Sunday, July 17, 2005

   Wh00t!!!
I went to go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with mom, Sam, and Lee. It was sooooo good. You're laughing half the time; which was something I needed. I haven't laughed much lately.

I might go to the mall tomorrow and look for the strategy guide. Then I can kick bootay on my game.
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   Mer

Who are you in the Hagaren world?
brought to you by Quizilla

This isn't surprising. ¬.¬

There's nothing to do. It's almost 11:00am and I'm already bored to death. Last night I ended up watching the Nsync concert with my mom that we taped in 2000. It ended around 2:00am and then I fell asleep like a freaking rock.

Well, I'm hungry so I'm going to go eat something and then maybe sleep some more. ~_~
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   Bleh
I'm really tired but here's some pics I found at gaiaonline.com; I joined it today ((er ... last night >.>)).

Enjoy.







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Saturday, July 16, 2005

   GAH!!! >.< *dies*
Stupid riddles.

What is greater than God,
more evil than the devil,
the poor have it,
the rich need it,
Aand if you eat it, you'll die?

That was from myspace and it confuses the Hell out of me.

There are three words in the English language that end in "gry".

ONE is angry and the other is hungry. Everyone knows what the third ONE means and what it stands for. Everyone uses them everyday, and if you listened very carefully, I've given you the third word.

What is it? _______gry?

And that I got in an e-mail. This one confuses me and pisses me off. Anyone know the answers to them? *dense* ¬.¬
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   ... Fuck ...
This is a tribute to the nice girls. The nice girls made of sugar and spice, who always get overlooked, and who sit and endure endless ranting about the psycho-bitch stalker sluts men are wasting their time with, all the while embodying an angelic, classy exterior that is underrated. This is dedicated to the girls who pick up the phone at 2 a.m. to talk to their belligerently drunk guy friends and listen to them for hours about nonsense because they don’t feel like going to sleep. This is for the girls who still say thank you to the guy who hurries to hold the door open for the leggy blonde in front of you, then squeezes in front of you and barely saves the door from slamming in your face. This is in honor of the girls who reiterate how lucky any girl would be to have a certain guy, and then tell him 50 different ways to impress the girl of his dreams who is too stupid and stuck up to notice him in the first place. This is in honor of the girls who pump up a man’s ego because she knows how delicate is, and once it gets bruised, she tells him how sexy/smart/funny he is so that his confidence (and head) is as inflated as it was before some dumb bitch ripped his heart out and put it in a blender. This is for the girls with the big hearts, who aren’t afraid to be silly, who lay it on the line, and who can go with the flow. This is for the girls who truly believe there is more to guys then sex and sports, but still put up with the sexist jokes and watch ESPN Sports Center without complaint.

This is for all the girls who have been told, “you’re the type of girl guys want to marry”, and who spend their Friday nights alone (or with other nice girls) because they don’t put out on the first date. This is for the girls who possess all of the qualities of a kick-ass girlfriend, but never get the time of day.This is for all of the girls who are unappreciated, but still unselfishly give their time and effort, go to great lengths to please others, and continue to genuinely care about other people’s feelings (even if they are assholes). This is for the ladies who are called prude because they would rather spoon than lick balls. For all the girls who are cast to the side, sit out the slow dances, and confidently go stag to social events, this is for you.

This is for the time you had to work at 8 a.m. the next morning, but still picked his drunken ass up and drove him around so his other drunk friends wouldn’t have to leave the party and so he wouldn’t have to stumble into his house puking at 3 a.m. This is for the time he ditched hanging out with you to play video games with his friends and for the time he blew you off to stare at some anorexic blonde with jugs bigger than your head in a bathing suit. This is for the time you went to hang out with him and his friends and even though he was too cool to admit he had feelings for you and practically ignored you the whole time, you still pretended not to notice as all comments were directed to your chest instead of your face. This is for the Scarface marathon you sat through after he bitched for the first five minutes of a romantic comedy you’d been dying to see, but you let him choose what to watch anyway, because you’re nice like that.

Nice girls don’t get the attention they deserve. We like sports, we like to get rough and dirty, we don’t ask you 100 times if you think we’re fat, and we don’t complain while you munch down four cheeseburgers as we enjoy our salad and water. Even more surprising, nice girls don’t get asked out as much as they should. We don’t expect anything fancy, I mean you can save that $40 you spent taking some whore out to dinner just so you could secure some booty time for desert and use it to rent a video and buy us some flowers. I wish I could explain this, but the only conclusion I can come up with is guys are image-whores who just want a hot piece of ass and to uphold a badass reputation. Many of them claim they want a girl they can take home to Mom, but when faced with such a lucky find they say absurd, illogical things such as “Oh, she’s out of my league”, “The timing is off”, or “She’s not my type”. I’m sorry, but these conceited jerks I just have no tolerance for. There is no connection between what they say (“I don’t want to wake-up next to a stranger”) and what they do (“Who the fuck is this naked woman in my bed?”). Furthermore, they comment on the lack of women who possess the full-package that are still available as they continue to sleep around with any hoe-bag with a short skirt, blonde streaks, wide-open legs, and even wider-opened mouths. But one thing I will say is this does not last forever. Eventually the boys get tired of fucking the high-school/college dropout with STDs and illegitimate children, and that’s when they will be begging to tap the tight nice girls’ asses. The hard part is sorting out the loser guys from the ones who didn’t have to sleep with 25 girls to realize what they actually want in a woman and then making sure they aren’t involved with the very psycho-bitches that give us nice girls a bad rep.

