Saturday, September 10, 2005

   Eh?
Well ... I just finished the FMA series. I'm not sure whether to be happy or sad. I'm glad I finally saw it, but now I don't know what to do. The ending was good but for some reason I didn't like it that much; probably because Ed is on the other side of the door when it ends.

I can't wait to see the movie now.

I'm still a little confused about some stuff, but I got most of it. I cried when Wrath killed Lust. In the subtitles, they called him Loath. I'm sad for Scar too. He was a good guy; I was cringing so much when his arms were ripped out and when he was shot. How he managed to stay awake that long is beyond me. I'm a little mad at the fact that Roy and Riza got so close. I mean, I don't hate that couple, but I dislike it emencely; and it's so obvious that they like each other!

Okay, before I go on and on and on saying all my pet peeves and what I loved about the series I'll just shut up after this:

Tomato + potato = POMATO!!!!!!!
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Friday, September 9, 2005

   TFGIF!!!!!!!
Today was picture day! I did it at sixth period in AP World History ((no lecture today! *jigs*)) and by the time I got back, it was less than thirty seconds till 2:00pm!

When I was getting ready to leave, I pulled out my CD player and headphones and saw that the counter screen was broken! It still works but it's cracked so I can't read half of it! That made me so fucking mad, because the only way it could have gotten that way was when I asked Kim to pass my backpack and she dropped it on the floor in front of me. Dude! I had my FMA game in there too ((for my ASL homework))! URRRR!!!!!!! Damn it ... that CD player is new! I got that during the summer. *sighs* At least they still work I guess.

I got a ride home today; from Rick of course. ^^ His mom and aunt I believe were in the front while Rick, his friend Christian, and I were in the back ((we made Rick sit in the middle XD)).

Okay, on the FMA note: I've watched eps 1-26 in the dubbed English and 27-41 in Japanese with subtitles. Just one more DVD to go!

I've noticed something that for some reason pissed me off: Envy is more of a bastard that I originally thought. Wrath was at first an innocent, naive, sweet kid ... but then Envy comes up and gives him the "candy" a.k.a. red stones and then he becomes an ass! That made me so mad because Wrath is my favourite sin and because of Envy, Lust dies! I haven't seen the episode yet but I've heard that Wrath kills her and Lust is my second favourite. Gahh!

The whole thing between Izumi and Wrath made me want to cry; I almost did. I was really close to crying though when Winry found out Roy killed her parents and was at Maes' grave and went to see Gracia; Roy seeing her too.

One thing annoys me ... the subtitles are a little weird. They changed a hella lot of names so I get confused.

Elric - Erurixtuku
Alphonse - Arufonnsu
Winry - Wuxinnrexi
Ishbal - Esuwaru
Armstrong - A-musutoronngu
Mustang - Masutanngu
Scar - Suka
Greed - Grid ((that was there for a couple DVDs))

There were a lot more but I was too lazy to write them down. ^^;;; Question: Why does Ed call Rose, Roger? o.O
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   Mer ...
Gah ... stupid history homework! *dies* I didn't even do it all, but I couldn't give a fuck right now.

I watched episodes 27-33 I think. I might watch a few more before I go to bed. But I can only watch maybe two eps since it's 9:30pm.

*yawns* Gah ... thank fucking God tomorrow's Friday.
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Thursday, September 8, 2005

   OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMFG!!!!!!!
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!!!

Okay, Mom called me at the office saying there was package that said Full Metal Alchemist. So I squealed and hung up the phone and RAN down there ... down the spider spiders, across the driveway, into the office, and into her personal office ... in thirty seconds flat I swear to God.

Now I have to hurry and finish my AP World History homework so I can watch the BEST FUCKING ANIME EVAR!!!!!!! *squeals*
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   3:40pm ... is it bed time yet? ~_~
Well, today was better than yesterday. I didn't get a chance to talk to Ms. Cappello; maybe I won't. I guess one more year in La Voz isn't going to kill me. And just as long as Raven stays away from me, I'll be fine.

In bio, we had a pre-test ... and out of the fifteen or so questions on there ... I only answered three of them. Of which, I only got one right that I know of. x.x;;; Damn good thing it wasn't a real test. Tomorrow we're having a lab safety quiz; that shouldn't be hard. I have a test in ASL tomorrow too ... I think I'll be okay. There wasn't time for me to do the "Who am I" thing so I'll do it tomorrow. I have algebra ((already done)) and AP World History homework. I have to read pages 28-35 and write 1-2 pages of notes. x.x;;; But, Ms. Averill doesn't want us working on homework for more than an hour. So if we've been working on AP WH for an hour straight, we can stop; regardless if we're done or not. ^^ I'll be sure to time myself.

Damn ... I'm really starting to get extra fat on my stomach and sides. It's driving me insane. Note to self: WORK OUT DAMN IT!!!!!!!

