Tuesday, June 21, 2005

   Lotsa shit
Bleh, well today we had a pep assembly. In the gym the bleachers are into four sections: seniors, juniors, sophomores, and freshmen. Since the seniors aren't there anymore the juniors moved over to the senior spot; the sophomores moved to the junior spot; and we moved to the sophomore spot ... leaving the freshmen spot empty. Yeah, it was weird. I know it was all symbolic, because for the rest of the assembly, they addressed my class as sophomores. *shrugs* Eh.

I swear to God I'm going to cry tomorrow. I know I'm going back there for three more years, but ... so much shit has happened to me this school year. More happened this school year than last year ... and that's saying a LOT. 8th grade was my "gothic", suicidal, 'oh woe is me' stage. This year, I lost the only people that were important to me besides my sister and my mom. I look over at them and watch them smile and laugh ... like we all used to do together. I know that if I went over there and tried to make peace, they'd let me back in. But if they truly mean it or if it was just a prank, I don't know. That's what kills me inside. I have no clue who those people are anymore! Pepper and Marlo were my sisters! And David was the one person that I really, really cared about ... and he really, really cared about me back. I still remember that in the 8th grade yearbook, he wrote, "... just remember that no matter what, I will always love you and care for you." I understand that when people break up, they drift apart. But THIS is not drifting apart ... this is-- I don't even know what this is!!!

Great, just great. Now I have the strongest urge to cut. Today is day 17 and my arm is completely healed.

Now mom's talking about downloading this one spyware thing a guy from Comcast suggested. I need to burn all the new songs I got then ... like 'Ready Steady Go' and 'Behind These Hazel Eyes'. I'd rather save them than have to re-download them and kill the computer again. x.x;;;

*Sighs* My mind has wayyy too many things going on at once. I'll burn the CD after school tomorrow and then download the spyware thingy to fix the computer.

Heh, wow mom and I have really weird conversations. We're talking about how whenever spiders would be around the apartment, they'd be HUGE. Then we got into the fact that we were the only ones that experienced odd things at our old house. With my mom seeing the "shadows" and me "feeling" someone behind me whenever I would just touch that first step upstairs. How, if we have "psychic" powers, are they positive or negative? Besides the stairs, I've always had this ... vibe ... that something was going to go wrong. This one time, I felt that this one Monday was going to be just awful. Turned out Monday was great; but Tuesday was the day from Hell. That was the day I found out about Pepp and everyone. It's just so weird. Eh ... maybe I'm just going insane. ¬_¬
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