So until these men realize what they are missing, until they actually grow big enough balls to go for the nice girls, until they are ready to get more from a relationship than blow jobs and booty calls, and until they have the intelligence to give us exactly what we need, I propose a toast to all the nice ladies. You know who you are, and *I know* you are sick of hearing you have to be patient and keeping waiting until what’s meant to happen will happen. But the truth is, the world needs your long comforting talks, your insightful suggestions, your pleasantly optimistic perspective, and your tendency to let the men act like heroes and take the credit while you sit in the background as the ditzy damsel who has so much more than what meets the eye. For all the crazy, immature, ill-witted things you fathom, for all the situations where your infallible performance is unacknowledged, and for the endless nights you spend trying to improve someone else’s life instead of your own, my gratitude and appreciation go out to you. You do have infinite, priceless, goddess qualities and our sovereignty and absolution is coming.

Jesus fucking Christ. I found this at myspace. I know I'm not the kind of person that would be defined as a "nice girl" or "good girl" but I don't think I'm God awful either. It just makes me fucking sick that practically every guy goes after the tall, anorexic, bleach blonde, barbie doll sluts while the rest of us are left alone. I mean, I've had one fucking boyfriend. One. I know I'm not pretty ... damn, I know I'm not. But, I think I have decent looks. Decent enough to get a guy ... but nope.

That just reminds me how I fell for Jesse. God damn ... that was stupid. I liked him for nine fucking months too ... and I didn't even realize what a jerk he was. Now, I have rather strong feelings for a person that doesn't even exist! A fucking anime character! That ... just sets me off.

Fuck ... I'm just getting myself worked up for a stupid reason. I'm going to bed; it's a half an hour till midnight anyway.
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Friday, July 15, 2005

   Bleh
Well, I got passed the stupid evil chimeras. Actually, once you transmute the right thing, you get this really powerful sword. One slice and they're gone. But it's the kind of weapon you can only use so many times.

I got the the Mountain Pass (North) but now I have no clue what I'm supposed to do. It's this little place that has tree houses and two ladders but I can only get up on one of them. Then there's boards to everything else but the boards end and you have to jump; but the jump is too far. So, I'm stuck. Does anyone know what I'm supposed to do or where I'm supposed to go? *desprate* Damn, I really need that strategy book.

Anyway, mom and I might go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today. Today is its opening day and my mom has the day off. She's down at the office now though helping the fill-in.

Hmn, wonder if there't any sites to help me with my game. I found some cheats but nothing too helpful. From what I saw in the cheat codes, you have to fight Armstrong AND Mustang!!! *cries* I'm guessing that's at the end of the game though ... because so far I haven't seen Roy and we sort of ditched Armstrong after the train accident ((or what Al called it: an Ed-incident; yes, Ed used alchemy and caused the wreck)). XDDD
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Thursday, July 14, 2005

   Mer ... TT.TT
I died ... again. But at least I got to save my game. AND I got to the next part of the game. But DUDE!!!!! I died because like fifteen HUGE chimeras were there and three of them attacked me at once! How the Hell was I supposed to win?! Even Al couldn't help! I tried to jump out of the way and run like the last time but I backed myself into a corner by accident. x.x;;;

I ran into that annoy red/pink-headed girl that's supposedly Ed's female twin. Damn she's annoying! She fell off a cliff and landed on poor Ed! Then she was a brat and wouldn't apologize. So of course Ed goes running after her and that's how we run into the chimeras. ¬.¬

Anyone know of some good codes for Fullmetal Alchemist and the Broken Angel? I want to get the strategy book but it's like $34 or something around there. I used up my money for the memory card.

Heh, notice I lost my hyper-i-ness. I'm still really happy ... I just feel shitty. I got really tired and my nose has been running all day. Then I couldn't stop sneezing. I swear I'm getting a cold ... mom says it could be a summer cold. Both of my legs hurt too ... it feels like growing pains ... but then why am I still so God damn short?!?!?!?!?!?!?! *cries*

I'm going to go eat and then go to bed I think. I've been going to bed really early lately but I should anyway.

