Tuesday, December 20, 2005

the words in my mind are quite busy today
Mood: Everything
Music: Quiet Inside - the Jane Doe's

[EDIT'D!]

...

I'm sick again. This is the second time in a row I've been ill over break.

It's not as bad as the others, but it could have been prevented if I didn't have this acute paranoia of shots. 'Could have been worse, I suppose... 'Could have happened during exams. But then again, my birthday is tomorrow.

I've been drawing a lot as of late. Most of them are unhappy and unfinished.

Dad was looking at some of his childhood videos today. I nearly cried.

Hopefully tomorrow will prove to be a better day.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, November 26, 2005

how we gonna pay LAST YEARS RENT?
Mood: Fantastic
Music: Rent - from the musical "Rent", obviously

Rent music = love. Musicals = sex.

Turkey Day was unbelieveably deeliciouss.

Kt came down to visit for the holiday. Playing Doom3 and discussing rated NC-17 things about men was very fun.

I really needed these days off. Hoorah for recooperating.

In other news, my mood swings are pretty ridiculous. I jump from euphoric to extremely pissed off. Horrah for unstable hormones.

Er, uh. Well, I don't have much else to say. Loco, no?

Have a good one.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, November 19, 2005

time to get a move on
Mood: Jaded yet good
Music: Apassionato - World Leader Pretend

I'm sick and tired of 95% of my school's population. They're conceited, judgemental, sterotypical, ignorant, and horrible people. The sad thing is, I'm going to get that no matter where I go.

I just love it when people say they're special, introverted, more intelligent than other humans, and/or have "higher awareness" about reality. Yeah. Fuck you. I am sick of them claiming everyone - that I don't know what reality is really like. Wake up, idiots. THIS is reality. There is no "real" reality. It's how you interpret your life.

We're not a special species - YOU'RE not a special human being. Get over yourselves.

I feel like I'm an eighty-year-old living in a preteen community.




... Being a snobby bitch is so satisfying.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, November 17, 2005

y'didn't think they could hate you, now DID you?
Mood: Pretty good
Music: The Ballad of the Sin Eater - Ted Leo

Here I am yet again to save the day with silly words to provide you with distraction from your homework ... Because I sure as hell know it's distracting me.

Y'know, I'm only updating this out of a sense of necessity than for trying to derive pleasure.

So a lot has changed since my last update. You know how I said that I would make things get better? Yeah, that idea pretty much withered and died on the spot.

Things got progressively worse, and I was seriously thinking I was getting Dementia (a sort of variant on schziophrenia). I became withdrawn (even more so than usual), I felt phsyically sick, and felt like my whole body was going to collapse and waste away at any given moment. Everyone and everything started to hurt me, whether through intention or inaction - things that I never let bother me before. I was hurt that people ignored me when I thought it was clear that my life was on the line.

Then, roughly three or four days ago, someone I barely even knew entered my life and I immediately started to have affection for him.

Why? I have no idea. I never fall so fast. Ever.

But ever since then, things have been better. Worlds better. Even if things between us don't progress, it doesn't matter much in the long run. I've broken out of that terrible stage and I'm on my way again. Thank goodness, because anyone who knows me, knows that I hate angst of any sort.

I've come to the decision I'm going to be avoiding certain people these days best I can. Many of my old friends lost my trust - probably without realizing it, many people have shown a side I hated, many are far too apathetic and others are simply too ignorant.

Many, many changes have set foot. I laugh at the guilty ones - at their pathetic behavior and their mockery of an existance. I stand stronger by my friends and will back with everything I have.

I'm doing better. I'm proud of myself.
Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, September 5, 2005

open up and think about it
Mood: Thoughtful, isolated, drained, hopeful
Music: "John" - Constantine soundtrack

I've had an insane Philippine woman on my tail for the past two weeks. She's a passionate Christian and a definite bible beater. We initially met over IM because she thought I was someone else - to which I told her I was certainly not "Travis". She spilled a sob story about this Travis onto my lap, so like any decent person, I felt the need to help the poor woman.

She stuck around because she thought I had a good heart. She eventually figured out I wasn't a Christian and ever since she's been drilling her beliefs into my skull. I keep telling her all the reasons why I'm not one, but she won't listen. She's just preaching on (in rather bad English) about why I should be one. It's impossible to get her to stop without offending her and that's something I don't want to do.

I get a lot of ‘beaters on me anyways, living in the bible belt of the country - so you’d think I’d get used to being put down... Yet over time, it starts to hurt having them constantly tell me that my beliefs are wrong no matter how much I defend myself, that I'm a waste of time no matter how much I try to prove that I'm a good person.

