can figure out some stuff here and there. I just found the whole thing funny. And I needed something funny to talk about after that last post in here.

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Thursday, June 2, 2005

Hopeless.

I have been trying to get over the use of that word in description of myself lately, but it is really hard to do when that is all I have really known for the past several years of my life. Someone could put $800 billion dollars in my bank account tomorrow, and I would be able to tell them that I still could not live comfortably. I still would not be able to achieve everything I have ever wanted, or have ever needed. Sure, I would never have debt. I could live in the biggest house I could imagine, with the nicest cars, give plenty to charity, travel anywhere and everywhere ... but I still wouldn't be happy with any of it. I can't even say I would be content. I would be no different from how I am now, except that I would actually have a lifestyle. I would still be the same bitter, cynical man that is sitting here typing this. What I need right now is not impossible, but seeming so extremely improbable. I feel like things are deteriorating, entropy is taking its course. Things just don't seem as vibrant, lively, and hopeful as they once were. When all signs point to "no," you are the only one left saying "yes." I have never enjoyed feeling alone. I don't really expect many people to know specifically what I am talking about here. One should definitely know for sure. A second could probably take a good guess. But oh well ... When getting into the business I have been venturing into lately, one of my partners asked me why I was in it. I told him. I wasn't sure how to explain it, but I did what I could. If I was dying of cancer, and the Make A Wish Foundation came to me and asked me what is the one thing I want to do before I die. I would be able to answer them right off the bat with a simple request. It wouldn't be exactly what I always wanted, but it would be enough to make me happy before I bite the dust. As life gets longer, awful feels softer, And it feels pretty soft to me. And if it takes shit to make bliss, Well I feel pretty blissfully.

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Saturday, May 28, 2005

*cackles maniacly*

I am willing to bet most who know me would probably expect the bottom one to have one of the highest percentages, probably just under romantic. I am more kinky than you think. ^_~ Overall I would really say it is about right. I didn't expect to have that high of a score in BDSM, lol, but hey ... us Boy Scouts know our knots and lashes for a reason. And I suppose I have always had a tendency to pin a girl down ... Just because I have never had sex doesn't make me 100% virgin, lol. Just look at Revenge of the Nerds. You scored as A Slave To BDSM. Admit it, you like being tied up and being told you've been very naughty. You like teasing your partner and making them squirm, and not letting them be able to do anything about it. Some people think what you do is sick and disgusting, but you know it's all in good fun. A Slave To BDSM 93% A Romantic 80% Sex God 80% Virgin 60% How are you in bed created with QuizFarm.com

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Saturday, May 21, 2005

Pop quiz, hot shot.

I saw this in Tori's myO, so I took it as well. some things are just funny. Not surprised at any of it, though. Your Dating Personality Profile You matched the following traits. Romantic - You know exactly how to melt your date's heart. Romance comes naturally to you and is an important component of any relationship you have. Sensual - You are not particularly shy when it comes to your sexuality. You know what you like and do not feel inhibited. Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate. Your Top Ten Traits 1. Romantic 2. Sensual 3. Liberal 4. Adventurous 5. Wealthy/Ambitious 6. Practical 7. Traditional 8. Shy 9. Big-Hearted 10. Athletic Your date match profile You match with women who have the following traits: Romantic - You need someone with a traditional understanding of romance. A true romantic is a must-have in any potential date. Traditional - You aren't looking for someone who is sexually repressed. You want someone who is adventurous under the covers. Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need. Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Romantic 2. Traditional 3. Conservative 4. Funny 5. Wealthy/Ambitious 6. Practical 7. Adventurous 8. Outgoing 9. Athletic 10. Sensual Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

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Wednesday, May 18, 2005

All the king's horses.

My brain feels like Humpty Dumpty right now. Along with another vital organ in my body ...

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Sunday, May 1, 2005

Happy Birthday, Tori!

=)

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Friday, February 18, 2005

There's more than one way to eat a Reese's ...

And there is more than one way to lace your shoes. http://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/lacingmethods.htm Knock yourselves out. The "Bow Tie" works wonders for those of you that think normal lacing makes Hi-Top Chucks too tight.

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