Saturday, July 3, 2004

Mono. Ugh, I have been on an insane low lately. I am not really depressed or anything, just incredibly bored. Nothing is able to catch my attention. I went out and rented some movies. Came home. Watched them both. Now I have nothing to do again. I have no urge to watch them again currently. Though I imagine I shall once I go to my room to "sleep." By "sleep" I mean "stay awake until my step-father and mom go to work." I have not slept more than two hours since around 2:30 p.m., July 1. I took a small nap out of sheer boredom yesterday from about 1:30 to 3:00-ish, but that seemed to be no better than just being bored. Everything is just so not exciting lately. I can hardly listen to one album for more than one or two songs before I get tired of it and try to find a better one to listen to ... but nothing seems to work. My eyes feel a little dry, but rather cold at the same time. It is weird. I wish I had more movies to watch or something. There is so little to do in the late nights/early mornings ... or at any time really. Just when I went out to rent the movies I felt so relieved because I was finally doing something other than sitting all cooped up in this house, even if it was only for a short while. I do not think people realize if/when I hang out with someone, how much fun I am actually having. We could just go walking around aimlessly for 7 hours straight, and that could be the best time of my life. I am not a very extroverted at all, so people can hardly tell if I am having a blast or not. Me feeling ecstatic could simply force me to crack a smile, heh. I have almost always said I do not like being around people, and that is true. However, I do not like to be alone, either. So a person is nice. Simply the fact that someone is there could keep me entertained for quite some time, even if we are not doing anything. They might think it was a waste, but holy crap I could have just had one of the best times in my life. I do not know if this is just the sleep deprivation talking or not, but whenever I think about things like this I always come back to such points ... I am hungry. I am going to go eat something. Maybe ... Mmm ... ice cream. I was shocked to find the flap that reads "fold this end in first" was actually folded in second. Damn punks and their music ... It just occurred to me that tomorrow ... or today moreso, is Saturday. Ergo, my mom and step-father do not go to work. This leaves me with the dilemma of deciding when is a sensible time to "wake up." Staying up all night really does a job on one's internal clock. time moves a lot slower the following day. I was continuously three hours ahead of what it really was. If I thought it was noon, it was only really 9 a.m. I have pretty much stopped keeping track of what day it is. The only time I really pay attention is when something is supposed to be going on. I am okay on knowing what day of the week it is. I am usually only a day or two off if I am wrong. I think sleep deprivation is almost a form of time travel. A person is used to falling asleep in one day, and waking up in the next. So if a person stays up all night and into the next day, the first thought of what day it is will be what day it was. However, there is still a hint that you are actually in another day. Then lets say you fall asleep and wake up in that same day. When you wake up, your mind is a bit refreshed and is aware that you fell asleep on the day you were in. Though it can slip the mind that you woke up in the same day, so you are now a day ahead of yourself ... I am having a hard time putting that into words, but I think you can kind of get the idea of what I am trying to say. Anyway ... enough of my nonsensical theories ...

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