Wednesday, March 1, 2006

   SIAD
Self Injury Awareness Day - March 1st
1st March is Self Injury Awareness Day.

SIAD is a global awareness day, and yet it is not supported by any nations' governments, because it is a grass-roots idea. Somehow, in the mists of time, the date was set as the 1st of March, and organizations around the world make extra efforts to raise awareness ready for SIAD.

The colour for some reason is orange. Some people wear an orange ribbon, but in the past SIAD bracelets have been worn:

- Orange beads if you self harm;
- Orange and white if you used to;
- White if you have never self harmed but understand.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, February 25, 2006

   Damn ... I just missed the stupid re-set thing -___-
Today was probably the best day I've had in such a long time. It snowed a little too; though it was just tiny flakes.

In AP World History, Tom came over and started to talk to me about random crap, right? We had a sub and the bell hadn't rung yet. When the bell does ring, Tom goes to his seat, grabs his stuff, and sits down next to me. *SQUEE!* We talked all period AND we stood next to each other during the pep assembly too~ It was so funny though when he started doing the Ice Cream 'n' Cake dance though. I know no one has a clue what I'm talking about. If you know the people who do the song 'Peanut Butter Jelly Time', the same people do that other song. The school came up with a really pointless dance for us to do for "school spirit." *rolls eyes* But it was still rather amusing to watch Tom, Josh, and Sean do it all together. XD

During class, Alyssa gave me a note saying, "You Know Who likes you! ((and I don't mean Voldemort!)) That's why he's sitting next to you ((at our table))!"

XDDD

Oh ... does it mean anything if you touch someone's arm randomly? Like, it wasn't just out of the blue, it was to emphasize a point but it wasn't really needed ...? o.O Because both Tom and I did that. >.>
Comments (1) | Permalink

Thursday, February 23, 2006

   Stupid re-setting thing ... it's still Wednesday!
I know for certain that Tom knows now.

The only question now though: what is he going to do about it?
Comments (1) | Permalink

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

   Happy [late] Valentine's Day minna!!!!!!!
Ellos. Wanna hear about how my Valentine's Day went? Sure you do! >.>

The beginning of the day was a mix of okay and crap. I woke up to snow, which was cool; especially since it came right out of the blue. Though we're "supposed" to have snow tomorrow. *shrugs* But so we ended up having a two hour late start. When I finally do get to school, I'm in a horrible mood because I just do not want to be there. I'm not sure why I felt that way ... but I was close to tears. Anyway, I go straight o first period, Algebra, and when Josh comes in we get into this screaming fight; quite literally. The majority of the class was right there and Mr. Cloer was sitting oh ... maybe five feet away listening. I was so fed up with Josh; he didn't understand why I was upset about it! He said sorry but he had this snotty tone so it was obvious he didn't mean it. After that he went to grab his book from the shelf and he slammed it down onto his desk ... and ended up slipping on the floor and falling into his butt in the process. It took so much will-power not to burst out laughing. I know that's mean, but I thought he deserved that; I contemplated forgiving him after that but kept quiet. We're still not talking yet but *shrugs* whatever.

Second period, choir, not eventful at all. Except for seeing Tom for three seconds while he dropped off his backpack and then me and a few other people screaming at the class to shut the Hell up.

Third period, biology, I didn't have to talk to Josh at all because since I was absent, I spent the whole period copying down notes I had missed while the class corrected homework and did a round of Jeopardy for the quiz we did today.

Then I had lunch since there were only two that day. I bumped into Pepp and Marlo so hung out with them at lunch ... ended up being with Caleb and Josh. We didn't speak a word to each other though.

Fourth period, sign language, was boring as per usual. As I walked to fifth period, english, Brian comes up to me and asks why I don't just ask Tom out. I laugh and say because he's most likely reject me. Then of course he has to say that Tom found out. Right as I open my classroom door and teachers just have to be filing out, I yell the word shit. x_x I get to my desk and instantly hide my face and break down crying. I don't understand why I did ... maybe just the whole day piling up and the fact that I was, and still am, scared shitless that Tom will reject me. Thankfully Ms. Crews shooed away anyone who tried to talk to me and let me go to the bathroom to fix my make-up.

When I walked to sixth period, AP world history, Pepp comes up and hugs me saying she's sorry about what happened; she knows how freaked I am about it. I go to class and while I'm working on make-up assignments, the class breaks into two groups and of course Tom has to come to my desk-group. He sits right next to me but I focus on my work. He doesn't say a word till the class is done. He looks and me and says, "So, I heard." I instantly think he meant he heard that I liked him. But then he says that he heard how La Voz, my choir, was being a pain in the butt that day. I instantly calm down and start talking to him about that. I think he complimented me too. He asked why I wasn't in Symphonic and I told him I tried out but didn't make it; though I was sick on the day of try-outs ironically. Tom said that maybe Ms. Cappello might have kept me in that choir because they needed strong leaders. *shrugs* Works for me. Still, I'm going to try again this year to get into Symphonic. He gave me some tips on how to get into the class too. ^^ Then the bell rang and I ran after Alyssa. XD That was my day. Horrible up till the last two minutes of school.