It is sad, really, to think how little some people have progressed. Some simply can't get into the modern mindset that people are different from them and will always be different. They can't fathom the possibility that what I say means something to me – that what I believe governs the way I live my life and that it's not going to change because of a simple conversation.

I've only have had two people in recent memory that I've spoke to about this and have not been instantly rejected. Haley and Katy. Haley believes nearly the same thing as me and Katy never pressured me about her beliefs. And you know what? They're my best friends. Why? Because they accept me for who I am. I respect and love them wholeheartedly for that.

Yes, I've lost friends and even potential friends just because I am not a Christian. I have met people who go to such extremes as to thinking that I am possessed, that I'm just not right in the head. It doesn't matter that I try to help people, that I want to become a psychiatrist, that I care so damn much for strangers, for friends, for family, for enemies, for everyone. It's morbidly amusing, really.

I find it slightly depressing that I simply don't mind and don't care if people are Christian, yet everyone suddenly assumes I'm a freak since I'm not.

This week has been mentally exhausting on me. A lot of things happened that shouldn’t have and a lot of things that should have happened, didn’t. Honestly, I feel like puking because I’m so tired. Labor Day, I have decided, is going to be a healing day for me. I vow to recover from the pains of last week and try to move on with my life.

I’ve gone through worse mental sludge. I can get through this.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

oh such grace, oh such beauty... oh darlin', you're a million ways to be cruel...
Mood: Plesant
Music: A Million Ways - OK Go

Where to start?

Haley, Lauren, Carl and I went bowling the other day. You have no idea how much fun that was.

I forgot how much I liked Carl. He's such a sweetheart, I swear. It's like we share the same sort of thoughts or something. It'd be a lot more fun if we all went to the same school still. Oh well.

I'm kind of sad that ballet isn't starting this week because of this hurricane since I was really looking forward to it. Eh, I guess that means it's something to look forward to for next week then.

Speaking of the hurricane, it's a real pain in the ass. Ivan was enough, thank you. I have a very good friend who lives in Louisiana and I'm worried about her. I called her house, even though I was well aware that no one was going to answer.

I called my friends living in the area as well, even though the logical side of my brain was laughing at me, telling me that we didn't get anything compared to the people west of us.

They best get used to my calls when hurricanes come because I'm very anal about checking up on people.

And now a few little things.

I want to write a book. I'm serious, I REALLY want to write one. Except, I don't know what to write about. Yeah. That might get in the way... yet, I've read many books where there was no real plot and you're left asking yourself, "What the HELL just happened?" It didn't stop JK Rowling from writing the Half Blood Prince. (Oh! Burn!)

Switching over to the subject of Katy, here's an exciting clip of one of our deep and intellectual conversations featuring the Doodle program on Yahoo. Her face and screen name have been edited out because I don't want you stalking her.

This might be amusing to some and then completely ridiculous to others.

(Linked due to size and the sheer impact of it's amazing-ness)

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y3/plasmabomb/FuntimeswithKaty-boo.jpg

We tried to color his hair, but it didn't work. So we improvised.

*canned laughter*

If I know you and you have Yahoo Chat, give me your screen name. I would love to doodle with you.

I should upload pictures to the art section. But I'm lazy... and mostly afraid of people stealing my art. Again. I'll think about it though. This community really does need to have the word spread that tracing is RESERVED FOR IDIOTS AND LOSERS WITH NO PATIENCE FOR DEVELOPING THEIR OWN SKILLS.

I love Caps Lock.

Does anyone want a picture of something? I want to draw something, but I'm at a loss as to what.

...

Cheers, everyone.

*dances off stage*
Comments (0) | Permalink

Sunday, August 21, 2005

i said oh, it's gettin' hot in here, must be something in the atmosphere...
Music: You Got The Style - Athlete
Mood: Content and happy

Today was... not as perfect as it could have been, but I'm not going to go put on black eyemake up, sit in a dark, dismal corner and cut myself because my "soul is tortured" or anything anytime soon. That's just silly.

But whatever. I'm fine. Let's move on.

I watched A Beautiful Mind with mommy dearest and I cried my eyes out. It's such a sad story, but it's very well written and the acting is amazing.

...

You know what I've always known, but have previously failed to put in words, dear readers?

Humans are a mess of emotions and personality contradictions. People are a mix of good and evil, selfishness and nobility. Most people want to believe they are good, but will behave in selfish ways if it benefits them.

Even the most boring people you know are multi-dimensional personalities. All people have secrets, fetishes, fears, hatreds, illusions, beliefs, dreams, nightmares, needs and desires. Sometimes our traits don’t quite seem to match. But that’s normal.

Human beings don’t make sense. If they did, the world would be a much better place.

