Thursday, November 17, 2005

y'didn't think they could hate you, now DID you?
Mood: Pretty good
Music: The Ballad of the Sin Eater - Ted Leo

Here I am yet again to save the day with silly words to provide you with distraction from your homework ... Because I sure as hell know it's distracting me.

Y'know, I'm only updating this out of a sense of necessity than for trying to derive pleasure.

So a lot has changed since my last update. You know how I said that I would make things get better? Yeah, that idea pretty much withered and died on the spot.

Things got progressively worse, and I was seriously thinking I was getting Dementia (a sort of variant on schziophrenia). I became withdrawn (even more so than usual), I felt phsyically sick, and felt like my whole body was going to collapse and waste away at any given moment. Everyone and everything started to hurt me, whether through intention or inaction - things that I never let bother me before. I was hurt that people ignored me when I thought it was clear that my life was on the line.

Then, roughly three or four days ago, someone I barely even knew entered my life and I immediately started to have affection for him.

Why? I have no idea. I never fall so fast. Ever.

But ever since then, things have been better. Worlds better. Even if things between us don't progress, it doesn't matter much in the long run. I've broken out of that terrible stage and I'm on my way again. Thank goodness, because anyone who knows me, knows that I hate angst of any sort.

I've come to the decision I'm going to be avoiding certain people these days best I can. Many of my old friends lost my trust - probably without realizing it, many people have shown a side I hated, many are far too apathetic and others are simply too ignorant.

Many, many changes have set foot. I laugh at the guilty ones - at their pathetic behavior and their mockery of an existance. I stand stronger by my friends and will back with everything I have.

I'm doing better. I'm proud of myself.
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