Wasn't that just so entertaining for you to read? Thought so. >.>;;;

I just wish I knew what he was thinking. Mom says ((yes, I told Mom ... I tell her EVERYTHING)) that either he's a total idiot, which I doubt from his grades, or he wanted to say something else but noticed how awkward I was and switched to a different topic. If it was the latter, which I'm hoping it was, then like Mom said, he's a keeper. XDDD I just wish he'd talk to me more often. Eh ... whatever. I'll think about it more later.

I probably have like a zillion typos in here since I typed this up really quickly but right now I don't care about that. Shocking, I know. I'll most likely go back and edit this later.

Ja~
Comments (1) | Permalink

Sunday, February 12, 2006

   Doo do doo do doo
In the March issue of Cosmo Girl ((yes, I'm pathetic)) it had the regular horoscope thing, right? I think what it said for me was perfect.

Happy birthday, Pisces Girl!
Kind, compassionate, and often psychic, you're the friend everyone wants because you're never too busy to help someone in need. You are deeply spiritual, highly imaginative, and creative too! When it comes to love, you're romantic, sentimental, and idealistic - and sometimes just a little too good to those around you, which leads you to be taken advantage of from time to time. But don't ever change, dear Pisces - we love you just the way you are!

Is that doesn't describe me, I don't know what does. *shrugs* I don't really have anything else to say ... I just wanted to post something and thought this was kind of cool. Though the "forcast" for March doesn't look too good for me. *shrugs* Those rarely come true so I'm not too worried about it. Besides, I doubt my life ((which is basically school)) could get any worse at the moment with Brian and Josh. I'm so dreading Monday. At least I don't have practice on Tuesday! *jigs*

EDIT ::: Why am I breaking down? Nothing horrible has happened, and yet ... I was crying and wanting to erase my sixty-some days of hard work. I can't stand it when I become mentally unstable.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, February 2, 2006

   Mer
I don't know what to do anymore. If it wasn't the middle of the winter season, I'd quit winter guard. It's wiping me out.

Maybe that's the reason why I still feel like ... I just don't care anymore. That and just everything. I know I've put entries about it before ... but I thought the feeling would go away. Well, it hasn't. It's still here and as strong as ever. I just don't give a shit about anything anymore.

Last night, Mom and I were talking about how Dad isn't my dad anymore ... if that makes sense. How I missed the person who was my father, but it's been so God damn long, I can't remember. We talked about the times we did remember of being a real family and landed on the Disneyland trip when I was seven or eight. How he was an ass back then and during the Mulan parade, he was on his cell saying to someone ((we're pretty damn sure he was talking to Sue)) that you have to see the movie first to understand the parade. After that, Mom realized he must of have been having the affair back then. I knew that for a while, but for Mom just to get that and see her reaction ... I thought she was going to cry. Well, I did that for her; as usual. Oh yeah, and we were talking about how he could have said something along the lines of, "This isn't working out." but no, he has to be a fucking coward and have the fucking affair. He couldn't divorce Mom first and then go to his little whore. I heard Sue was nice from Sam, but if I ever meet her, oh someone will be getting the shit beaten out of them.

*sighs* So I wasn't in the best of moods today, right? At lunch, Brian basically confessed that he likes me. I have no fucking clue how to handle this. He's the third guy that's ever liked me but I knew how to handle the other two people; I dated one of them. Brian knows that I really like Tom, so I don't think I have to worry about him asking me out or anything. God, I feel like such a bitch saying that. I don't even understand why he likes me. There's nothing to like; though there's plenty to hate.

Ugh ... so now I'm worried that Courtney is going to talk to me at practice tonight saying I should go out with him. Apparently, there's cousins ... "somewhat" whatever the Hell that means. So she was trying to make him spill who he liked.

Okay, I have no clue what else to put in here. *sighs* I just hope that I perk up soon. I've been so exhaused ... mentally and physically. I just want to lie down, close my eyes, and never wake up.
Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, January 23, 2006

   ...
I stayed after school today. Had to make up an unexcused absence and now I'm okay. Ended up just typing a long pointless entry in my lj. XD Seriously, the teachers don't pay attention to what you're doing. Play games on the computer for an hour and you've made up credit. *shrugs*

I did an entry last night but for some odd reason it didn't save. Basically, I've been feeling ... off. Especially yesterday. I was still down about the winter guard competition, and today Frank would NOT shut up asking me about it. I was so close to screaming at him because I did not want to talk about it.

