Wednesday, October 12, 2005

   Just another poem, but I didn't write this one!
Rage
By Melissa Hope Paterson

I’m so angry
Just let me die
Get me off
This emotional high

I’m so mad
Want to kill
Adrenaline rush
It’d be a thrill.

Short and sweet
Do it fast
Or nice and slow
Make it last

Take this rope
Make a noose
Tie it tight
Don’t make it loose

Hang me up
And take the chair
Turn and leave
Don’t stop and stare

On second thought
That’d be no fun
Forget the rope
Grab a gun

Take an aim
Don’t start to doubt
One good shot
Make it count

If that’s too much
Take this knife
Slit my throat
Take my life

Tears of rage
Gritting teeth
I hate myself
With disbelief

I didn’t write this poem but it is one of my favorites and at times I can relate to it.

So how was everyone’s day? Mine was good. I got out of doing my skit for drama but I have to go first thing tomorrow in class. When I get off the computer I’m gonna go study. This skit is worth 80% of my grade for this semester. That’s really scary so I better do really well.

Okay well that’s about it so bye bye

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Monday, October 10, 2005

   Nothing important!!!!!!!!
I’m so upset right now. My mom is being really mean and I don’t know why. I haven’t done anything. I just asked her if I could get on the computer and she was like “put the timer on for a half hour, I don’t want you living your life through a wire, its stupid in my opinion” I don’t know why she is being so mean to me. I don’t think she really understands how important this site is to me. It like an escape from reality where people judge me for the real me not by what they see or hear from other people. It makes me feel like I don’t have to try and be something other than I am. Oh well I’ll make the best of the time I have.

Here's another poem I wrote a while back.

I can’t stand this,
Why did you leave me?
You left without a goodbye,
Your reason I can’t see why.
When you left,
You took my heart.
As you walked away,
It tore apart.
The pain it gave me,
Left me broken inside.
Upon so many nights,
I broke down and cried.
I tried to understand,
The reason you’re gone.
To make myself see why,
You left before dawn.
I wish you were here,
To hold me tight.
To love me and hug me,
And kiss me goodnight.
As I lie in bed alone,
You are all that I can think of.
I miss you so much,
But you will always have my love.

Well I gotta go bye!

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   Nothing going on here. Yay I'm eating Icecream. NE I get to go to Knotts Scary Farm this weekend. My big sis is taking me. And one of my friends might go. Last year I went and I had so much fun. The only sad thing is I would be missing the last homegame of the year for football, but thats okay. I'll have more fun with my sis. Have any of you guys ever been?

My best friend is flying to California on Sunday I can't wait to see her. I havent seen her for like three months, She moved to Oklahoma at the end of last summer. We plan on spending so much time together.
Well thats about it so bye.
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Sunday, October 9, 2005

   Friday night.
Nothing much going on here. Friday night i went to another football game. Salem couldn't make it this time so I had more fun. Just Kidding. I had really good time though. Not as great as last game though. *heehee* I wasn't such a good girl.
NE ways I had a good time. JV won 41 to 0. But sadly our varsity lost 20 to 24. All the fotball players were practically crying. The team we played are our rivals so it was really important to everyone. There were so many cops there to make sure nothing happened between the teams or the fans. it was crazy.

Well I don't have school Monday how bout you guys? I plan on sleeping in late.

well bye bye
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Friday, October 7, 2005

^-^



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Thursday, October 6, 2005

   Just another poem by me.
A kiss of death,
Is what you gave me.
From this pain,
I can never be free.
To die would be better,
Than living like this.
Smiling and laughter,
Are two things I miss.
Because of this pain,
I can’t even cry.
All I can do,
Is sit and wish to die.

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Wednesday, October 5, 2005

   more sad that angry but whats the difference
Death is what I wish for,
But all I get is pain.
From this awful world,
There is nothing for me to gain.
For fourteen years,
I’ve lived a lie.
Always acting happy,
So you’d never see me cry.
For so long,
My only wish has been to die.
I’ve often tried to tell you,
But all you’d do is sigh.
You thought if you ignored,
That it would go away.
But all the sorrow I’m feeling,
I’m sure it is here to stay.
But now I’m gonna tell you,
That I’m trying to say goodbye.
I want to leave this world,
So please just let me die!

Let me know what ya think.

Each day keeps getting worse and worse. Well I guess it has to get worse before it can get better. Right?

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Monday, October 3, 2005

Just another poem I wrote
Where do you go,
When there is no where to turn?
Who do you seek,
When there is something to learn?
Who stops your hand,
When you reach for the knife?
Who tells you to do anything,
Except take your life?
Who sees your pain,
Through all your laughter?
Who cares about you,
Now and after?
Who will do anything,
No matter the cost?
Who will be there at your end,
When all is lost?

I don't know why I feel so depressed *yes i do I just don't wanna talk about* Well i'm gonna go check sites maybe that'll make me feel better!

just a pic i like
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   Well saturday was homecoming dance it was so much fun. Not as entertaining as the game, but I still had a good time. I was so tired when I came home it started at 7 pm and ended at 11pm. i practically danced the whole time without stopping. People said i looked really pretty but i'm not quite sur I did.

Yesterday was my Birthday. I am proud to say that i'm 14 and I still watch cartoons(anime)^-^!
I got a yaoi pic from Salem, Make-up from my sis, $20 pearl earrings socks from my Nina, A tinkerbell bed spread new furniture and paint for my room from mommy, and my friends are gonns give me their gifts on monday. I feel so loved not really but i'm gonna pretend ^-^.

Well i have school tomorrow so i better go!
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Saturday, October 1, 2005

   Wow last nignts football game was nothing I expected. I totally didn't see it end up the way it did. Well I guess i should start at the beginning. Me and Salem got there early cause we didn't wann waste gas going back and forth. Well since I was early I ended walking like a mile to get to the Homecoming parade For Beaumont Highschool. I ended up being in it unexpectedly i felt like such a dork. Well the point is I had fun. The we got back to the game and i met up with Salem. Our JV team tied but our varsity team kicked their buts GO COUGARS!!!!! thats are mascot. Well this guy I like on the JV team #9 came up to the bleachers and was sitting with me just holding my hand and then i get a call from one of my close friends saying she was gonna beat me up and how she could see me but I can't see her, it really scared me because my friend is like really tough, and I had no idea why. I told the guy what my friend said and he was like "your gonna be okay, i wont let anything happen to you" he was just be like so sweet. I was watching the game and i layed down with my head in his lap and he started playing with my hair. then he looked down and i looked up and then he kissed me. I totally wasn't expecting that. To tell you the truth it was my first real kiss and i'm glad it was with him. Salem was so mad at me, she was all like your screwing up your life, she made me tell my mom, which i was planning to do, Salem is still mad at me though. My mom was just a little shocked.

Well thats about it. I'm going to a carnival with my neice and Salem. My neice turned 4 today.

bye
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