Wednesday, June 29, 2005

   Like this is a surprise ¬_¬

You are... Edward Elric. You are energetic and a
little pain sometimes but you are a kind person
over all. ^_^ Sometimes you state what others
don't want to believe because you feel it isn't
right to desieve people.


Which FullMetal Alchemist Character Are You????? (more characters to come)
brought to you by Quizilla

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   Damnnn ... *blinks* Just ignore me! XD

Your Guardian Angel by Keera
Name or Username
Age
Do you believe in angels?	yes, of course!nomaybe...
What he/she looks like
Why does he/she watch you?	Why do any of us do anything?
Quiz created with MemeGen!

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   So fucking true
"We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, students, and business owners. We have depression, DID, PTSD, eating disorders, borderline personalities, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some were not. We are straight, bi, and gay. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every single race or religion that you can possibly think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are NOT freaks."

That was something I found in an old self-mutilation community I used to be in at greatestjournal. How fucking true is that though?! We all get treated as if we're aliens from a different galaxy because they don't understand why we hurt ourselves. Since they don't understand, they call us freaks. Well, I think they are the freaks. Anyone who hasn't thought of hurting themself just once isn't human.

Gomen-nasai. I was just looking at that site and when I read that quote ... something snapped inside me. I'm just so fucking sick and tired of having people make fun of me for being who I am. I remember last year, when I was in my "gothic" stage, so many people would scream, "JESUS LOVES YOU!!!" at me. That made me want to kill them right then and there. Okay, one thing buddy, THERE IS NO FUCKING JESUS!!!!! ¬_¬ Sorry ... again. I guess since I'm agnostic I believe God is there ... but Jesus? Give me a fucking break. And, isn't Jesus supposedly God's son? If so, then who are we worshipping? The Lord, or his brat of a son?

Gah ... damn, I'm in a bad mood. I don't even know where all this shit came from. I just found the quote and instantly became infuriated.

I'm going to go eat my other cheese hot pocket ... then maybe I'll feel better.

Since when did I turn to food for comfort?
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   Fic updated
Bleh ... I finally got my FMA fic updated. It was an odd chapter though ... Roy had a lot of OOC-ness. I think it turned out okay though.

God ... I'm so tired. My eyes aren't really tired, but my body just feels like it's already in sleep mode. You know the feeling right after you wake up? Like all weak ... that's how I feel right now. My movements are all sluggish and shit. x.x;;;

I'm listening to GC's "Emotionless" and now I'm starting to get a little depressed. Damn, this song fits me so fucking much.
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   Getbackers
Today was boring. I watched Getbackers episodes 11 and 12. I've never seen it before but I heard it was good. It really is. I was sort of lost since I haven't seen the beginning but from what I saw I'm already hooked on it. XD Dude, there's so many different personality types it crazy. I think I'm going to go look for pictures.
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Tuesday, June 28, 2005

   Mer ... ¬_¬
Mer ... went to bed at 5:30am then mom woke me up at 7:00pm. I don't remember when I went back to bed ... within the hour I think. Anyway, I just woke up again and it's ... 5:00pm. *sweatdrops* I was just outside because my dad came by to drop off my new medical card. Yeah, great timing dad. I might not even get another refill of my perscription! I'm probably going to stop taking Wellbutrin once it's all gone. That'll be weird not taking anything.

Eh ... my pizza should be done soon. I'm re-heating the rest of the Dominos pizza we got 'bout a week ago. Mmmmmm ... pizza. XD
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   Random shit
*Sighs* Okay, I've calmed down (probably thanks to the pain killers) and I no longer want to cut ... for now.

I'm talking to Elena and I feel much better. It's so strange how close we already are. We've known each other for what ... a month? Geez ... and only online! But, it's like she's my sister. I don't see my real sister that often anymore ... it's nice to be able to have that feeling.

Damn ... I don't know why but I've been wanting to cry for the past few hours. It's strange. If I don't already cry enough, my body wants me to cry more.

Bleh ... it's three o'clock on the fucking morning and I'm not tired. Elena's going to go soon since it's five in the morning for her. What am I going to do after that? Probably work on my story. I haven't updated in a good three days. I've been trying to update more often but I can't seem to finish a chapter anymore without help. Damn ...

Mer ¬_¬ I just sneezed like five times in a row. I hate it when I do that. Most of the time I sneeze ten times in a row if not more.

