Thursday, June 23, 2005

   ¤ Emotionless by Good Charlotte ¤
Hey Dad,
I'm writing to you
not to tell you that I still hate you
Just to ask you how you feel
and how we fell apart
how this fell apart

Are you happy out there in this great wide world?
Do you think about your sons?
Do you miss your little girl?
When you lay your head down,
how do you sleep at night?
Do you even wonder if we're alright?

But we're alright,
we're alright

It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother's heart
you broke your children for life
It's not okay,
but we're all right
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
but those are just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years learning how to survive
And I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive

The days I spent so
cold, so hungry,
were full of hate,
I was so angry
The scars run deep inside this tatooed body
Theres things I'll take to my grave
But I'm okay,
I'm okay

It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother's heart
you broke your children for life
It's not okay,
but we're alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
Those are just a long lost memory of mine,
Now I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive
And I'm still alive

Sometimes I forgive
Yeah, and this time,
I admit,
That I miss you,
Said I miss you

It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother's heart
you broke your children for life
It's not okay,
but we're all right
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
Those are just a long lost memory of mine,
And I'm still alive

And sometimes I forgive,
and this time,
I admit
That I miss you,
I miss you,
Hey Dad.

¤

None of you know just how much this song fits me. Except for the 'little girl' being singular and the 'sons' being plural; it needs to be switched.

But ... God. I want to be mad at my father so fucking much you don't even know. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't of gone suicidal and became a cutter, I'd still be in my house, my mom would be at home, my sister would maybe just be moving out instead of four years ago, I'd still have my childhood friends, I wouldn't of been backstabbed by Pepper, Malo, and David, I wouldn't of been hurt by "Sengo" and "Jake", and I'd still have my perfect family.

But ... if it all didn't happen, I wouldn't of have those two awesome years being friends with Pepper, I wouldn't of had my first boyfriend, I wouldn't of had kick-ass friends like Maki and Chelsea, I wouldn't of met Corey or Trooper, I wouldn't of gotten into anime this much, I wouldn't of met Elena, and I wouldn't have grown as a person and still would of been a spoil brat just destined to be a bitch.

*Sighs* I hate it so much. Just like in the song, I miss having a dad and I want to forgive him ... but I want to be mad at him, and I can't! My life IS better now, even if I do live in a crappy little apartment and I tried to kill myself. It's so ironic. The one person I wish would die and burn in Hell is the one I should thank. I've always hated irony. ¬_¬

Heh, it's weird how my moods can change so quickly. I was hyper and happy all day till I just listened to that song ... now I feel like killing something ... or myself. Well, I came here to drain my thoughts out so I wouldn't be a total baka and cut. Hopefully it'll work. I cried and now my eyes sting, but that usually helps me feel better. Damn ... life fucking suck. †_†
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