Oh, on not real important new ((and my homework assignments are x.x)), Marlo waved at me so I waved back and I sort of talked to David. Rick and I were walking home and David was in front of us. Rick asked him how much homework he got and he said he got some from every class. We both laughed at him and I said, "Sucks to be you!" David laughed and replied, "Yeah, it does suck to be me."

o.O Nothing huge ... but maybe I'll be able to talk to him more often; maybe even become friends again. I don't know ... we're have to wait and see.
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   Something from Tami's lj
13 ways to win a girl's heart

1.) Hugs from behind.
2.) Grab her hand when you guys walk next to each other.
3.) When standing, wrap your arms around her.
4.) Cuddle with her.
5.) Don't force her to do anything.
6.) Write little notes.
7.) Compliment her honestly.
8.) When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.
9.) Say I love you ... and mean it.
10.) Pick her over your friends no matter what. Even if your friends call you pussy whipped.
11.) Comfort her when she cries.
12.) Love her with all your heart.
13.) Pick her up and flirt with her (she'll scream and say put me down but really shes loves it).

Ha ... I saw this in a friends livejournal and I thought I'd post it here. I would worship any guy who would do those things. One thing though that's not on there, is playing with my hair. I go nuts whenever someone plays with my hair. I don't know why, I just adore the feeling; and I feel special for some reason.

Though, after reading this, I only got more depressed. Okay, not depressed ... I don't know what word to call it. But I do feel like crying ... but that's nothing new. I'm always crying; I hate it.

This is when I really, really, really wish that Ed was real; because he would take all the pain away. But only if he wouldn't be driven insane by someone like me.

Damn ... I guess I do give myself my own depression. I'm constantly thinking about these kind of things, which make me sad ... then I branch it out by accident and then it gets worse. Am I trying to make myself feel sorry for myself? But I despise being pitied on! I don't understand.

*sighs* I haven't even done my ASL ((American Sign Language)) homework or AP World History homework and it's fifteen till 10:00pm.

I guess I'm not talking to sis tonight.
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Wednesday, September 7, 2005

   Well ... I survived
God ... why did I want to go back?

The first day is finally over and I'm so fucking glad.

First off, I'm not in the right choir class ... and that just pissed the fucking Hell out of me. I'm supposed to have Symphonic choir third period and Biology second period. Instead, I have La Voz choir ((the all-come shitty choir)) second period and Bio third! Same Bio teacher ... BUT Raven's in that class. Fucking-a. I'll talk to Ms. Cappello tomorrow and hope that she'll let me switch ... though knowing her, I won't hold my breath. So that just sucked.

The rest of my classes are okay ... but you can just feel the tension in the room. *shivers*

My sign language class is freaking weird. Louie's in that class too but she might switch out. The damn teacher wouldn't talk AT ALL the whole fucking period. She wrote like five sentences on the board and pointed at stuff. The rest of the time she spoke to us through sign. I was so freaking confused but I did learn a few words.

I already have a homework assignment that's due tomorrow ... but I don't know if I'm doing it right because she never talked. We have to bring in a "Who am I?" bag with three to five things. Shouldn't be too hard. *grabs a CD, comic or DVD, and imaginary plushie of Ed and puts them into a bag* All done. x.x

Dude, my AP World History class is just GAHH!!! @_@ We're going to read so fucking much. We're starting 8,000 B.C.E. all the way up to when Clinton was president. Today we have to read a chapter to talk about tomorrow. Next week we'll be on Egypt ... then the next week we'll be on Rome. Geez we go fast.

I have a little algebra homework too but I already finished that. That was the easiest of my homework; I like algebra.

So besides second and third period ... my classes are okay.

I have first lunch again; at least KK and Chacha have it with me. But I didn't sit with them; there wasn't any room. I went to the nook where I sat last year and listened to music while I tried to eat some chips ... I couldn't even finish one. I just sat there and watched all the people walk by. It was the first freaking day of school and everyone seemed to be paired up. Everyone had their friends with them and no one was alone. It made me feel horrible. I just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. Actually, I was mentally yelling at myself for not bring my blade. It felt like the end of Freshman year to me; like I was waiting for Billie and her group to terrorize me again. Thankfully none of them spoke a word to me. But in a way, that just made me feel worse. Like ... they didn't even want to bother. Also, in bio, the teacher ran out of planners right as she got to me so I had to get one at lunch. Though that was a small thing, it just added up to the feeling. I don't even sit near any of my friends that are in a few of my classes.

I don't know ... I just feel shitty. Why the Hell was I so happy about going back? Don't get me wrong, no one can tell me "I told you so". I like school and I like learning ... just not the people in it.
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   *Dies*
*Sighs* Well ... it's right before 10:00pm so I'm going to go to bed really soon. School in the morning. I'm excited but also scared shitless.

Fuck ... I'd probably feel better about it all if my legs didn't feel like they were being twisted off!!! >.< Seriously, both of my legs hurt like fucking Hell. I took pain medicine and it worked for a while but the pain's back again. I think it's a growing pain ... God damn it, if I don't grow from this I'll fucking kill someone. Heh, yeah I swear a lot when I'm in pain.