I'm really sorry sis. I'll try to stay up but I can't promise anything. I've just haven't been feeling too well. *dies*
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   SQUEE!!!!!
OH MY GOSH!!!!! OKAY, I NEVER SAY "OH MY GOSH" BUT OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!

Okay, I walked down to Toys R Us, right? And after walking around aimlessly for five minutes, I see the memory card. The tag said $24.99 and I asked the lady up front how much it was with tax. It was $27.14 and just guess who had EXACTLY $30.00?!?!?!?!?! *jigs*

OH MY GOSH I AM SO FREAKING HAPPY!!!!!!! I have been literally squeaking and jumping up and down and dancing and almost screaming. XDDD I seriously think I scared my mom when I called her saying I got it.

Okay, I can't wait any longer. I'm off to go play my FMA game!!! *runs off squeaking*
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   Mer
Okay, I've calmed down a lot since my last entry. Whenever I get that upset, I think really weird things ... like cutting myself till I die. I never truly contemplate it. That's why I sound so over-dramatic in my journals. I put all my thoughts here before I do anything stupid.

But anyway, I'm about to go down to Toys R Us and get a memory card. I'm tired of waiting for my sister to get one at Wal-Mart.
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   Odd rant
This entry is a little weird. Last night was just plain weird for me so my thoughts are a little odd.

Last night was so weird ... it really confused me.

It started out as a average day. But when my mom and I were talking about dinner, I brought up the fact that I had $24 so we could get pizza. I got out the coupons and she found one for Dominos. But the pizza was for a one topping so I asked if we could just pay like one dollar more because I wanted double cheese and pepperoni. She said she didn't have enough money and she wanted chicken so the other coupons wouldn't work. So she started looking at Pizza Hut coupons but I said I really didn't want that. So she said to wait till she could do the budget and have pizza another day. I said okay and went to my room. For some reason, I was infuriated and I didn't understand why.

That was around 8:00pm so I just thought I'd go to bed early, but I wasn't all that tired. So I started to play DDR. I wanted to get back into doing things and get back into shape. Before I knew it, I was playing it for two hours straight; and I was doing hard songs the whole time.

My mom came in and said to come eat. I thought, 'It's almost 10:00pm, a little late for dinner.' and asked her what she made. She said french toast. That was weird ... though we sometimes made breakfast for dinner occasionally. But, I really didn't want to eat so I walked back to my room calling to my mom saying I wasn't hungry. She kept saying for me to eat and I kept answering that I wasn't hungry. That I lost my appetite after the pizza thing didn't work. For the most part, that was true. I didn't want to eat ... but a little part was to piss her off. I don't know why.

Then she just said she didn't know how I got into that way in 8th grade, so how would she know if I was going back into it again. What she meant was, getting depressed and going suicidal. That confused the Hell out of me. I thought, 'So ... I'm not hungry anymore and that puts me a risk for killing myself again?' It didn't make any sense to me whatsoever. I ended up going to my room and crying. I can't stand it that my mom thinks I'm going back to that when I'm perfectly fine. She didn't even see my arm from 4th of July that I know of. But God damn ... I wanted to cut so badly. Usually, that wouldn't upset me, but it did. It just set me off. I just wanted to grab a razor and go at it till I died.

The whole thing just pissed me off ... because that meant that my mom couldn't trust me. And I don't know if anyone remembers the entry I did in June ... but in Holocaust class we wrote a letter to ourselves with a goal. Mine was to re-gain my mom's trust. Heh ... looks like I'm doing just a fucking swell job.

¤

Ataris - 'My Reply'

I got your letter and the poetry you sent me
Postmarked in December of last year
I really hope you're doing better
All your friends close by your side
One step closer to recovery

I wish there was something I could say
To erase each and every page
You've been through
Even though it's not my place to save you

I appreciate but can't accept this thank you note
That's sealed with your last breath
And I won't stand aside
And listen to you give up

If you'll just hold on for one more second
Just hold on to what you have
Just hold on/ just hold on
If you'll just hold on for one more second
Just hold on to what you have
Just hold on/ just hold on

These arms remain stretched out to you
Maybe someday you'll accept them
Maybe it's too late to save a young girl's heart that slowly stopped beating
(maybe)

Wake up wake up you've gotta believe
Wake up wake up
You can't give up time keeps going on without us
Long after we're dead and gone

I wish there was something I could say
To erase each and every page
You've been through
Even though it's not my place to save you

I appreciate but can't accept this thank you note
That's sealed with your last breath
And I won't stand aside
And listen to you give up
If you'll just hold on for one more second

Just hold on to what you have
Just hold on/ just hold on
If you'll just hold on for one more second
Just hold on to what you have
Just hold on/ just hold on
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