Tuesday, July 26, 2005

   Soooo hoooot x.x
Wahh, it's soooo freaking hot. I fell asleep I think around 5:00-ish this morning. I was going to take a shower but went unconscious instead. ^^;;; So then I got up after about an hour of sleep and did my usual morning chores; then went into a coma again. XD Woke up around 4:00pm and took a shower. I feel much better but it's sooooooooooo freaking hooooooooot. I've almost 6:30pm and I'm already ready to melt. I think it's only in the 80's too. x.x;;; I hate summer. ¬_¬

So now I shall leave you with a picture that I thought was damn hilarious.


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Sunday, July 24, 2005

   Bleh ...
I don't really know what to say ... so I'll put when I wrote in my [real] jounal today.

July 24, 2005 -- 4:07pm

I'm at my mom's company picnic; pretty boring. I got tired of waiting for mom to walk with me so I went by myself. Found a little nice place in the shade by the water. The sound of the water hitting the land calms me. This guy came by on a bike and started talking to me; creep. So many people are here today -- nothing like last year when Pepp came along. Course, it was raning that time too.

It's so strange ... I feel completely at peace here, and yet I can still feel that hole of emptiness burning inside of me. I think that's why I still have the desire to cut. This place also sickens me a bit though. So many families with their dogs and boats; they're all swarming here. I am so jealous of them ... it makes me disgusted with myself. There are also countless couples walking down the water. The kind of thing you read in romance novels. I am so tired of being alone -- and all I hear is, "You're fifteen!" So what? I am in love with Ed ... a false idenity. I love him to a point where I want to scream and kill myself because he's not real. I know, I know -- I sound completely stupid and naive. No one has to tell me; I've heard it a million times.

Okay, some mexican guys came over but thankfully aren't talking to me. Still, it's making me nervous. Maybe I should go back -- Jesus ... why do I think I'm going to get raped?!

I moved anyway. I'm sitting on a bench now -- there was a sea shell on it! A small clam; still intacted! I'll show it to mom later. GOD! Those baka mexicans walked passed again -- the same one smirked at me. So I moved again. Now I'm at a different piece of water; I'm cold now. And almost crying.

More people came; mom called my cell telling me to come back anyway. God this day sucks.

I ended up dropping the sea shell so it broke. I got soooo sun burnt on my left shoulder ... it hurts.

The only interesting thing at the picnic was sitting at the water and watching Brian do the pie eating contest. XD He won ...

I don't know why I almost cried ... probably got myself depressed. This whole day just sort of sucked. I'm dead tired ... so if sis doesn't get on soon I'm going to bed. And it's not even 7:30pm yet! x.x;;;
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Saturday, July 23, 2005

   ...
Mom and I had another fight. I don't know how, but we ended up arguing about suicide. I kept saying how since she has never tried to kill herself or self-mutilated ((I have done both)), that no one would take her seriously. She knows nothing of the experince of cutting or the thoughts a person thinks when they try to end it. The whole thing just makes me want to jump off a cliff.


I found this yesterday ... I really like it.
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   *Comically cries*
I'M ALL WET!!!!! *cries*

I'm already okay ... see what wonders journals do? I'd die without them. XD

I had to help mom wash Jazzie in the kitchen sink XDDD and when I was rinsing off her ear, she started shaking. I got sooooo wet. then I had to hold her wrapped in the towel for a minute. It's cute because it's like holding a baby but she looks like a huge drowned rat. XDDD I was joking around saying, "Hey, mom! Grab your camera!" and she said, "Okay!" and actually took like five pictures. XDDD My family is weird ... you should see Jazzie after she gets out of the towel. *bursts out laughing* Trust me ... you have to see it.

Bleh ... the bottom half of one of my favourite shirts is now all wet. *cries again*
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   Mer
I'm ready to fucking scream.

I had an arguement with mom ... don't want to talk about that.

I took my shower afterwards and when mom went to take her shower I started vacuuming. I did a fucking good job ... not perfect, but our vacuum is a piece of shit. I even did behind her bedroom door and the kitchen runner. When she came out of the bathroom, I told her I was waiting for her to say it was okay before I shampooed.

"Did you pull out the chairs and do under the table?"

"... no ..."

"Then it's not good enough."

"..."

"That's what your sister does too, and you still need to swifer and mop since I know you didn't vacuum the bathroom."

"I know."

"It isn't good enough."

"..."

That's basically how the conversation went. So, I'm waiting for her to get her ass out of the bathroom so I can swifer and mop ... then shampoo. Like Hell I'm breaking the vacuum out again. That thing hates me ... and I don't have to shampoo the whole apartment ... just the living room and entryway. Hopefully she'll go on the deck or leave so I can do it in peace. Sam and I hate to do chores when mom's around ... she freaking critiques everything we do.

Now she's getting ready to give Jazzie a bath; then she said she's going to the office. Good ... I'll shampoo when she leaves ... bitch.

I know I'll calm down and regret calling her that but bloody Hell ... earlier I was fucking crying and persuading myself not to cut.

This entry makes no sense ... my mind is all fucked up when I'm angry.

I'm already calming down.