Omg, lmao. Elena's freaking out because two huge spiders keep appearing and disappearing. DUDE!!! Get the damn hair spray!!!!! I swear, that shit was made to kill spiders! *looks around apartment paranoid* Heh ^^;;; Hey! It's not my fault that I'm highly aracnophobic!!!

Oh, she's going to go in a minute. I guess I can go watch Full Metal Alchemist. An episode was on tonight and I taped it. I've already seen it but still. Getting close to episode 25. x.x;;; I'm going to freaking cry when I watch it again. I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY KILL MAES OFF!!!!!!! *screams* DAMN IT!!! *kills the person who thought of killing Hughes*

...

o.o

*Coughs* Ahem ...

<.<

...

>.>

STOP STARING!!!

x.x;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
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   I'm losing it again
I don't know what's wrong with me ... I just want to cut really badly. I'm starting to feel like I did a few months ago where I looked for any excuse to cut. Anything in the littlest bit out of place to blame it on.

Today is only day 25 and yet it seems to much longer than that. My arm is 100% healed and whenever I look down at it ... to me it's as if my wrist is screaming to be wounded again. I don't have the little voice inside my head telling me to anymore ... I just have to look at my wrist. I'm almost twitching because I want to cut ... it feels like I need to, but I know I don't.

It's so weird. Nothing even happened to make me upset. I watched a show that made me cry earlier ¬_¬ but nothing that would make me snap.

I took some pain killers to calm me down. I guess I'm abusing them ... I take them when I don't have a headache. I need to stop that, but they do calm me down strangely enough.

I'm listening to my Evanescence CD ... which just happens to be the CD that I used to listen to when I would go on a cutting spree last year.

God, I just really want to carve "I'm sorry" into my arm ... then maybe "Poser" in my leg. I've wanted to do that for a while but never had the guts to. I must sound insane ... wow.

Hmn, Elena got offline without saying anything. Wonder if she got disconnected or something. Hope she comes back online soon.
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   You're right sis, showers DO help
I took a shower 'bout a half hour ago and I feel sooo much better. Bleh, my mom was on the computer for like an hour when I was going to go on. Since Elena doesn't get on till late, I usually wait. When I was going to go use the computer around 10-ish, my mom was on it. Okee ... so I take my shower. It's 11:00pm now and I just just it. x.x;;; Bleh ... dunno what else to say. I'll just go work on my FMA fic then.
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Monday, June 27, 2005

   Quizzes
Take the quiz: "How suicidal are you? (with pics)"

Very Suicidal...
I'm sorry, you're very suicidal. You should e-mail me. We can talk. I'm the same thing. But hey! Kick ass pic! LaTeRz,SpIkE

Take the quiz: "What Gruesome Death Are You? (contains yummy pics!)"

Artistic Suicide
Yeah, yeah, you're depressed. You're lonely. No one gets you. That's why you'll take a couple of razor blades and slice open your wrists. Who says suicide isn't gruesome? I'm sure that if you really put your mind to it, you'll be able to turn all of your pain into a work of morbid art that will take the forensics teams a long, long time to clean up. Unfortunately, right before you die, you're going to realize that you really DID want to live after all. Ain't life a bitch?

Take the quiz: "What Type Of Cutter Are You? (PICS!)"

Suicidal Cutter
Wow ... you and me are the same. If you need somebody to talk to then e-mail me.


Your element is Rain: Sad, lonely, distant and
unique. You are quite distant from emotion and
people, but you have been made this way by one
thing or another. You are truly unique yet fail
to see it, and are quite creative be it in art,
music, writing, etc... You used to let people in
now you don't even bother to try having been
hurt so many times in the past. Your attitude
is that you don't need anyone but yourself,
people are just trouble waiting to happen. But
you really do want to trust someone no matter
if you see it or not, deep down your waiting
for someone to come and set you free. This kind
of depression can turn dangerous, don't let
them get to you. Not everyone in the world will
hurt you, humans are humans and are not
perfect. So most likely sooner or later you'll
meet someone who feels like you do and perhaps
your shell will eventually disappear.


.:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

Heh, like any of these surprised me. I'm starting to feel a little wozzy though. One result picture for a quiz I didn't post was stomach churning. I'm really light-headed and my stomach doesn't feel so good anymore. Bleh ... I think I'm going to lay down then try to eat something.

x.x
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