Monday, September 5, 2005

open up and think about it
Mood: Thoughtful, isolated, drained, hopeful
Music: "John" - Constantine soundtrack

I've had an insane Philippine woman on my tail for the past two weeks. She's a passionate Christian and a definite bible beater. We initially met over IM because she thought I was someone else - to which I told her I was certainly not "Travis". She spilled a sob story about this Travis onto my lap, so like any decent person, I felt the need to help the poor woman.

She stuck around because she thought I had a good heart. She eventually figured out I wasn't a Christian and ever since she's been drilling her beliefs into my skull. I keep telling her all the reasons why I'm not one, but she won't listen. She's just preaching on (in rather bad English) about why I should be one. It's impossible to get her to stop without offending her and that's something I don't want to do.

I get a lot of ‘beaters on me anyways, living in the bible belt of the country - so you’d think I’d get used to being put down... Yet over time, it starts to hurt having them constantly tell me that my beliefs are wrong no matter how much I defend myself, that I'm a waste of time no matter how much I try to prove that I'm a good person.

It is sad, really, to think how little some people have progressed. Some simply can't get into the modern mindset that people are different from them and will always be different. They can't fathom the possibility that what I say means something to me – that what I believe governs the way I live my life and that it's not going to change because of a simple conversation.

I've only have had two people in recent memory that I've spoke to about this and have not been instantly rejected. Haley and Katy. Haley believes nearly the same thing as me and Katy never pressured me about her beliefs. And you know what? They're my best friends. Why? Because they accept me for who I am. I respect and love them wholeheartedly for that.

Yes, I've lost friends and even potential friends just because I am not a Christian. I have met people who go to such extremes as to thinking that I am possessed, that I'm just not right in the head. It doesn't matter that I try to help people, that I want to become a psychiatrist, that I care so damn much for strangers, for friends, for family, for enemies, for everyone. It's morbidly amusing, really.

I find it slightly depressing that I simply don't mind and don't care if people are Christian, yet everyone suddenly assumes I'm a freak since I'm not.

This week has been mentally exhausting on me. A lot of things happened that shouldn’t have and a lot of things that should have happened, didn’t. Honestly, I feel like puking because I’m so tired. Labor Day, I have decided, is going to be a healing day for me. I vow to recover from the pains of last week and try to move on with my life.

I’ve gone through worse mental sludge. I can get through this.
Comments (0)