¤

I’ll be coming home
Just to be alone
Cause I know you’re not there
And I know that you don’t care
I can hardly wait to leave this place

No matter how hard I try
You’re never satisfied
This is not a home
I think I’m better off alone
You always disappear
Even when you’re here
This is not my home
I think I’m better off alone
Home, home, this house is not a
Home, home, this house is not a home

By the time you come home
I’m already stoned
You turn off the TV
And you scream at me
I can hardly wait
Till you get off my case

No matter how hard I try
You’re never satisfied
This is not a home
I think I’m better off alone
You always disappear
Even when you’re here
This is not my home
I think I’m better off alone
Home, home, this house is not a
Home, home, this house is not a

Home, home, this house is not a
Home, home, this house is not a home

I’m better off alone

No matter how hard I try
You’re never satisfied
This is not a home
I think I’m better off alone
You always disappear
Even when you’re here
This is not my home
I think I’m better off alone
Home, home, this house is not a
Home, home, this house is not a

Home, home, this house is not a
Home, home, this house is not a home
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Friday, July 22, 2005

   Last night
I am so risking being caught online by my mom. She went to the store and said I had to vacuum the whole apartment today then I could mop and shampoo tomorrow. *has been stalling*

The Dinner Train was alright. It reminded me of riding a horse or a school bus. It rocked you back and forth but gently. It was amazing no one's drinks spilled. XD

Okay, I don't think anyone is interested in the details ... I almost fell asleep anyway. I left at 4:30pm and got home at 11:00pm so I went straight to bed ... walk dogs and crud in the morning then went back to bed till 2:00pm. XD

I was depressed the whole time though ... I'm not sure why. But I was so close to crying and it made me so mad. I even started mentally yelling at myself for not bring a razor so I could go to the tiniest bathroom in the world and cut. It was weird. I blinked and started mentally yelling back. XD It was really strange.

Okay, I'm started to be nervous about mom walking in the door and catching me online instead of doing my chores. *runs off*
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Thursday, July 21, 2005

   Mer
I'm so bored. I have to do so many chores today ... already did half of them and it's not even noon yet.

Elenaaaaaa ... get onlineeeeeeee. I wanna talk to youuuuuuuu before I have to leave for the stupid dinner trainnnnnnnnnn. 'Cause I don't know if I'll be able to get on the computer when I get homeeee.
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Wednesday, July 20, 2005

   Mer ... *dies* x.x;;;
Today seemed sooooooo long. I got four hours of sleep and got up at 8:30am. Sam was going to pick mom and I up at 10:00am but I turned on my FMA game while I waited for her. I didn't want to have to re-start again where I've gotten killed four times x.x;;; so I just turned off my VCR and TV.

So off we went to Woodland Park Zoo about thirty minutes away. We get there and spend literally three hours there. *dies* Mom's and my feet are soooo sore from walking.

Then we went to Northgate mall and circled it trying to find Red Robin ((Sam drove up the down lines and down the up lines XDDD)). And God damn that place is sooooooooooo much more classy than the one here!!!

I fell asleep in the car on the way back ... for how long I dunno. My neck hurts from falling asleep.

Anyway, I got home at almost 5:00pm ... so my PS2 and FMA game had been on for SEVEN fucking hours. I was so freaking grateful that it didn't die. XD

I'm talking to Rick on my cell phone ((he's listening to Evanescence XDDD)) and IM'ing big sis. Oh, nevermind ... just hung up with Rick.

Hehe, for some reason I can't get this saying out of my head Al says it in my FMA game. Ed and Al end up at a church for a little bit and talk to a pastor. When Al got surprised, instead of saying "Holy smokes!" he said "Smoly hokes!". XDDD

Okay, I'm done now.





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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

   Blah
Well, I've gotten pretty far on my FMA game ... But I just died three times at the same damn spot. A stupid crab chimera killed me ((different from the huge one)) twice and then a flying gargoyle type thing that can do alchemy killed me. x.x;;;

I finally found out why the game is called Broken Angel though. Armory has a wing ... but only one. I'll find out more once I save her father. XD

Mer ... bored. ELENA HURRY UP AND GET YOUR ASS ONLINE!!!!!

Mom, Sam, and I are going to the zoo tomorrow ... I'm not looking forward to it. I'd rather stay home and play my FMA game.

*Sighs* It's past six ... I need to walk the dogs before mom gets home. She went to the bank and get dinner. Let's hope Taco Bell gets my order right this time. x.x;;;
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Monday, July 18, 2005

   FINALLY!!! ¬_¬
I finally got past Moutain Pass!!! *jigs* You have to go the the edge of the planks and then jump to this boulder that will crumble after literally two seconds so you have to jump to the next part immediately after. You can transmute it back ... which is what I had to do about twenty times. ¬.¬ The game finally had the two talk and then put them on the boulder after the one that breaks ... but then I fell right afterward so had to do it all over again. Though, I got it after maybe ... tweny-seven times. Around there. *dies* Ed and Al follow the annoying pink-haired girl into this cave where I really got lost but I eventually got out. It took me FOREVER to find Cave (West). It took you in freaking circles.

http://db.gamefaqs.com/console/ps2/file/fullmetal_alchemist_ba_a.txt This site helped me. Since I don't have any money to get the strategy guide, this is the next best thing. It took me a while to find this though.

*Sighs* Now I'm at the point where a huge ((and I mean HUGE)) crab chimera chases Ed and Al and ends up pushing them down this hole to underground. XD It was hilarious. But now I have to fight it and it's HARD. It'll probably get easier once I flip him over so I can attack his underside.

My mom's falling asleep on the sofa, so hopefully she'll forget that she wanted me to vaccuum the whole apartment. XD Turned out that Jedee ((sp?)) Island is closed on Monday and Tuesday. So now Sam is all bent out of shape. When something doesn't go her way, she gets pissed. Mom talked to her on the phone this morning and got mad because she didn't want to do anything else. Mom wasn't even going to go and Sam was just angry because she couldn't think of anything else to do. Good thing we're used to being hung up on ... because that's exactly what she did. *rolls eyes* Sam can be such a bitch sometimes ... eh, I still love her. She's my sister; I can't hate her. And yesh, Elena ... you are still my other big sis and I still love you too! *huggles* XDDD

I'm gonna go and see if I can beat that stupid crab chimera now.
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