I'm feeling much more myself after I've gotten over last weeks energetic-ness. This is good, since I'm simply not built to be energetic. There's a story behind this one, but again, it'll take too long to type out and ... well, it's kind of... how do I say this? The story is you-should-be-put-on-meds-RIGHT-NOW kind of crazy.

So yep. Back to calm-collected-loving-weird-spazzy-blank stare little 'ol me. I get the feeling many people wouldn't be able to tell the difference because energetic, at school, for me is pretty much just a really big grin and loud laughter. Yeeah.

I think what people don't realize at school is that even if I don't say anything, I'm not sad. Many people may think that but I'm probably just conjuring something else in my head, or just simply being happy being by myself.

In other news, I drew you all a doodle because I'm a nice person like that. It's me, because I'm a fairly simple person to draw and I'm lazy. Yay!

[EDIT'D! - Because it was fugly]

Don't ask. Just smile and nod. (Mrs. Slover would be proud...)

Uhm. Right. Well. I suppose that wraps up today's ramble.

Cheers,
Plasma
Comments (2) | Permalink

Friday, August 19, 2005

say anything, but just say what you mean
Mood: Content and relaxed
Music: Suspension - Mae

Just came back from my highschools first football game of the year with Kayla. I'm very tired from all the very fun yelling, running around, and the sugar high crashing.

Our band = awesome. Other band = nonexiestent SO WE ARE THE WINNARS.

Much screaming, yelling and fun was had. Some guy actually took my picture on his cell phone and tried to hit on me - and he was in a Navy uniform. I think he thought I was an upperclassmen. I still don't know whether to be disturbed or amused.

I want to meet Katy and Shane. Curse you two for going to a different high school. A thousands ARGHS upon your souls! I'm planning on throwing bugs at cheerleaders with Katy when we go Woodham vs. Tate. I swear, Katy is my test tube baby twin or something.

I'm going to see Red Eye with Kayla and some other people she said she would invite tomorrow. I have no idea who, and knowing Kayla, I'm feeling a little apprehensive about it.

This song really reflects how I'm feeling lately. Not dealing with affection or anything, but I've been feeling so fantastic lately. It just feels like I've been caught in someone elses life - in a dream, even. It's amazing. When you've been feeling what I have for such a long time, it's like someone has taken a tremendous weight and burden off weary shoulders.

I'm just so happy for once in my life.

Well, friends are over now and I'm going to go have a candy fest.

Toodles.
Comments (0) | Permalink

dancing like it's 1999
So. Here I am, at school. Typing. Sound boring? Yeah, you're right.

Kayla says "hello" in the weirdest and craziest voice you can imagine.

We want to write a book about how we're going to murder BST books because these worksheets on them = the devil. My personal favorite way of death is how we're going to beat those books to death a la Office Space. Best. Commedy. Ever.

Okay, well. That's the bell.

Cheers,
Plasma
Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, July 7, 2005

time for a raid
So. I'm in one of those moods today that I'm so angry that my chest is getting sharp pains and I'm having trouble breathing.

Let's look into these sources of anger, shall we?

1) Various users on this site. Yes, you read that right. Most "art" I see here is traced and the one thing I hate the most in any art community is tracing. I would go into it, but the pains in my chest would only increase.

I've also found that most pages on this site belong to people who I would like to slap: Egotistical pricks, the folks who are on "sugar highs" and "omg hyppeerr!!11oneone", and people who fail to grasp the concept of grammar. It's not that hard to type out "Heh, so I'm going to the movies," instead of, "lol im goin 2 da moviez!!1". Jesus Christ.

2) Hurricane Dennis. The family and I are migrating to Burmingham if it's a Cat3 or higher. What the fuck did we do to deserve this? And please don't give me that "we r ruining the environment !!1 humanz r teh suck!!" shit. I really can't handle stupid, pathetic preteen views of how the world works anymore.

We just fixed our roof, fixed leaks, and are building a new deck. Why does Mother Nature need to PMS now of all times? I hope she sees me flicking off Hurricane Dennis right now. Bitch.

3) Bad music. The music industry today pisses me off. How do you become famous? Get a tan, breast implants, bikini waxes, an ass job, and poof! You're the next big thing. You don't need to have a voice or any musical talent whatsoever, mixers and machines will do all the work for you so you can show off your ass in skimpy outfits on stage.

To me, lip syncing is the most ridiculous thing anyone could thing up. YOU ARE A SINGER. SING, FOR GODS SAKES. Dancing is a different occupation from a singer. People just can't seem to grasp that.

There's no talent in mainstream anymore. Hunting for decent music is a pain in the ass.

And that, my friends, is why I'm pissy.

Damn, my chest hurts.
Comments (0) | Permalink