Fuck ... fuck ... fuck ... FUCK IT HURTS!!!!!!!

It feels like my legs are literally being twisted off.

Greaaaat ... now I'm getting a headache too.

Is God trying to make me feel like shit right before my first day of school?!?!?!?!?!?!

Okay, I'm going to go before I start bitching more ... but I seriously want to just fucking scream. That's now much my legs and head hurt right now.
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Tuesday, September 6, 2005

   Nothingness ... I guess
I don't know why ... I just feel sad. I have the urge to cry, but I don't understand why. I just feel very alone and numb.

Earlier, I was bouncing off the walls because I was so excited for tomorrow ... what happened to that feeling?

It's almost like I feel trapped. Like I'm suffocating in my apartment. It feels odd and yet normal. Oh God ... I hate that word ... that 'n' word.

Well ... I don't know what else to day. I don't really know why I even typed this entry.

Here's some lyrics that suprisingly fit my mood almost perfectly.

Escape by Hoobastank

Another day goes without any change
The feeling we live with still remains
We're stuck in a hole and we're searching for anything to hold onto
There has to be somewhere that we can be safe from the lives we live each day
There has to be somewhere that we can be far away ...

We have to escape and I will go anywhere if you just lead the way
Escape to a place where we'll be together, together everyday
You have to escape ...

We could living how we wanted to
Instead of doing things we're forced to do
With no one to tell us that we should be going through, what they went through
There has to be some place that nobody knows, somewhere we can only go
There has to be some place that we can be all alone ...

You have to escape ...

EDIT ::: Since I'm obsessing over my Hoobastank CD, I realized another song related to me. This one actually reminds me of how I feel about Ed ... only if he were real.

Disappear by Hoobastank

There's a pain that sleeps inside
It sleeps with just one eye
And awakens the moment that you leave
Though I try to look away
The pain it still remains
Only leaving when you're next to me

Do you know, that everytime you're near
Everybody else seems far away
So can you come and make them disappear
Make them disappear and we can stay

So I stand and look around
Distracted by the sounds
Of everyone and everything I see
And I search through every face
Without a single trace, of the person
The person that I need

Do you know, that everytime you're near
Everybody else seems far away
So can you come and make them disappear
Make them disappear and we can stay

Can you make them disappear?
Make them disappear

There's a pain that sleeps inside
Sleeps with just one eye
And awakens, the moment that you leave
And I search through every face
Without a single trace, of the person
The person that I need

Do you know, that everytime you're near
Everybody else seems far away
So can you come and make them disappear
Make them disappear and we can stay
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   Random shizz
Damn, why am I still tired? I went to bed a little before 7:00pm and fell right to sleep; though I woke up for a few minutes when Mom came in to say good night. Then I woke up at 11:30pm ((I was really suprised is that was early)) go get water and stuff. Then I set a tape for FMA. XD Tonight's supposed to be episode 27 so we'll see. I'll have to tape it though; school tomorrow. Anyway, I fell back asleep sometime after midnight, because I was lying there listening to the sprinklers ((they go off at midnight)) and got back up at 7:30am. It's a few minutes to 10:00am now.

Since yesterday I've gotten rather attached to my Hoobastank CD for some strange reason. I'm listening to it now. XD

Man, I want to do something today. Like actually do something. Maybe see if Sam's working today and if she is wait till 3:00pm ((that's when she gets off work)) and see if she wants to do something. For some reason I really want to go to Seattle right now. Seattle rocks my socks, yo. =P

Well, if I do do something, I need to take a shower first. I didn't take one yesterday. XP So yeah, I look gross right now.

ARGG!!! I really want to work on my fic but I can't think of anything! I am completely stuck! Gahh, this pisses me off. >.< I mean, if I typed it up on the computer, it'd probably be just long enough for a chapter, but I can't end it yet. It's like right in the middle of a kissing scene. XDDD But I can't make that scene go on for too long ... because Roy and Ed haven't *swoons* confessed their love for each other yet. Lol, yeah, I'm hyper right now. I'm not hyper but I'm not sleepy. My body is hella tired but I'm awake. Does that make sense? o.O

God, I'm so scared for tomorrow now! *dies* I mean, I want to go back ... I really do. I miss my friends ... well ... the friends I have left. Ever since the shit with Billie and them happened, I always said, "... what friends?" because I only have like three friends left at school. I talk to a lot of people but I can't really say that they're my friends. More like acquaintances. As I pass them I might waves or say "hi" but nothing huge.

I just realized something. It's going to feel a lot like my freshman year because I'll be going from the science building right to the cafeteria/library/band/choir/english building ((also known as building two)). *shrugs* Weird.

Mer ... damn I'm bored! *cries*

Oh ... Mom's going to the hospital on the 30th of this month so ... we'll see how that goes. God ... if you really do exist ... please let my mom be okay ... please ...
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