But anyway, I've just been feeling like nothing mattered anymore. I knew I had chores to do. I knew Mom was going to be home in ten minutes and she would yell. I knew I had homework. I knew today was a school day. I didn't care. I just didn't want to do anything. I had only been up for about five hours at that time and yet I was ready to go to sleep again. I wasn't all that tired per se. But it felt like my body just wanted to shut down on me. I have no clue if that was because I needed to eat or I needed sleep or what.

God damnit. I just got off the phone with Dad. He makes me so fucking mad. I swore to myself I wasn't going to cry because of him anymore but too bad I suppose. I told him that if I work really hard I can pull my AP World History grade up to a D by the end of the semester and he said how that isn't passing in his book. Then we got into Sno-Esle. There's a class I want to take where I can make up a credit for math, english, and science if needed and up to a year's worth of college credit. He said how I better not be doing that instead of college and I told him no. I brought up the fact that he used my college fund and I doubted he'd be paying it back before 2008. It escalated from there to where he refused to say anything. I just told him he could of at least asked me or told me about it. I'm the one that asked him last year about it. Then I hung up on him and started crying. He pisses me off so fucking much!

God damnit.

I can't fucking stand him.

Sometimes I wish he would just die. I know I don't mean it but I still want it to happan occasionally. Does that mean I'm sick and cruel?

EDIT ::: Okay, nevermind. The entry from last night DID save ... it just took like hours to be posted. x.x;;; Odd. *sighs* Whatever.
Comments (1) | Permalink

Sunday, January 22, 2006

   Hn
Sorry for not updating lately. Lots of things have been going on.

Yesterday was the first winter guard competition ... didn't exactly go well. We placed last in our category. I know we did well ... but I guess the judges thought otherwise. I don't want to get into it.

Anyway, next week are finals ... yippie. ¬_¬ I've been losing focus on practically all my classes and I don't ... really care; which is bad. I wish so badly that I could just start this school year over. Just rewind time to September. I would work so much harder ... why do I not care? I used to be such a good student. I used to get all 'A's. I used to love school. So what happened? Middle school was different but, I think part of it was because everything from the divorce was finally taking place. *sighs*

A lot of little things are going wrong which is just ticking me off; but I'll get over them.

Not much else to really say ... I need to be doing chores and homework but again I just ... don't care. I don't know what's going on with me. I understand laziness ... but this isn't it. Mom's getting off work in less than ten minutes so will be home in about a half hour. I know this and I have yet to start my chores and I haven't moved a muscle from the computer. I simply do not care. That isn't right.

Whatever.
Comments (1) | Permalink

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

   Mer
Ugh, this sucks. Monday night I went over to Sam's place to get her book, Memoirs of a Geisha and to see Mahin. XD I got the last present that was from Sam too. A FMA bag. If you go to ebay then you'll know what one I'm talking about. It was in the office so she couldn't give it to me on Christmas. Anyway, I started to feel sick when Mom and I were over there. I ended up staying home yesterday and sleeping all day. This morning, I felt a little better but went back to bed. Woke up to pounding. Stupid people fixing the outside of the building and standing on our deck which scared the shit out of me. I have to go to school tomorrow. I already missed yesterday's practice, I can't miss tomorrow's. I missed the sign language field trip today and bio lab. x.x;;;

Yeah, that's pretty much it. I'm surprised I can type this well right now. The screen is sort of swirling and it's making me dizzy. So, yeah ... my food's in the oven so I'm going to eat in a little bit then maybe play my Kingdom Hearts game. If I have the energy. I could be back online later but again that depends on if I can sit up without getting majorly dizzy.
Comments (1) | Permalink

Saturday, January 7, 2006

   ...
Mom and Dad have been writing e-mails to each other. His replies made me so angry I want to scream. He excuse for not paying is that he took Darbie back and I quote, "Lyss said she understood I would not be able to pay the full amount." Yeah, I said that, BUT I also said that I expected at least $600. Last time I checked, $75 was not more than or equal to $600. Tha was last month too. He hasn't sent anything yet and it was late yesterday. Mom's really starting to get annoyed and about ready to take him to court. I've only been cheering her on. But also, I turn sixteen in two months. When Lee worked at Hot Topic ((he was seasonal)) he said that there was a sixteen-year-old working there. Which means I could be able to get a job and help out. The second I mentioned that, Mom shot it down. But if I can't do that, then what use am I? The only thing I'm doing is pulling her down because of the money she has to spend on me for food, school, and occasional new clothes.

I just wish I could help.

I'm going to go watch Naruto and try to distract myself.

EDIT ::: Okay, watching Naruto just made me cry again ((I cried earlier when I was talking to Mom about Dad not sending money and everything that happens because of that)). ¬_¬ It was the epsiode "The Weapons Known as Shinobi" and the scene where Sakura cries for Sasuke got to me. Even though it's Sakura, it was still a really sad scene. Also, it pissed me off that Zabuza laughed when Haku sacrificed his life for him. I adored Haku and he died just like that and Zabuza merely said, "Well done, Haku."
Comments (0) | Permalink